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VARUN ARORA (DGM)     12 December 2014

Wife has abandoned me and our five year old daughter

Me and my wife have been in an relationship for last twenty years and have a wonderful marriage for last ten years of which we have a wonderful daughter who is five years old. On our tenth anniversary,she out of the blue told me that she does not feel for me any more, and wants me to end this relationship, this was on 4th Aug this year. 

I was taken by surprise my whole world came crashing, as I don't remember having any major argument in last five years or even before that. I requested, begged and pleaded her to tell me whats gone wrong. She had no specific reasons for the same, just kept saying its been building up for last twenty years. 

I requested her to come along to a marriage counsellor, we had couple of sessions post which she refused to go for counselling. She kept maintaining the stand that she wants out of this relationship. I kept trying hard, reaching out to family and friends to help us save this marriage and most importantly the future of our baby girl.

She refused to budge. while all this was going on we still lived as a husband and wife till end of October. Post which I she confessed that she has got into a relationship with a NRI, which started on a chat and four days down the line she fell in love with this man and can not live without him and has gone too far with him. He has been coming to India in last five months and they have got into an adulterous relationship.

During his last visit around third week of November, he helped her rent out an apartment and on 23rd November 2014 she abandoned me and my daughter saying that she cannot live with me as she now wants to settle with this man. 

I need an advice to know is there any way I can get her back to live with me as my wife and mother to my daughter. I have tried all possible ways to make her understand the damage her actions are going to do to our little girl. Do I have any legal recourse to help me save my marriage and secure the custody of my child as she has told me that she wants to take her out of the country i am really worried.

Please Help!!


 8 Replies

Karthikeyan (Manager)     12 December 2014

Ohh my god. Really its very bad. As per your words and you have tried all possible way. So what i feel its very difficult to get back your wife. Since the ghosts (may be money, NRI currency, that boy physical attraction). But please try as much as possible. If need involve elders mediation. Try to give a clarity of your relationship and your daughters feature..etc. Even if you didn't get.. think better and take it easy... just leave her. But don't leave the daughter and confudence abt life. Love ur daughter and if possible remarry after sometime.


The problem is in you.  You were not that attentive enough to catch hold of your wife’s adulterous nature.  You should have sensed it long long back.  It appears as if you were in some kind of deep sleep, suddenly you woke up and now you see its all gone.  It also appears that you did not try to find out the reason for adultery from your wife, nothing happens without a reason.  There is a reason for your wife to go into adultery.  Partly its you, the other part is her don’t care attitude.  No matter what explanation she gives, it does not permit her to break the rules of marriage.  Such a thing deserves only one thing a bullet to the head.  She gave birth to your child etc is immaterial.  She or for that matter any woman should not commit adultery and same applies for a man too.


For what has been explained in your query, it appears that no amount of convincing and moral talk will make her understand and come back to you.  She has jumped the wall, out of urges and she has already realized the fact that it is “point of no return”.  If she comes back, she will have to lead a shameful life with you, a life filled with all bitterness for whatever life is remaining in her.  You try your best, via talks, but she wont come back.


Its better to let her go.  On the one hand she has shown some kind of character which can be called nothing but loose.  On the other hand, if she comes back too, what she has done will keep pinching you deep down inside for the rest of your life.  It may also lead to bottled up anger and make you do something for which you will have to repent your whole remaining life, eg:- murder.   I am not sowing a bad seed in you, but have seen all such acts by men whose wives committed adultery.  And there are exceptions to each case.


My advice is, Let her go.  She is not worth it.  She will spoil not only your life, but also will spoil the life of the kid born out of wedlock.  The girl will lose trust in the institution called as marriage when she grows up.  Such a henious thing your wife has done.   File a case against her under adultery and ask for divorce, make that b-asterd a party for this, serve notice to him too.  Let that guy go to jail, as it takes two to tango.  If she does not want to go through the humiliation of going through contested divorce, go for MCD, and end it all in just 6 months time.  In your case, as you have been married long enough MCD can be achieved in a single day.



How to save marriage?  Just don’t go to court, even if she approaches court, tell court you wont agree to give divorce to her for the sake of kid.  All the best in handling a adulterous wife.  Shame.


With what face she will apply for G&W?  Adulterous wife cannot be given custody of the child.  You dont worry, court wont agree.  And moresoever she has deserted the kid, she wont get its custody at all.  You just start collecting evidence regarding he adultery if you want to save the kid. hire private detective and when the case goes on trial, be it divorce case or G&W, make sure your lawyer makes her confess in witness box that she commited adultery.  SMS, mail printouts, facebook  chats, photos, all you collect, nail her down just to save your daughter.

1 Like

SuperHero (Manager)     13 December 2014

What else to add to this post after long and detailed reply by Helping Hand.

From another member in this forum – There is no LAW on earth where you will be forced into a relationship.

When reading the Original post a thought came to my mind about Lord Vishwamithra, He was doing a deep meditation and Lord Indra sends Meneka to break his meditation and it breaks, then the fall in Love and the story continues.

The reason I say is The Mind is very fragile. The desire and temptation is hidden somewhere deep inside of every human being and when the time comes it comes out, she found a guy in the Internet and started dating him.

Oh God Please Help/Save her to follow the Right Path.

Please save your Daughter’s Life. We should set a right and good example in the society.

Money Lost. Nothing is Lost.

Health Lost. Something is Lost.


Time/Character is Lost. Everything is Lost.

vicky (manager)     13 December 2014

@ author

brother better to offload bad wife in time instead of taking dead relations over head. God is kind towards you. Trust me down the line you will  realised my words. Now just try to save little angel from her. Else she will give same upbringing what your wife got. So try to save little angel. You will get better soul mate in future. 

As per law of land.... Helping hand has already been adviced you so follow him. His advice is worth to follow even my opposite party is following his advice. BTW my situation is not far differ from you but i am facing false dowry cases as well.


Pooja (mom)     13 December 2014

I feel so sorry for you and your daughter.

My story is exactly the same..........the only difference is that the role played by your wife, is being played by my husband here.  He has abandoned me and my child, for no valid reason. Later he filed for divorce and i am contesting the case. 

I have decided never ever to give him divorce. Like you, I also tried all possible methods to bring him back, but nothing worked. He has no love for the child too, so even the child's attempts to bring him back have failed.

I can't give you any legal advice. But I can just pray for you and ask you to remain strong for your daughter. Sad that the girl has to live without a mom. Its not a all easy for her. Children can still manage without dad's,  but without a mother, is really difficult......especially for a girl child.

Few will advice you to contest the case orthers will ask you to let go of her. Many people will suggest the latter, but with my experience, I can say, that its a very tough decision to break your own marriage with just one signature. Do what your heart tells you to do.......and your decision will never go wrong.

All the best. Take care.

VARUN ARORA (DGM)     13 December 2014

Thanks! Just do want to be a sitting duck, want to do whatever possible under the law to make sure she can't get out of the marriage.

Deeply Hurt (PM)     14 December 2014

Originally posted by : Pooja

I feel so sorry for you and your daughter.

Children can still manage without dad's,  but without a mother, is really difficult......especially for a girl child.

Pathetic hypocrite! You contradict your own statement!

At the one hand you feel bad for him yet on the other hand you say children can manage without dad - Such a lame comment!

Why Pooja, are you quoting from your own history? Either you grew up not knowing your father or probably having a father who played no role in your life or was abusive!

For everyone knows that girls are much closer to dad's and boys are much closer to mom. Having said that, be it a boy or girl, they equally need their father and mother in their life for them to grow up and achieve their true potential. No single entity can provide for wholesome growth of the child on their own.

If this simple logic is understood half the couples fighting bitter legal battles would just stop it right away and sacrifice their shortcomings with one another for the betterment of their kid's sake.

Pooja (mom)     14 December 2014

My sincere apologies if I have unknowingly and unintentionally, ended up hurting sentiments of anybody.

All of us going through these matrimonial legal battles, are going through a lot of emotional trauma . Let us please be here to help each other and not get out our own frustrations on each other, by writing personal, derogatory remarks about anybody.

Yes. I agree that children need both parents in their lives.....and thats the reason most legal battles are continuing in court..........because atleast one parent is concerned about the well-being of his/her child and does not want to break the marital chord, for the child's happiness.

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