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LIVE together without marriage

Page no : 2

RAKHI BUDHIRAJA ADVOCATE (LAWYER AT BUDHIRAJA & ASSOCIATES SUPREME COURT OF INDIA)     24 March 2009

I do agree with my all Ld. friends.

Anjali (IT)     24 March 2009

Very simple - As long as there is no problem - no laws come in. When problem starts every law comes in. Your case, since , at present,  the first wife accepts there is no problem at all. Imagine after few years if your first wife complaints against you, you will end up in jail. Comparing yourself with NTR , TN chief Minister Karunanidhi [even now lives with two women , one wife and another one companion] , is no non-sense but stupidity. They have fortunes with them counted in crores. Those money can solve the problems between those woman.  Here you are asking the law to solve your problem. Hindu law has no solution for you. Better your whole family  convert to Islam and then marry your GF. This can be an evasive action from the law, but your conscience will kill you soon or later. You can never ever be a good husband let alone a good father.

Mahesh (Asst. General Manager (Law))     24 March 2009

I think surya got is stomach full! He has become soundless now!  May good sense prevail upon him!

Prabhat Kumar (Advocate)     24 March 2009

For god sake please dont mis-intereprete the SC judgment, which only says that a girl is entitled for maintanance and is protected under domestic voilence act even if she is living under live-in relationship. for rest of the things i completely agree with Mr. Tripathi.

surya (business)     24 March 2009

Hi All,


i read all replies from all.most of the replies against me.i dont have any problem.some members gave me good way the answers.Some members gave very hard.my sincear request for those who have given very hard replies.Please learn how to speak with others.Other wise they never be good position. ok thats up to them.


after reading all the replies. i want to tell my few words abt my self.


I did my comp sciece engg at REC warangal AP.I m working as Sofware engineer since 8 yrs and i m running my own business along with.Money wise i dont have any problem.i have enough money.Coming to my parents wise they are also have own business iron hardware in HYD.we are the distubuture for whole andhra.we have enough property to leave.Even no need to do the job.


Coming to my GF.she is also working in IT.she is not a kid to tell allthose things.she is childhood friend and we are in serious relationship since 2 yrs.i tired convence to her to go for a new marriage with another man.i told all the ways regarding her value in society and coming problems.some days back i told her to dont meet me and dont come to my life.she seriously tried to die.


she seriosuly took the poision and admitted in the hospital.she seriosuly want to marry/stay with me.i think all are thinking we have any phy relation.We dont have anything like that.We both are known each other since childhood.


even my wife all the things from the begining.She only suggested to go for a marrige/live together.Even my wife ready to give divorc if the legally to stay all together.


Now i have only one problem my GF side.her parents wont agree for this.


Thats why i requested for all suggestion.But most of the members misunderstood.


i know everybody will suggest leave your GF.But if i leave her if she get suicide who will the responsible person?


i dont want loose her.She is my best friend.


i m very thankful to you who has given good suggestions and advices.


after listening this please tyr to give a both ways posibilitys?


How i want to live with her and my family?


if she came to my home what are the chances to her father to case one me?


please give me a your valuable suggestions/advices in this.


Please forgive me if i use any abuse words or any hurted things.


i m a layman from law wise,you all are very good professional.


i hope everybody will understand.


surya.


 


 

A V Vishal (Advocate)     24 March 2009

Surya:


Medicine taste sour, but saves lives but a sweet can kill a man if he is diabetic. The learned members here are not against anyone, maybe the way we advised you tastes sour, Looks your well educated too, after all its your life and its your decision whether to continue the relation or not. Coming to the point, you have told every thing about your relationship with your GF, fine but how come you got trapped in such a relation knowing that you are married and have two kids, for a moment lets keep the society out of the picture, you admit too having got involved with her in the relationship, you tell she tried committing suicide and you cannot bear her death, so one thing is clear that both are equally responsible for the current situation. Before I advise you further, let me tell true love always knows to sacrifice, it cannot be selfish. What your wife said is 101% right because she truly loves you so she is ready to sacrifice her marriage for your happiness, But for your GF if only her love is true, she would not put you in such a precarious situation where you get separated from your marriage and kids. The girl's father can file a case against you and your family for abduction/kidnap considering that you are married, unmindful of the outcome of the case, but this will put your family into considerable embrassing situation. Also, think what will happen if things don't work out as thought, you will lose your mental peace and become a nervous wreck. All this I am advising since persons with problems like you need family counselling and not legal advice. In any way if the counselling is of no help we will give you legal advise.

TUSHAR SUMAN THAKER (ADVOCATE)     24 March 2009

Essentially, what you have brought to this forum is a moral Issue. Whether you can risk your GF comitting suicide if you decide not to have a relationship with her ? Whether you should stay with your wife for the sake of the children even though the relationship has lost the emotional bonding ? You have also not explained as to why you you got married to your wife in the first place when you had your GF as a childhood friend, and your wife too knew about everything from the beginning ? You also say that your wife is willing to give you divorce, so where is the legal difficulty in obtaining divorce by mutual consent ?


We can only answer the legal questions involved in this discussion. The moral dilemma involved in your actions, only you will have to resolve, for you will have to face yourself in the mirror every day. There is another dimension to this also which involves the subtle message you are conveying to your two kids by your actions. So please consider all aspects before taking any hasty steps.


That said,  let me now address the Legal Issues involved. You have not given much details about your relationship with your wife. Is she staying with you or separately, and if separately since how long ? Whether there are other problems between the two of you ?


You have spoken of Supreme Court holding one can have a live in relationship. This needs to be elaborated further in the correct perspective. The decisions of courts where they seem to give legal sanction and recognition to long term live in relationships need to be understood clearly. The idea behind the above rulings is that in a country like ours, where a vast number of marriages are not registered, courts tend to legitimize long term live in relationships by giving the benefit of doubt and treating such relationships as marriages for purposes of inheritance, maintenance etc, on the priciple that the intentions of parties are best indicated by their behavior.



In a case where both parties are unmarried and have a live in relationship, legally they don't have to worry much, the moral issues are another matter.



However where one party is married it may create complications, specially if the spouce of such party decides to teach her/him a lesson. It is well settled that in such cases, only an interested or affected party can approach the court. Therefore even if a married person has a live in relationship or even illegally marries another while still married to his/her spouce, he/she is safe if the affected parties decide not to take any action.



Coming to your case if your wife or children decide to take action against you, they can vey well create a lot of legal problems. To prove adultery, it is sufficient to prove inclination to have physical relationship with a person of opposite gender and the opportunity to do so. Therefore if you stay with your GF in the same house for a length of time, nothing further need be proved as inclination as well as opportunity is established. I also wish to clarify here that the inheritence laws for children of live in relationships are one thing, but criminal law does not cease to operate, or absolve any party of penal action under criminal justice, even though the children of such relationships may have claims for inheritence since they are not the ones who are responsible for the state of affairs.



So my advise to you would be to really get down to serious thought, talk to your wife as well as GF, and also your children if they are old enough to understand as you have not given their age, talk to your true friends on whom you have confidence, and try to resolve your moral dilemma properly. I think even you realize that staying with your GF while being married to your wife is morally wrong, hence your hesitation to do so. Your wife is willing to give you divorce, and yet you have not taken that step, is it because you feel that would be wrong to your wife ? I think you know the answers, but have to look within and find the courage to walk the path.



 


Best of luck.


tsthaker@rediffmail.com

Rajesh Kumar (Advocate)     25 March 2009

Well, why dont we oppose monogamy, artifically imposed by Hindu Marriage Act. Such monogamy is caertainly against hindu scriptures.


In the meantime Surya can coin a new term, say companion, give status of companion to his GF through Gandharva Vivah (through exchange of garland before a diety, without saptapadi) and live with both the wife & companion. Thus object is also achieved, all parties are happy and Hindu Marriage Act is also not violated- no charge of bigamy too.


Regarding the property part, he can always make a will giving equal share to both wife & companion, and later adding all the children of both wife & companion in the will. 


 


 

surya (business)     26 March 2009

Hi All,

Thanks for all your advices.After discussion with GF&wife(childrens r 5 ys old only).i finally decided to stay with my GF and my family.

We 3 have mutual understanding.But legally i dont marry her.As per Law.

Can we stay altogetger?.Even though do you want me to keey any docs with me to protect from MY GF father?

i really got very good response.waiting for your replys.


aatma   26 March 2009

HI Friend,


You have to remember this important  basic rule of life in this land - Your life is like a heavan until you touch the indian law or you are touched by the indian law.  Whether your are innocent or quilty does not matter. (e.g.  Thousands of innocent middle class families are suffering because they are touched by IPC498A). Law says that an a law obeying citizen even if you are not guilty you have to submit yourself to the never ending trial for the false case and lose the valuable time and life until the end of the case or your life.


Regarding  bigamy or polygamy : One must have two qualifications -


1. Must be a top politician -  Refer this news: https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/msid-1513322,prtpage-1.cms


2. Must be  a rich to feed the corruption hole in the judiciary to face/escape from the allegations:  Refer this authentic article


https://tnpolice.gov.in/CIDReviews/Web%20CID%20Review%20Apr2007.pdf

Transparency International, in its Global Corruption Report 2007 has revealed recently that an amount of Rs 2,630 crores was paid in bribes to the lower judiciary in India during 2006! It is agonizing when a judgement goes in favour of the rich accused and a poor victim is denied justice because he cannot pay and buy it though he has truth on his side!



 


Hemant Agarwal (ha21@rediffmail.com Mumbai : 9820174108)     26 March 2009

Dear All,

I feel "surya" has given a very good reasoning for his "justification" for need of a "live-in" relationship with his girl-friend(s).  It provides the non-arguable guidelines for such "live-in" relationsships.

Besides the above, following are my perceptions (pun intended).


1.  "LIVE IN", in terms of "surya"'s perception could be meaning  "freedom from monogamy" or say licensed "freedom to free extra-marital s*x".

ONLY "surya" can confirm this.

SOMEHOW it could signs of  "s*xual pervertness" too.

MUST be confirmed by a psyco-doctor (psychiatrist).


2.  Would this throw the  "Hindu Succession Act" and other related laws "DOWN to the DRAIN" ?

Psychologically the "Hindu Marriage Act and the Hindu Succession Act" also lays down the indirect guideline to avoid "SEXUALY PERVETED SOCIETY".


3.  There would be a shortage of "Girls (females) in the marriage market, due to "as it is" un-equal ratio of female births to male births.

AND if "surya" and his "like-minded" people think otherwise, then they can all have more than 2 girlfriends and more to have an "Live-In" licensed "freedom to free extra-martial s*x".

OR MAYBE, the "live-in girlfriends", could randomly on alternate days/dates, start having a "live-in" with other such "surya's" and balance the ratio.

WHAT SAY,  LOOKS LIKE A CLASSIC IDEA TO ME ! ! !


4.  "surya" rightly says that "money wise he does not have a problem".

BUT THEN, that's right.  WHEN people like "surya" have ample of money and or power, then the mind likes to indulge in unwarranted things ... one of them being "live-in girl-friends".

LOOK at "Lord Krishna", who had never any problem about money and power and he officially had 160 wives.

IF OUR   "G O D"s can do it then "surya" should be allowed to.


5.  A  "PIL" for this should be filed in the Apex court, before a 11 bench court and "surya" should have a just and valid point, for the benefit of all like-minded "surya's".


6. "surya" could also prudently (if not rightly) consider to arrange to have an "boy friend" for his wife as a "live-in boy-friend".  As his wife agrees for him, so should the husband agree for her.


7.  BUT PRUDENTLY,  "in a way"  I would agree with "surya", since "Live-in" would also mean Xtra Large (XL) families and the end to "nuclear families" which the current generation of people are aiming at.

MIGHT also save "fuel" & "food" in the common kitchen.

MIGHT also save the need for an Extra seperate house.


AND if  "surya" decides to go for farming,   lo-and-behold ... he has a gang of free workers.


 


SPECIALLY for "surya "

"Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble".

another one for "surya"

"A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other."


Keep Smiling ... HemantAgarwal

Swami Sadashiva Brahmendra Sar (Nil)     27 March 2009

pls dont mind the comments of advisors and dont expect that every one has realized all aspects of your problem before posting his answer.

B.N.Rajamohamed (advocate / commissioner of oaths)     28 March 2009

Unless you divorce your wife you don't have any solutiions for your issue. The supreme court has given the verdict as you say  only on the aspect of determination of relationship with the persons as husband and wife .


on the basis of that judgement if you defend then you are liable to be prosecuted by your wife for bigamy.


Better you choose for the best and justiciable solutions.

Swami Sadashiva Brahmendra Sar (Nil)     28 March 2009

dear all !


when law does not forbid a conduct who are we(legal advisors) to speak too much about that. mr. surya does not apprehend any action against him by his legally wedded wife nor he is planning to go to law for certification of his second relationship. the problem that is apprehended by him is any possible action by parents of his second partner and in that situation, law will help his second partner. here the right of his second partner is in issue and not his rights.

Hemant Agarwal (ha21@rediffmail.com Mumbai : 9820174108)     29 March 2009

APOLOGIES.

BUT, the larger and primary question is not of the "second partner" or rights or anything else.

Granting of such "rights" are against the "premable" of law. 

It is also against the moral and social values and culture of a civilised society.

Such things also upsets the balance of the society and affects other people at large.

Keep Smiling ... HemantAgarwal


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