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Unclear and disturbed

Hello  ,


I may seek advice, 

My marriage lasted for 6 months, 

my mother is a psychiatrist patient, I am poor to that of my wife's home, and we are little strictly raised family, god fearing and respect elders a lot, as elders words have a weight.  I took responsibility at young age and started earing parallel to studies..

during marriage I was not graduate / however my wife was. 6 months down the lane I am a graduate.

My wife raised in a very pampered environment, she does not preffer working at home, instead she preffers sitting , spending time talking all the time, lofing around shopping, speaking to lots of firends ( mostly guys ) all the time.

I raise from middle class family perhaps one bed room home, however my wife is from sound higher-middle class family who have newly built duplex home having 4 bedroom home. just before our marriage.

prior to marriage we showed the home( quit old - one  bedroom) and they agreed, saying the home they stayed was worst than this.. however they are now in a better home does not mean she cannot adjust.

After our marriage we had small fights which ends up big quarrel and she seeks divorce, for which I convince her out of the way by asking her sorry...endlessly and she used to agree...


the fights were a quarrel over her x boyfriend  being in her facebook (social network), for which i ask my wife to un-friend him, as it hurts me .. she seeks divorce for it, as i logged in to her facebook and saw some disturbing conversation... that said she was in relation with a collegue... which never worked to marriage.. and she was to choose parents... after 6 months.. i was the bride choosen by parents...

I made sure she is not under any pressure and ready for marriage on her wish..

Her behaviour was supsicious.. and she never let me to believe her with her behaviour and behaved rebel when i genuinely asked her to stop few thing which hurts my feeling.. she had taken for gratned all the freedome and stubborn attitude used to revolte back...

The second time we quarrel as I could not tolerate she speaking to friends over phone for long time.

similarly... she dominates me and asks my sisters not to come home,,, as a revenge for me not letting her friends to speak to her..

however.. when informed to parents.. they support her... saying she is not so.. and in her horoscope its only boys that can make good friends.. but not girls... which is quit disturbing for me..

so much so.. .we had good times.. however my mother under depression one day slapped my wife during the 6th month.. when i was at office, i came rushing, got slapped from my mother 4 times.. when my father too intervined he too gets slaps... reason being my wife tried to instigate my mom during depression and kept complaining about my mother to me over the phone  and to my father.. as my mother did not tolerate...

me and my wife left home..inspite of knowing my mother is a  patient,  as my wife had preplanned that we shall come back home in couple of  days... that never happned...

my wife had lots of problems at my home as the home was small... and my parents were strict,, but never bothered her.

my wife was a little lavish-life freek

after we left home.... I stayed with my wife for 2 months calling her back, one or the other way...

she did not want to come back.. gave reasons every time...  when her father asked me to taker her back.. she in private says she will come home and suicide if i take... and i dont get to take her.

second time her father says take her but we shall go to police something happens to her..

she in private tells me not to take... for some or the other reason.. which stops me to take her...

however down the lane... after couple of months.. I had to come back to my home.. as i have very aged parents...


during this period,,, my wife has wished me to desert my aged parents.. make a seperate home.. ( my financial condition is very week as i had made loan for marriage), for which i denied..

had no much contact with wife... with a intension she realizes that things does not seem to be going in a right way.. as I wished her to come back to my home and bare little inconvenience for the good of marriage..

Under these circumstance... their family members came and made attempt to set things right .. however demanded to build extra room .. send her to office for which I agreed...

Her mother does not let her stay with us, as they informed to send her after we extend the room.

one month passes by as i did not have much contact with my wife.. one fine day she calls me.. where we clarified few things as she wished to come back.. and i am deserting her..

I asked her to come back.. for which she asked me to go and accompany her back home.

Few days later i called her and informed to be ready... when i go there.. she says she does not believe me any more as i have changed... and she does not wish to come back, her brother abuses me... and calls me a bad name...which she could easily tolarate... which surprized me. I came back... dishartened...and my family members got angry on me.


during this time.. i was week in finance.. and had invested my major money to the chit-fund referred by my wife soon after we got married ...

I did not bother to know whos name the chit-fund suggested by my wife,  believed my wife blindly, and continued to give my wife the money and she used to manage to send it to parent's home and they used to pay on behalf of me.

when their elders demanded to build room... I asked my wife to call the chit-fund and avail the money and provide me so that i could build room for her/us..

All of a sudden my wife resonds saying I am asking dowry, deserted her in parent's home.. I have left her there.. she wishes to come back.. but I dont go to taker her... she does not know any chit fund... and its pure dowry...

Now she is preparing to put a dowry case against me.. 

her aligations are.. that I have spyed her facebook.. gmail..  my mother has slapped / harrassed ( untrue) , father and me are demanding for dowry.. and she makes statements " how much more do you people need.. as you are asking for more now in the name of chit fund"

I have give my money to their family.... before marriage.. to take care of my wife's commitment for which she had 3 lacks loan.,,, she lost work.. and as we got engaged.. I looked after the commitment...

I have never seeked a rupee from them...

she has built a conversation on email.. which disturbs me.. , She says If i had listened to her and made a seperate home.. this would not have happened...

She also says... She needs only me but not my parents... how can i desert my parents.. who are like my childrens...

She has stopped answering my calls...

and she fears me to draw for dowry... saying I have spyed her,,, suspected her... harassed for dowry.. my mother abused.... and my father treated her like slave... 

which are all not true..

I stopped her from being social with friends(boys) and asked her to stop nonsens after marriage ( whichs she thinks I am suspecting her)... 


under these circumstances.. what all she says does it stand in the court of law ???

what are pro's and consequences... of our marriage.. if it goes to divorce.....

I believe love for both of us.. is now closely dying. every day. .by day...


also.. her cell phone number was under my name.. she asks for NOC(no objection certificate) to transferr it to her name...

I want to know whether to give or not... as i believe if this goes for court for divorce/ dowry.. the call registers can help me... which is under my name...

Her parents are not making any effort to educate her... instead she is getting pampered more and more from the family members....


kindly help.. what can my future be ? What am i suppose to do...as my gut-feeling is they will put the dowry harrassment case on me.. for not  making seperate home..  ( the love is dying day by day.. I dont want to loose her.. she behaves she has lost me... and dominates to make seperate home....).


 5 Replies

sharma (ADVOCATE)     19 November 2012


get ready for the battle of 498a.  Try to get all the evidences which favours you as said by you.  contact a good lawyer in your town to help you.  

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     19 November 2012

Your is an incompatible marriage and it is bound to see such rough patches.
Instead of asking will she or will she not ask yourself it is 6 months old marriage would you like to re-start on fresh note? Once decided re-start by exiting from parental home and somehow making a living and starting your own family. If not then it seems you have little knowledge about evidences and matrimonial Laws so keep quite for next 6 months. After 6 months apply for divorce under mental cruelties and whatever large paras you wrote here get it drafted by a lawyer and get the ball rolling and face the heat which comes with it and face all of them and slowly with time you will be free of all these and then restart life. Other option is again to wait and let her start the matrimonial legal chapter and what you have defend with them. Lastly if you see marriage can be survived then work towards its survival by adjusting. Very limited options you can have.

ragz hyder (PM)     20 November 2012

No kids right? Why continue marriage and prolong agony later on in life and it get very complicated with kids. Get out and just be ready for a fight which better happen now than later.


I would like to know when i look my wife's emails... will court punish me... ?

I did not spy.. however tried to know her intentions about my wife thinking about marriage.. when she spoke to her friends....

When a person is patient... will court punish them ?

I believe... the court will recognise the truth.. however I fear for the truth to be supressed by my wife.. who is very smart and croked...

I wish her to come back.. at the same time fear if she comes back.. what she has done today.. for sake of lavished life.. she continues to dominate me demanding rest by small blackmails she can...

Do women change after kid ???

my elders tell this..

same time other elders says.. I will be locked for ever .. on her demands... and she would never care for my demands....

Will councelling helps... if so... should I take a step foreward ???

Or since i had been to call her... they abused me.. should i wait for them... to come ????

I am in a 50-50 mind frame...  can someone please throw some experience.... and say... can these incampatable marriage survive long term... ???

if so I am ready to convince her.. but cant make a seperate living deserting parents...

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     20 November 2012

Unless you know whether you want to continue or end the marriage no one can help you.


Decision on your part would go a long way in calming you and then devising future course of action.


Otherwise it would always be one step forward and two step backward response from your side.






Shonee Kapoor

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