Again its one's own cost-benefit analysis.......no generization can be made. What is cruelty for one is "way of living" for another. U see many docile poor women are being beaten & robbed off their earnings every evening by their drunkard husbands. INEVITABLE CONSTRAINTS hold them back into their place......not availing their rights. Everybody has to weigh.

Certainly, if there is constant humiliation/torture at hubby's place......... try to find a solution.....both ways........no point living into destryed relationship. But my emphasis is on 2 points only:

1) Matrimonial issues should be tried to resolve by deepest possible efforts....both sides. Every possible CIVIL PLATFORM should be exhausted. MARRIAGE COUNCELLING is severly underutilized in this matter. One jumps to 498a gun very prematurely.

2) If relation is dead, faith is not left......both ways, Mutual Consent Divorce should be explored not wasting the life too much. Girls who lose true vision that a greater humiliation/torture may be waiting at her natal home as her stay will be prolonged there, suffer the most. There is no point CRYING OVER THE SPLIT MILK. Life has to move. Parents should make sincere effort to remarry her at a right time so that she enjoys the status she deserves. At least there are chances that she rehabilitates in a nice way......if one gives a try.......rather than wasting whole of life taking revenge, seeking maint, visiting PS/Courts.

No offences..........The girls who spoil their TRACK-RECORD by submitting false 498a/406/DVA are difficult to marry again!

I would suggest to all of you...why make an issue out of  nothing..divorce is just two people  not willing to stay together..thats all..(498A cases are different..but ultimately it ends in divorce)

There are certin things in life, which needs to be accepted. Not only in marriages but also in othere spheres of life...you may quit your job or may be fired...in this case we do not make an issue out of it..it is just the job did not fit you or you did not fit in the job...you start looking for another job..

Similarly..in marriages, two people tried to share their lives..didnt work..fine..they separate...

please do not make issues out of it..otherwise you will never be able to settle down in the future..

if divorced, just forget it..yes there is mental and emotional suffering..there is society to talk..but how long will people keep talking about you..they will stop...

Just forget it an enjoy life..there are other beautiful things in life..till the time you find another partner..just enjoy the other things in life...there are a lot of things to be enjoyed...

Find out what you like, and pursue, till the time you find another partner..thats it..

IT IS NO PROBLEM AT ALL...THE MORE YOU TALK ABOUT IT, THE MORE YOU MAKE IT INTO A PROBLEM..

Vikram

 That means you disagree with the grand parents and grand grand parents!!! 

u have misunderstood my statements.

all along in LCI,i have vouched for keeping a marriage.i am not in favour of divorces.i am against them.

so i very much go by hese grandparents' saying,as they too have similar thoughts.

but we also ought to remember that some of these indian grandparents and greatgrandparents have been responsible for dowry harassments,dowry killings,sending back an intertile DIL to her natal home to get their sons remarried.

so all of them have not been like angels which you think.

they themselves did not treat these marriages as sacred.if they had,they wud not have treated DILs in the past as some piece of garbage.because of the ill conduct of these grandparents' only,various pro-women laws had to be enacted.

if these grandparents have stressed the DILs to live in sasural for the sake of their dignity in society,did they also ensure that she does not get harassed for dowry,that she's respected despite her inability to conceive,that she's not bullied by other jealous females of the family and that she's not physically abused by her husband?

if they ensured all this,then i am with their lines of thought.however if they failed to protect the DIL,i don't agree with their thoughts.

I agree with yiou.life comes once only, it should not be wasted.Though I personally never support.But if it happend already then it should not be allowed to make the life stagnant at that point.

Yes...This is my point..if it has happened..it is past and there is no point carrying it as a burden all your life...

Once you are out of this bullsh*t mentally...you can create space for good things to come..otherewise one will be in the sh*t..even after 20 years...and spoil all the good things that could have come..

There is no point analyzing...but to leave the past behind and carry on...

If one becomes so apprehensive about relationships..then the situation is hopeless...

Rather one should concentrate on himself/herself and try to improve onself as far as possible so that one is wanted by all....one need not get any apporval from members of this forum or any other person...but approve himself/herself...

It requires serious divertion of mind..from bullsh*t to something good and creative...one has to make a decision...

Vikram

dear all

read your remarkrs since the past few days.nice you participating.

kindly do not assume that i am sad or unhapy from divorced.i am free now.

but i want to bring your kind notice to various other problems that envelope we woman after divorce.

i reading off and on in this forum than woman enjoying life after divorce.woman divorcing only for get money.it must be true for selfish woman.but all woman not likewise.most suffer from own family.most suffer job problems.in many castes,they hear remarks.these problems i want to show to all.so i wrote about what i facing.

all men must sympathize for women.all women must sympathised for men.then indian society will become equal.fighting will leading to no end.

"Never ask or expect sympathy"..this is what I always say...asking sympathy means you are a miserable person..and a miserable person is bound to be mean...not matured..

One day you will be craving for sympathy and get none..because people will one day tired of sympathisizing with you and stop...but your demands will not end...

Let people say whatever they want to...one they they will be tired of talking about you..cos they have their own problems...every one has their own problems..to each individual their own problems are the greatest...they can talk about you for one day, 2 days...but on the third day they will be overwhelmed by their own problems...and stop talking..

Always stay away from people who show sympathy because..that person, by showing sympathy is comparing himself/herself with you and feeling good...he/she feels that his/her problems are smaller than yours and feels happy..and shows sympathy...never think that by showing sympathy he/she is doing your a favor..rather it is just the reverse..you are favoring him/her by making him/her feel superior to you...

So, never ask for sympathy

Just enjoy...whatever you have..is enough to be happy and cheerful

I agree with Vikram, but the STATE, THE PRESENT FAMILY LAWS do not see Divorce as a remedy to distorted relationships. It is a forbidden word in judiciary.

Mistakes do happen everywhere, at worplaces, at manufacturing units, in accounts, even by computers we work with. Say.....marriage is almost universal in our country. Mismatch is going to happen......one shud expect, ever if a meager % is there, absolute figure is considerable where living 2gather becomes impossible........reasons being quite human. Then why finding 498a etal in the failed marriages, why courts are so reluctant to separate a warring couple, the relationship being already dead for years..............mean 2 say IRRETRIEVABLE DAMAGE TO MARRIAGE should be persuaded strongly as a ground for divorce. Present laws are not serving the desired purpose. Couples are fighting endlessly over domestic issues.............such a big workforce is engaged in useless activity...........country suffering this way. Marimony related crimes increase.

So, even if one tries to forget & move ahead in life leaving his distorted married life behind, the laws do not allow him..............where marriage is practically dead, law should provide timely relief in the form of hassle free divorce. Developed countries have many sensible laws in force, ppl do nt go throu such uncertainity as far as divorce, child custody, maint issues are concerned. This way trauma gets minimised.

agrees to vikram ji..

Agreed to Rajiv_lodha. Heavens are not going to fall if ppl on bench become some liberal to DECLARE A MARRIAGE dead...........that too timely.

I strongly agree that lenghty court procedures giving way to increasing matrimonial crimes.

It has become a set dogma that warring couples are given dates after dates (may it be Sec125, HMA, GW act, 498a etc) so as they drain themselves out & reach a compromise to tell the court about. Merits are not going 2 be touched. Its reverse flow

For Roshni & Member (Account Deleted)
to Save your Marriage if you could by following something..
10 Superb ways to impress your mum-in-law

Do your homework:  Ask your husband for the issues that she may be touchy about. You may not know about family feuds and other such issues, so don't give your opinion before you know all the details. Also, get to know what she likes. If she loves saas-bahu serials then try and talk to her about it. It may be the ice-breaker that may lead to a great relationship with her.

Bring gifts: Won't you love it if a guests comes to your house with a gift in his/her hand. Similarly, you mother-in-law will appreciate your love for her a great deal more if you take some gifts for her every now and then.

Dress well: If you are out to impress, don't go dressed in clothes that are not ironed and hair that's not brushed properly. And skimpy clothes are a strict no-no. Similarly, it would do you good to not reveal the tattoo on your spine during your first meeting.

Don't compete with her: Accept the fact that a mother is bound to be possessive about her son. So, don't try and tell her how to cook for him. Even if your husband prefers your cooking to hers, don't point it out to her. Give her compliments about her culinary skills and even take recipes from her. A little flattery doesn't hurt, does it?

Be polite: If you can't be overtly nice, then at least be polite. Don't overrule what she has to say. Also, don't get into an argument or debate with her during your first meeting.

Call her often: To make sure that you communicate well with your mom-in-law call her at frequent intervals. Don't wait for her to call you. She will appreciate the fact that you keep in touch over the phone even when you can't be around.

Seek advice: Regardless of whether or not you plan to take it, take their advice. Your spouse's parents will be glad to feel that they still have some influence on their child's life.

Present a united front: Even if you have certain issues with your mom-in-law, don't wash the dirty linen in public. When you are attending a family event make sure that you don't pass snide remarks or discuss you differences in public.

Treat your spouse well in front of them: Parents are obviously very possessive about their kids, and the best way to earn their respect is to treat their child well.

Relax: The most important thing is to not get too nervous, your mother-in-law is bound to be as nervous about meeting you. Secondly, learn to forgive and forget. This simple rule will make your life a lot easier.

Courtesy : TOI

Zameer,

DO you think metro wives will be able to follow the 10 steps?...hehehehe

First of all they ll have to get rid of their EGO..their demands..etc etc etc etc etc etc etc etcetc etc etc...

Vikram

The 10 ways posted by Zameer comes under cruelty now a days. Added few masalas in these points by ur bitter half and u will be gifted wid 498a and DV. 

@Vikaram,

I know METRO Urban Wives have SO MUCH OF EGO, I remember my Cousin Case, His Wife Abandoned him Leaving 2 Childeren Behind. So Didn't Reappear for more than 2 years, Husband was an Engineer and wife came as soon as she came to know he Got the Work visa for Switzerland. so This is HOW GREEDY wives are. Its better to not to have such wives who just Disappear in Bad Times. and After Divorce they end up writing in some forum like this & Sharing their Pity problem.

@Anonymus,

I know Most of the point Comes Under Cruelty this is reason I gave a Courtesy of TOI, Indian NewsPaper. But MOST IMPORTANT part is still uncover, Marriage is itself is a Crime in India, as Far as Metro Women are Concern. They want to Independent & Freedom,  My wife Walked away Saying I will NOT ADJUST by ANY MEANS in front of ALL ELDERS. and Later same Wives Make Forum like this. the Problem covertly Created by themselves.

So better Marry a girl who's HONESTLY Dependent on you and marry you for yourself, not for your MONEY or NRI Status.