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Harassed Wife (Manager)     15 December 2014

Want a changed husband - help

I got married in 2009.

My husband is nice guy but he listens to his parents all the time. He keeps talking to his mother 24 hours. Since he moved to my city after the marriage my parents asked him to live with us in my parents house. But his mother was totally against this idea and forced him not to accept. So he bought a new house in my city and we stayed there.


We had a girl baby in 2010.


Since he is Senior Manager in his company he gets lots of calls. Many girls are talking to him. I think he has many affairs. Sometimes I've seen his chats in Whatsapp Viber saying dear darling etc to other girls. Once I've gone to his office building (we both work in same campus) and kept on calling him but he didn't pick up and then I saw him coming out with his colleague (a much older lady than him laughing & talking to her) but ignoring my calls. So I think he has lot of affairs.


His family is upper middle class while mine is lower middle class. I want to give my entire salary to my parents as they have many loans after marrying off my 2 elder sisters and myself. So its only fair I return my duties to them for all that they've done for me. But he's saying I can give only half my salary. He's spending his salary on our house chores and house loan but his parents are well off so they don't require his money.


He planned to buy another house recently and asking me my jewels for that but I denied it and luckily safeguarded all jewels in my mothers house. But one day he found out and asking me to bring it but I have been postponing it as much as possible.


Jun 2013, it came to peak stage so I went to my parents house. Initially I gave police complaint only for him to change and come back but he's still not changing so my lawyer adviced to file 498a. So filed FIR in Aug 2013.


He then came for mediation but again he's not accepting my parents conditions.So mediation failed. My family felt our lawyer is not doing enough to support my case because even though 498a FIR is done no change in my husnabd he's happily roaming without any consequence. So we changed our lawyer.


Aug 2014,  I've filed DV case on him as per my new lawyers suggestion. But even while he's coming to court he's happily smiling at Judge and everyone and I think he doesn't understand the seriousness of the issue at all. He's not bothered about me.


Under these circumstances, what else can I do to make my husband change?


Please advice.


 21 Replies

FightForCause (Businessman)     15 December 2014

After false DV and 498a ..your marriage is over.

If you are three sisters its fair that you give your half salary and rest is given by others.

Your husband allowing you to share your half salary was justified.

Better come to husband terms if he is not in adultery and live a happy peaceful life.

NATARAJAN IYER (Proprietor)     15 December 2014




Under such circumstances, it is better that you give your husband the much desired freedom he seeks by




2 Like

harrassed (SE)     15 December 2014

I agree with Natarajan Sir's response.

The fact that your husband allowing you to give half of your salary is fair and you should appreciate it. The fact that you are not helping your husband (for your family) by providing jewels shows that you are not trusting your husband. I'm not sure what you want to achieve by threatening him with 498A and other such related cases. The moment you take this path it is almost done. If you really want to save your marriage (considering that you have a kid) try to talk to your husband and understand his feelings and try to come to common grounds. If things are not working out talk about MCD.

Good Luck

Karthikeyan (Manager)     15 December 2014

@Harresed Wife. Really you are lucky that you got a good husband. As per your words... genuinly saying... you are wasting your life and aswell as your husband and yours kid life. Please don't mistake me and curse me. The problem is with your end. Please try to understood ...and talk to your husband and if needed request him. Definitely he will accept you. Basically men are always "forget and forgive" mentality to his loved once. If you need more guidance please talk to me. We all want you to have a good life with your husband and with your kid.

Karthikeyan (Manager)     15 December 2014

@Harresed Wife. Really you are lucky that you got a good husband. As per your words... genuinly saying... you are wasting your life and aswell as your husband and yours kid life. Please don't mistake me and curse me. The problem is with your end. Please try to understood ...and talk to your husband and if needed request him. Definitely he will accept you. Basically men are always "forget and forgive" mentality to his loved once. If you need more guidance please talk to me. We all want you to have a good life with your husband and with your kid.

Harassed Wife (Manager)     15 December 2014

Fightforcause - Even I'm fighting for a cause. How can this be false case - I'm mentally harassed by my husband who is having many affairs and not letting me support my parents. Who else will take care of my poor parents? They dont have a boy even to take care of them. My two sisters are in US so they are unable to take care of my parents so it is my responsibility since I'm living in India, am I right?

Natarajan - Please dont use such harsh language against women. Men can do anything but women have to keep quite? Infact my parents only said let him feel how it is behind bars by getting arrested in 498a or DV, only then he'll come to know how much I'm suffering. But my husband quietly absconded and then came with AB and avoided getting arrested - doesn't that show his wrong intentions? He doesn't want to own up for his responsibilities.
 Why should I give him mutual divorce, I want him changed back again. I want him to realize I did all this only so that he will change his behaviour and come back to me. Also I did not want any false cases only the police and lawyer themselves asked me to file these cases after listening to my story.

Harassed- My husband was planning to buy house along with his unmarried brother. Who will do like that? What if his brother claims it at a later stage all for himself? That's why my mother precautioned me to safeguard my jewels. So I had taken the jewels to my parents house without telling him.

Karthikeyan - How can you say mistake is at my end? I have lived 31/2 years with him and only because he's still not listening to me I had to take the legal action. He's very good at convincing people. He's got very good people management skills being in the SM level. So no one can talk to him. I tried talking to him but he recorded those calls also and saying he'll use it against me.

I think this forum is being very male centric! Please think from a woman's perspective. Hope someone can give me genuine advice.

1 Like


Your case is very much complicated due yourself.  He wont change.  The more you try to change him, he wont budge an inch.  Acceptance forms the basis of any relationship.  You have utterly failed to accept your husband the way he is, that is the reason behind you complicating your own relationship and also the case.  I strongly feel, that you did not try it ever in a soft manner, to put your thoughts across, you have always tried to rough method and you continued that in court too.  You can ask your husband to contact me, I hope I could be of some help to you both, but before that if it may so please you, call me.

1 Like

498 A fighter (Advocate)     15 December 2014

Your husband is planning to buy a house by his own salary , after that also he is fulfilling your needs. now he is not looking to your parents, this question is of no use as he is allowed you to give your salary to your parents , how what things he managed just imagine?

he himself doing hard work in office means he is managing his live hood.

he managing his own family he is providing you all needs by his own.

he is looking after his mother father and brother by himself not demanding this from you.

he is managing you and your daughter of course his also but here just take it as a task.

he is managing himself also to make himself fit for doing all responsiblities....

if a perosn is doing all then definetely when any occasion comes he also manage to your family also,

after that you expecting him to look after your parents as a real son so dear madam he can become real son but does your parents become real mother & father for him..

if answer is yes-- then no need to file false 498A and DV

if answer is no- then no need to expect much more while he already doing something to your parents [ by this i want to tell just see those husband who do nothing for their in Laws ]

so you did wrong and sorry to say now after filing false case , your marriage is already come to end just wait for the day when it get finilised if there is chance you get for reunion then dont miss that chnace and do all what you can do to save your marriage and your family....

by best of luck

gd dy (gd dy)     15 December 2014

@ queriest.
indeed it is not fair to ask jewel ur parent had gvn. bt frm the descripttion of ur hubby u hv gvn, personally feel he is the last man to ask fr it. hwevr u knw better.

fail to understand ur belief tht DV, 498-A help u to contl. who gv u such nasty advice to break ur relation.

one hnd u wnt relation bt wnt to teach a lesson. to teach a lesson to someone is not a bad idea. bt in a fit of rage of teaching a lesson, u seems to forget the boundry of teaching and enter into breaking zone.

may gd help u.

vicky (manager)     15 December 2014


if fake 498a help metro wives to change hubby or force him to take her back then its a great law but unfortunately it acts in welcome on board lady. You already damaged your family life due to the sick advice of your well wishers. If person changes after going jail then why criminals go jail regularly and never change. Anyways good luck

Rajkiran123 (Manager)     15 December 2014

@harrased wife,

It is better you change your husband than expecting your existing husband to change in his attitude. After reading your posts, it feels like the problem is with you and your parents. There seems to be a big disconnect between your thinking and what your parents think about the result of filing cases. No good parent will ever advise daughter to file cases against her own husband if they ever wish to see you with your husband. And now you are expecting a changed husband after you filed cases against him. Please wake-up.....

Sorry to write against your parents but why are they expecting you to give your entire salary to them. They take loan to get daughter married and then they depend on daughters to clear of the loan. Doesn't seems to make any sense. Also they expect the son-in-law to be in their house.Your husband accepted for 50% of your pay which it self shows he is a nice person.

You husband did very well by taking AB and avoided arrest. At least there is 1% chance of him taking you back if you accept your mistakes and probably at least for the sake of his daughter.Leave your ego and talk to him and save your marriage and your daughter's future.

SuperHero (Manager)     16 December 2014

@ Author – If 498a and DV is not proved, and if your husband files perjury case then 498a will boomerang.

Be prepared for that and he can file defamation case too. Ask your Lawyer what will happen in that case.

Looks like everything want to work your way.

Your Sisters got married and they are staying in US and they can help your Parents too.

No one can change any one. The person has to change himself.


Good Luck!!!!

N R Dash.. (Advocate)     16 December 2014

@harrased Wife:

  1. From your posts, it is crystal clear that you have no idea what a marriage is & what all the duties & boundaries of all stakeholders in a marriage (parents, husband wife etc.)
  2. You have admitted that your husband is a very good person, a gentleman & it is undoubtedly proved as he allowed you to pay half of your salary to your parents. (Though it is not the obligation of a son-in-law to look after the debt liabilities of his father-in-law)
  3. It is mere surprising that you have objections of him supporting his own parents, on the contrary you seek him help your parents!!!!!!!!!!
  4. Do you or your family think that on marrying him you have bought a slave or an orderly for you & your parents ????????? It is your duty to maintain the dignity of your husband, which you have already failed by filing false litigations.
  5. I simply say your fir u/s 498a is nothing but another addition to the acquittal list which is presented by the surveyor before the Hon'ble Supreme Court of India to which a historic judgment was passed in July 2014.
  6. It is not you but your husband definitely was subjected to cruelty by you & your family.
  7. I am sorry to say that you you & you only responsible for all the collateral damages to your matrimonial life & your daughters future is at stake.
  8. Family is nothing but a collective form of love, trust & sacrifice which seem to be distant dreams in your case.
  9. We all are here to help women & SHALL ALWAYS DO, but ONLY TO the needy & those who come with honest hand without ploying plots by gross misuse & abuse of the process of law.
  10. Please, please & please set aside your EGO & do discuss with your husband & apologize. It will not make you small but shall definitely get you a way to lead a peaceful life & an even better future for your kid.


If at all your husband accepts you back with all your conditions, please let me know.  

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