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Shambasiv (n/a)     07 November 2007

Oh Lawyer!

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, ""Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin."" ""What?"" said the puzzled groom. ""How can that be if you've been married ten times?""
""Well, Husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynaecologist; all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was...God, I miss him!
...But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!""
""Good,"" said the lawyer, ""but, why?""
""Duh; you're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!""


 7 Replies

Shambasiv (n/a)     07 November 2007

[font=""comic sans ms""]Why are laboratory scientists switching from rats to lawyers for their experiments?
1. lawyers are more plentiful than rats
2. the lab technicians don't get as attached to the lawyers
3. there are some things a rat just won't do
4. neither the animal rights activists nor the human rights activists get all upset about it
What's the only disadvantage to using lawyers instead of rats in laboratory experiments? It's harder to extrapolate the test results to human beings.

Shambasiv (n/a)     07 November 2007

[font=""comic sans ms""]A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side of the road. Every time he would see a lawyer walking along the road, he would swerve to hit him, and there would be a loud ""THUMP"" and then he would swerve back onto the road. One day, as the truck driver was driving along he saw a priest hitchhiking. He thought he would do a good turn and pulled the truck over. He asked the priest, ""Where are you going, Father?"" ""I'm going to the church 5 miles down the road,"" replied the priest. ""No problem, Father! I'll give you a lift. Climb in the truck."" The happy priest climbed into the passenger seat and the truck driver continued down the road. Suddenly the truck driver saw a lawyer walking down the road and instinctively he swerved to hit him. But then he remembered there was a priest in the truck with him, so at the last minute he swerved back away, narrowly missing the lawyer. However even though he was certain he missed the lawyer, he still heard a loud ""THUD"". Not understanding where the noise came from he glanced in his mirrors and when he didn't see anything, he turned to the priest and said, ""I'm sorry Father. I almost hit that lawyer."" ""That's okay"", replied the priest. ""I got him with the door!""[/font]

Shambasiv (n/a)     07 November 2007

[font=""comic sans ms""]A young lawyer was defending a wealthy businessman in a complicated lawsuit. Unfortunately, the evidence was against his client, and he feared the worst. So the lawyer asked the senior partner of the law firm if it would be appropriate to send the judge a box of Havana cigars. The partner was horrified. ""The judge is an honourable man,"" the partner exclaimed. ""If you do that, I can guarantee you will lose the case!"" Weeks later the judge ruled in favour of the lawyer's client. The partner took him to lunch to congratulate him. ""Aren't you glad you didn't send those cigars to the judge?"", the partner asked. But I did send them,"" replied the lawyer. ""I just enclosed the plaintiff's lawyer's business card!""[/font]

prabodh kumar patel (advocate)     14 November 2008


Arbind Kumar (Job)     27 November 2008

funny joke

ritu bhadana (advocate)     31 March 2009

al of dem really funny

Sarvesh Kumar Sharma Advocate (Advocacy)     24 September 2009


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