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family first (Business head)     22 October 2012

Advice on lazy wife

Respected Sirs,

I am communications industry professional.

This is my second marraige. (First wife  (we had no children) went to her parents place, and then directly came with a threat saying she will file for DV if I dont sign the mutual consent petition. No money was exhanged ).

Five years later, I again got married to an office collegue, who is 6/7 years younger to me. We had a beautiful  baby girl in last year ( there were severe premature childbirth complications for which I incurred heavy expenses, but divine intervention managed to save her). My daughter is now a beautiful bouncy baby, for whom I thank god every second.

My wife, who was an absolute angel to start with, slowly showed her colours by demanding that she be taken to every foriegn trip that I go on for business (which I did when I could afford, as I was spending for her ticket and shopping), spending crazy amounts of cash on cosmetics and clothes, buying gold on my debit card while I was on travels etc.

After the recession, my career stagnated, and money became a bit tight, but remained steady.  My request that she atleast do some basic housework like  so that we dont spend on 2/3 maids, went unheeded, with full support of her mother.

After the birth of our baby, she came back from her mothers place after I visited her mothers place twice. Things were ok at best, with us sharing the bed only twice in 9 months, (she slept in the other room with the baby) total lack of any empathy or caring from her to me, even as I continued to shower all my love and (available) money on her and our baby.

One day during an argument she told me that I married her because I wanted to go to bed with a young girl, (she was 30 when we got married), and that I was too old for her.

I admit  that when she sometimes became too damanding, I did ask her to go at her mothers place, sometimes even a bit harshly ("get lost")  if she thought that I was not  a good enough provider / husband.

One constant point of contention between us is that she insists on having a 24 hour maid, while I find it a major drain on our income.  I have often explained to her that spending on a 24 hour maid with all the associated expenses, is a real drain on our saving, and that if she even starts doing some basic work like cooking 2 meals a day, we can save a lot.

I must  record that she is a devoted and very committed mother, and my baby is very very well taken care of, so long as she has her maids.

Around 2 weeks back, she left for her mothers place for the festival season, and things were ok for 3/4 days, with her calling me to talk to me about our baby and general things.

But things suddenly changed in the last 10 days with her absolutely not keeping any contact, and being quite rude even when I called.

Even when I was abroad, she did not make any attempts to keep in touch, telling me international sms is very costly ( while she spoke to her mother on STD on my money for hours every day)

When I spoke to her yesterday night, after chasing her for for 2 days, here is what she had to say:

1. That she plans to find a job in  her mothers town, and work there for any year, as it will help us save money. ( I must add that I have already tranferred enough cash to her account to take care of her and our child, and told her that I shall do so every month.) NOW she says she does not want any money from me.

2. That the only condition on which she will come back even after that is if double my salary  in an year, else she will admit my daughter to a school there.

3. That she would rather gladly sign divorce papers  than stay with me, if I insist that she come back.
(when I asked her "whats the point  of being married if we are not together?)

I dont see too much help forthcoming  from her family, as they support her in all her illogical demands.

I dont know if I am just panicking too soon, or should actually see this as the start of something more disturbing.

I love and miss my wife and baby, and want them back,  and am doing everything possible to provide for them.

Would really appreciate any  perspetive and guidance from the learned forum experts.








 1 Replies

Vinu (executive)     22 October 2012

Hi Mr.Business head, it's a hard situation for you but not a rare one. Some girls are becoming too lazy after delivery and they mentally changes and lacks interest in S*x. If the baby is too young ( below 2 yrs) you can consdier your wife 's behaviour is due to stress out of pregnency difficulties. May be she want to hide her unfit for having normal S*xual life with you.  Brother...you can suggest her to consult a good post-delivery counsellors whom will really help to realize the true physical/mental condition of your wife.

I admire your love and care to your wife/baby . Don't loose your heart..you are blessed with an Angel.. just take it as a short time sepration/pain you are suffering for the sake of your cute little Angel..!! Keep talking...to your lovable darling and little one. There is no matter should be hidden with couples. Try to explain your pain and make her understand your true heart. You can frankly ask "you just need freedom/job and not a father for our kid dear?" if she is so adamont it is dangerous. then you need to get ready for a big legal battle. I smell that you are a sensitive lovabale person..dat's why you want her back...so try to solve the problems smoothly as soon as problems by family counselling/ family members talk.

True hearts always wins..!!! If

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