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randomethic (Professional)     20 September 2009


We have been married for almost 2 years. It was a love marriage in which knew each other for a good 4 years before we decided to get married. However, we have had two registered marriages one, at the time that our parents were not agreeing and one, later (we did not tell them), at the place where we were married as per hindu rites.

Despite the fact that I left a better paying job than my husband to join him, soon after we were married, he has been verbally and emotionally abusive to me on several occassions. His attitude is one of wanting that he should be treated like a God and his wife should behave like a dasi. He told me on several occassions that he deeply regrets marrying me, never wanted to marry me at all, I am not the kind of wife he wanted. He also threatened me several times to send me back to my parents, telling me that he has never loved me or cared about me and only married me because he thought he could change me to suit his convenience immediately after we got married.

Often times, he laughs at me or agnores me completely while I cry and tells me if I don't understand from this that he does not care for me. He picks fights and arguments over small, inconsequential things in malls, public places and takes a lot of pleasure in insulting me publicly, making me cry and then claims that I started the fight to create a scene in front of people. He has used derogatory language and also caused me great mental and emotional trauma in the past year and a half.

Because of this constant abusive behavior, I returned to my parents only 2 months after I stayed with him. I tried going to stay with his parents several times but there as well, he would always pick fights when I did not go and when I went to stay with them, he would tell me they also pretend to like me, but they do not really care or want me to live with them. He also began to threaten me with wanting to have an affair and everytime I went back to my parents, he told me he wanted to give me a divorce.

His parents are nice people and other than a few small incidents, we get along fine but because of his behavior, I did not feel like going and staying with them. When I discussed his behavior with my mother in law, she told me I should seek counselling because I am too sensitive and her husband also speaks badly to her so it is not a big deal.

From throwing money at my face in a mall full of people, to abusing me in the public lounge of the Internation airport and leaving me standing there alone at 4 am because I refused to give my passport to buy liquor from the duty free shops, telling me I am incapable of being able to find a job, telling me that it is not my stature to go for a holiday abroad with him, my husband has found every reason possible to be constantly vindictive, hurtful and purposely demeaning, often for reasons that defy any logic or explanation.

He is also unable to satisfy me s*xually and despite me requesting him for us to see a doc, we have not gone. He has suggested "wife swap" with another man to satisfy me although I do not want it. He no longer has any interest in me and for the past few times, has taken to laughing at me and taunting me once he his finished in bed...he has also publicly begun to say he would like to "replace" meand have an affair. But he does have a huge ton of p*rn on his laptop, although he claims, he has very low libido levels.

Because of his attitude and behavior, he has spoilt the relations I had with his family and the small issues which could be ironed out, have snowballed. I no longer feel like visiting them, leave alone staying with them but this as well, he blames on me.

All this has happened after he begged me to try once more so I went back and stayed with him for a while again but things have only got worse. He says he would like to get divorced but does not want to hurt his parents because they are going through his sister's divorce at the moment. Also, he often adds that if I say I want a divorce, he will agree by telling his parents that I was incapable of adjusting with him and his family. But he

Things have also reached a low of physically hitting each other at times and once again, I have left him and returned to my parents. We have no children. We are no longer living together.

I cannot go on with this person. I know in some ways I have also played a part in things going wrong but I simply cannot put up with all the verbal and emotional agony.

I would like to apply for divorce by mutual consent or on the basis of verbal and emotional cruelty. Please tell me how to proceed considering the two registered marriages.



 6 Replies

Kamal Grover (Advocate High Court Chandigarh M:09814110005     20 September 2009

Talk him if he is ready to divorce then it wil be mutual else on cruelty ground.


1 Like

Kamal Grover (Advocate High Court Chandigarh M:09814110005     20 September 2009

First consult your husband and talk about mutual consent divorce only then you can finalize your way of divorce.

Aurora (Manager)     21 September 2009

friend, its like you are telling me my own story. take care and move out of this relationship. all the best!

Kamal Grover (Advocate High Court Chandigarh M:09814110005     21 September 2009

If u will not tell us the clear facts then nobody can guide you properly. better provide full detail and then ask ur querry.

randomethic (Professional)     22 September 2009

Hi Mr Kamal,

You already have all relevant details for my query. I do not understand your comment. Pl clarify.



1 Like

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