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Snow (officer)     16 July 2011

Need divorce from husband

Hi i got married on Jan 28 2011, My husband was very reserved.. he neva use to talk much n ofcourse he was a mummas boy... I was given a lot of dowry , including cash, gold car, homeappliances and furniture,  But evrything my in laws took .. i was given nuthing .. even my husband use to take ma entire salary n use to ask me to take the money from his mum even for the day to day expenses. My husband didn t also have any s*xual drives ... he neva even changed his dress in front of me.. i feel i have been fooled..  After all this to add to the shock my mother in law used to b*tch about me to ma husband n this started creating problems bet me n ma husband. My husband even use to bring his friends home n they use to drink in ma bed room n spend hours together wherein i use to wait outside till they left. my mother in law is workign in bsnl as chief section supervisor and father in law claims himself to be an ayurvedic doctor also said that he was running a clinic ...my husbands elder brother is in us... now to our shock , this mother in law says she gets only 17000 as her salary n father in law is jobless sitting at home. Elder brother is in us by some fraufulent means ... me n ma family are so scared as to what has happend to us ... plz help us... 



Learning

 30 Replies


(Guest)

Snow,

If what you telling are true then I am sorry for you.

 

But your story don't add up - at one place you are saying that your husband is reserved. At other you are saying that he comes with his friends everyday.  Usually reserved people don't have so many friends.

 

Every newly married boy comes to his wife .. provided wife is welcoming. Since you married in Jan 11 and you have been married only for 5 months -- I don't buy your story that your in laws became hostile to you without problem from your end.  After all they married you by choice and not any compulsion. 

 

Look within yourself.

 

Of course you can use 498a, DV. But as you know, that is not the cause of problem,  these cases are not going to solve it also . Additionaly  498a will remain in your resume for lifelong ... and these days there are not many options for resume having 498a.

  

KAMARAJ BHARATHY G (ADVOCATE- HIGH COURT)     16 July 2011

Dear Sister,

Before taking divorce decission yourself and your husband may consult a doctor and she may be a female doctor.  Doctors role in this aspect will be very effective.  If you finally decide to get divorce you can contact female advocate. 

ahmed (document writer)     16 July 2011

snow

No body else knows the truth except god what your are stating the sad story which happend to you in a short tenure of wed-lock period use the various technique such as talking to elders and family members about your issue secondly it is my advice to you be cool and bold whather thirdly accordingly if your are fedup with relation adopt the spritual methodology and give more life to your adverse thinking then what happend to your relationship  just analyst it  ones you take divorce what happend to your future life several question will be arise how you tackle it morever fourthly try to put some good atmospeher at your husband and chalk out your issues with them my last and final advice is that be patience always and try to sort out your problems with boldly.

Snow (officer)     16 July 2011

yes my husband was reserved till he got me married... he use to act sooo nice to me.... also his parents... once i got married they changed completly ... they had lied to us ... that they have this taht ... my husband din use to allow me to talk to ma parents or friends.. i was allowed to go for work but they wud take ma entire salry... nt hey tuk all ma gold also. my inlaws use to make me so all household chores ... i use to do everthing just to win ma husbands love... inevsa use to tell anythign to ma parents cuz i din want to troubel them... they wanrted only money n property from us.. nuthign else... he use to bering his friends on every thurday .... cuz thursday use to be his off... we both wr in differrent shifts... he was in night n i was in day.. so ina day we use to see each other only for 45 mins... in that time he use to talk to his mum only he neva use to call me at work ... or at nyt not evn once.... in these 15 mins i hacve to give him food, i have to iron his clothes, switch oonthe geyser, run from pillar to post just to send him to office n he nva evn use to say a bye to me while leaving .he use to drop hs mum n pick up his mum in the car which my dad presented to me... but he use to take me only in bike. He neva use to cum to ma house (my parents house is 4 kms away frm ma husbands house) i use to got work at 7.30 in the morning nuse to cum at 9pm,,,,, n in htis time he wont evn call once as to how i am .. i ate or not nuthing.,after 9pm i had to do all this like a jet speed women or else he used to yell at me ...

Snow (officer)     17 July 2011

Then as days went bye he started humiliating me that he doesnt like ot see ma face, he doesnt evn like to touch me... he hates me... this that... 

iwas like when he hates me soooom uch why did he marry me... y did he ruin ma life... he should have told at that time itself when they had come to see me... i use to cry cry cry.... apart from this , to add ot ma bad lcuk ma mother in law use to tell ma husband i din do this work that work n ma husband use to cum n yell at me ....in that 45 mins... i use to wait ofr a thur fri since its his off.... like we wud spend time together ... we cdan talk he shusd be in gud mood.... but when i call him n ask wut is he doing he wud tell me to wait outside since his friend is thr.. n lemme coorect he use to bring a particular friend of him by name karthick.... they use to be thr for hours..

 

as par as our physical relationship is concerned even in that he was like ,,, he jus wanted to do it for the sake of getting me pregnant .. he use to ask me my fertility days n wanted to do it nly on those days so that i can get pregnant soon... n he told me after i get pregna t he wud not touch me agin ... i use t be confused asto wht this man is upto... i was living ma horrible life with this man thinking he wud change,,,, his mum was always ready b*tching aboout me to him

Snow (officer)     17 July 2011

then came the brutal incident from him.. one day i was cutiting vegetables since his mum had to go got to office n even i had to go so i was in hurry... he asked to clean the table n tv stand , n sofa ... everyhtign .. isaid i have ot got o worki  will cleansometother time....i use to trust hima lot cuz he neva physically abused me by hitting or sumhting nor did he had anyother affair wid a girl cuz he neva had any girls as friends... no one so i was like atleast evn if he is like this or that he doesnt hit me n all right ... over a period of time everything will change.... but on that day ... all ma imaginations went to vain... he ogt up n slaaped me ... i was like why did u hit me ... he slapped me again... n then his mum came n they both started slapping me left n right ... i almost fainted n was screaming but these people had closed ma mouth with their force... i somehoew...managed to run till ma bedrum n locke dm aself... i came oto know now it is all aover... he is not worth it .. he will nev change... so i called ma dad...n cried to him plz cum n save me else they wud kill...me 

my dad came n he was shocked to hear all this .cuz he thought i am living happily... but when he saw me he was in tears... he thought ma husband had just slapped sum silly matter... n he said cum letsw go home n he told ma husband n inlwas let her stay in ma house for few days...but when i reached home i told ma parents about every cruelity wht this people had done ot me... ma dad was still thinking that may be these people will change cuz he wanted to save ma marriage ... but after so many talks ma parents realised its not worth giving me in those people hands.. 

another mistake which we did was we din take any phot of mine or we din go to police... cuz at that time we all wr in a shock that my life has been ruined...but now we are out of it ... we wana file a case against them 

Snow (officer)     17 July 2011

See people ... I know court demands evidences.... bu twe neva collected anyhting..... I don want my money or gold or car or anything...let them keep evrytihng .... i want ma life back... i am employed.... I wana spend ma entire life serving ma parents... i want to take care of them..I also don have any intention of marrying again... cuz i am done with it... . We are innocent being duped by them.... jus tell me how can i get rid of this relationship.... 

Ms Liberal (others)     17 July 2011

Lot of grounds are there as you are woman

you should not fear for him you can file the cae for divorce on the ground of impotency, dowry harassment and cruelty, Law favors woman only

**Victim** (job)     17 July 2011

@ Ms liberal

"Law favors woman only"

 

I think you are in misconception that law favours women do not even try to brain wash someones mind with these words.........

Snow (officer)     17 July 2011

Can someone please give me some more clarifications.... As to how to move about.... please .... Also now these people are saying that i don do any work at home... i am uncultured.... my parents are brainwashing me for separation.... n all ..... they are now saying that they want me back in theri house ... n its my duty to listen to what all they say... we are in real trouble please people plz advice....

Ms Liberal (others)     17 July 2011

Snow Its your life if it is an arranged marraige then you must also listen to your parents. You can also move an application for judicial separation in which the husband has to give you the alimony and narrate the grounds why you are seeking this. As you have said that you have been repeatedy subjected to mental cruelty as they pressed certain "taunts" on you

Try to reconciliate with your parents there are some NGOS too which can mediate what we called "family adjustment' problems Don't go for CAW unnecessairly as it will may minimised the chances for furtehr conciliation

USE EXTREME STEPS IN EXTREME CASES ONLY. WHEN YOU FIND THAT THERE IS NO OPTION LEFT I THINK YOU ARE IN BETTER POSITION TO UNDERSTAND YOUR SITUATION

Snow (officer)     17 July 2011

@ms Liberal, 

Madam i donot intend to continue my relationship with those people... That man doesnt love me ... he loves only my money n ma dads property..  They are now telling that they have no problem with me ...  we had a set of counselling with a common friends of our .. they are elderly people and also a distant relation of ma husband, 

I had been emotinaly n mentaly torchered in that house..... but i neva uttered a word to anyone... i use to forget n bear everythign cuz i use to think that he wud change...  n he use to treat em so well in frotn of ma paretns but behind the scenes it was different.. I don want to continue this relationship.HE loves his mum... i backed out... i don want any alimony  or maintainence,,,, i don want his maintainence also... i jus want ma life.... taking back ma things n jewellery is secondary... i jus wan aget rid of this ... 

I can neva accept him as ma husband as ma heart is sooooo musch shattered .... nor his parents /... so plz madam advice me how to proceed...

Ms Liberal (others)     17 July 2011

Dear Snow, These kind of family adjustments are everywhere in this country and you won't get rid off this . Separation is not the solution. Being woman its also your responsibility to win confidence of others. Doing domestic chores is not wrong thing You can protest with gently

Also understand the problems of Husband too he is sailing the ship in the middle otr you can say he is putting every effort to maintain the balance between you and his family

Think from your side if you have brother and if your sisterin law is in your maternal home. In what way they behave with her. What will be the status of your brother in such circumstances. Every one in the family wants that they are lossing their son because of the wife entered into their home and this will tale time

Wait for sometime these problems will erdadicate it spontaneously and Time is the big elemnt for healing


iT ALSO DIFFERNT FROM CASE TOCASES . You appaers to be very cultured and have come from traditional/moderate outlook and simultanoeosuly you are expecting modern outlook as there in western

You and husband only require counselling

Ms Liberal (others)     17 July 2011

Most of the perosn are shy by nature and plase don't make unwantedf troubles and you can easily win his confidence


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