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kavita (housewife)     15 May 2013

Seeking divorce after 20 years. in love with another man

Hello Experts,

I am married lady 40 years old. Have been married since last 20 years having a kid. We had an arranged marriage. Since begining there were problems in the marriage and somehow i adjested and lived. But recently i met this man and fell in love with him. He is from the same city and 31 year old. He is also married and has a child. We both are in love.

I want to divorce my husband as he is highly selfish and self centered, He has always been doubting me since begining. He has never been able to keep me satisfied even physically. I am sharing this extra marital affair with this man since last 1.5 year and want to somehow get out of my marriage and file divorce with my husband. Is there anyway that I can file for divorce in anycase and also can my new found love do the same...Can we get converted to Islam and execute this?  I know what I want maybe wrong to many..but I am really in love with this man. 

Please help.



 55 Replies

kavita (housewife)     15 May 2013

dear sir but don't u think I would require a divorce before I start living with him...and pls also tell me what u mean by laws of the land..thanks


Better to go for Mutual Divorce.Why do you need to convert to Islam?You can marry your new lover after getting divorce from your husband.Do you want to keep your child or hand it over to your husband?

As regards alimony,while you may get interim maintenance,you won`t get any permanent alimony due to the adultery.

1 Like

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     15 May 2013

follow the advice given above and your lover will be in for five years on charge of adultery.

1 Like


Can anyone tell me when was the last time someone was convicted of the dreaded charge of Adultery under section 497?

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kavita (housewife)     15 May 2013

dear sir. @Mr.sudhir I don't want my lover to get in any kind of trouble....and nor do I want to get in any trouble... @red - n what basis can I get divorce.. @need justice- ur solutions seem very easy...but what can b the risk involved for my lover


You have no grounds for divorce but your husband has got good grounds for divorce,ie,your adultery.

Does your husband know of your lover?In which case,he might be willing to give you divorce in return for perhaps custody of child or avoiding false cases.Try and broach the subject with him.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     15 May 2013

1.       You have no grounds for seeking divorce at all is my view.

2.       You should speak equally of your love interest’s encumbrance also in your query.  You told your story what about his wife’s issues like is she interested in divorce too or what are her traits like which makes this man incline towards you? Can he afford divorce if his wife asks alimony or keeps their child with her? All these major road blocks are missing in your query or decision making other than stating love is in air!

3.       Being selfish, self centered and not able to satisfy physically in a 20 years old marriage are no grounds and such petitions are thrown out by Courts. Cougar woman like younger men when she is inching menopause age which is understandable in reference to context but grounds as per Law should be there for seeking divorce. 

4.       Ideally you should talk to your husband and beg for Mutual Consent Divorce with zero alimony and allow your husband to keep child. Reason being this love interest will take care of you ‘needs’ after your mutual consent divorce once you both re-marry and try having child of your own from this young man after re-marriage if ever it happens. So far as this man is concerned once we know what his encumbrances are one can guide similarly for him as your query is centered on different pillar.

5.       In nutshell presented brief of yours are not that rosy when tested with points of Law as it is wishful thinking based probably spoiling another married woman's matrimony?

  1. Start searching for an advocate found via reference if you are inching towards parting company and so do advise your love interest also to search for an advocate which he finds via reference or invite him to LCI as both of you need respective advocates very soon. Also daily pray that such extra marital affairs of yours donot come out to the knowledge of society both you and your love interest keeps.
  2. Also investigate in internet about monogamous swingers’ lifestyle since being housewife you may get some personal time-space, where in; your love interest may introduce his young wife to your husband and herein he being young is already into you so ethically some sort of successful monogamous swingers’ lifestyle emerges which is in thing in metros instead of thinking of double divorce.
4 Like

kavita (housewife)     16 May 2013

my husband doesn't know my lover personally...initially he knew I was talking to this man..he had objections and restricted me to talk to him...he also got my phone records...called my lover, my lover made him speak to a female friend making my husband know that o was talking to a female friend all the while..he is still unsure and keeps calling him every now n then to cross check its been 9 months to this incidence and he still calls him once in a while...everytime its not possible to make him speak to a female friend...so he doesn't pick up...and then my husband gets more suspicious.....I have got a new phone n number to keep in touch wid my lover since 9 months without my husband's knowledge.... how do we get the brother sister thing when things r on this level...but I guess its a very smart idea and safe too...what r the chances of this makeup failing and what all do we need to be careful about.. please guide. thanks




LOL!!! Bang your head againist the wall ;-)

kavita (housewife)     16 May 2013

hey please. m sorry I m really not aware of these legalities..please need ur guidance to continue this relationship with peace n harmony....



Whatever you are doing, it is wrong ethically or legally. Talk to your husband and apply for mutual consent divorce. It takes 6months to complete the process. Make sure you both give a thought about your kid before MCD.

Your love also shld take divorce similarly and then he can marry you.

PS: Its a very bad idea to even think on these lines.

1 Like

kavita (housewife)     16 May 2013

thanks stalker... the thing is he loves his child and I love mine...we both dont want to leave them but at the same time we both do t wanna leave each other as well...its ok if we dont get to live with each other...its ok if we meet once in a while....an arrangement like NJ suggested that can be carefully taken care of without disrupting anything....coz otherwise this thing will bring a lot of social shame to a Hell lot of people on all 3 sides...


He is 31 and you are 40.

When the juices get dried up and the eggs get fried.

You will be as good as a mango pulp.

He will leave you for sure.

Getting MCD at age of 40, either you should be nuts or your husband should be nuts to agree for an MCD.

Continue with present marriage.  Be happy.

1 Like

kavita (housewife)     16 May 2013

he is not Muslim.. and he is sure he will not leave me and so am i