Max Fernandes (Office) 19 June 2011

Pre Marriage - Parental Threat

Hi Friends,

I am a 39 yr old giy, single, Catholic in love with a 24 yr old Maharashtrian girl. We are in love with each other for the past 6 months. She is willfully ready to marry me. She is ready to leave her parents to join me. The problem is that her parents don't know about our relationship and are looking out for a boy to get her married (arranged). They had objected to her proposal to marry a boy of her choice in 2010.

We have decided to get married in Court. But lately she has told me that her parents may threaten me or harm me and her if they found out that there is a relationship between us. Even to the extent that her father may even consider a family suicide (i.e. he will kill his entire family, himself, his own wife, her bro and her). He (her father) may even harm me and my family.

Please can you sugggest if there is any kind of protection that I can get from the law, once we are legally declared husband and wife in Court. What is the next step to take to make sure we are protected?

My mother was ready to accept her in my family, but after hearing about the threats, she is backing off considering the latest news reports on HONOUR killings taking place.

What should I do?

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6 Replies

(Guest)

It's best to talk to her parents. Then, gauge their reaction for a few months to decide if you still want to get married.

Max Fernandes (Office) 19 June 2011

Hi Uma.

Thanks for your reply. Her dad has not directly confronted me but he knows that we are carrying on an affair and he is dead against it. Thats why he has warned her daughter of dire consequences. Even if I did approach and propose marriage. He would not agree and maybe even confine her in her house and get her forceully married to a boy of their choice.

Any suggestions ?

(Guest)

you leave her alone

Dr. MPS RAMANI Ph.D.[Tech.] (Scientist/Engineer) 21 June 2011

If you get married the law is on your side. But as regards threats, you yourself have to decide. I do not think that Government will give you Z-category protection. They do not even protect prosecution witnesses. As regards the threat of suicide by the girl's family only you two, particularly the girl, have/has to decide, whether marrying you or her family is more important. How do you propose to get married under Special Marriages Act, Church Marriage or Arya Samaj marriage? Have you tried to find out whether the girl's father and your mother will be ready for an Arya Samaj Marriage?

Max Fernandes (Office) 21 June 2011

Thanks for the info Dr MPS Ramani...

Just a brief of the girls side... Although she loves her parents, she is willing to sacrifice and commit herself to me. But she has been threatened by her parents that they may do something incase she goes against their wishes.

Her parents have a doubt that we are having an affair but my gf has never disclosed to them that we are friendly, just friends, but her dad has already warned her to stay away from me. Regards to my mother, i guess she will be convinced soon as I have already introduced her to my mom and my gf has come over to my place on a few occasions.

We plan to marry under the Special Marriages Act (court marriage). Once that procedure is over and we are legally wed, I will proceed to register and marry under the Church after following all the rules and procedures. It is only after the court marriage will we disclose to her parents that now she is legally married to me. I know there will be a lot of bad blood from her parents side and they may even disown her. She and I are ready to accept that. But my fear is that even after marrying legally will her parents cause harm to us?

(Guest)

Max Fernandes: I also fear the same, your future wife might not be able to cut her parents completely out of your life. Are you in favor of moving to a distant place? This will limit their interference. Otherwise...all hell might break loose. Usually kids brought up in a suppressed environment are emotionally dependent on the parents.