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prads   23 July 2017

Need help - wife staying with in laws for 3 years

Hi Respected Members,

My wife has been living with my in laws for more than 3 years and has refused to stay with me either in my parents house or even if i take a separate house(just for me and her) .I need some help to figure out what are my options and how to take this forward. More details of my situation are below :

I was married in Feb 2013 and in June 2014 there was a minor fight between my mom and my mother in law at my house over the taste of some dish. ( the root cause was actually very stupid). During this time i was not in town and was living in another town for 2 months due to some project work. So after the fight my mother in law created a ruckus in front of my house and walked away with her daugther to her house stating she can take care of her daugther better than anyone else and also she will get her married to a much better person than me.At that time, my wife was 5 weeks pregnant. So when i was back in town sometime in Sept or Oct'14 - I made repeated attempts to convince my wife to get back and sort things out in a mature way as we were having a baby. But all this fell was deaf ears and nothing happened. I was also abused in my laws place and warned not to visit her until she has a baby. My wife delivered a baby boy in Jan 2015 and i was never informed anything about this. I had sent her repeated requests via text messages and whatsapp requesting her to keep me posted on the baby's development and also that I had issurance and made money arrangements for the delivery.But, I was informed by a 3rd party ( a known person who lives near her house) about her having a baby and I rushed to the hospital. There i was not allowed to touch my son and was abused there as well. So after all this- i never msged, called or visited her house for 10 months.

So sometime in Oct'15 - I decided to give it another try as even she never called or msged me in this time frame.So from Oct'15 to till date. I visit her place maybe twice in a month and now im allowed to play with my son near her door (not inside the house). But whatever gifts, toys and fruits i get for my son - it is thrown to the dustbin or given away to the maid right in front of my eyes. I'm not allowed to carry him or take him outside. Sometimes when i go she shoo's me away saying she is busy. When ever i ask her what is that she wants and why is she not staying with me. Her answer is simple : I will never live with you because you dint support my mother and i will not give you divorce as well. You can come like a dog near my gate see your son and go. All i want is to see you suffer like this. She also said do what ever you want i will never move to the court first and once you go there i will suck the life of you .

Now my question is what can i do considering ?

1. All her relatives are some sort of high profile lawyers in town. So she is fairly convinced she will make me run around the courts and act innocent. 

2. She is economically way better off than me , so she can afford the costs of legal fees.

3. Sometime between Sept'14 to Nov'14 - I had sent her a few nasty messages stating dont act like a witch, gets fix things in our life. She has printed out these messages and threatens me, that she will file complaint againt me and put me behind bars. She also has abused me over phone and messages. She even slapped me once for trying to carry my son.But i deleted all these messages. I never kept proof of anything.

4. She also threatens she will kill herself and the baby and blame in on me and my mother, if i ever ask her to live with me again.

 

Im not too keen on divorce, if the issue can be solved I am ok to live with her for my son. But currently im thinking getting a divorce is better than my current state where im being treated like a dog to see my son. Also I quit my current job as i was not able to handle the pressure of my personal life. So whats the best way forward keeping in mind my limited ability to bear legal cost and hastles.

Thanks in advance.

 



Learning

 14 Replies

Dr J C Vashista (Advocate)     24 July 2017

Too long a story, be brief to take benefit of FREE legal advise, otherwise consult a local lawyer.

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     24 July 2017

First way always be taking help of some relatives. Mediation and intervention of society headman may be taken first. If all fails then you can go for RCR under sec 9 of HMA

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     24 July 2017

First way always be taking help of some relatives. Mediation and intervention of society headman may be taken first. If all fails then you can go for RCR under sec 9 of HMA

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     24 July 2017

First way always be taking help of some relatives. Mediation and intervention of society headman may be taken first. If all fails then you can go for RCR under sec 9 of HMA

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     24 July 2017

First way always be taking help of some relatives. Mediation and intervention of society headman may be taken first. If all fails then you can go for RCR under sec 9 of HMA

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     24 July 2017

First way always be taking help of some relatives. Mediation and intervention of society headman may be taken first. If all fails then you can go for RCR under sec 9 of HMA

SUNIL KUMAR (apprentice)     24 July 2017

First way always be taking help of some relatives. Mediation and intervention of society headman may be taken first. If all fails then you can go for RCR under sec 9 of HMA

Rishi kumar   24 July 2017

Mr. Prads, 

sorry to read about your predicament. Compared to so many others you ARE in an enviable position.  I wonder how you are ever going to manage with this cruel woman. Even if for the sake of your child.  

If you are planning to get away for good from this kind of a torture, just go ahead a file for divorcee. Let her not get any hint. Make sure the bailiff delivers the notice. Once the notice is delivered do not go back to meet your son. They are sure to assault you.

then let them file 498a, DV , Crpc 125, 406 etc etc. nothing will hold water after 3 years of separation. Keep your proof of footing the delivery expenses of your child. Have you got any mobile photos of your playing  with kid OUTSIDE THE DOOR OF  her house? Witnesses like her maid or neighbours can be unreliable. Can't be sure of what they will say in court. If you never had problems with your wife during her stay with you, highlight that. You may be having photos or videos. You can produce that. You can argue that they have filed cases as a counter blast to your divorce petition. Keep all salary slips or bank statements of your present job. Court asks to pay maintenance as per your current income. Sending nasty messages is not a big fault. Given your state of mind even the magistrate would have done that. Own up gracefully and candidly and say you are sorry about it . Their print out is only a toy snake and don't be scared. If your financial condition does not permit hire a small time lawyer on instant payment basis. Initially you may need one to write something on the green sheet. But don't add up unnecessary allegations. It is not going to help anyone.pour over the Internet and forums like these and fight your own battle by taking a little help from a lawyer.

you will be in a bigger soup if you decide to bring your wife. Even if she stays a few days with you that will enable her to file a maintainable 498a and DV against you. Now you are safe.be assured that the court  and police is becoming increasingly aware of the atrocities being committed by these educated women.

1 Like

Adv Radhika Mehta (Advocate)     24 July 2017

You are indeed caught in a soup. Its not necessary that if you file for Divorce, then you will get to see your son.  Its quite possible that even the limited access that you are getting will be discontinued by your wife out of spite the minute you file and she will ensure you never see your son again. I am definately not in favour of filing for restitution of conjugal rights for reasons rightly suggested by Mr. Rishi hereinabove.  At the same time, however, i am not convinced of your mental preparedness to fight a case for Divorce. Though you have a good case, you lack the convinction. So for the time being, i would suggest you to work on building a good relationship with your son using the few minutes that you get.  

1 Like

P. Venu (Advocate)     24 July 2017

Please post the simple facts.

A walk alone (-)     24 July 2017

Divorce is not easy to get without evidence. First collect evidence of her desertion. Message or mail her to come back, when you go to her place ask her to come back and make a recording of that. Whenever you go there make a recording of all things. Never use yourself any harsh word.Then after 5-6 month when you gather evidence file divorce on desertion ground. Be prepared once you file divorce she may not allow you to see your son.
1 Like

prads   30 July 2017

Thank you for responding to my concerns. I apprepricate your advise which should enable be to take a informed decision.

Some of you'll have said the information mentioned is verbose, but i thought it was required to explain the actual situation.

We have tried to contact the elders from my wife's family multiples times and once we all even met. But all they said was: My wife doesnt want to stay with me and they cant force her as she is a major and we will only stand by her decision. I felt none of them are really concerned or bothered about my wife's or my child's future. They just want to look good in someone's eyes. This is the first time im coming across elders like this. But they are always insisting that - I can take any step i want. Indirectly hinting at approaching court for divorce. Since they are from legal background. I dunno what they have planned in store for me. I dont want to play into their hands. Hence I wanted to know the legal consequences as well.

2nd question:

My son is currently 2.5 years old. Whenever i visit him, my wife teaches him to abuse me and hit me. He also teaches him to call me names and mock me. I think its cruel to corrupt a childs mind in this manner, But can i seek his custody from the court or something. Is there a way to meet him outside her house , considering none of my family members have ever met him. She dint allow my mother in the hospital also,

Adv Radhika Mehta (Advocate)     31 July 2017

I am very sorry to hear that about your child's behaviour but be assured that with the passage of time its only going to get worse. 

You can file an Application for custody in the local Court within whose jurisdiction the child oridinarily resides and move an Application for access.  But i would advise you to collect recordings of this misbehaviour and proof of the unfitness of your wife as a mother before filling any such Petitioner for custody.  

Born Fighter (xxx)     03 August 2017

Let me tell you straight if you want to free urself from your cruel wife you will have to (a) Forget your child (b) Be prepared for a long legal battle.

I feel sorry but ur left with no choice. As a father u can and should contribute for his maintenance and leave the rest to God

Right now you gather evidences of ur wife's cruel behaviour and completely insane tutoring to ur child. Remember the child is innocent and will blindly follow the mothers dictats. He is a son and as he grows he will hate you more and trust me life will be miserable than what it is now.

Her family members are from law background so what ?? they do not own the courts. 

 

You have been begging all this while....now its time to get tough !!!! Unless u gather the courage to forget the child u will not gather the courage to stand up for yourself. Once your wife sees u give a damn she will come for settlement. How long will she party at her parents place ??? Time and tide waits for none.....she will suffer the way she is torturing you !!  All the Best !!

 

 

 


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