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Shalini (executive)     19 December 2013

Threatened by husband's sister in law

Dear experts,

I got married to Kumar in Aug 2012, it was an love cum arranged marriage. Kumar’s parents expired and he was staying with his brother, sister-in-law and their kids. Kumar’s sister-in-law requested us to pay 1.5lakh for marriage expense and neck chain, bracelet , ring and watch for Kumar, which we agreed to do. They even asked for a car, which we could not afford . My father is an unemployed. My brother is working dubai as an sales executive, does not earn much.  my father said he cannot get a car, and then kumar’s family ignored the car’s request. For marriage exp, I tool 5lakh personal loan.  I thought everything was fine and I would have an happy family. But from the day of our marriage, I felt something wrong with my husband’s sister-in-law, she used to scream, shout at everyone at home for small small things even on her husband. She does not even listen to her husband. I felt she is the dominating person in that house, and she expects everyone to listen to her and do whatever she says. She asked me to give my salary to her. She started demanding for the money. She had agreed for his marriage, looking at my salary and my brother’s money who is working in dubai.

She had pledged  her jewellery for Kumar’s marriage, for which my husband was paying to her month on month, Kumar’s salary is 18,000 per month. He had also taken 5lakhs loan on his sister-in-law’s request for which he had already paid 2lakhs since 5years (7k everymonth) and 3lakhs was remaining. After marriage, kumar cleared the 3lakh loan by giving his part of house for lease.

She started creating indifference between both of us.  We both have to forcefully come out of the house, stay in a lodge for a day and got an house for rent.. Now she started traumatizing my husband for money (everyday she used to call atleast 7-8times), which created lot of tension between us as well. Then I decided to pledge my jewellary and give her the money. We gave her 1.5 lakhs, remaining 1lakh has to be paid,then she started demanding for the mangalsutra, I had to unwillingly give my mangal sutra as well, this was really painfully. Myself and husband wanted to leave peacefully that’s it.  But her calls never ended, she kept on calling and traumatizing my husband. She wanted us to get separated, which she clearly said that. She never wanted us together…. Even now my husband is going through the trauma. Her demand is that, she took take of my husband since when she got married to his brother and came home., and hence my husband has to give his salary to her. She is threatening. I did a police complaint (FIR was not registered) and one policeman called her and asked to stop all this, if not and formal complaint will be raised but she is not scared of that. My husband is quite because of his brother and their kids, his brother is a good person who is helpless, she does not listen to him as well.

We are being threatened and traumatized by sister in law.  

Now, both of us have decided unwillingly to get separated mutually, as per her wish… we don’t know what to do… we don’t want to get separated.  Please help

 



Learning

 14 Replies

Nadeem Qureshi (Advocate/ nadeemqureshi1@gmail.com)     19 December 2013

Dear Querist

legally both of you are major and able to take decision your self, she can not interfere between you and your husband. if really both of you want to live togather then  first of all file a domestic violence case against her and get the protection and restrain order from the court and live with your husband happily.

this is not a pure criminal case but its a civil nature case and there is no harm to your husband's brother and his kids.

feel free to call

2 Like

stanley (Freedom)     19 December 2013

@ author 

 

You have to be strong in mind if you dont want to get seperated than dont get . Stand up for what is yours and state to your sister in law not to interfer in your marriage.Tomorrow even if you get a restraining order from the court off what use would it be if you are both scared of your sister in law . 

2 Like

(Guest)

Agree with Nadeem and Stanley.

Shalini (executive)     19 December 2013

Dear Nadeem, thanks for your reply.. she had taken care of my husband since 6yrs of age.. for that she is now been demanding for his salary to be given to her. we are already paying so much of loans and repayments because of her, where in we cannot effort to give her money..she keeps calling us from unknown numbers to both of us, scream, uses valgur langagues... we are really fed up... yesterday she told my husband that she will someone get us separated...my husband is undergoing lot of tensions because of her.. she is now threatening that she will file a case on both of us...incase she files a case against us, is there any law or rule that my husband should be paying to her, just because she took care of him, got his marriage done etc... 

Nadeem Qureshi (Advocate/ nadeemqureshi1@gmail.com)     19 December 2013

no, She has no legal right to demand the money from you or from your husband. it will be better to file domestic violence case and get protection & restrain order against her. feel free to call
1 Like

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     20 December 2013

Your husband's sister in law cannot dominate your personal life.  She has got no right to direct you both to get divorced and your husband should  not listen to her words just for the reason that she took care of him since his childhood, whatsoever you should not budge to such pressures, you have a life to live with your husband and not for her sake.  Moreover she cannot force your husband for money or anything else(?), it can be considered illegal warranting a criminal complaint against her for appropriate legal actions on her. As suggested by Mr.Nadeem , you can file a domestic violence against her and before that ask your husband to arrange for a house for you both to live out of her house by which half of your problems will be solved also ask your husband to not to bother about his brother or his kids, it his brother's problem, your husband has to bother about his family consisting of him, you and your kids alone.  If the foul mouthed sister in law of your brother is continuing to torture you without caring about the law or human values, you may on a complaint with local police as well as to the senior police officer, and initiate appropriate legal actions against her to teach her a proper lesson so that she never dares to interfere in your affairs in the future.

1 Like

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     21 December 2013

I HAVE GREAT REGARD FOR THE EXPERTS ABOVE BUT WILL DISAGREE WITH VIEW IN PRESENT CONTEXT.

 

 

I just cannot ignore the following facts narrated by you

 

 

You

 

·         Your father earns nothing and brother earns little

·         Your family could not afford a marriage

·         You (or your family) did not want a simple marriage

·         Still you wanted a lavish marriage

·         still you took a loan of Rs 5 lakh for marriage

·         this loan was taken despite the fact that marriage can take place with Rs 2000/-

·         you are not returning her money and even going to police against her

 

Your husband

 

·         he could not afford a marriage

·         still he wanted lavish (beyond capacity)  marriage

·         he did not have resources of raising loan as well

·         for the sake of loan he had to pledge jewelry of his sister-in-law.

·         his sister-in-law (apparently highly magnanimous lady) agreed to part with her stridhan for this loan

·         this loan was taken despite the fact that marriage can take place with Rs 2000/-

·         you and your husband so far could not get her gold restored to her.

 

 

 

Both of you as a couple

 

·         the marriage was a pauper weds pauper.(I am sorry hard words are true because true words are hard).

·         started married life heavily indebted [5 lakh each]

·         you are unable to pay the debts immediately

·         you have grudge against your benefactor

·         you are unable to return her material wealth and planning to sue her.

 

Your husband’s sister-in-law

 

·        apparently the elder of the house.

·        basically unwise lady who allowed expensive marriage when she and  your father cannot afford a marriage.

·        She allowed her jewelry to be pledged for your marriage expecting that she will get earning of both of you (on which she has no legal or moral right)

·        Now she is expecting that you will get her jwellery restored knowing well that soon when you have a child you will go for expensive schooling.

·        Could not realize that as soon as getting married your husband will not tolerate her screaming.

 

Legal danger

 

It is you (not she) who gave the facts). Her version may be revealing further. You just cannot ignore that fact that:-

 

·         her jwellery is pledged for your marriage. 

·         Your jewelry is pledged for your loan

·         It is her stridhan and she was under no obligation to bear this expenditure.

·         You are not able to restore her stridhan. 

·         She can take civil as well as criminal action against your husband.

·         You are apparently not in a position to afford any kind of litigation.

 

I AM NOT IN FAVOUR OF YOU OPENING A FRONT WITH HER

 

1 Like

Shalini (executive)     23 December 2013

Dear sir,

Thanks for  your views.

-       Myself and my family were very clear that, we do not want an expensive marriage

-       Kumar’s brother and sister in law insisted for a good marriage, by telling that kumar is their youngest brother(last wedding of their generation etc etc)  and he is without parents, what will the society talk about.

-       My family also suggested for an wedding in Temple, Kumar’s family did not agree for it…

-       Kumar had also several times told them not spend so much .. should not have an expensive wedding… once he had told them in front of me, then she said “what will society talk about, that see kumar does not have parents that why they are having the wedding in temple, society might blame the brother and sister in law etc etc”

-       We later realized that she did everything  just because she wanted the marriage as good as kumar’s elder sister’s son’s wedding,She always wanted to show and prove better than them.... she did arrange for everything competing to them, auditorium, food, decoration everything was arranged keeping that in mind . Infact the wedding saree which she bought fora me was an xerox/same as their daughter in laws… only then we realized… Food was arranged from same caterer. She wanted to do everything atleast 10rs more than what they had spent.

-       We had told them that we do not want such an expensive wedding, she said she will take care of everything and asked us to share only the expense for Auditorium and Food, for which we gave them 1.50lakhs.

-       She had pledged jewelry for 2.50laks.

-       Just fews days left for the wedding, she started asking for things like chain, bracelet, ring and watch for kumar. When I said I cannot afford for it… She said whatever you buy for kumar is anyway for you only…and moreover there is no other demand,cant you atleast get this for him ..

-       Very next day of wedding, she asked me to give all my jewelry to her… so that she can safeguard. She also said, as per their ritual girl’s mother has to give the list of what all she is giving to her daughter including the jewelry and handover it to the eldest of the family.

-       I am actually a Malayali and Kumar is a tamilian, in our custom we do not have these rituals and was not aware of this… so I gave the jewelry to her, i had to tell her grams for each piece of jewelery... i was unable to believe where i am....

- i noticed one more thing, she was not talking to my husband... even were my husband asked her anything, she never responded... this was happening very often.. i used to wonder whats happening...

-       Only after few days of wedding I realized that she had pledged her jewelry for the wedding and I have to give my salary to her for getting the same out. She asked for 10,000everymonth, but I agreed to give her 6000.

- one more thing, 2nd month of my wedding(Sep), my husband's brother asked me to lent him Rs.2000 rs and not to tell anyone... which he will return... but never returned...

- there was talk for money everywhere.... money money was running in that house...

-       Kumar was giving her every month 10,000, out of which 8000 was going for a loan (5lakh), which kumar took for her and father’s treatment.  5lakhs for 15years tenure. Kumar’s earning is 18k per month. From past 5years only 2lakhs was cleared and there was 3lakhs remaining for another 10years to clear… if 8-10k goes for loan for another 10years then what will be our saving.   I suggested kumar to lease out the house (which is for him) and close the loan. Currently this house is rented for 4k per month. This rent amount was going to Kumar’s sister in law.

-       Sister in law did not like this suggestion, because she is losing the rent amount….

-       She has a son (22years) who is earning, husband  is earning.. daughter (6std) studying.

-       I slowly realized that she is pressuring my husband because of me, pressuring him to ask me to get money from my house….she just somehow wanted money... when he asked from where will they get money, she said Sell the house which is owned by me and parents in kerala, or ask my brother to arrange for money… he is working in dubai, so he should have some way to arrange for money…

-       I got to know this only when I saw my husband mobile bill details where in per day there is 7-8 calls done between them that is between 9:30am-5:30pm only… there is no talk in the house… only over the phone…

-       I asked my husband, for what so many calls were made… she had already started threatening him by then, just because he denied to get money from me…

-      Things turned out to be worse, and we had to forcely come out of the house…

-       Her threatening never stopped, number of calls increased…. My husband was totally disturbed, was always under depression…

-       I then pledged my jewelry and arranged for 1.5 lakhs and gave it to her… she demanded for the mangal sutra and chain…. Crying I have to give my mangalsutra to her…I can never forget that day… my husband fell on my leg on that to forgive him for all what’s happening and for the things which I am undergoing…he said, if he was saving the money which he was giving to her.. this day would have never come…

-       We realized that the love, care she showed was out of expectations…

-       Even after that her torcher never stopped, we now have to pay only 1lakh to her, for which we asked for some time…but she started demanding for 5lakhs for taking care of him so far and a blank paper signed by my husband etc…my husband denied all these… she said, my husband has to give his salary to her, because she took care of him 25years and she deserve it … and not any wife…

-       To be frank, from the day of our wedding my husband has not given me a single paisa to me and I have never asked as well… Aug 2012 was our wedding and we were in joint family till feb 2013 and from aug 2012- sep 2013, my husband’s salary was given to them… my husband was feeling guilty that he was unable to give me any money .

-        She started harassing us, call over phones, use valgur language etc..she said somehow she will get us separated and not a single day she will keep us happy….  she then started creating indifference between us… she even said I am an prostitute etc etc… Aug 20th was our first wedding anniversary, she came near our house and creating a very big scene so that our day spoils.. just to spoil our day...

-       I went to police station and launched an informal complete… policeman called her and told her not to interfere inbetween us…

-       But no change, she was quite for few days and starts again….with her calls and valgur languages.

-       Recently she had opened up on what she really needs, she told my husband that, she just need the house which is shared my husband and her husband ( 2 store building shared by 2 brothers)… to be given to her… then she will never interfere… for whatever she has done for him and family so far, she took care of him for 25years, in return that house is enough.

-       My husband denied it… she said somehow she will get us separated, so that he returns back home..… we are wondering on what will be her next step… she will do anything for money… everybody has understood that now.

-       I never respond to her calls, she has told my husband that she has something to tell me, by listening to that I will separate from him…and  she will even start harassing by parents as well…

-       During one of the call, she was cursing to him to die… (probably thinking then the house will come to her husband)

-       My husband is worried that if she will do anything to me…

Shalini (executive)     23 December 2013

Now the problem is with EGO…

I was able to step out of the house and be separate with my husband, which she was unable to do even after several tries, she had to be joint family.. she openly told me this..

When she demanded for money (spent for marriage) to be  returned, we returned  half of it.

She asked for my mangalsutra chain and engagement ring, I returned it

She asked for the gifts she gave me(2 fancy sarees and a kurta), I returned it…

She was hunting for things, by which she can keep disturbing us…

Now her demand is.. she took take of my husband.. and she is asking me to return him back to her…

She told this to my husband when she called her….

Shalini (executive)     23 December 2013

i have been very open, not keeping anything mind.. publishing my query/concern... for help...

Shalini (executive)     23 December 2013

i have been very open... and publishing my query/concern in this public forum... seeking for advice and help....

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     23 December 2013

Shalini, I had my own doubts about this  fact which you have revealed now.  I  did not ask you that if this was the reason that your husband's sister in law kept torturing your husband as well as you right from the day one of your marriage because you should not feel hurt if that was not the case.  It is not a strange thing or a stray case of sister in law having an affair with her brother in law or having an eye over him even after he is married off to another girl, that is the reason for many problems. In the first place when she demanded the mangalsutra and the wedding ring from you and you had returned them she thought that she has separated you both have felt happy aband might out separating him from you but the sudden turn of you both taking out new house by walking out of her house would have shattered all her dreams, This is the concept which was failed to be understood by the learned and respected expert Mr. Sudhir Kumar  who went very deep into explaining the circumstances and situations favoring your husband's sister in law.  The best option is keep away from her and if she still continues to torture you both, as suggested you may file a domestic violence case against her so that she due to the fear of legal consequences may keep away from you both.

1 Like

Nadeem Qureshi (Advocate/ nadeemqureshi1@gmail.com)     23 December 2013

Dear Salini legally she has no right over your husband or his salery or your money. morally or mutually as thecparties are agree will be right, it will be better to file a dvc other then this case you have no option.

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     23 December 2013

 

It is your family only which agreed for lavish marraige and did nto realise that where are you heading to.


You have to refund her money


She has no right over your jwellery or your husbands salary.


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