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karan kumar (dpa)     18 September 2009

Preparation for worst

I am a child from broken family. After all hardships in the family, when I grow, my addicted brother make hell of things for me and my mother for 14 years. I and my mother were very depressed. I got govt. job and left home with my mother. I got married in 30 years of age, saving all the money and bought a small home in good location in the hope of happy rest of life.


But after marriage what I got, is a girl, who wanted to marry a boy before our marriage and had even physical relations with him. But that boy got to know my wife had relations with another boy also. He dumped my wife. I asked why she went to second boy, who was actually her first love. Her reply was that second boy was blackmailing her that he would tell that first boy her relations with him. I cried for what I got. But I could do nothing. I warned her that if you would keep contact with that boy and even if I would come to know about that after 20 years I would break relation with her. I But my wife loved that boy too much. She wanted to keep his gifts with her even after marriage. For 6 years she kept contact with that second boy (she has confessed it) who insulted her in front of her friends for having relations with other boy also. She even cried for him when we were having physical relation. Whenever I complain to her parents her mother blame me that all this is false. One day, I asked her to keep her hand at her father’s head and say I am wrong. She did that and told her father I was right. But her mother don’t accept all this, very strange. In 8th year I make of list how many calls she deleted daily from her mobile for eight months. When asked her she was very aggressive. When she was out of control I made a call to her father and told him about all this. He replied me that she might be calling her mother without asking her. How he came to know, she was not doing any wrong without asking her?  Her parents were very aggressive even threatened me. My complaint is that even if she was right she is not honest with me. She has not tried to get back my confidence. She is not telling me reasons how good sense has prevailed on her and she is not making calls. I have not courage to ask her either because they are very aggressive. When she was having contact with that person for six years then why not in eighth year. I think they have decided that no more admitting their girl’s fault. Even after eight years and forgiving for all these she is not interested in getting my faith, which she has lost.


After all these she has always threatens that she will leave the house. This house is very small. We have not much social circle. She cannot call her friends at our home.


Now I am in the tenth year of married life. We have a son. She is not taking care of our son, our home and my mother. She don’t ask even for a glass of water to me. I have not done anything wrong when I was young because I had no money, good physical and mental health. She doesn’t need me. And why I should pardon her again and again only to get fooled again? She doesn’t even like the house. Should I accept her only because she has stopped making contact with the boy? Why they are threatening me when I ask for clarifications. I have also heart. I have no love left for that girl. All these things are making me so depressed that I cannot sleep. I cry when I think about all these. They know I can do nothing. Currently I am on anti-depressant pills.


My wife is working in a call centre since last 4 to 5 years. I am not withdrawing her money and accepting any gifts from her parents since last 2-3 years. She is not talking with my mother. We my mother and me are looking after all the routine works of the house. I have decided that after my mother I will make not make any compromise. I will go for divorce. I have not relative then noody will be at trouble because of me. I am ready to face jail for any reason (Domestic violence act or 498A act). As she has threatened me that she will go to women cell and I would lose my govt. service. I have no hope from her. I have decided that I will no longer make any compromises. That day may come today or it may take 5 years (since my mother is 69 years and heart patient). Please guide me. What will happen if I am arrested and in jail and nobody would there to defend me or arrange a lawyer for me? What should I do then?


My sister and her family lives abroad. Will they be impacted by 498a or DV law?


 9 Replies

kiran (SE)     18 September 2009

its just a suggestion from my side.

Before going to take any decision ,think of ur son and mom.u know what ur wife is.

she and there parents can go to any extent.

Dnt ruin life for mistake which u have not done.Give the bright future to ur son.Carry on with ur  work .

its only my advice as a lay man.



1 Like

B.G. Gatla (Legal Manager)     18 September 2009

Unfortunately it is very difficult to establish an illicit relationship.

Please be patient, calm and try to resist your anger, though it is justified .

Going to jail and facing court trial is some what different to that of think with peaceful mind.

Please concentrate on your child's education and your mother's health. Your job is important to you. If you have no job you will have no money and if you have no money just think for a movement, how your situation would be. 

I appreciate your hardwork and laborious life and at the same time, please try to develop some sort detachment with her and stop thinking about her.  Wife is only to share the life and live happily together in this society. If situation warrant some thing else, every one in the world could leave alone. If  you are god believer, please pray the god and try to strengthen your solace, it is in your hands, if you want you could ...........

Hope you could understand.






1 Like

kiran (SE)     18 September 2009

Thats right sir......

This should help to take like in new direction.

1 Like

Sarvesh Kumar Sharma Advocate (Advocacy)     18 September 2009

hope justice will be there!

1 Like

Sachin Bhatia (Advocate)     18 September 2009

According to me you are not in a position  of facing court trial. Think about your son and your mother before taking any step. Take it as a destiny of your's. Now you have to live for your son & concentrate on his future. 

1 Like

karan kumar (dpa)     18 September 2009

Thanks Shri B.G. Gatla , Kiran and Sarvesh K. Sharma Ji,


Thanks for valuable suggestions. I was bit confused what my reaction should be in this situation. You are right my target should be my son. I will try my best to give him best of me whatever provocation might be. By god’s grace my son is 8 years old. Your neutral suggestions will remind me of my target.


Please do write

  1. As we are not having physical relations.
  2. And I am touching my wife’s salary although all her transactions of shares/FD’s/A/c statement etc. are being done by me. She has more than two lakh of rs. in her accounts. Whatever expenses are there those are from my salary only.


Will these two points can go against and in favour of me.

PARTHA P BORBORA (advocate)     18 September 2009

1 Like

Srivathsan (owner)     18 September 2009

 I guess, you cannot establish anything as proof for not having physical relationship. Besides proving it also will not help. In fact I read somewhere that denying conjugal rights is in itself a penalisable thing. 

Not touching money may not help. She may contest she works physically for the family. 

If  acrimonious relationship exists in the family it will affect your son, however insulated you keep him. 

I have two contradicting suggestions:

1. If you are kind enough, forgive her. Dont rattle the bones again. Frankly talk with her and start life again. Every sinner has a future and every saint had a past.

2. If you cannot forgive. Forget your mother, file for divorce and protect yourself, your son and yoru family

1 Like

karan kumar (dpa)     18 September 2009

Dear Sriathsan,

I have forgiven her for having relations before marriage. It was my destiny. But I cannot forgive her for behaving irresponsible after marriage. She tried to call her lover at our home(at that time I was not aware of her full story). It was my alertness that I did not allow her. Later when I found he was that person who insulted in front of her friends. Above all she continued to have contact(at least on telephone other I don’t know) with him for full six years of our marriage(and in eighth year of marriage I caught her deleting phone calls of someone for eight months). When at that time we have fight over that she was teasing me, “I will not live here. You will repent” Since last 3 months she is not talking with me and my mother and doing any work at home only because I have refused taking any gifts from her parents for me, my mother and my home, for threatening me. She and my son can take any gift.My only need from her is regard for me, my mother and my home. Hoping to have your valuable suggestions.

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