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MM   02 July 2016

Need suggestion - wife and her family threating us

I got married recently not even 2 months and it was arranged marriage. The very next day of marriage my wife's mother told me that my wife is depression patient and is on medidation. I asked then why didn't you tell this before marriage when we asked is there anything you want to tell. She said she forgot to tell (how someone forget to tell such things). After marriage we went for honeymoon, her house & these all took around 15 days of travelling. During this time my wife told me that she didn't know what will happen after marriage (these days who's gonna believe that a biology student doesn't know) and she needs 2-3 months for which I agree. 

Then she started saying to get seprated from parents, doesn't like if I talk to my family, leave me for 2-3 months to her parent's house & started blaming me with serious allegation to her mother. One night she woke up in midnight and keep asking whether you want to live with me or not & started calling her parent in midnight, so I told her not to call at this time else they will be worried (as her father's health condition is not good). Then she called at 6 in the morning. I clarified things to her mother, she said she will talk to her daughter. 

After one day her mother told my family that she is on way and will reach my house within 2 hours (if you are planning then you should atleast tell me). She came and I told her everything, what her daughter keep saying like getting separated, don't like to do household stuff (we never forced her to do) and how she is reacting. I asked her mother to give me the doctor prescripttion so that we can take her to some good doctor in our city and the treatment will carry on but this time her mother refused that there is no medical issue with her daughter (and this is the same lady who told me in the front of her husband & daughters that she has depression issue). 

At my home, her mother told my family that her husband (my wife's father) condition is very bad so she will take my wife there, will discuss the things with her husband & explain her the things. Even my parents asked my wife in front of her mother if she has any problem with any of the family member just tell us we will try to rectify that but she said that she is not getting enough sleep (however she used to go to bed at 10PM and even during the day). My wife packed all her clothes and left.

The next day my father called them to know her father condition. After few days one of our relative went to their house and there the scenario was very different. Her mother started false allegations that my behaviour towards her is not good and even her mother wasn't treated well during her stay (however we did all just to make them comfortable), not taking her daughter to roam around (out of 30 days, your daughter was roaming around for 15 days), not even agreeing that her daughter is a depression patient. 

Till now after 20 days, they haven't made any forwards to contact. Please suggest what should we do.


  



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 2 Replies

KS Johal   02 July 2016

You say that your marriage was arranged. How many days or months notice did you get before you got married to this person. Surely you must have noticed if there was something wrong with your future wife. How effectively did your family question your future wife and her family members to establish the real facts. Did you just close your eyes and decided to get married without having any conversation with your future wife? Now that the marriage has taken place you need to decide as to what is best for you and your wife. The vows that you have taken mean that you will look after your wife in sickness and in health. This applies to you and your wife equally. My opinion is that you should take your wife to a qualified doctor and have her examined and see if she has depression or not. The doctor will also need to know the previous medical history in order to establish this. You cannot simply say that your mother in law never told you that she (your wife) had a depression problem. Once the medical issue has been resolved only then you can start thinking whether both of you want to stay together or not. It appears that there are too many captains in your marriage and you need to exclude all of them except you and your wife. You may also need to seek assistance of a mediation service if you are not able to handle this yourself. You need to sit down with your wife and explain the situation that you will take her to a qualified doctor and see if we can get help if there is any depression issues or not. Please do not make her feel that she is an ill woman and cannot make decisions. All other issues will fade away once you gain the confidence of your wife. I hope this helps to some extent.

Vibha   06 July 2016

  1. Legal situation for husbands gets very complicated once marriage turns sour. Law gives wives weapons that are very tempting to use because there are zero repercussions for making false allegations in India.
  2. I would advise you to approach a lawyer and draft a non cognizable complaint that explains your surprise discovery of her medical issues, the fact that she has willingly deserted  you and has taken all her belongings. File this complaint at nearest police station as soon as possible. In case situation turns south and your wife decides to file cases on you, this record will help you to some extent.
  3. While step (2) is to protect your legal position, I would generally advise along similar lines of KS Johal. Every marriage involves complex emotions and needs patience. Salvaging the relationship is best scenario for everyone involved.

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