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JusticeSeeker (Manager)     07 November 2010

Plz Help

Hi -

I was married in 2003 to a man--after the marriage I found out that he was gay. I was kept in their like a prisioner and they wouldn't even let me go out anywhere even to my mother's house. Somehow with my collegues' help I pass on the message to my parents who came and rescued me. Within 3 months of marriage it got anulled. Even after coming out they tortured me badly by making calls to my home phone no and speaking very indecently. Finally however we were able to get divorce from him through court.

Now after six years my parents arranged a marriage for me with another man. My parents explained my situation to him and he agreed to keep me happy. Infact it was his uncle who brought the proposal as he knew my parents. He had a temporary job in a school and I'm holding a Professor's job in a reputed college. Since his family was not well to do we took care of all the expenses of the marriage and including the 'thaali' chain and clothes for him, his mother and sisters. Initially he behaved well but soon he started speaking harshly and demanding all my salary and atm card and bank passbook be submitted to his mother. When i refused his mother called me and threatened that he would leave me. Meanwhile my parents looked out for many job interviews in some known schools but he refused to go to work at all.

One day when I went to college all of a sudden he vanished from home. I was pregnant during this time. For 2 days he did not show up and on the third day he sent an sms saying he wants divorce. I was devastated since this was my second marriage I did not want it to go wrong. But then he started abusing my parents and started sending derogatory emails to me, my parents and even my brother's wife. He accused me very badly and wrote such defamatory emails that made me cringe. During this time I was in my final terms of pregnancy and was scared of how the baby is going to be born due to my stress levels. But fortunately I had a safe normal delivery.

Now, he lodged a police complaint accusing my brother of planning to murder him. We went to the police station and showed them the sms & emails he sent. We asked to be diverted to the court as this is civil case. Then he sent a lawyer's notice saying that he lodged a complaint only because he wanted to see me. Again he has lodged a complaint in a women's police station in my homewtown accusing my mother of separating us. Since I was not in that city my mother went to the station and met the inspector. The station inspector spoke to me over phone and asked me to come to the station but I told her that I couldn't come as I just delivered my baby and I'm on maternity leave and cant go out anywhere now. I'm being harrased a lot.

In all this while I've never given even a complaint against all the things he has done. While running away from my home he has taken my mother's chain as well. Instead I've been waiting so that he would change and regret his actions. But it looks like every day he's getting worser and worser.

Could you suggest what I should do?


 22 Replies

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     07 November 2010

In such situation it is very difficult to advise.  His uncel who brought this proposal can help you.

JusticeSeeker (Manager)     07 November 2010

Thank you Rajeev Sir. My parents approached his uncle but it seems he was also part of this drama. His (uncle's) wife and her family told my parents that she also suffered the same treatment from him but she is silently suffering it.


I want help in knowing what rights a woman has in this scenario.

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     07 November 2010

did he not tell u why he wants divorce? if its personal discuss by pm or meet an advocate personally.


Well id venture a guess but please listen to the experts on this forum. To be safe, you can start by filing for RCR before beginning any kind of proceedings against your husband. Once that fails, which it appears that in your case is surviving only because you want to, you can move with other legal options.

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     07 November 2010

he was living with ur parents (ghar jamai) ?

hema (law officer)     07 November 2010

"I want help in knowing what rights a woman has in this scenario."

JNA, you do not have any right.  First marriage you spoiled by putting false allegation against that husband by branding him as "gay".  The second marriage, you spoiled by not allowing your husband to live on your earnings but forcing him to earn his livelihood.  You spoiled his mental and physical peace.  Do you think you did a favour to him and to us by not filing any criminal complaint against him?  You have spoiled your two marriages.  No one is to blame except yourself.  You have born in this country as a woman.  you should have learnt to live with gay very happily.  you did not do that.  you should have learnt to live happily with a lazy and unearning husband.  That you did not learn.  Now what advise experts of this forum give to you?

We will not advise you that you have got a right to file Domestic Violence case against him. Then, the police will harass your innocent husband for their gratification.  your poor husband will be tormented.  We will not advise you you can file section 498-A IPC case against you.  If you file, we are ready to call it false case to harass the innocent husband and we will brand you "498-A wife" "wife married twice to extract amount from two husbands".   The police will harass not only your innocent husband but also his innocent family members.   We will not advise you to file divorce case, because your poor husband may be asked by the court to pay maintenance to you.  We ask you only one thing.  Why have you taken birth in India as a woman?

JusticeSeeker (Manager)     07 November 2010

Thanks Avnish, Tushar . Well I had rented out a house and we stayed in that after my wedding even though we had a huge house and both my brothers were working in different cities. i'll send you both PM's as I have some questions.

Hema ji - "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything." It was proved in court that he was gay. If you want to live happily with a gay person you can do so but dont push it on me. FYKI I did not press any charges on my husband now but he has lodged two cases against me and I have no intention of claiming any money as I earn well on my own ability. I did not ask for any maintenance on the previous as well. "you should have learnt to live happily with a lazy and unearning husband" - I reckon that's how you are living, you do not have to push it on me.

Renuka Gupta ( Gender Researcher )     07 November 2010

JNA, you have been given the solutions in Hema's reply. Please do not wait  eternally for your husband to change( some people never change)  and do not lose precious years of yours. 

Look, you have asked a simple question on your rights . Read Hema's mail in positives and you will find your rights therein. File a domestic violence case and make use of anti dowry law. Engage a very strong woman lawyer who takes up rights based cases and move ahead fast. Do not feel guilty about your second marriage. You are not responsible for failure of both your marriages. 

You are the best judge of your situation. So move with confidence and be guided by a good,  lawyer who has good perspective on women's rights. 

Hope you make decision about your life sooner than later without going through any more soul breaking humiliations and without suffering silently. 

Avnish Kaur (Consultant)     07 November 2010

JNA donot file criminal cases unless u are sure you two cannot live together ,

renuka gupta  ji wat relief to seek in domestic violence case in this case, please explain?

JusticeSeeker (Manager)     07 November 2010

Thanks Renuka ji.

hedevil hydraheaded (non professional )     07 November 2010

I will explain , let her PM me. I will also put her through a competent lawyer, if she really wants it and if she rsides in Chennai. 

It's all obvious she has gone through a lot of emotional, and verbal abuse and sense of abondonment. The details she can gather from me through PM, if she feels upto it.

She may be one of the legendary 10 percent cases, many people  always refers to.  

She can know about her rights by contacting women's organisations in Tamil Nadu better than interacting with some of the biased members here. And for that also she can contact me through PM. If she is in Tamil Nadu, I would advise her to get in touch with Human rights Law Network or she can contact through phone Banglore Branch of Lawyers' collective. 

JNA if you want to know details and contact numbers, send a PM.

manjit kalra (system eng)     07 November 2010

hedevil very agressive comments? did u ask her once does she want marriage to continue?

as soon as she files a police complaint marriage is dead for all practical purposes and she will not get anything out of it except for a baby to rear. husband is unemployed and shes working so no maintenance to wife.

then u will just enjoy ur lawyers and courts , if you want to save marriage try a last time to meet him with some family members and find out a solution.

hedevil hydraheaded (non professional )     07 November 2010

JNA do not get frightened by my name and take my advice seriously. Like Renuka I will also suggest that you read Hema's reply in positives. 

hedevil hydraheaded (non professional )     07 November 2010

She can discuss all options with a good rights based lawyer. Like Renuka ji wrote finally she  is  the best judge of her situation. She can discuss all sort of options with a competent advocate. 

JNA ,  Human Rights Law Network does not charge any fee but they would advise you to protect your interests. Lawyers Collective also does not charge fee for looking into your situation and advise you accordingly.