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Rohit Shukla (Engineer)     11 June 2011

Divorce vs RCR - Action Time - Help Sought

Hi All,

Few basic facts before giving you the current situation

Married: Jun 2010

Nov 2010 - Wife left to her parental home on the pretext of meeting her family after long time.

Jan 2010 - Called her back, she politely refuses citing vague reasons

Feb 2010 - Called her back , refused again but tone changes and allegations drops in.

Mar 2010 - Called finally with a waring to be alast call from me forever, she refused again and with allegations of mistreatment.

Mar - Till date - We are not even in touch anymore. I am broken to an extent that I can't now evn think of taking her back into my life. This is more so beacuse despite my repeated reminders, she went ahead secretely and has taken admission in some XYZ college in her home state where she plans to spend some years completing her XYZ degree. So now I am clear that all she and her family wanted was a tag of a husband for her and not husband. By the way she is suspected to have affair with few guys in her own place as I have been monitoring her call records.

So i have made up my mind and would like to face everything but would not settle for anything lesser than divorce. Experts, friends, Bros & sisters please guide me how to approach next. Do I go to them pleading mutually consented divorce or straightway divorce on cruelty ground. Please suggest. This is important as  my first anniversary 18 June approaching when I will be eligible for filing a divorce suit. Please suggest, its urgent . Thanks!


 23 Replies

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     12 June 2011

I think you have wrongly quoted the year.  You dont have any grounds to claim the divorce.  There is no cruelty grounds, at the most you can claim divorce on the basis of the desertion ground.  It is better to for the consent divorce to escape from the maintenance, because in the case it can be compromised.

Rohit Shukla (Engineer)     12 June 2011

Thanks Rajeev Sir, yes thats a mistake .... please read it as Jan 2011, Feb 2011, Mar 2011 instead of 2010.

valentine thakkar (advocate)     12 June 2011

Thjere are two ghrounds open to you viz.-

1) Desertion without resonable excuse

2) Adultery

She has left matrimonial home without a reasonable execuse so you can take up that ground. If U r successful in getting the order for RCR and inspite of that order is he doesn't cohabit, you have a strong ground for divorce. But that will happen after 2/3 years.

U say she has extramarital afairs. Please collect solid proofs. Adultery is difficult to prove in the Court. But if you have documentary evidence, things will become easier.

So concentrate on these grounds and wish you all the best...

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     12 June 2011

@ Author

In my opinion as per Law (HMA) you donot have any 'grounds" at all as advised. For desertion grounds to press as advised you yourself read S. 13 (1) (ib)

Hence suggested to approach In Laws seeking their opinion on finality of what shall "this relationship proceed like for next 2 -5-10-15 years" ? Let them hint on cause of action and meanwhile she is still your wife hence you are required to meet "maint." as per your status periodically without she raising a "demand via jurisdiction Court"

2. If the cellphone of hers is having your regd. address and thus you are getting itemised bill and from which you are randomly calling and hearing male voices unknown to your knowledge as having known such person via you and or via your wife and makign assumption of extra marital life of your wife then I suggest invest time and energy in seeing rationale ending to such remorse relationship either way. The way you state that you are monitoring her calls makes me suggest the preceding para !

3. See most of the young marriages goes through ups and down it is a mature person who sees vision and immediately tries to adjust to it and that is exactly what the essence of this reply is all about given to understand the marriage is just 6 months old !

valentine thakkar (advocate)     12 June 2011

The new ground has been recommended and approved and sent to the parliament for approval by our Hon. PM is irretrievable breakdown of marriage. U/s 125 CRPC Cruelty, Desertion, Veneral Disease and Adultery are the grounds sanctioned by the statutory authority for divorce. In Special Marriage Act under Section 13(d) the grounds for divorce are provided. Please go thru the same. 

rajiv_lodha (zz)     12 June 2011

"Irretrievable breakdown of marriage"?  Such a short married span... not applicable even if Parliament gives nod.

"Desertion" also wont apply to such a short span of separation as a ground of divorce.

Cruelty - u do not have proofs.

RCR may be a dangerous weapon to use.... if u have so much bitterness in ur mind, As suggested above, try to think maturely, ur marriage is short-lived. Path of getting divorce is very tedious in India. Spit out the venom 1st, talk to her heart 2 heart & reach the root cause of trouble. If she is not interested in u, convince her for MCD.

VictimOfBiasLaw (Professional)     12 June 2011

on the basis of Adultery ,  how to prove is very difficult
i know that one of my friend has same case her wife was indulge in such thing....
when he asked her and threaten her she filed false DV case....
now how can he proved that her wife was indulge in Adultery.... before he collect any vedio she filed DV case...

Rohit Shukla (Engineer)     12 June 2011

Thanks all for sharing your views/advise with the best of understanding. Appreciate all.

@ Tajobsindia - Sir, you are right in saying that I should approach my in Laws seeking their opinion on the finality ie; how they view our lives in the next 2 -5-10-15 years. Any educated person/family would always resort to the same. However, we already did this many times and everytime they say "Hum abhi aahat hain, hume thoda samay dijiye" whereas I know that these hard nuts are actually buying time. Best part this girl has never been at home and have done her education away from her parents and have got a big boys/girls circle who always prompt her or entice her about their masti life. So actually somewhere down the life, she is already had enough of it in her life to an extent where a HUSBAND is now just an entity and is not something special to cheer about. Now I alraedy know that the girl has taken admission in one of the colleges in her homw state for getting a professional degree so no question of her returning despite my convincing or seeking reason out. Secondly, I am even aware that the moment she gets a job post degree, she would dump me. So all in all I just see myself getting stuck up for next few years at her discreetion. Now Why i wanted to take divorce?

1) A person was conspiring all these four months after marriage to crossover to her next mission. So how do I trust for next phase of my life.

2) During those four months, never bothered to check her phone and even avoided her when she used to talk to her female friend (who actually is his male friend). This is shattered my trust. The gentleman has evn confessed his love for her when I posing as a sales guy contacted him to gift a gift hamper for couple on valentine day using skype. The gentleman has now even changed his number and using another number to call her. So knowing all this who would thinking of spending his rest of life with someone JISKI AATMA AAPKE SAATH NAHIN HAIN.

3) 2004 she completed her masters & till 2010 she did not do anything than preparing for so called competitive exams? & the messages caught spans between 2008 onwards. So you could imagine the level of seriousness with regard to her studies. This is so so disgusting using education as a tool for fulfulling your other aspirations.

4) i have been able to find out one of her letters wher she is advising somebody realting to something on womans law, desertion etc ..... and how to escape from husband home. Considering the similar history her elder sister had her matrimonial home ... I guess they are all well versed with this so called woman's law. So I think this was a ploy.

5) My point for applying for divorce is also strengthened by my simple belief that instead of letting the casee hanging for long .... why not to face the situation upfront once for all even if it means I may succedd or not. Point is I can pay maintainence & would prefer to remain unmarried than to spend my life with someone who never was mine.

As far as adultery is considered, I know its hard to prove & is very difficult for a middle class educated family to allege on similar family (achha nahin lagta is tarah ki gandagi to discuss in open, though we know its true)

Now i have list of her acts and plenty of phone recordings which clealy suggests her cruel acts/intentions for ex. asking her about xyz she says its a number of a 15-16 year old kid in school. I call & immediately take the recoding of the said number  to my surprise/shock comes out to be 31 year gentleman from her college. She applying for various competitive exams with different birthdates and other details? Does this kind of her numerous acts with several lies qualify to support my case?

Actually on the forum its very difficult to document everything so probably Its very difficult to put our case in exactly the same prespective as it is but still I have tried to be brief and precise.

Once again I request you all to share your views with these points in view. Thanks All

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     12 June 2011

@ Author

1. Civil (family) laws never work on "emotions" and "sentiments" in favor of MEN. Nor "politics" of thinking had till date worked in favor of Indian MEN since it is a Indian Mens voice against "gospel truth".

2. Having read your multi-briefs. I feel if you have resolved that it is ACTION TIME as your post title makes you prepare so and can sustain next half a dozen years in various crl. / civil courts then go ahead feel the experience of gender biased laws first hand. Yes Indian Men shall do so !

BTW, talking over phone to male friends of college days or present college is not adultery by a matrimonial home left wife. Many wife’s’ feel uncomfortable talking about their ex male colleagues / friends if their husband(s) are not taking wife's male freinds good times in right spirits. it is not your fault, but fault of generic customary bringing up. Having said so, well I am neither pointing a finger at you nor at her but a sort change statement in lighter note I have said so. Adultery is almost allowed for her and very difficult to prove by a husband as what happens in four corners of a room is only known to three people; to her, to her male friend (if any) and to GOD (bringing these three to Evidence Box is next to impossible in Indian system) and if it is left un-proved then for her it is ground for conceding to divorce as cake walk away from you as well as defamation upon you if they are hard boiled folks and may further go on a mission to ‘lo aab teach the boy” kar key…

Still shall suggest to collect evidences of her education plus job if any and keep meeting p.m. maint. without her demand and simultaneously carry forward with your life and the former will help in court cases. 

Rohit Shukla (Engineer)     12 June 2011

Thanks Sir (Tajobs)  point very well taken and really appreciate your broad understanding on the larger issue and in the larger interest of our society (irespecteve of gender). Now as i said, everything cannot be discussed on the forum so I am sorry to give you the specifics out here. Now lemme just me pick up one of the issue and give you the detail.  Just after the marriage for two months she never calls me on my number, I never complained but once my FIL  was there at my home, i enquired about she not taking interest in anything not even me (we even had argument on our honeymoon where she was reluctant get physical pretending that she is dead tired). Her father said that actually she barely had friends and hardly she calls anybody, I checked the itemised billing to see a mounting bill where she has called for hours to so called girls (later turned out to be boys). Fine, poor husband no compalins. But what is shocking is when i though some means check into this specific number (suspected one), all i have is  loads of incoming calls and outgoing messages records and everything in myis absence. My personal surveilence of her in her hometown takes me to the home of the concerned person who now has thrown  his that particualr sim and now using another sim which I am tracking again to find the same strings on endles calling to her. The place where she has taken her new admission also falls in close vicinity of Mr X's home. So next one year is set. Now the bigger question which I have tried to ask from mysel "Why then she is not marrying him or he marrying her, if they love each other so much?" & the only answer from my self done investigation/ rationaly and logic points to two simple facts; 1) Mr X is struggling, he is still applying and preparing for various competitive exams so he has avoided marriage on all counts. 2) He is a SC/ST guy, so for my wife to get married to him in the first go would not have been possible. Now if she portarays me in bad light which she has already done (as intelligence gathered from her neighbourhood suggest), she gets a sympathetic excuse for getting married to him in his second try.

So sir, likewise my understanding based upon detailed investigation into all the miniscule things have lead me to some shocking facts in one way or another. Worst part, I work in an MNC and did all this investigations myself in this last five months alongside my job pressure. This has been the most cruel phase of my life. So if somebody ask me to prove her cruelness based upon the facts, I am sure I can. But the problem is how does the judiciary sees it when I advocate these same very points. This comes from my one of the experience which i recently faced and is mentioned below.

We talks civility, human values, arguments, proofs etc here on this educated forum ...... but I was in a state of shock when i visited a civil court just to have a first hand experience of the same. I even attended a 498a proceeding of some unknown people just to see how does the merit prevail in such cases. To my shock it was nothing like the one I have thought, rather it looked to me more like a panchayat .... with both the lawyers standing close to judege talking "Huzoor ... humne indono ko ...etc etc" and judge too councelling in the same very tone and facts that "Ladki ghar ki laxmi hoti hai etc etc". This sounded totally alien and primitive to me, may be I am totally new to this practice.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     12 June 2011

Welcome to Indian Men's Rights learning camp then.....................

PS: This is my last post to your briefs.

VictimOfBiasLaw (Professional)     12 June 2011

buddy... i can understan ur pain .. i have the same experience.....

i can give suggestion....  please collect all evidenace.... but don't go by emotion...

as TejobSir saying is correct.... Court don't look at emotion...and be carefull to get divorce on adulty.. because if u don't have conrete evidence it will proove boomrang to u...
so better consult good lawyer/detective .. think and go ahead...

best of luck.. and don't be emotional to takle this issue...

valentine thakkar (advocate)     13 June 2011

As I have already emphasised, now that the FCs are introduced, divorce becomes a tough job even for advocates. I have already pointed out that unless there are concrete evidences adultery is dificult to prove. I struggled in a case for 3 long years! The underlying principle of the Family Court is reunion as far as possible and only in a rare case divorce is possible. Yes, mutual consent divorce is a way out. The FC cannot deny when both the parties are ready to separate. It is rightly pointed out that most of the available grounds for divorce may not work in your case because of short span of your marriage. Mutual consent seems to the only way at present.

valentine thakkar (advocate)     13 June 2011

Please correct and read as "Section 27(d)" instead of  "In Special Marriage Act under Section 13(d) the grounds for divorce are provided. Please go thru the same. "

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