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Vishaka (Photographer)     10 March 2013

Should i revel the past?

Dear members I am in a dilemma and I really need some good advice.

I know this handsome brahmin Madhwa guy. Few days back I got to know via a mutual friend that his parents have found a Tanjore Marati Brahmin girl.  But I have some very valid information about this guys past which can harm the marriage. This person has had physical relationship with several females and one of them was a 16 year old school girl. His parents are not aware of his physical relationships and I don’t think he will be sharing any of these facts with his fiancé either.

I don’t want to hurt anyone nor get hurt but the ‘truth’ has to be shared. He is a man who just loves to play games and explores possible intimacy with every woman that attracted him and came his way or within his reach. He has no real and natural sense of values or respect for the feelings of one special woman for nobody fits his voracious lust, he enjoys the game of experiencing every woman's varied passion. It is natural to him as his natural state of being.
I am quite sad he is going to spoil this innocent girls life, now my question to you all –
 

  1. Do I need to get in touch with his fiancé and her parents let them the truth? If I have to share the truth - then how do I do it? Will they believe what they hear?
  2. Do I need to just sit back and watch the innocent lady being trapped for life with a womanizer?
  3. Do I need to play a spoil sport in someone’s marriage, what is a matured way to handle this situation?

Kindly note: I don't gain anything by letting her know the truth. I have nothing to do wtih this person. I am just an acquintance who knows more than I should. And if the truth has to be verified either the girl who is marrying him has to dig deep to unearth the truth or she has to just marry him blindly for his charms.


Thank you,
Vishaka



 42 Replies

Sudhir Kumar (Retd Govt Officer)     11 March 2013

Your questions are:-

 

  1. Do I need to get in touch with his fiancé and her parents let them the truth? If I have to share the truth - then how do I do it? Will they believe what they hear?
  2. Do I need to just sit back and watch the innocent lady being trapped for life with a womanizer?
  3. Do I need to play a spoil sport in someone’s marriage, what is a matured way to handle this situation?

You are not clear abnout what you want to do.

 

You have not cleared that how you are associated with girl or boy.

Vishaka (Photographer)     11 March 2013

Dear Sir,

As I mentioned I am in a dilemma what to exactly do despite knowing the truth " Should I tell the girl about the boy or not"? And how it might reflect? But I think the girl should know the truth, if not before marriage she may get to know about it later and there are chances for marital disharmony.

I am associated with the boy as a ffriend and I know him for last 10 years.

Saurabh..V (Law Consultant)     11 March 2013

@Vishaka

 

As it seems to me, you have been in a relation with this guy and failed to convince the guy to marry you. Now you feel pinched because you couldn't win this guy.

 

If you are a friend of this guy, then why would you want to think about another girl whom you don't even know? If you are a friend of this guy, then you would give him an opportunity to get married and improve. You know very clearly that this information would lead to breaking this marriage proposal. That's something only a crooked, enstranged and villian mind would do.

 

I strongly feel that you have been into physical relation with this guy and when you failed to convince this guy, now you feel obsessed to ensure that this guy doesn't marry anyone else than you.

 

Lawfully speaking:: Spreading such information for which you do not have proof, is considered "Defemation" which is punishable in criminal as well as civil law.

 

//peace

/Saurabh..V

1 Like

Vishaka (Photographer)     11 March 2013

This is in reply with Saurab V post.

Let me make it clear, I thank my stars,  I have not had any relationship or any physical realtionship with this guy, neither do I want to marry such a person. So that was your first doubt, NO I am not interested in this guy nor do I have any crooked intentions of spoiling anyones relationships.

He is just a friend whom I would say Hi and Hello if I meet him at the club or anywhere outside, I got to know his character because he had attended a friends wedding and I was present there and I got to know what he did to one of the females out there - though the matter was hushed up people who attended the wedding knew what he did.

Saurabh - you have wrongly put out some words that are really negative you need to clean your brain and re - analyse what  this situation is. I am only trying to help another female to not fall into some sort of act.  I have no intention of  defaming anyone here.

 

CommonMann (Software Professional)     11 March 2013

I think you should take help from women social activitists. She will help you out by communicating your message to girl and her parents. You do not have to come into picture as this will spoil your image.

Vishaka (Photographer)     11 March 2013

Thank you CommonMann, wish I could get to know some women activist.

fighting back (exec)     11 March 2013

@vishaka, i have read your post here, and in it you have mentioned I got to know his character because he had attended a friends wedding and I was present there and I got to know what he did to one of the females out there - though the matter was hushed up people who attended the wedding knew what he did.    

as you said the above it just seems you are a typical gossiping kind, kitty party woman, who believes on hear and say, do you have any concrete proof of his behavior? have u seen with your own eyes, this guy going out with women atleast a couple of times? have u seen him being intimate with someone? so you just believe what other people are talking about him....

actually i would say that you have no right to defame anyone without you having seen things yourself or experienced yourself, there are thousands of gossip which keep floating around the society in which we live. 

it is the ultimate duty of the girls relatives, the girl herself, her parents, her brothers and sisters annd friends to do a through backround check for her before deciding the marriage. it is their duty, not your duty to poke into someones life just on 'hear and say; things.

i think the girl must be matured enough to give time to herself to decide what is right or wrong.

ultimately ur wrong. and he can very well file a defamation suit on you if he finds out u r the mischief maker!!

Saurabh..V (Law Consultant)     11 March 2013

@Author

 

How many times you have seens guyz ruining life of girls when thry know that they are of impeachable character? If you came to know of the deeds of the guy from 'hearsay' evidence, then what made you blindly believe those chats in the marriage function? Would you take such action against a girl also if you come to hear about het character like this in a 'hearsay' words in a function?

 

I suggest that in place of trying to malign me and giving me suggestions to clean my brain, first you peek into your own soul and understand that your deeds are highly suspecious and any of the experienced lawyer would underdtand your motive behind such acts and intentions. I mean why would a petson be interested to spread news about another, when the former knows that spreading such news would not only ruin the later's life but it may also attracts criminal rivalry between the two.

Vishaka (Photographer)     12 March 2013

This is a reply to no pain no gain.

I am deeply hurt to hear your thoughts. Anyways here is the exact scenario of what took place at the wedding, we girls (3 of us) entered the room which was arranged for us to sleep and when we entered the room at about 12.30 at night we saw this intimate scene which was later hushed up. Unfortunately, I have seen this person parlour several females’ friends but what you have said is so wrong I am no gossipmonger or a kitty party aunty as this wedding took place a year back and this person would have been defamed long back. 

Let me make it clear I have no such intention of defaming anyone, I just had a doubt despite knowing the truth about the person should I speak out or shut up and watch the girl getting trapped.

Vishaka (Photographer)     12 March 2013

Vishaka (Photographer)     12 March 2013

This is in reply with Saurabh Vs' post.

I did ask you to clean your brain before answering because you seem to think I have some sort of relationship with this person and in your earlier post you said that I might have had physical relationship – how sad- no wonder you just blindly accused me.

Secondly - I have no intention of Defaming anyone - I know the truth and I have seen this person several times with several female at the club and nearby places more over I have also been a witness what happened at the wedding (Read my post to no pain no gain) so it is not just me alone there are several people who know what went on. Don’t assume all women are gossip monger nor do all women believe what is just told – at least I don’t belong to that category. It seems like you just want to shoot the messenger but not look at what would happen in case this person has some sort of health issues because of his activities? Of course the girl’s parents would check but what about the case of the teenager? An ethical case can be booked against him and would it not cause a marital disharmony if his partner got to know about it after marriage?

My soul is making me ask questions before I even venture to spread anynews about this person. How can you say I have any bad intentions when the truth is just staring hard at onces face? Just don't shoot the messenger learn what one has to say before you give in your value added comments.

Vishaka (Photographer)     12 March 2013


(Guest)

Doosron ke momle mein padna bewakoofi he

Harsh (Manager)     12 March 2013

@author

If he is really not a good guy and you think the girl's life can be damaged, you should somehow let them know.

call, write or send someone. pass on the message through mutual friends or whatever.

It may not work becase the girls side may think someone is jealous and just trying

to create obstacles. but atleast they would be warned before the marriage.

If the 498a victims had got such helpful info before their marriage, lot of

the guys could have escaped their trauma.


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