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(Guest)

Problem with my husband,they cheated us,need help

Hello,

I completed my masters and recently get married software engineer. As it is arranged marriage i don't know more about my husband and they didn't give us more time for marriage arrangements,all this done with in 15 days. with in one month i came to know that he has girlfriend science 2002 to 2010 and they lived together in one house for 6 months they want to marry each other but i don't know the reason they separated.i am not sure that their relation continuing or not.His parents also know all this, they deceived me and my parents. How can a girl feel after knowing all this, a women thinks that his husband is everything for her.He is 7 years older than me.Here age is not problem.I am not in a position to handle anything. I didn't tell this matter to any one. I knew all this by reading his & her dairy and phone conversations.Almost this is second marriage to him.She got pregnancy 3 times and did abortion, please understand my problem it is not problem of loving other women, it is different from love.Is any wife can tolerate this?
I have one sister completed B.Tech,one brother i am the elder daughter to my parents, i brought up in very loving and caring environment but here situation is reverse he always likes to criticize me, quarrel with me for no reason.He always complaints about me to his mother and relatives. He is just like a psycho different mentality.They wants me to get a job but they are not ready to spend even one rupee for me.I want to die but i am thinking about my parents. I lost every thing. i hope any one can give me better suggestion or solution to me,life long i can't live with this person.I am unable to take any decision. Please help me.



 27 Replies

Practice Law (Law)     18 December 2012

You are educated so don't think of drastic step like sucide.
Talk to your husband about your's relation and than decide whether you want to carry your relation else file a MCD or a divorce case against him for adultery.
Do  keep all evidences with you in a safe place that proves his adultery.
Whatever you do just remember better future is waiting for you and all the best.
 

Rajanikanth (Corporate Lawyer)     18 December 2012

Before entering the relation ship of marriage one has to make detailed enquiry about each other like family back ground, their relatives, financial status etc.,. we are witnessing in many cases either girl or boy is suffering because of others fault. so i advocate for thorogh verficaction of family back ground and boy/girl back ground before sealing the marriage.

In your case you are not sure of what relief you want. you cannot reverse the things at this stage except facing them. I suggest you and your husband to undergo counselling session with physcaitrist then the things may change.

Msk-need -nuetral- laws (self)     18 December 2012

@ practice law;

I think, one cannot seek divorce on the ground of past adultery before marriage. May be some ground for annuling the marriage on  the gorund of  fraud if she can prove that it was live-in relationship through evidence and concealment of this fact in marriage. and if she can proove his cruelty that also counts for divorce ground

Mani


(Guest)

Hello Mr.Rajanikanth,

    what you mean to say, after all this u suggest me to live with this charecter less person who enjoyed with one women, left her and married another women (that is me). How can i tolerate all this  through my whole life?In your opinion what he did is correct?

Msk-need -nuetral- laws (self)     18 December 2012

Neelu,

dont be emotional and that's the fate of 21st century life.   Best here is MCD and do not ruin your life running in court, our wishes for you in future.

Mani

Samuel (CEO)     18 December 2012

Dear Poster:

Sad story! I am sorry to hear this. ofcourse No women can tolerate.

most of the Husband and wife's past would have some mischievous, its good to stay away presumming that we are starting a new life.

To tell you the truth, my wife had been in live-in- together. I never wanted to get deep into it. All i wanted is henceforth, a trustworthy relationship.

You can handle and have a good life by considering, ( Again that your call)

a) Have an open conversation with your husband talk to him about each and every thing that you know and hear what he has explanation from his side. - This is to see you are getting convinced and comfort level.

b) Once you found that you can handle the situation, Bring it to FIL anf MIL about what had happend.

c) Let them know on your standpoint and see if you and your husband come in the boundary of trust. ( Just Another chance)

d) Be strict for sometime on your physical relationship unless you get comfortable..( The more the husband long for it the   praise of wife's hurt he will understand) - see to that, does not go to dessertion level.

e) Give a warning, a real warning that he has to repent for his wrong done!

f) Donot panic your family brininging into the picture which will create bad scene!

g) Once you made him realize that he is a not worthy being your partner, he will be at your service.

If you keeping rubbing in your mind, then:

a) Even he laughs at you it would sound nasty..

b) His smell would bore you.

c) You always consider that you are a replacement and being cheated.

d) At intimacy times, you would feel that it is by his experience - hard to pronounce but you can come over it easily upon building a trust.

Unless and untill you both come to a common point, please stay away from child. Because this will bombard at any time you go frustarted.

The other option of Divorce isvery easy and anyone else can do....., I am helping with my little words to come over the situation.

Have a trust on god and keep your mind and habit clean.

All the best, god bless.

 

 

 

Rajanikanth (Corporate Lawyer)     18 December 2012

No civilized person will say that what he did to u is correct. There are two things you may opt. 1. if your are really interested in seperation then you can file divorce petition and live a seperate life. or  2. if you want to live with your husband considering other circumstances you have to take steps for his reform to lead normal life.

Plainly speaking it is your fault to marry him hurriedly with out knowing much about him and please donot think of taking revange because no law will appricate concept of "revange".

hope u got ur answer.

Javed (CA)     18 December 2012

Here no one cheated you and its time for you to accept your mistake that without making proper enquiry you and your family arranged the marriage.

So the mistake is also yours and don't blame it on the boy ad his family.This would be advice from many lawyers so they will make you file charges against him but at the end when you both are sure and know that the relationship does not work then why waste time and run around court so better get MCD or annull the marriage and get out without running around court and greying your hairs.

He can also file counter cases against you and pull your sister and brother into it so his and your entire family gets destroyed and people watch and enjoy.

Life is beautiful and why you are after someone who was never yours.

 

Samuel (CEO)     18 December 2012

@Javed: Are you talking with grounds?

Please dont scare people, thats not possible to pull family...

When she has all eveidence wrritten up in diary cant that speak for truth?

how she/her family can get to know by enquiry yaar?

Nowadays people go outland and live a live-in relationship less probability for elders to get to know!

I cant see which lawyer would advice even like that.. lawyers will forward to make business out of problem never they will pin point on you!

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     18 December 2012

keep collecting the evidences of his adelterous behaviour (if any).

u may also hire a detective for this.

in the mean time, think over amicable separation via MCD route, which will help u to start a new life.


stanley (Freedom)     18 December 2012

As you are qualified look out for a job . Keeping your mind busy which is the outmost option for you else your imagination about the earlier past of theirs will drive you mad . As you say you cannot live with that person than speak to your husband and see MCD. Forget the past and move on in life , if you wish you can remarry.Marriage is about two minds living with compromises . 

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     18 December 2012

 

Originally posted by : neelu

 

XXX recently get married software engineer. XXX it is arranged marriage XXX with in one month i came to know that he has girlfriend science 2002 to 2010 and they lived together in one house for 6 months they want to marry each other but i don't know the reason they separated. i am not sure that their relation continuing or not. XXX He is 7 years older than me. XXX I knew all this by reading his & her dairy and phone conversations. Almost this is second marriage to him. She got pregnancy 3 times and did abortion, please understand my problem it is not problem of loving other women, it is different from love. Is any wife can tolerate this?
I have one sister completed B.Tech, one brother i am the elder daughter to my parents, XXX but here situation is reverse he always likes to criticize me, quarrel with me for no reason. He always complaints about me to his mother and relatives. He is just like a psycho different mentality XXX

 


 

General discussion:



1.
I disagree to all repliers (except @ Mani / @ Stanley's) especially the replies by @ Corporate Lawyer (wait till Sexual Harassment Bill gets passed you are especially going to make the moolah)

2. Above being material this is a legal website not agony aunt column that a married man comes here and ask emotional/sentimental query posing “hey Rama my wife I discovered is not virgin on our first night…..” and in same breadth another married woman comes here and pops “ayyo Sita my husband had live-in before marriage and they separated now imagine my situation…”

3. I would say there is nothing legal in such frivolous queries. Read
India Today’s survey on small town s*x and s*xuality and realize with wide open eyes Indians are living in 21st. Century and for god sake donot push either gender back to medieval ages where virginity of either were not even cherished like Fixed Deposit but used today for “teaching lessons especially to boys”.

4. Coming back to reference query in context I would say you being oldest sibling is going to spoil marriage chances of other two younger once and simultaneously grey your hair by getting into emotional /sentiments Chamber ideas you are getting here for filing possible cases. I would like to ask all Lawyers in family law forum what case she has in hand?. My observation is ZERO.

5. Move forward his relationship ended in separation in your own wordings in your query no matter she might have been aborted 10 times and now you discovered from his cupboard 365 days / 8760 hrs. taped conversations of theirs prior to your marriage with a girl with whom he was then in love.

There is NIL mental cruelties on you for a past relationship of your present husband from his past except figment of your mind and by all means do experiment  using adversial Criminal / Matrimonial Laws from my side. There is no more Sita and no more Rama in 21st. Century gender biased matrimonial Laws today.

If not agreeing to all/any of the above paras and still like to say “ayyo Sita how insensitive women specific reply from him ………” then from my side go and file S. 498a IPC and since you are into IT field it is obvious S. 406 IPC (stridhan say 20 sovereign would have been given is my guess by your retired father) is also applicable further even a unheard before your marriage fart of your present husband is going to cause you today’s world’s biggest migraine so kindly file DV Act and seek all 5 protection orders too. Once you file above it is bound that Chamber advise follows is to file S. 125 CrPC for maintenance inspite of being web designer (working) for a simple reason he is also in S/W field and ‘equating status” is call for Chamber advise the way Lawyer above has replied to your query. Another Chamber advise to you is to file Divorce under impotency and here is where I will bet you will win hands down divorce case atleast for a simple reason he is 7 years older and bound to be under depression having earlier divorce r/w separated live-in and once above bouquet of cases filed upon him who expects such married man to “perform” (oops I mean during lab tests….)!.

I believe filing all above provisions of matrimonial Law may bring complete medieval justice in 21st. Century living for your self inflected agonies make believe to Society that you keep. 

The problem here today in your query is you are younger and he is older and such relationships are bound to bring incompatibilities further read with his experience of first marriage and live-in which colly. means he is more s*xually experienced than you and this is what is pinching you not his lack of virginity treasured only for you which you want us to believe in your emotive query which has NIL chances in Court of Law.

Note:
People replying to her kindly read her query 5 times, she is talking of PAST not present and only present she has is diaries and taped conversations and no where she says ayyo HE IS STILL CONTINUING raping past society.  

1 Like

(Guest)

Hello Mr.Tajobsindia

Do u have any sister? you are saying it is 21st century what is that meaning if it is 21st century cheating is not a problem? If you think there is no rama in this century there will never a good person, there is no need to become RAMA but just try to live like good human not like an heartless wild animal or devil.It is become KALIYUG because of the people who thinks like you.You have very cheap thinking.By the way dont think it is india, in your opinion a boy can do any thing before marriage there is no wrong in that because you also a man. ASK your mother what you said is correct or not. Then you will know your character.chi. are you married? if the same situation comes to you then you will realize the pain.

1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     18 December 2012

ld. Taj has told you the legal propositions.

now its up to you whether u understand or not

I go with Taj.



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