(Guest)

India's Family Law is a legacy and delicacy is called LAGAAN

This is just a relaty check story; Once upon a time, inspite of males as best chef, designer etc. etc. still they got to hear that women (it includes mother's, aunts, sisters, bhabhi's and daughters et al.) are ruling everywhere by virtue of their adverse branding, that was not a problem for agrived males as they love to be humbled down in front of the errant wives. But the law was not recognizing the status of agrieved male. They all approached the Emperor (read it as respected Indian Judiciary) to give some solution.

Now what can be done? So all the boys decided that we should beat the girls in one such sport where their chances of winning are just impossible and then they will be free once the agrieved husbands and errant wives decided to play "cricket match" and the result will decide the superior s*x. As winning in "tailoring" or "cooking" has not worked with the superiority status. The Emperor (read it again as respected Indian Judiciary) too decided that a cricket match should be conducted between the genders and then let the winning team be called supreme. The loosing team will have to compensate the winners in some or the other fashion. The boys said "Sau kode manzoor hai Sarkaar, magar hum ladenge."

The D - day soon came. Now there was this toss and the female captain was asked to call. She said tails and before the toss could be called the male captain said “Halt! Ladies First so let them decide what they want” The lady captain after some ego display decided to bowl first.

Batting First:

The guys were quite optimist to bat first as the psychological pressure is on the chasing team, the first over started. Being a daily practice the guys started playing effectively the strokes and kept on scoring runs over after over. It was 40 runs at the end of the 3 overs with on loss of wickets. The girls were feeling the heat and suddenly a new rule book was sent to the umpire (read it as respected Indian Judiciary). Passed by the board of New Cricketing Women Committee (read it as NCW; National Commission for Women).

On the first delivery the guy just played the ball. But what did he see? All the girls shouted in appeal and up went the finger of the umpire. Now what was that? The dismissal was declared Plum BBW Bat Before Wicket. (Had there been no bat the stumps would have been bowled.) So the guys were 40 for the loss of 1 wicket. The umpire (read as respected Indian Judiciary) shrugged and said its in the new books. The batsman showed displeasure while walking away. He was fined later by the Committee.

Second wicket felt in the similar way in the very next ball. The guys were shocked and now the lady bowler was on a hatrick. And the 3rd man in anticipation to avoid the BBW rule raised the bat and the bowl kissed the stumps to the ground. 40/3 in 4.3 overs. The rest 3 bowls were missing the stumps and hence were dot bowls straight in the hands of the wicket keeper. The girls were calling names and bullying (thanks to the new rule; read it as clumsy drafted DV Act where everything is chalta hai) where the guys were helpless as they knew they could be charged.

3 overs passed by, the wickets kept on falling, with the BBW rule no runs scored and 3rd umpires were not consulted for runouts and stumpings. The score was now 40/8 and suddenly the new coming batsman decided to hit and he could manage a fulltoss for a six and then three runs thus reaching the score to 49-8 one short of fifty. The crowd started cheering, with some lady members joined too.

Further, the batsman was provoked by the bowling team as “Namard” (read it as it is widely called as impotent !) and asked him to wear bangles and was told that if he had guts he should remove the helmet and Bat. The batsman got provoked and accepted the challenge; he roared towards the girl and commanded her to bowl. She did so and bowled a super bodyline bowl that hit the boy on his head, injuring him and paralyzing him at that moment to continue. He was declared retired hurt and the next batsman did not dare to come to the ground as he went underground (read his membership with unanimous underground voice deleted).

The scored stayed where it was. And the target of 50 was to be scored in 10 overs match. The guys were depressed but not hopeless as they too were optimistic about the BBW rule and no 3rd umpire rule. But they were in for surprise.

Chasing:

The girls went with optimism as they knew that the Emperors law is by their side and definitely not with the boys. The guys were in for a shock as they saw the crease box was doubled in its length and the running between the wickets was reduced accordingly for the girls (never mind) but there was another shock just one stump for them as a wicket. Adding the tension for claiming wickets as LBW BBW and even bold. But they wanted to win.

The 1st bowl was straight line and length and plum BBW and an appeal. The umpire said that the “Rule is only applicable when boys are batting against girls” and the guys almost fainted with this one sided rule.

The girls went on to score runs with these facilities. But they were greedy (natural in gender) and hence they tried taking a quick single and there the single stump was uprooted running them out. The boys celebrated and the girl started to cry as tears rolled. But the umpire consulted the 3rd umpire and though the "evidence" was clear still they declared it as “not out” (read no perjury !). As the "perpetual benefit of doubt" prevailed and it was said that the throw was faster than the running speed and hence "sympathy" could not be ruled. And it was said in such cases “Camera captures are not sufficient to prove.” The boys who formed a huddle in anticipation of a positive decision from the 3rd Umpire were ignominously defamed as "Gays" by the batting team supporters.

Another appeal for LBW was ruled out as the boys appealed but the counter appeal of the girl was sustained as she felt mentally tortured with the roar of the boys. The score inching higher to 20 for no loss at the end of 3 overs.

Another delivery where the girl was totally beaten by the delivery sparked controversy. Her ego got hurt, She said “oye my 'father' never bowled like this, you have 'hurt' me, this is 'violence', this is 'abuse” There was an "enquiry panel" (read Women's Cell) who charged the boy with "charges without trial" along with the wicket keeper and slips fielders who too participated in causing "mental torture" according-to-the-girl batting. They were called off the field and "arrested" and suddenly the scene on the ground went haywire. There were a group of Nuisance Causing Women who came with 'dholak' and started to shout along with some men supporting them. The ones who tried to intervene from the boys' side were also summoned by the New Cricketing Women Committee (read it as NCW; National Commission for Women).

Looking at this, the clouds (read it as retired senior citizen parents of boys) started to cry and poured rain. The play was called off, most of them arrested under "non-bailable offence" and were termed as "criminals" by the State with a "non compoundable" offence.

Some how with the left over 4 players from the boys's side in the field the play continued but then 'Duckworth Lewis' (it has a link there !) was applied post rain and the result was declaring the match in favor of girls. Thus proving an "empowerment" of them.

The women supporters to men were attacked by the bowling team supporters by calling names, alleging and linking sisters wrongly with the team members for having relation thus embarrassing them. Moreover such supporters were disguised in the uniform that supported the boys’ team. The BBW hatrick girl was declared the women of the match as her participation was immense in all departments including name calling and filing charges along with crying.

In the presentation ceremony only the girls’ victorious team was present the rest were arrested. The girls were given the accolades and also 50% of the boys match share. The boys were accordingly fined. They had to pay the LAGAAN forever as 50% of the match share to the girls every time they played (read it as entered the exclusive errant wives domain of Family Law in India).

Similar is a case of the guys who are involved in divorce, who get 498a-ed or threatened, penalised as alimony (by the law and in-laws) for no good reasons to justify something like BBW or Duckworth Lewis Formula (did you test the forula calculator !) or the other reasons mentioned.