Though I am not a direct sufferer, but remained very closely involved with mental agony of divorce which my cousin underwent few yrs ago.
Rightly said, its very unfortunate when marriages fail, worst sufferes are old aged parents & children. Court procedures are too tortuous & extremely lengthy, add to it the mishandling by lawyers……these only add to the trauma of disturbed matrimony. Rather than carrying loads & loads of court cases as well as lonely life after that, who is sure that 2nd marriage will succeed. The data also shows that chances of failed 2nd marriage are much more.
During the disturbed matrimony, things do not happen overnight. As far as I could gather, I may tell:
1) One should shun ESCAPIST ATTITUDE in married life. To err is human, no 2 persons are alike in behaviour, temperament. There is no harm if u shed the ego & say sorry frequently. Husband & wife should not find for escape route when there is some disturbance. Rather give the problem some time, have patience, the difficult time will pass away. The injury will heal.
2) Also, remember, marriage do fail. Even in a factory…..there is some % of faulty pieces made. Accept this truth that some % of marriages are bound to fail, may it be love marriage or the arranged one. The cause may be any, financial, drug abuse, dowry, interfence etc etc. There is no point flogging the lame horse…..husband & wife know each other better….whenever they come to know that condition is now ir reversible, its always better to put an end to the affair. Lawyers try to prolong the fight to infinity, courts are overworked, these never take the matrimonial affairs seriously, date after date is given, no justice.
The trauma increases multifold by prolonging the fight. All the more my cousin cud get out of this fight was “maintenence amount”. But as roshni has said, the memories haunt us forever. Ur personality changes altogather. Lonliness does not start when u get divorced, it starts when u separate, when u fight long fruitless court battle. Society does not really accept separated wives.
She could not get anything practical even after winning her RCR case. See, u can not force somebody to live with u at the end. Getting out of the affair is definitely tough, but face the reality, she prepared her mind for divorce. There is no point crying over split milk. Tried to remarry, took 1 year more to find the new mate. Now she is relatively better placed. Things can not be the same again….But u call is SALVAGING, dear, better than rotting away for whole life!
Moral is – TRY UR LEVEL BEST TO SAVE MARRIAGE, EVEN IF U HAVE TO TAKE A FEW STEPS BACK, BUT WHEN IT IS BEYOND REPAIR, BETTER BREAK IT QUICK SO AS TO ASVE URSELF FROM LONLINESS+DEPRESSION ETC. NO POINT WASTING UR OWN SELF IN REVENGE!
FORCING ANYBODY TO LIVE WITH WITH U WILL ONLY INCREASE THE CRIME, NOTHING ELSE!