sadhusband 24 January 2015

Need peaceful divorce from wife in a sexless marriage

I am new to this forum.

I had an arranged marriage in Feb 2011. Our marriage was rough since the beginning. These were the problems:

My marriage is still not conssumated. We did get physical but never conssumated. She is completely disinterested in s*x
My wife was suffering from depression since before marriage and did not tell us. I took her to counsellors but after a while she would go alone and I did not know what was happening with her life as she would go to her parent's place even without telling us and stay there for days. We never came to know about her treatment except that she would take tranquilisers. She is cured now though
She sleeps the whole day. Sleeps for more than 14 hours everyday. She had a good job but was fired two months after marriage due to non-performance.She was given two warning even before we had gotten married and we had never asked her to leave her job.
We moved to our own place (owned by my parents) into a two bedroom apartment. We sleep in seperate rooms. We moved here three years ago and for the first 9 months,she mostly stayed at her parent's place.
When my parent's visit, I have to sleep in the drawing room and my parent's live in the room I stay in.
She has never done any housework and I never forced her to do it. Though when we have fought, I do bring it up.

I wanted to fix my marriage but last year in January, I decided to call it quits. My wife said she will sign the divorce papers. I had the mutual consent divorce papers made which she then refused to sign. She says she will not sign and gives different reasons everytime. She said she wanted the house we live in. It is owned by my mother. When I said I can igve her alimony, she says her father has asked her not to sign the papers.

When I ask her to move out of the house, she says her father has asked her not to move out of the house. We do not fight but nothing which we can call marriage exists between us. We live like two seperate unrelated people in the same house. She does say she wants divorce but her parents are not allowing it.

My query:

What are my options? I want a peaceful divorce - most preferably a mutual consent one.

Can I file for a divorce petition in court while we are staying in the same house?

Should I move out of the house? We can not afford to lose the house at it is all my parent's savings.

Please help people.

Thanks

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9 Replies

rising up again (FFF) 24 January 2015

PEACE OR NO PEACE......depends on your wife and her parents.... You just have to agree to all they say to get a peaceful settlement... and a MCD.

Getting a divorce in your situation is more of a mental work where your every act should be calculated.....and well planned.

1. As you say, you both do not fight....sit with her parents / brothers etc and talk to them about the basic problem... If this can be sorted , do that. Go to a marraige counsellor and take expert help. Am sure, things can be rectified and you will have a good life...

2. If nothing works out and you find getting a divorce, the only option...then start planning. Consult a good seasoned divorce lawyer...not every lawyers can handle this well. You may first, get your proofs ready, build a strong case, grounds of divorce also is important and you would need evidences along on every thing you say.... Even if you say, you both have'nt had s*x ever, how will you prove this ?? What if she says, you both had it last night only.....then you cannot prove her wrong. So, start collecting evidences on all the trauma you facing because of her.. Collect recordings where she asking for your house as alimony for a MCD, etc etc etc..

3. The above might take a few weeks / months......till then keep trying for MCD. Ask for their demands and keep recording them with spycams. video is always better. Am sure you would have heard of sting operations...do that while talking to your wife and her dad on every important topic. This would help you in future.

My case also is much similar to yours, so..can understand the scene you going through......If you in Delhi, do let me know....can suggest very good divorce lawyer.....

Ashish Dongre (Advocate) 24 January 2015

Go for Mutual Divorce

sadhusband 24 January 2015

Originally posted by : rising up again

PEACE OR NO PEACE......depends on your wife and her parents.... You just have to agree to all they say to get a peaceful settlement... and a MCD.

Getting a divorce in your situation is more of a mental work where your every act should be calculated.....and well planned.

1. As you say, you both do not fight....sit with her parents / brothers etc and talk to them about the basic problem... If this can be sorted , do that. Go to a marraige counsellor and take expert help. Am sure, things can be rectified and you will have a good life...

2. If nothing works out and you find getting a divorce, the only option...then start planning. Consult a good seasoned divorce lawyer...not every lawyers can handle this well. You may first, get your proofs ready, build a strong case, grounds of divorce also is important and you would need evidences along on every thing you say.... Even if you say, you both have'nt had s*x ever, how will you prove this ?? What if she says, you both had it last night only.....then you cannot prove her wrong. So, start collecting evidences on all the trauma you facing because of her.. Collect recordings where she asking for your house as alimony for a MCD, etc etc etc..

3. The above might take a few weeks / months......till then keep trying for MCD. Ask for their demands and keep recording them with spycams. video is always better. Am sure you would have heard of sting operations...do that while talking to your wife and her dad on every important topic. This would help you in future.

My case also is much similar to yours, so..can understand the scene you going through......If you in Delhi, do let me know....can suggest very good divorce lawyer.....

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Thanks guys for the quick feedback.

I do want a Mutual divorce. Trying to fix it will not work. I have been trying for a long time now. I was deeply in love with her and tried a lot to make this work. But now while I do care for her, I no longer love her. But I still wish her well.

She is ok when we go out for movies or dinners but as soon as we are back home, she sleeps in a seperate rooms. Also kids are very important to me. I really love kids. But the way things are, kids are obviously out of question. Adopting would be a bad idea as well seeing the situation.

I will try and record (will voice work?) the next time I talk about this with her. Will try to get a spy cam and record a video.

@rising up again: Can you please PM me the divorce lawyer's number?

kumarkumar (business) 24 January 2015

Collect all her medical prescripttions it would be useful if you decide to go for divorce.never leave even a paper of evidence with her.Collect as much evidence as possible, phone , video recordings.

saravanan s (legal advisor) 28 January 2015

you can apply for divorce on the grounds that its been not consumated which amounts to cruelty on her part and also citing her mental disorder which prevents both from leading a normal married life.as the experts told earlier collect all evidence that could prove her mental disorder and go for contested divorce

namaste 29 January 2015

ld. advisor of abv query,
req. u pl. go thrgh query thrghly. it is hvng full of contradiction of own.

sadhusband 10 February 2015

Originally posted by : namaste
	ld. advisor of abv query, req. u pl. go thrgh query thrghly. it is hvng full of contradiction of own.

What contradictions?

gd dy (gd dy) 18 February 2015

hello,
regret to say tht nw a dys nt filing a no. of cases tht is allowed and offering mcd w/o asking a penny is termed as a gr8 obligation to husband and his relatives. in this scenario to except they accept husband term is not like imaging a moon in hand.

sadhusband 28 February 2015

Till now my parents were a little skeptical about the divorce and were still trying to push for making things better. But now having seen her behavior, we are now 110% sure we want a divorce. So this is what the situation stands :

I want a divorce

My parents want us to get seperated so that I can lead a normal life later

My wife wants a divorce

Her parents are forcing her to stay with me in my house though she sleeps in a seperate room (for past 2.5 years)

She has once said that her father is saying that they will get us jailed.

This marriage is a dead end.

These are the option our family lawyer is suggesting:

My mother (who owns the house we live in) issues an eviction notice to both of us. This will bring her parents forward and they will then probably negotiate. I have no issues in taking an accomodation on rent. Maybe then she will move to her parent's place and then we file the divorce petition.

I am really really confused.