Problems of divorced women to be shared here


all divorced or separated women here,please share the problems that you encounter after a divorce or separation.

i have been reading posts on LCI forums for quite a long time and disccovered that people think all divorced women are some home breakers who derive satisfaction in breaking a home,only to get some money.

people feel our life becomes very rosy after we get maintenance.

 

but they do not realise we face so many other problems...

 

i am listing a few problems that i face or have faced in the past.

 

i urge other ladies also to post frankly about their hatdships,so that others can know how difficult life becomes after a divorce:

 

1. Rudeness of maternal family members.They are frustrated girl has returned.so they take it out on girl.

 

2. while attending marriage,if any distant relative doesn't know of your divorce and he ask why husband has not acommpany me,it get embarssing to reply he is no more with me.

 

3. hardships in getting job,especially if age has crossed 30.maintenance money lasts only for a while.then it also finishes.

 

4. dependence on brothger or other family members,if there is no job because of above reason.they are also burdened.

 

5. remarriage problems(lot depends on luck)...

 

6. ridiculing and backbiting at workplace,"this woman is divorced".

 

8.other problems


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Mimi mam,

sorry to reply here as u had offered reply from women only but some of the truth u have narrated in ur post is really shocking for me specially Rudeness of maternal family members, frustrated girl has returned, relatives unknown abt div- asking about husband,  hardships in getting job, remarriage problems, ridiculing and backbiting in public....and so on. I have full sympathy with u. I want to give the attention for false cases only becoz its main reason for breaking home. In this- who gets really benefitted from these type of law.wy women files false cases since filing of false cases are the reason for max divorce( pls see 98% caes are false). Do u feel husband side is happy? wy we shud support such legal system which is breaking the house and which is doing unjustice to larger mass of the society?


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thank yuo ftounderstand these problems.

 

one more problem which divorce lady typically face in india is that after her brother get marry,her identity lies with her brother and bhabhi.

 

many brothers and bhabhis illtreat her as they don't like her to be living in same house.

 

such divorce lady first faced taunts from her inlaws and husband.now she faces from her own brother abd bhabhi.the same brother who had pledge each year on rakshbandhan that he will protect her now become cold to her.

 

now her own famly become her enemy..

think of how more tougher life becomes,if she has in additions kids also.they add to her burdens.

i admit that some husband may also be face similar problems after divorce.but i belive life is tougher for a divorce woman.

 


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yes i tell you the truth.

 

my family attitude chaged after my divorce.

 

once upon a time,i was their laadli daughter.

 

now they have all become very rude.they side with other family members who misbehave with me.

therefore i start this thread to tell you all,that do not think women are happy with just maintenance.what will they do with this money if society and family treat them similar to unwanted guest?


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There are some defeats more triumphant than victories

The remedy of this issue is become self dependent.


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self employed

v. good attempt. all the best. i will keep posting some of the true life stories. 


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@smile please

 

it seems to be remedy,ie,self dependence.but is is not the final remedy,my friend.

 

i was employ earlier on leave vacancy post for 6 months.after the main employee joined back,i had to leave.

 

during this phase also,my family attitude start becoming bad.now that i am jobles and over 30,it continues be bad.

 

i know of another divorcee frind,who earn money in job.during start of month,her famly acts sweet and takes monthly contribution from her.after that,they again insult her on some pretext or other.example-if her brother shouts at her over something illogical,and she reply this is not the way to talk to elder sister,her famly shouts at her in front of brother.and ask her to say sorry towards him.likewise,many more example are there.

 

so she juggle with job presseure,and presseure at home also.

we must come out of myth that working divorce women get respect at home.according me,their life become more difficult.


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Teacher

i guess to be self dependent and above all contribute in every situation be it with parents , bhabs and bhaiyass or  in laws, saas sasur,  hubby, Bf , gf, etc and even grandparents..

.make urself irreplacable by anything..ul see the difference ..

contribution as in physical work chores, doing work, helping all ., earning etc..as well as on mental level, talking good, making a trust worthy relationship wth everyone at home or outside is countable..be a fully functioning human being like anyother..take such issues as part of life and get over it..the baggage u carry with urself may tend to be carried everywhre and even dumped on others unwillingly they have to take it ..but its time to give now as in full to make ur mark and urself worthy .and let them think ur impt to them in every way no matter what happened..its becomes highly irrelevant..

 
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Getting a rented house is very difficult for a divorced woman. First question that she faces is what is your husband doing. If she says I am the one who would pay the advance or rent, still there are suspecions on part of the house owners. Normally they do not want to give house to a divorced woman and she has to struggle a lot for the same. 

What Mimi has said is right. A woman who is going through divorce is shunned by her maternal family in the fear that she would come back to them. They sometimes try to break all relations with her. These are my observations based on some of the friends who have gone through divorce. 

It is a good query by Mimi. 


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For justice and dignity

anonymous,

 

u r the most compassionate person in this entire thread...and the most matured one also.despite being a male,you are trying to understand the situation from a female's angle also...kudos!

 

this topic is really interesting...but i wonder why other women facing similar problems are not participating...

 

 maybe LCI is not frequented much by divorced women.

 

anyways,about the rented house issue,i dont know of other cities.but in cities like delhi,not every working female can afford to live in a rented house.suppose she has a job of Rs 20,000 monthly.

 

rents in delhi are v.high. even simple DDA flats are charging 15,000-20,000 monthly.Same as in Ggn and Noida.,so where does she live?

 

even if she manages to get a little house for say,Rs. 7,000/- monthly,usually it will be in such an area where rowdy type of neighbours will surround her...it will not be situated in a decent locality.this adds to her lack of safety.

 

if her job is temporary,she'll have to vacate the house once her time in the job is over.or if she is thrown out,she'll be left with no place to live.

without wanting to hurt my divorced brothers here,i will still say that divorced men are never facing any such sarcasms from their families...they are still considered eligible bachelors.they are not forced to leave their houses because their families dont take them as burdens.they continue living in the same house.if they get depressed,atleast their families empathise.but in case of women,v.few get this kind of compassion.

@aishwarya

 

it not as easy at it sounds..

i have seen in many families,even if the daughter is cooperative or good natured,narrow minded parents with biased attitudes will still not leave any stone unturned to taunt her.if they dont like her presence they will still abuse her despite all adjustments.

 

can u explain why some gals are killed after birth?are they non-adjusting babies?or is it bias which makes people kill even tiny,innocent babies....

 

i personally saw once,a separated friend getting slapped hard by her own mum,because she gave her point of view about something,though politely.

 

this was routine in her house,getting slapped or getting gaalis also,for small matters...all this because she has returned.


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