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Kumar Kumar (Software Engineer)     17 July 2015

Wife and ILs are threatening for settlement

Dear All,

I need your suggestions/inputs after reading the below,

I got married in 2014, we both are working, from the 4 days after our marriage, my wife started her actions/steps to seperate my from my family (Father, Mother & Sister, BL). at home she didnt do any work at all, even at kitchen, always my mom use to cook for herself and my mom use to wash her clothes too. But, She inform her parents & her sisters, that my mom is harrassing her to do work and they (my family) not even keeping food for herself and we are making her to sleep without food. Totally false allegations she made about us with her family members. Her family members use to talk to me about all these issues, and I used to convey them that it's not at all happening like this, your daughter only telling stories which was not at all true. They didn't believed me, 3rd week after my marriage, I didnt goto office and sat at home and waiting for her to come and I adviced her that whatever you are doing is not good, it's spoiling my image along with my family, why are you making so false allegations on us, I am surprised to see her reply that she didnt do anything, she didnt told anything to her family members.

 

After a month, She called me over phone and started crying, and was telling me that my mom is harrising her. I am also at home, all the time when she is at home. I know what my mom was doing, and what my wife was doing, still she made that allegation. I caught her point, that she is not interested in keeping my parents with her, she wants to send them back to my native place. Thats her basic funda. I clearly told her that, it's not possible, my parents will be with me only. She agreed that time. 

 

After 3rd month, she asked me that she wants to visit her home once, I agreed and sent her to home happily. I spoke to her parents and told them that, your daughter is behaving like this, its not for good. Please advice her and send her back. They started supporting her and I refused their words. They asked me a question, if she dont listen to us, what should we do? I told them that, unless she accepts my parents to stay with us, dont send her to my home. After 10 days, she came back to home and didnt talk to anyone, she use to be alone always, though we tried to talk to her, she avoided. End of Third month, my sister family along with kids came to my home for vacation. This is where again she started bahaving very weirdly. IT was 3rd day after my sisters family came in, She called her parents and made the statement that, we are all trying to kill her, if they dont come take her to home, she will be a deadbody. Actually, we didnt do anything to her, When I asked her to lets go and join for lunch with everyone, she refused it and got angry and argued with her, again whats your problem why are you doing like this, I put my questions to her. She replied, what do you want, you want me to cry thats all right? you want to me go mad, thats all right? OK I will be like that only, you go and look after your work. She replied like this. This is what happened. 

 

Next day morning, their parents came to my home and took her daughter and left (only 3 months of our marriage life completed). After two days, they asked me to come for Panchayat to settledown, I went to my native place and they brought around 50 people to my home, and we are only three, me, mom and dad. Somehow I managed everyone and explained them what she did, and everyone who they brought in supported her that my parents should not live with us atleast for one year and then lets see if she changes her mindset. I didnt agree with them. Next day, they went to Policestation and gave a petition with false allegation that w are harrassing her for Dowry, infact I haven't taken a single rupee from her, in return I put gold for her. Two counsellings happened at police station, during the second counselling, her mother raised a point that, if I give 50 lakhs they are ready for divorce. I refused and questioned them why should I pay you? infront of Police inspector only, then they made one more false allegations that I am an impotent. and I need to come for medical tests. I straight away rejected their request and left the place. Next day, I got a call from them saying they are planning to go to media and will do Dharna by sitting on road if I dont come for medical test. 

 

If they did all these things, though they are false, but immediately me and my family lose our name & fame and we may not keep our heads up. Then, I decided to go for a medical test, and proved that I am not impotent. After one month, they came back to me again and saying that they did all with emotions due to their bad time and I need to forgive them and should accept her to my family. I straight away without any scond thought told them that, its not possible, whatever you people did is not easy to digest or forget. I still dont know why you guys did like this, I cant accept her. Since then they have been asking me to forgive and accept her. 

 

Now, few days back, they called me and asking for settlement to give divorce, I asked them whatever you want to talk, talk over the phone and ask your demand. they refused to talk over the phone and asking me to come directly. TO get a confirmation from my wife, I called her and told her that your parents are asking for settlement for divorce, are you aware of this? She immediately replied, did I asked for divorce or settlement? If they asked, am not responsible for it... You tied Thali to me only, not to them, I want you.. thats all... this is how she replied. I am surprised to listen to her, now again ang again they are asking me to come to native place for settlement, and she also told me that I am with my parents whatver they do that's acceptable to me. Again their parents spoke to me and mentioned that, If I dont come, they wanna file a dowry cases on me again.

 

It's been 1 year 3 months we are seperated,  I can prove anywhere that I didnt take a single rupee from them. Also, I have all the proofs for the damage what they did to me and my family. Now, what should I do? Should I go to them or can ask their demand over the phone? I feel that, they want me to be there when they file a case and to handover me redhandedly to police.Is there anyway, I can proceed legally to avoid such things happen? Or Please advice me how should I proceed further to make it smoothly.



Learning

 6 Replies

stanley (Freedom)     17 July 2015

While all this masala stuff was going on you should have recorded all their conversations . Gather whatever proof is possible. As you state she is working try to get hold of her slary slip, appointment letter etc it would be of help in the future  . There is still time and you can con them over the phone and record the same . 

Do not be afraid let them file 498 A and you have to seek anticipatory bail and contest the case rather than give in to their demands of 50 lacs  .your wife seems to be momas baby and she is dancing to their tune .if the marriage is not working out than the only option is to file for divorce or MCD if possible  Once you file divorce they are goingto retaliate with DV , 498 A hence be mentally prepared .    

DR. DIMPLE JINDAL (ADV.) (Advocate)     17 July 2015

Be cool and think with cool mind. What's wrong with your wife? It is clear She want divorcee from you. But they have not a solid point to file application and they want money from you. Mostly in these matrimonial disputes, both parties get harrashment. If they think that after filling dowry case, you and your family alone get harrashed then they are wrong. 

Now your wife is living with you. It means, they are well educated by somebody, who is expert in these type of issues. Because if any body from the couple abandon the company of the other, then it amounts to cruelty and becomes a ground for the divorcee. They want money, so they will not easily leave you. 

Now you have limited options at your hand at this stage. Because any initiative on legal grounds may prove harmful to you also. They can file case under 498 a against you and your family.

If you think that everything may be ok at some later stage and your wife may adjust with you, then make a arrangement for table talk with your wife on the issue of divorcee in clear cut language or try to remove the mis-beliefs in either mind of you. Try to contact any relative or friend of your wife, under whom influenece your wife may give up the matter of divorcee and try to live a happy life.

For the self defence, you can tape / records the voice of your wife or their family members for the issues of harrashment.    

Prasad (Systems Engineer)     17 July 2015

Hi Kumar,

What you have described is the exact story of hundreds of husbands right now throughout India.

You are not alone.

Here is my suggestion.

If you have not lost all trust and love with your wife and your wife is still talking to you, just tell her to come and join you.

Just keep telling this to your wife and record this conversation.

Never ever agree to any money demand or threat using police.

Just be calm or act like you are calm, cool and composed.

If you get upset, react then your in-laws will do the same to frustrate you further so that you feel guilty and fall as slave in their feet.

Never allow that.


Just tell your wife, your in-laws and any other relatives and mediators that your wife should join you.


Let your wife take first legal action, then you keep responding appropriately.


If and when you have lost all your trust and love on your wife, just ask for MCD with whatever money you can give.

 

Never accept to huge money demands and stay quiet so that your wife will file cases on you.


Then you can fight those cases on merit and get divorce based on cruelty and desertion without giving any huge alimony to your wife.

 

Just take it from me that your wife and in-laws cannot put you in jail so easily or ever unless you demanded dowry from your wife.

Kumar Kumar (Software Engineer)     17 July 2015

My wife is not living with me for more than year now. During this time, she and her parents called me overphone more than 1000 times almost everyday, sometimes, they pleased me to forgive them for all bad things they did to me, sometimes they scolded me with abusing words and critisised me. They themselves said/agreed that I didnt took any dowry. Earlier also, they wantedly file false petition to put me in such a situation to take revange for not listening to them. I have all the proofs. She will never change her mind, but for timebeing they just want to get in to ruin my life completely. 

 

Prasad (Systems Engineer)     17 July 2015

They cannot ruin your life. Certainly cannot.

 

They are runing their own daughter's life.

 

Just stay cool and strong and watch. 

SuperHero (Manager)     17 July 2015

May the FORCE be with you.


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