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people who got divorced,kindly share your thoughts on this

For justice and dignity

This post is only for DIVORCED MEN & WOMEN,esp. those who never wanted a divorce to happen in their lives.


It's not for those who are into a matrimonial ligation and not divorced yet

 

At the time of divorce,mostly you feel relieved and think...."Now I am free.Now I can live the way I want".

 

But this is a tempoary freedom.Don't you think so?

 

Because slowly as the days pass,you start feeling lonely,sad and depressed.

 

The day I got divorced,my friend said to me that evening...Congratulations.And I replied back..."What is there to congratulate?It is the end of a marriage".She said "But you got freedom"And I again said"Now I will become a slave to loneliness.Just wait & watch"

 

One keeps thinking,"I wish my marriage had worked".

 

When you attend a marriage function,the memory of your own wedding day starts haunting you.


Thus in short,divorce is not really the beginning of a new life or freedom.For many,it's the beginning of loneliness and sadness.

 

In your mind you'll also criticize the Indian govt. as to it allowed the passage of divorce laws in India,where the marriages had always been upheld as sacred....(People who were served divorce notices will feel likewise)

 

Kindly share your thoughts if you also feel the same way after your divorce...

 

PS-Such feelings will come more into the minds of people who have not remarried.


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add o cat

divorce means a new page... keep walking... with sulking you go nowhere...

 
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Others

Men above 50 years & Women above 45 years should not be permitted to file for Divorce if there are no serious grounds. And if they do file for DV without any serious / inescapable reasons, the Petition should be rejected with serious penalties in terms of restrictions for future. I think, in India, the Petitions for Divorce filed by women above 40 are on the increase.

Is it because of the fact that even their new lease of life will be financially sound and otherwise also will be happy. What happens to the man after 55 years of age ? Is it easy to find another partner ? Is it healthy to live alone after that age or can he be healthy after the age of 55 ? The man having spent his entire life for the sake of his family is forced to liad a secluded life without any moral, physical & financial support.

I think, we need to raise a serious discussion on the subject and bring awareness in the society. I may sound to have given strong views - the reason being that the present day situation really hurts. 


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Teacher

Roshni Dee Ur a Braveheart am telling u coz no one here shares things soo deep ...

.for people divorced or  seperated its the same feeling..as it  becomes a habit for them being alone for so long and bearing all alone for times more to come..So in a way this is completely like break up from happiness and all things related to inner happiness that may only come through love and relationships of two people ie man and women..no other person beyond this can complete what's missing..

but eventually one gets hold of life if only one gives a second chance . And it can come only if ur accepting, ready to accomodate, and assimilate with ur present ,the past and present of the other individual in order to get along well in future with him or her..

..Divorce is never imposed it is a matter of choice , that choice one makes for so many reasons best known to each , when all things were given by god for u to decide then being alone or being together becomes a consequence of that choice u made for gaining something and losing some thing.

Now having made it dont regret for being alone or sad i know its very hard and one can rarely acknowldge the amount of pain one goes through , but here i differ and going out of track to quote that u me and many more people who ve suffered this are much much more gifted as compared to others , we have so many things that we dont recognise the bare essentials..this i learnt in my school , kids i teach every day..no food , no light , no mother , father in jail., or out no where., beaten up daily , forced to work after school, and no clothes not even sweaters in winters..and theres a lot more stories to share like this of my kids..

I know am not in sync with the topic u mentioned but i do feel gifted after seeing all this , ive got many other things in life to cherish to be happy and to make a new start..just remb we have all good things in life and best is choice..

somewhere women an even men  are not even given the Choice of divorce , they literally have to follow .."doli gayi arthi hi uthegi sasural se" for women..

At most live each day happily if not then make efforts to make each day bright uve just got one life make best of it for urself and everyone..

Luv..


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For justice and dignity

Originally posted by :srinivas
"
divorce means a new page... keep walking... with sulking you go nowhere...
"

 

 

@Srinivas

 

This thread is only meant to share the feelings of those people, who were/are against divorce and are feeling utterly distressed afterwards.It's for those who value marriage.

 

If you don't agree with our views,you are free not to respond in this thread

 
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zz

Though I am not a direct sufferer, but remained very closely involved with mental agony of divorce which my cousin underwent few yrs ago.

Rightly said, its very unfortunate when marriages fail, worst sufferes are old aged parents & children. Court procedures are too tortuous & extremely lengthy, add to it the mishandling by lawyers……these only add to the trauma of disturbed matrimony. Rather than carrying loads & loads of court cases as well as lonely life after that, who is sure that 2nd marriage will succeed. The data also shows that chances of failed 2nd marriage are much more.

During the disturbed matrimony, things do not happen overnight. As far as I could gather, I may tell:

1) One should shun ESCAPIST ATTITUDE in married life. To err is human, no 2 persons are alike in behaviour, temperament. There is no harm if u shed the ego & say sorry frequently. Husband & wife should not find for escape route when there is some disturbance. Rather give the problem some time, have patience, the difficult time will pass away. The injury will heal.

2) Also, remember, marriage do fail. Even in a factory…..there is some % of faulty pieces made. Accept this truth that some % of marriages are bound to fail, may it be love marriage or the arranged one. The cause may be any, financial, drug abuse, dowry, interfence etc etc. There is no point flogging the lame horse…..husband & wife know each other better….whenever they come to know that condition is now ir reversible, its always better to put an end to the affair. Lawyers try to prolong the fight to infinity, courts are overworked, these never take the matrimonial affairs seriously, date after date is given, no justice.

The trauma increases multifold by prolonging the fight. All the more my cousin cud get out of this fight was “maintenence amount”. But as roshni has said, the memories haunt us forever. Ur personality changes altogather. Lonliness does not start when u get divorced, it starts when u separate, when u fight long fruitless court battle. Society does not really accept separated wives.

She could not get anything practical even after winning her RCR case. See, u can not force somebody to live with u at the end. Getting out of the affair is definitely tough, but face the reality, she prepared her mind for divorce. There is no point crying over split milk. Tried to remarry, took 1 year more to find the new mate. Now she is relatively better placed. Things can not be the same again….But u call is SALVAGING, dear, better than rotting away for whole life!

Moral is – TRY UR LEVEL BEST TO SAVE MARRIAGE, EVEN IF U HAVE TO TAKE A FEW STEPS BACK, BUT WHEN IT IS BEYOND REPAIR, BETTER BREAK IT QUICK SO AS TO ASVE URSELF FROM LONLINESS+DEPRESSION ETC. NO POINT WASTING UR OWN SELF IN REVENGE!

FORCING ANYBODY TO LIVE WITH WITH U WILL ONLY INCREASE THE CRIME, NOTHING ELSE!


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Lawyer

the husband and wife both suffers after Divorce normally with a exception to those who seek divorce due to having some one else in their lifes whom they want to spend their life with. I have seen my friend who had a short lived marriage calling me daily 5 times or more and was living in uncertainty when his wife left him and due to the Ego issues between the two families he could not do anything to bring her back.

As time passes the relationship that break due to some small issues become non- repairable as the trust is lost. The parents of girls start feeling that if they send their daughter back may be the husbands side may harm her and as time passes there is so much of things that come in between that rejoining becomes impossible.

Though its hurts to take divorce but there is no use being involved in a relationship which is leading nowhere.

 
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owner

hi rashmi didi thanks for creating this page i am in this condition due to this i lost my job and carrier i dont want divorce but because of in laws ego they want divorce.

i still love her. dont want to loose her pls help me


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propra

Roshni ji,

 

 

Your post should have been rather addressed to those are 'under litigation' rather than those who have already got their marriage dead officially.

 

 

This post may be rather useful to other abovesaid segment, I really wonder whether 'post humous (of marriage)' litigants ever like to linger on to such websites.

 

 

Then .... Why some of the 'already divorced' are still lingering and making posts on this website? ........

 

 

Reason :-    Probably they can't resist from giving the 'right' (and not a combating/escalating kind of) advise to those who are  marching on  this route which ends only at the 'death of marriage'

 

 

.........and thats why people like you may want to caution from their individual experiences of the aftermath ..................... and once the heat of emotions recedes and then only to remain with  the ground reality afterwards ................... which is certainly not a 'freedom'.

 

So your intentions do look honest frankly!! 

 

 

And for those ............... who are already done with this event in life, ............................ now there is hardly any point in discussing amongst themselves as to ..... what went wrong !.............what should have been better! ............... etc etc......

 

 

They have now only one choice ! .... i.e. to move on ..... frankly!!!  and thats how they may forget and forgive in the way forward  ......................... otherwise their present and future also would get spoiled.

 

 

For those who read 'jai maharashtra' papers, a friend of mine who is a maharashtrian had forwarded me some urls e-paper links about cover story of 8 october 2011 of e-sakal news paper of maharashtra (I think it was cover story of Sunday news --- special bulletin..... called jago or jagran).............

 

The story goes something like this .... lawyers of both sides manipulated both litigants i.e. husband and wife ... they extorted hefty amounts, were made to pay huge bribes to court official staffs for every now and then e.g. filing of petitions and also extorted hefty amount even for typing and xeroxing etc (llike few thousands of rupees every time!!!) and scared them that unless they pay ....they would lose their case................................. gradually both litigants realised to syndicated extortion ......................................and decided to live to gether again after such a traumatic experience!!!! .......

 

 

A friend of mine was telling me that this news papers 'bulletin' created some impact and .................... probably has triggered some kind of internal enquiry .................................. in bombay HC about Pune matrimonial courts  ................   and how lawyer mafia are working!!!! ........     

 

 

This is the case in our place also ..... but until there is any action by concerned authorities .... people are even scared to tell such story fearing of impending harrasements .... as many things many not proved and culprit happen to get away !!!!!

 

 

Comming to your opinions and views I would say that one has to get over with the sadness at the earlieest anyhow .........

 

....................one way is to join laughter clubs, ............ yoga, gym, post graduate studies,  .................. make a plan of 30 hours of tasks/work ................. for every day ........................................ so that you don't have any time left ........................ for thinking about past.

 

 

 


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For justice and dignity

@Jamai of Law

 

I am already engrossed the whole day in something or the other.

 

Yet it is painful to experience that I am alone once again.

 

Getting busy seems to be the answer,but practically speaking it's not.I have seen many "busy" divorced people,still sad.

 

Many of my distant relatives still are unaware of this tragedy in my life.And it becomes so embarassing for me when they ask me "Are you on vacation to India?Where is your hubby?"

 

 And I really don't know what to say...

 

 

People are getting divorce for petty reasons nowadays,including so called lack of compatibility.This is funny since we are never 100% compatible with our own parents/siblings too.Yet we love them and live with them forever.

 

 

Yes,I say this from my heart,that one shopuld never never get divorced,unless there are very very grave reasons like death threat from partner,fear to children's life from partner,etc.

 

Initially one may feel that we are now free,but it's true only for a limited time.Later as time passes,you start feeling that a major part of your body is removed.You even feel homeless,because now you have no home to call your own.You again become emotionally depndent on your parents who are already broken after getting their child married with so much of joy,only to see him/her alone and single again.


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