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shreeya (-)     07 May 2012

Please advice

 

i got married 2.2 years back Jan 2010 it was arranged marriage, I stay at my parents home in andra pradesh for completing my MSc in physics.

He is working in chenai which is almost 800km away from my house. I have Leukoderma, initially after marriage almost 1 year my husband false blamed me a lot that i did not tell about disease before marriage, My parents told me that they had told about this to his parents. Past 1 year he does not blame to anyone of my family & talks very sweetly. Our mostly communication is on phone for last 2 years but he is avoiding to meet me in person.  We are not having any physical contact for past 2 years.

We never stayed more than 1 week under one roof after 2 months of marriage at his native which is almost 400km from my parents house. After 2 months i came back to finish my studies. But in last 2 years he never visited to my home to me. His parents told he doesn't visit them also ( I think they lie) they do not ask me to come to home & stay. 6 months back he once was on office work near my native suddenly met me in market. He took me to hotel & we spoke for a while. He never asked for divorce, he spoke very very loving words. I called my relatives to hotel but when they reached he had ran off back.

I am having lot of tension in my head. I am very very disappointed. Its my last year of Msc I am not able to study even for a moment neither i am able to sleep, In tension i provoked him that if he is a man. I have 3 younger sisters.

Last 3 months whatever i send sms does not get deliver to his mobile. If i call him he does not recieve, very rare even if he receives he speeks very loving words. I am not able to understand anything. I have told him I will not give divorce at any cost (My relative had told me he was looking to file annualment case on me after 8 months of marriage, but he did not file).

I dont know where he stays in chenai. I am very very scared to go to him. 

What if he has married to someone and staying there as he is very intellegent (merit holder) & good looking? 

I am feeling insulted in society, helpless & very lonely. What should i do ?



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 75 Replies

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     07 May 2012

Instead of handling the issue on your own, involve your parents and relatives in it. Go to his house or house of his parents with your parents/relatives. Let the elders play their role to bring about mediation and let the things become clear as to what your husband actually want.

shreeya (-)     08 May 2012

 

My father tried to speak with him couple of times. He does not recieve my father's phone, my father even tried to speak from my mobile, he cut the call. Now he is avoiding my calls also.

His parents do not invite my parents to come & talk. If we go then his parents will keep blame on my parents that we cheated them, they have already told us my hubby has not visited them past almost 2 years, then what is point in going to them ?

I also suspect he will ask for divorce, that is why it makes me feel ill. My parents will never agree on divorce, I will not give him divorce.

I have true love for him from my heart. I feel lonely without him. I cannot live without him. I want to be with him very very badly.

I feel he is not ready to make life with me :-( due to my condition. I have great pain in my heart for the way of his behaviour. God will surely teach him a good lesson. 

 

If he wants something then he should come & ask, why is he running from us ? am i an enemy of him ? He is handsome & merit holder so he should do anything with me ?

 

I am not able to understand anything. Please give me some good advice.

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     08 May 2012

If you have exhaused your remedies then file a petition in the court for restitution of conjugal rights.

shreeya (-)     08 May 2012

 

i am fearing of court & all those things. Once we go to court what if he comes & blames us @ my situation in court ?

 

He is doing mental torture by not talking with me. I am feeling very very burden on my mind & heart. My parents have told me to keep quiet, let him or his parents come & talk in my native, in my home. But how long I should keep quiet ? He may be enjoying his life in chennai & let me suffer like this ?

 

Leukoderma will not happen to him because of me, its not a disease, I will give him whatever child he deserves, why he does not understand this ? 

God came to my dream & told me that leukoderma will not be carried to my childrens.

Hope he understands & take me with him.

 

If I go and file in court case will he just come & take me with him ? or it will start an unending war ?

manish (cdsdfasd sdf)     08 May 2012

@shreeya,

sorry to hear about you. you are in this mess without any fault it seems. Unfortunately once you go to court, there is no looking back and the relationship will die a sure death. The lawyers will fool you with sweet talk telling you that you will get ths or you will get that if you go to court but the indian legal system is so slow and so tedious that no one ever gets justice.

moreover your condition of leucoderma will clearly come into the picture - maybe your parents hid this fact from him. Maybe you should have told him before the marriage. Leucoderma affects people mentally - i mean your husband might not feel good mentally when he is around you even though it doesnt get transferred from person to person. You cant fight his state of mind. You seem to be a very nice lady but seems like you are getting ounished for crime you didnt commit. I consider your parents equally guilty as they may have hidden facts as they have other daughters to get married. Also u cud have spoke abt it before marriage.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     08 May 2012

https://in.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100828010831AARqK7m

 

Try to get rid of the disease you may feel comfortable.  Try the methods as advised the above link.  One fellow had written one German Hospital in chennai cured that disease of his friend.

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     08 May 2012

"I have true love for him from my heart. I feel lonely without him. I cannot live without him. I want to be with him very very badly. I feel he is not ready to make life with me :-( due to my condition. I have great pain in my heart for the way of his behaviour. God will surely teach him a good lesson. If he wants something then he should come & ask, why is he running from us ? am i an enemy of him ? He is handsome & merit holder so he should do anything with me ?"

 

Shreya.  In any relationship, the interest and concern for other shall be from both sides, if you need him more than he needs you, then yours is dependence not love.


(Guest)

shreeya je

Its question of your whole life.

Sometimes woman have to be strict when question arise for her matrimonial life.

As per you writing your husband show very much loves but another side he neither his parents meet you or came at your home nor disclosed any facts why they do this.

why you far away from him.

Be strict- and talk him about this.

shreeya (-)     09 May 2012

 

 

@manish: Sir, My husband blamed me that I/we hid the fact. I was helpless, i have 3 more younger sisters. He or his parents should had asked me before marriage, or they should had checked my mother. My mother had even went to see their home along with all my relatives at that time what were they all doing ? His parents saw me only once, they should had came to see me one more time or 10 times. Its their fault na ? Why they did not marry girl from their relation ? Why they came so far 400 km ? his words i cannot forgot my whole life, before completion of first year of marriage, he tortured me like anything like blaming me & my parents, after that suddenly he stopped having any conversation. Now he avoids my calls, I sometimes feel he & his family has some mental problem.

 

@chandrasekhar: Sir i have tried everything rather it is worsening, its my fortune, i can't help myself.

 

@prajapati: Sir, I am strict, but looks like my husband is un-willing to do life with me. I know my condition. 6 months back when he met me in market, he was not even interested to touch me. He just spoke sweet sweet words. But if he is so good then why he avoids recieving my calls or my mails? Whatever I send SMS does not get DELIVER to him.. delivery status shows failed!! I have mailed him lot of times begging him to come & take me, but no reply..

 

My mind is sure that he & his family wants divorce from me. I will stay in temple for my whole life but I will not give divorce. 

 

I have told him that my condition will not be carried to his childrens, I even proposed him surrogate mother, but he just does not respond to anything. He is just keep quiet. Right from marriage he told always his parents have heart disease, why they don't ask me to come for them, I will try to do whatever service even I am so much highly qualified.

 

One the other hand he should also understand Leukoderma is not cancer or aids that he should avoid me like this.. I am very much fit to give him sweet childrens na, so many cases are there, where couples are beatifull but no childrens.. or some other problem with childrens..

 

Can he get divorce if I dont want to leave him ? It is more than 2 years I have stayed with him & I met him once for 1 hour last 6 months back, we speak hardly once or twice in 6 months ? 

 

What can be the logic for what he is avoiding me or my parents ?

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     09 May 2012

There can be no logic for dislike.

 

Q: Can he get divorce if I don't want to leave him?

 

Ans. Any marriage on a petition presented by either the husband or the wife, be dissolved by a decree of divorce on the ground that the other party-has deserted the petitioner for a continuous period of not less than two years immediately preceding the presentation of the petition. 

shreeya (-)     09 May 2012

Sir, I have not left him, I am here at my father's place for my studies to complete does that mean I left him.

I called my husband several times like on all auspicious occasions but whenever he recieved call I pleaded him to take me from my native to his place he did not reply anything, only once he false blamed he came 4-5 times & I did not come.

Now whose fault it will be considered, in case he files divorce case ?

 

Also he met me 6 months back for a while. I asked him to come to my home but he did not come & left my native town.

Due to his nature of behaviour I am not feeling to communicate with him.

 

Apart from this question Sir please tell me:

1. Elder role in finding solution looks not possible. Since my parents are not ready to go his parents for whatever reasons.

2. My dear hubby is not responding to me or my parents. I even dont know where he stays in chennai, he did not disclose where he stays to me.

3. I am not able to trust my dear hubby.

4. How is that I can convince him to make life with me only ?

5. Since I dont know where he is living, if his parents refuse to take me in their home then what should i do ?

 

My depression is growing day by day & I am feeling why did I married with this person :-(

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     09 May 2012

Shreeya, it is not the question whether you and I believe in what you say or what he says.  It shall be believable to court.  Court relies on evidences.  After both of you complete filing your petitions, defences and evidences, we do not know whose version court believes.  I just wanted to tell you, there is a possibility that he is spending time to complete two years period so that he can file petition for divorce in the ground of desertion.  It may not be true, but nothing prevents him to file divorce making false averments in the petition that despite repeated reminders you have not taken care to came and join him in conjugal life. 

 

"Due to his nature of behaviour I am not feeling to communicate with him.".....that is what is needed for you.  Stand up and forget.  The more you express your need for him the more he will grow obstinate and the more his pride in himself will be bolstered.  Do not make him feel that by trying to persuade that you can be good life partner.  A wife should not stoop down to the level of marketing about herself with her husband.  If he has concern for you, he should come to you, otherwise, say good bye, you can get much better person.  Do not bind him to this relation forcibly because you have a legal right to be his wife virtue of having been married to him.  Self respect is also needed.  If you accept someone who feels he is more important than you, and feels you are lucky to have him, but he is unlucky to have you, then that means you are lowering your own self respect.  Respect yourself by way of bidding farewell to relationship.  At any cost do not accept such a haughty fellow. 

1 Like

Shweta (Project Manager)     09 May 2012

 

Sreeya, I am so sorry to hear about your case. You are so innocent. Looks like you have taken it to your heart and you are depressed and feeling lonely. Please don’t think in that way dear, be confident and bold. If wife is having disease husband will goto court to file divorce. But, If his sister is having the same disease, he will take her to hospital. This is the truth of life. I feel you need lot of support from your parents and confidence to phase this situation. I advise you to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. 1st thing, try to find out what he is doing in Channai, where he is staying and all his day to day life …without his knowledge. Then its easy for you to keep the next step….If he has not married then start staying with him and if required have counselling. If he has married to some one else then, please don’t be emotional…forget that he is your husband and collect all evidences without his knowledge and  go to court with a strong lawyer…show him what happens if he cheats you.

shreeya (-)     10 May 2012

 

@Chandrasekhar: Thank you Sir. 2 years are already complete. Still he has not filed any case. My heart says he will not file any case. Anyway I have 6 months more to complete education. Whatever I spend few days with him I can guarantee he is a very good person. Only thing is he said somethings to my parents in anger that also a year back, but by inner mind just believe he is a diamond.

 

@Swetha: thanks for your support.

 

If he has got married just tell me what all evidence I need to collect also how should I collect it. I have his mobile number, photos & memories..


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