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radhika (director)     15 February 2011

want a baby with donar bank

Unique and abnormal situation:

Im unluckiest girl in my life.. i married in 1996 and separated in 2000 and finally get divorce in 2005( no kids)

and again married in 2008, and then come to know that the boy is inpotent, so i left him in 3 month of married,

Now I filed divorce in 2009, and he is harassing me by not giving me divorce.. because he know that he will not marry again because of his physical incapabilities,

Now Im 40y,, with no kids,

At this stage.. i dont want or I don’t think i can get married, because if he drag the case for 2-3 more year then life will come to an end for me,

Now i want to have a baby with i can live my life, which i dont wanna adopt, i want my own.

Can i file a application in court to seeking permission to get pregnent with the help of donar bank? Will court allow me seeing im 40y old lady, and there will be less chances to have baby after 40+ age? will this petition sustain in the eyes of laws??


 14 Replies

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     15 February 2011

go for egg preservation instead , u can go pregnant even after this age, court will not allow ur petition.

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     15 February 2011

Avnish, her case is very interesting case and there may be many woman like her in the country. I think her case is exceptional: she is now at the stage of menopause and the court proceedings may drag on for years and years, so what she should do to have baby legally, as we all can understand her feelings of being a mother the basic instinct of a woman? she said;

Now Im 40y,, with no kids,

At this stage.. i dont want or I don’t think i can get married, because if he drag the case for 2-3 more year then life will come to an end for me,

Now i want to have a baby with i can live my life, which i dont wanna adopt, i want my own.

Getting divorce at the late stage creates more complications to the woman, and i personally feels that there should be proper legal  machinery to deal with such cases.

Union Health Ministry has now finalized the Assisted Reproductive Technologies (ART) regulation Bill, soon tro be passed in the parliament, but her case does not fall under surrogacy, so what she should do with divorce pending in the court, if she gets pregnant the man  wil be charged with adultery, and if she waits it will be too late for her to start a new life and have a baby. I am of the view that in such situation she should be given the liberty to make a choice of her own. (This is my personal observations only) I am looking forward to LCI members contributions on this thread.

1 Like

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     15 February 2011

u can contact a recognised donor bank and get it done with all proofs, he can only get divorce on basis of adultery, and you also want divorce.  it may affect amount of alimony you will get.  if you are okay with it go ahead.

radhika (director)     15 February 2011

i already in touch with a donar bank, but if i do it without court permission.. then he(my seprated husband) will think that I made relation with any man, so i want it legaly when divorce case on running..

this is not the question of that he wants div.. actualy, i filed for divorc and he is opposing my divorce petition since last 2years, i dont ask any alimoney, just only divorce,


radhika (director)     15 February 2011

he wanted to harras me because i defame him that he is inpotent? so he  want to make me inpotent by dragging the case for years,so that i cant deliver a baby, that what he want...

this is also because he know, that he wont get married..

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     15 February 2011

You are childless, and divorce case pending for the last two years, and you are overwhelmed with your basic instinct of being a mother with a baby, but you are afraid of your husband with labelling you with the trade mark of adultery in case you take the steps of being pregnant with the donor bank- Going by your age and the circumstances of your conjugal life with impotent husband and with divorce case pending in the court, I would advice you to go ahead with your basic instinct of being a mother in what ever way you like, as your deep desire is to be a mother with a child without any alimony from your husband. If you get pregnant through donor bank there is no way for your husband to labelled you as adulteress wife, because adultery has to be charged against the man and without a man in your life how can he charge you with adultery- more over every donor bank has its own procedures and charge of adultery may not be sustained in case of such pragnancy? To wait for the conclusion of the trial may be too late for you and court can not compensate you for the lost of those precious period that was wasted on the way. The only irresestable conclusion I can make is that, adopt the paln that you have for a baby. Words of caution! are you charging him for impotent or infertility? or both?

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     15 February 2011

@ Author,

Fantastic thoughts and why not!

I fully agree to Sh. Assumi's advise and reading your briefs and recalling further discussions till date in presented briefs, your case is more or less runs parallel (as in background reasoning wise) to India's first a married male's case (from Kolkatta) who without divorce yet via surrogacy got a ‘legitimate’ baby of his own. Though later divorce did happen in his case but that is besides the point here I suppose. Fortunately media gave lot of publicity to his surrogacy case but I was expecting his then wife to reach Apex Court and get the matter viewed from Apex Court point of view which did not happen which is disappointing as legal studies wise.


Your motherly cravings irrespective of ‘contentious’ legal cases in hand when the time is still ripe and opting for donor IVF is going to be a unique first in Indian context. Do keep us posted on evolving scenarios as and when the develop.

2. Least to least even if a cas which I will call a 'counter blast' case is filed by your husband it will be titled as "Your husband's name Vs. Unknown as first party and you will be second party in it" since you are petitioner in main case as in, this is your divorce case given to understand the briefs which he is resisting.

In my early opinion, he will loose the adultery charges case being devour of ‘merits’ at trial court level since 'donor banks of either gender' in Indian context read with world wide views till date on similar hue and cry is yet not come under the preview of they (I mean the Banks) being called and or referred to as a 'adultery PERSON' as in, in adultery apprehension is to be casted on a PERSON means a name and a living breathing soul should be pointed finger at !. Donor Banks are just a brick and mortar entity whereas a egg and or a sperm is not a ‘person’ it is a amalgamation of a genders natural biological living process as created by nature. So who as in entity will come forward to claim to be father of the child that is first complexity he will face and this child can’t be called illegitimate and further no custody case can be filed if he changes heart at a later date.

No doubt a mere witness statement of concerned 'donor bank' authorities may come on record, if case reaches to that point, but confidentiality of 'donors' can't be named even before a Family Court due to medico-legal hurdles which may open more pandoras box as if we have any lesser in present complex family laws where this lady has a genuine ‘larger public interest’ in hand morover when a married women with impotent (yet not prooved though) under legal marrital stage is questioning the same to Lordships !!!!!. I am just waiting to hear this arguments before CJI in waiting..........

It is a fantastic 'social' move question you have put here and in my opinion it is much ahead of its times under so-called challenge scenarios by a married menopause women struck in divorce case yet want her rights under Art. 21 r/w other Art. of COI.

6. I suggest you may study case laws of the Kolkatta man as well as the Mumbai couple's case on termination of pregency and views expressed by respective Courts. 

7. Donor Banks are not under the preview and or even coined as "adultry person" even by Pope's so probable religious hue and cry will be very confused on this issue. I mean just thinking of it makes me say your move (thoughts) are very much ahead of its times.....

[If there is a will then nature also can't go against ones will so march ahead!]

2 Like

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     15 February 2011

I agree that adoption or baby through donor banks may take time.


My advice may sound a bit silly...yet i'm writing...

why dont u find a job in a playschool or in a primary school,which have lots of cute little kids?You can fulfill your maternal instinct there,till the time you are able to adopt/bear your own baby....


you may also open your own day care centre,if you have ample space in your home.


i know many women who are unable to have babies due to medical reasons/widowhood/divorce puposely spend time with lots of small children to release their stress and fulfill their maternal desires.


else u will keep feeling frustrated due to long court dates...

so get into such a fulfilling job,till u have ur own baby...trust me small kids help u forget all ur worries and tensions

1 Like

Ambika (NA)     15 February 2011

Go ahead Radhika, it is your right and the legal points well explained in above posts. 

1 Like

Rajkumar (Junior Lawyer)     15 February 2011

and again married in 2008, and then come to know that the boy is inpotent, so i left him in 3 month of married,

Hi , This is your second marriage and u have mentioned that ur husband is impotent , and u are in the age of 40+ . If this is the only problem with ur husband and if your family life is happier with ur husband means why u go for divorce , better u both can consult a good doctor  or with the consent of ur husband u can contact a donor for ur child .  Impotency is also a good ground for divorce .If ur husband is really impotent prove it with a doctor certificate and u can get annulled .

Suppose u cant prove means u have to wait another 2 to 3 years for getting divorce .Getting  divorce in contested is a time killing process.



Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     15 February 2011

Why don't you get your husband treated,even if he's impotent?i fail to to understand....

Are there no good s*xologists in India?

impotence is treatable...do u know that?

how wud u feel,if u were frigid and ur husband exposed this in courts for many yrs. instead of taking u to a good gynae or s*xologist?

marriage is committment.,which also means standing by your spouse thru the thick and thin...u shud have stood by him and got him treated...


impotence not a big deal...sometimes men cannot perform due to stress,tension,health problems etc....otherwise god has made everyone capable of s*x...u shud have seen to it,why he cud not perform and get him treated accordingly....but u had no patience...so u left him in 3 months,even after marrying for the 2nd time.

now,you have wasted 3 yrs. ,after your 2nd marriage.If you had been wise,you would have taken him to a s*xologist and marriage counsellor,who would have treated him in a few months or weeks,& u wud have become a mother also.

but you chose the other way.

Now you are getting past of motherhood age,wasting your time,money and energy in courts,still unsure wot lies ahead of you.

your present situation is a result of your decisions only.....

if u like,you may get ur hubby treated even now and start life afresh...abhi bhi kuch nahi bigraa hai...


however,if u dont agree,u may carry on with your court battles....


Bhartiya No. 1 (Nationalist)     15 February 2011


I go with the advice of ambikaji.

Radhikaji, U just go ahead with your plan and do not care for the society and off course law/court, since they are not taking care of your feelings. Court work is mere paper work, which your lawyer will take care of. So always do what is favourable to you, irrespective of provisions of law. U may file petition for the permission, which will move with your age.

Ambika (NA)     15 February 2011

Another thing, you need not blame yourself for the state of affairs created by unfortunate circumstances. You need a baby of yours and you have every right to have it.'

You can still try by all means--you know better--to convince your hubby but if he does not agree, as suggested in the earlier posts, you go ahead and cherish the joy of motherhood. 

Wish you the very best...

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     15 February 2011

radhika, let him think watever he wants , how it affects u. if u are not afraid of loosing alimony , just go ahead . keep all proofs of donor bank and procedure safe . and forget about everything else , case chalta hi rahega.if he does not want divorce he cannot do anything against you, if he wants divorce he can get it on this basis.

anyhow if ur real intent is to have a baby , dont wait. read about egg preservation also , it is not as successful as sperm donation, but definitely an option.

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