I’m married for 3.5 yrs and have a 2.5 yr old daughter, working and living separately from my husband for the last 6 months due to his abusive behaviour and continuous taunting to draw money from me and my family, he has managed to draw Rs.10 lac from me in 3 yrs using emotional tactics and abuse.Husband is a freelancer and whatever little he used to earn was usurped by his sisters and parents.Both sisters have a government job, elder one is married but still living with parents for the last 4 yrs as her inlaws don’t like her due to her abusive nature and younger is unmarried, are sisters my husband’s responsibility ?
My husband had brought a land in his hometown before our marriage and father in law got it registered in his name, so son pays the money and father gets the land. Father in law already has ancestral land on his name which was earned by his father, inlaws have not earned on their own anything till now and have never mentioned anything about passing on my husband’s share in ancestral property to him till today.Inlaws live in the ancestral home built by my husband’s grandfather and receive free monthly ration of 25kg as part of some Government scheme which means their food and shelter is well taken care of.Inspite of this, my inlaws expected my husband to pay:
- Rs.10k as monthly expenses
- Made him pay Rs.2 lac as capital to help them start a business which never took off(they may have usurped the money as usual)
- Pay for his younger sisters marriage and buy a house for them in their hometown
- Take care of his elder married sister who is staying with parents
- Expected me to send them money from my salary or dowry from my parents
- Expected me to help my husband with Rs.5 lac for his business even though I was already running the house with my salary
- I was expected to pay my husband’s car loan incurred before marriage, credit cards before marriage
- I have whatsapp screenshots between my hubby and his sisters to show that my in-laws keep wasting money, my in-laws kept harassing their elder daughters husband and his family for money in the same way as I and my family were harassed, my elder sister in law has been usurping money sent by my husband for the last 4 yrs that she is living with parents, my husband was paying the rent of my elder sister in law’s house and I was paying the rent of our house, is this fair?
- I have a call recording where my inlaws threatened my parents that if there is no support from their end, this marriage may not last and when my parents asked them about what kind of support they expected exactly, my father in law mentioned that if he clarifies it, they may get defamed, now what support is he talking about is anybody’s guess!!
- I have call recordings from my husband relatives to show that my in-laws keep using gas lighting techniques to draw money from all their relatives, they have also usurped property rights of my father in law’s brothers
- All the above mentioned factors related to money caused a tremendous strain on our marriage and I was always left to fend for myself plus tolerate my hubby’s abusive behaviour and we are finally separated now. I’m in a dilemma now if I should reconcile or divorce only and only for the sake of my daughter. As a father, my husband was fine, cared for his daughter, infact he was very caring towards me also. Honestly, I’m not confident enough if I will be able to bring up my daughter single handedly, it’s not just about finances, it’s about self-confidence, emotional support and well–being also. I think I should have been extremely assertive about finances right from the beginning of our marriage and should have exercised complete control over the same and not let my in-laws misuse them. They keep harassing for money even though they have enough for their survival.
Can’t their daughters help them financially wherever required since they are earning and staying with parents even though they have crossed marriageable age? Can I mention this in my terms and conditions for reconciliation legally? After we separated, he claims to be earning Rs.3lac per month but has not transferred anything for his wife and child as usual in the last 6 months, he would have definitely paid his parents and sisters as they would harass him until they got the money. Pls do not ask me to file DV and dowry harassment cases as the lengthy court procedures are much more irritating than the married life itself.
What other terms and conditions can I mention legally regarding finances during reconciliation ?
PS: Since my husband had created a ruckus at my parent’s place 6 months back due to which we had to lodge a police complaint against him, I did not return to my husband’s home and my jewellery remained in his house only. I had asked him to return it last month and he actually came personally and handed it over to me.