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Sumita (personal)     20 September 2013

Restitution of conjugal rights or divorce

I got married some 4.5 years back to my school friend. I got to know of his "medical inabilities for marriage" in initial days of marriage still stood by him and encouraged him for treatment.

there were continous interference from in-laws side which resulted in domestic disputes. this coupled with his medical fruatration resulted in domestic voilence on many occassions- to which i objected strongly and it slowly subsided.


we were based out of India for some time but with growing trouble I decided to move back to India two years back when my husband decided to go for his MBA. he left his job and went for studies, I continued to work.


As soon as he finished his MBA and joined new job this July - i asked him to get his treatment seriously and plan a family; to which he never looked very confident. Just a day before I could go to his new job posting; I had a huge quarrel with my inlaws. This has suposedly made him upset and he has stop all contacts with me.


When i reached his city of posting - he switched off his mobiles and went absconding.... asked me to return to home city - which I did. But at the same time, i got a call from Women PS that my husband and in laws have stated that I might commit suicide. I was asked to visit Women poloce station.


things then started taking a turn... with middle men/ police/ his lawyers etc... and as he chose not to talk to me directly... ppl fed him with all wrong info that I have filed 498a etc etc... If i have to leave him i have strong medically stated reason of Impotency and DV. He is not taking my calls or responding to mails. He even did not turn up when Women police station called him for counselling. I do not have his current address (of new place of stay since August).


I am confused what options I have.. i have waited for 4.5 years to make things work... I want him to come front and talk like mature person (have no family member who can mediate). I do not want to end this marriage as am opposed to divorce on principle (to me its like trying to escape an issue than solving it).


Should I try Restitution of Conjugal Rights? or it is not compelling in itself?


People give me all sorts of suugestion - mix truth with allegation and get divorced...


Is there no way marital disputes can be sorted? and both parties come Face to face to discuss things.. It not about taking alimony.. but does a women has no rights to reach out to husband or seek help from law to interven and start communication and cohabitation?


I read on some threads here that RCR is not a powerful tool and may not be implemented... will it weaken my strong medical grounds later, if finally i need to seek divorce?


Thanks for suggestions!


 19 Replies


@ Author,


As per your tale of trauma and unwillingness for divorce and considering somewhat solution to resolve this marriage and make all the wheels of your marriage to function well........


1. File for RCR right now stating your wish and what is the actual cause for his distraction from his conjugal duties and responsibilities.


2. This RCR is not taken as granted for your cohabitation,it is only to feed a horse by a stick.


3. During RCR you will get a chance for mediation,during that time tell whatever you want.


4. This RCR can be turned into Exparte if he doesn't turned out.Making you to file for divorce after one year of non-cohabitation from the day of decree.


5. Meanwhile don't loose hope try to relocate him,make some homework as how to win his heart.


6. Convince his parent's and become as an Adarsh Bahu,so that they will feel emotion,action and drama and convince his son to live with you.;)


7. Do all types of Vrat....and pooja to woo your husband.


8. Change yourself where you were lacking and act according to him and tell him that how much you love him.


9. Never show any attitude or any side taking of your parent's behave like family oriented girl whose life is only for husband and his family.


10. Baki sab uppar wale ke haath me.



Best of Luck ..!!



3 Like

Sumita (personal)     12 November 2013

while I have been trying my best to get in touch with my husband, I got to know that he has filed some informatory petition - all false - of charges of cruelity etc 6 months back itself and was living with me as if nothing has happened. Then the above stated drama happened in August beginning, of filing petition in women PS about me threatening of suicide, and then he along with his family went absconding etc... I got to know 2 days back that he has filed for divorce in August itself on grounds of cruelity. I was hopeful that with time things will cool down but he is not ready to come for talks to me or with anyone from my family members.


I have to appear in court on 3 dec- seems he has chosen the date knowing it well that I will be travelling abroad then for official purpose.


Seems I need to act now and no more wait.


1. What generally happens on such first day of hearing in court?

2. what if I fail to appear ? I will try being represented by an advocate.

3. if I can get an adjournment done - generally dates are given after how long?


Thanking in anticipation.

fighting back (exec)     13 November 2013

take a divorce...move on in life, live life peacefully, get married to someone who is more compatible and suitable to you, instead of running around courtrooms for the rest of your life.  you cannot mend relations in courtrooms. meeting of hearts and minds is more important than fights in courtrooms, courtroom will make your husband more stubborn, and society ke taane sunne padenge woh alag.......rest up to you. 

1 Like

Gopal Arora (Engineer)     13 November 2013

Hire a lawyer and ask him to be present on first date. Your presence is not mandatory. In the beginning of a case, court generally grants liberal adjournments. Your lawyer can request for a longer adjournment for submitting written reply to his petition. You can also file RCR in parallel. If you win RCR, he will never get divorce from Court. But keep in mind that no court can force him to live with you.

It seems his lawyer or society has scared him that you will file DV, 498a and he is avoiding you. If  you convince him that you will not file DV and 498a, then you may be able to talk to him.

1 Like

498 A fighter (Advocate)     13 November 2013

check your PM inbox

Deeply Hurt (PM)     13 November 2013

Its sad to see people trying to resolve their problems one way or another but failing to address the root cause of the issue.

Lady, I believe the things you need to do to get your marriage back on track lies within your own words. No RCR or anything is needed.


The "medical inabilities for marriage" you mention is wrong on his part to hide it from you prior to marriage. However, it seems that this was not a deciding factor in your marriage.

there were continous interference from in-laws side which resulted in domestic disputes -  this clearly specifies where your problem lies. You do not get along with your in-laws - plain & simple.

we were based out of India for some time but with growing trouble I decided to move back to India - Yet while you were away alone without your in-laws I presume, so how did the problems grow big? As you know, 'it takes two to tango' so clearly part of the problem is with you as well - maybe call it ego or whatever. It is this you need to let go.

Just a day before I could go to his new job posting; I had a huge quarrel with my inlaws. This has suposedly made him upset and he has stop all contacts with me.  - so its not a mere 'quarrel' that has upset him but what you said & did during the quarrel, that has upset him. Even if you really did not like his parents you can convey your point across without having to quarrel? Atleast you can give them the respect their age commands?

Is there no way marital disputes can be sorted? - So as I said, you need to let go of your ego & start treating your in-laws with respect. Work your way into your husbands life by doing such small sacrifices. Don't give excuses like he has changed his mobile number etc. Go to his parents' home talk to them freely ask them their forgiveness & give them a genuine promise to behave like their own daughter going forward- lets see if they do not give in to your expression of affection & respect towards them and make their son come back and take you back as his legal wife! I challenge you

Sumita (personal)     14 November 2013

@ Deeply Hurt - Thanks for the Reply.

Yes there are issues between me and my in laws - as they always stopped my husband from getting a treatment done. The problems grow big when my FIL started instructing each day that my husband should just take his documents and leave our house in foreign land. I was actually left abandoned.

I had to return to India quitting my job - and had no place to live here (as we had dismantled our house in India - in laws did not let me stay with them)

My husband being under mental agitated state due to medical inferiority complexes instead of working on marriage went to do a global MBA - supposedly a very bright person in academics.

I waited and took all financial liabilities and supported his education - thinking that after his education he will get treatment done. But as soon as his higher studies ended , he put informatory petition and then moved to our house.

We stayed at a different city than where my in laws are based.

I always asked him to go to in laws place and make up - but he never did that - avaoiding a difficlt situaion.

Never the less, I went to them alone in August beginning thinking that some one must step forward ad resolve issues in marriage but they ill behaved and I lost patience this time. I was abused with all possible slangs for not having kids etc..

My husband since then has not heard my side of story or met me - instead went to women PS and later filed a divorce.

If I had any ego - i wont have been trying all possible means to save this marriage - I have taken all domestic violence and yet not uttered a word - as I firmly beleive that relations are not mend in PS or courtroom. Have not filed any cases against him nor any informatory petition, nor have a lawyer. I have been too much of an emotional fool/ weak person and thus in a mess.

I even told him if things are not working out well, we can file MCD - as I do not need any maintainence or alimony from him. He was like do what you want - never uttered that he has already filed for divorce.

He does not respond to anyone - wish he knew even boardroom deadlock are settled thru talks, and communication should never be closed.

get_strong (engineer)     14 November 2013



we are emotional and will be ready to bend... thats the weak point in deed... see there are so many men in this forum, who have got agrrevated wives filling n no.of complaints and they in disturbed state.

we still want our marriage to work out, and do all possible sacrifices and dedications.but husband ego is so adament they themselves go and apply for divorce.even my stage is same.. i am expecting divorce notice now and then... i know how good i have been, as a human being and as an educated and high earning girl....still they have completely made me worthless in front of society...everyday i mail him, giving some sort of counselling what would ha[ppen if we file complaints and run between courts.....he blames everything on me and uses 3rd degree language and even thrashes me out... he has lost all his patience and humanity...but in front of police he acts so cunning and innocent,and prooves he is gentle man.. i feel betryaed ..totally and totally..

i am not ready to divorce...at final he will endup wither living with me happily or running on 498 case...he has pysically assualted me,and i have collected all documentary evidences...he will see his fate,if he is not taking my goodness...

Deeply Hurt (PM)     14 November 2013

Sumita, empathize with you. If you really feel you've gone all out and done everything possible to salvage this relationship, then there really is nothing much you can do - since as per your own words, your husband is unwilling to reconcile with you.

In this case since you are not averse to divorce, you should just let the courtroom drama proceed as he has already filed for divorce. You can summarily reject all the allegations he has made against you in the divorce application but pray for divorce due to irretrievable breakdown of marriage. Your advocate can help you in this regard.

If your spouse is really bent on not honoring your marriage relationship with you, there is no sense of gratification in continuing to go behind him/her. RCR is just a tool to set things right where both the parties are willing to make amends - otherwise it can NEVER force anybody to continue their marriage.

Hope you find happiness going forward, once you come outta this mess.


Time and tide wait for none.

Leave this good for nothing.

There are lot many opportunities in shaadi market.

Register yourself on one of the matrimonial websites.  Start with divorcee matrimony dot com.

498 A fighter (Advocate)     16 November 2013

if you think yu can make the life as before then again try try try untill you wont succeed at last you have the chance of divorce...


Dear sumita,

I would like to know about your case as allready 8 months has been crossed and you havent updated your case. Have you got back your husband or went for divorce?


Iam eager to know your case as you were very keen to resolve your marriage disputes and desperately needed your husband back inspite of his reluctance. You were also against divorce inspite of knowing that your husband doesnt want you.

498 A fighter (Advocate)     22 July 2014

ESIS sir  i think nothing will happen , she is planning for new marriage and i hope she mignt married to a foreinger

now she will never come on LCI unless and untill she may face new anther problem

Sumita (personal)     23 July 2014

Hi ESIS - Good to get your msg. I am still trying to make things work. He is still absconding :)

I have filed a case of DV (and not 498A) seeking right to residence and other rights for all mental tortures am going through.

There has to be some reasonibility and people cant just run off based on individual whims.


498A fighter - I do not see a reason for you to post comments on ym behalf assesing what I might have done.


Wishing everyone good luck in their individual battles.


Keep the faith!!

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