LCI Learning

Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Share on LinkedIn

Share on Email

Share More

Manoj (Personal)     19 October 2011

Mental harassment by wife

Hello, my name is Manoj and I am from Chennai. I got married in 2001 and right after the first year, I have been facing severe issues and harships because of which I am unable to continue living together with my wife. Currently, we are separated for nearly 8 months and I am in the midst of initiating a divorce petition. I have been giving her money every month for her and the child, also been paying her school fees as well.

These are the issues I have been facing:

- Mental harassment and verbal abuse

- Severe mental agony

- Abnormal behavior, suicidal threats, and tendencies

- Extreme mood swings

- Lack of trust and confidence

- Daughter is harassed mentally and physically

- Filthy language and vengeance attitude

- Emotional blackmails

- Violent at most times

The following are some of her ways of threatening:

- Get into a room and say she is going to hang herself

- Go into the kitchen, have the gas on and say she was going to blow us up

- Have the kid on top of the well and threaten she was going to drop the kid in

- Consume tablets and say she was going to commit suicide

- Lodge a false case against me and parents for dowry

- Get away from the house in the night around midnight and return back late

When my daughter was born, she developed having skin rashes (known as eczema). As a mother, she took care of the child really well, but she also did what a mother wouldn't do...attempted to suffocate the child by closing her nose and mouth. Luckily I was awake and pushed her away when I noticed her legs were beating.

This somehow gave me the indication that she might be affected with some serious mental illness. To confirm, we sought the help of a psychological counselor, marital therapist. Through the counseling sessions, she indicated that she has a type of personality, which is called "Borderline Personality Disorder." The counselor, has infact, accepted to provide me with a report as well.

After having known this, her approach towards the child has also changed. She started harassing her more and would theaten her in all ways possible. She, right now, uses the child as a pawn since she knows I am very attached and close to my daughter (as any father will be!) She says to the child that she has tried to kill her, threaten her by saying if she goes to dad, she would kill her and also told me if she ever gets the slightest feeling of me taking away the daughter from her, she would kill the child and also kill herself.

I had also consulted a psychatrist regarding this and he informs me that it would be better for both of us to get separated and have me ask for the custody of the child.

Although, I have lived with this torture for many years and after going through innumerous difficulties with her, I have initiated a divorce petition. Can the experts here shed light on these questions?

- Since mental harassment and cruelty is on rise, what is the success level or percentage that I might get a divorce?

- What are the chances of me getting the custody of the child?

- Once the divorce petition reaches her, can she get inside my home and refuse to go out?

- Once the divorce petition reaches her, I am sure to get problems from her and her family members. How can I safeguard myself, my parents and daughter?

- If the illness is proved, how long will the court take to pass the judgement?

Thanks in advance!


 19 Replies

kusum gupta (prop.)     19 October 2011

dear sir,

we need to see your petition. however it is to be drafted and presented in a proper way. if already filed then we can suggest ammendeds to be filed and if proved that wife is suffering from some mentally ill kind then child custody can be given to you. kusum gupta adv

1 Like

Nadeem Qureshi (Advocate/ nadeemqureshi1@gmail.com)     19 October 2011

Dear friend

I am agree with Adv. Kusum

1 Like

rajiv_lodha (zz)     19 October 2011

To add:

Since mental harassment and cruelty is on rise, what is the success level or percentage that I might get a divorce?

This rise has nothing to do with the courts. One will get divoce by merits.

- What are the chances of me getting the custody of the child?

Decided on merits, again!

- Once the divorce petition reaches her, can she get inside my home and refuse to go out?

Yes, she may, there is no bar upon her, beware!

- Once the divorce petition reaches her, I am sure to get problems from her and her family members. How can I safeguard myself, my parents and daughter?

Advice will be problem specific. Meanwhile read "498a survival guide" DV Act urself

- If the illness is proved, how long will the court take to pass the judgement

No time limit in such cases! Anybody's guess

1 Like

Anjuru Chandra Sekhar (Advocate )     19 October 2011

You have sufficient grounds to get divorce and custody of child.  Produce the medical certificates of psychiatrists in the court to support your grounds.

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     20 October 2011


- Since mental harassment and cruelty is on rise, what is the success level or percentage that I might get a divorce?


- What are the chances of me getting the custody of the child?


- Once the divorce petition reaches her, can she get inside my home and refuse to go out?


- Once the divorce petition reaches her, I am sure to get problems from her and her family members. How can I safeguard myself, my parents and daughter?


- If the illness is proved, how long will the court take to pass the judgement?





2 Like

Manoj (Personal)     09 December 2011

Thanks to all for providing your expert guidance on my issue. Things, although, are progressing at a leisurely pace, thought I would get all of your inputs again on what has happened so far after my initial query.

I finally took courage and made up my mind to file a divorce petition. I have filed a mental harassment case against my spouse. Once the petition reached her house, her parents had re-directed the petition to my house and have sent their daughter back (after 8 months of separation.) When the petition reached my house, we had to re-direct it to my spouse's office, which she had to accept.

It has been a little over a month since she has been living here. We both live in separate rooms, do not communicate much except regarding our daughter. Initially, she has been calm and patient and after a week or so, she said she wanted to talk to me about our daughter, but was strict in saying she wanted to meet me outside and not at home. I was really not keen on meeting her outside and hence informed her that we would meet and discuss at home with the room locked and privacy. During the conversation, we discussed several issues, but the important one was that she wanted me to withdraw my petition to which I refused. She said we cannot live as husband-wife anymore and we have to think about our daughter for whom we should be role models. Repeatedly she forced me to withdraw the petition, which I have bluntly refused by saying I was through with her abuses, mental harassments.

Last week, an anonymous letter was sent to my office counterpart. The letter (5 pages) was sent to her, but inside it was addressed to me (spouse had written in the envelope) and was worded in such a way that my conscience was writing to me. The copy of letter was sent to my home and another to the head of HR. I was called by the HR, told me to have these sorted at home and not bring any such issues to the office in future. I had explained by saying it was an anonymous letter, but they were not ready to buy my reply.

Some excerpts from the letter:
- I am born with a hole in my heart and did not disclose this to them prior to marriage (We did and they accepted for marriage only after confirming with the doctor. Her dad had sent a letter stating this.)
- I am having a contagious skin disease
- I am diagnosed with TB (The anti-TB drug did the magic when I had a fever of 105 degree celcius. The doctor ruled out the possibility of me having TB. Spouse knows this as well.)
- I am a useless husband and father
- I am having multiple relationships with many women in my office
- I am throwing allegations at my spouse

I am sure they expected me to react to the letter by harassing my spouse or have her send out of the house. I was advised by my lawyer not to react or bring any harm to my spouse. Either way, I would not have done anything like that since I never believe in getting something by harming or threatening anyone.

After all these attempts were proved futile, her mother and sister in law came home to talk to my parents. I was away at work then. My parents had told them that it was solely my decision and they do not have a role to play in my decision. My parents had told them about the letter and hearing it, they said they knew nothing about it. My parents asked them where were they for so long, they visited one of their kids in UK whilst this issue, why they did not even bother to talk though we asked them to come over. We asked them if they even attempted to talk to the counsellor that diagnosed her of having Borderline Personality Disorder. They did not have an answer to any of our questions, and walked away after 2 solid hours of talking.

Currently, she is playing cool, does not react in anyway. This is how it has been happening for almost 9 years. Whenever we have a fight or get separated, she would act as if she has changed herself, and will behave properly in future. Everytime (for almost 5 instances), I was fooled and after a couple of days, she shows her true color.

The date for our first hearing is on January 12. Now coming to my queries:

1. Can the letter be taken as a proof of harassment? Can this letter be used to lodge a defamation case against them?
2. Since we have already gone through the psychological counseling earlier, will we asked to go through it again? The counselor was none other than the person who takes care of psychological counseling at the court.
3. Although I am not reacting to anything of hers or her family, I am afraid I am losing my patience very fast. If I react harshly, will this go against me?
4. What if I respond to the letter over email to all of her family members? Will this go against me in anyway? I have understand that it doesn't pay enough to be so patient.
5. Since she is at home, will the petition be void and nullified? There is no mutual consent here, I have filed the mental harassment case.

Thanking everyone in advance for their guidance!!!

1 Like

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     09 December 2011

Why did you allow her to enter the house.


Now, the case is further complicated.


Also, don't think of defamation as yet, this is additional proof of cruelty in your divorce case.



Shonee Kapoor
1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     10 December 2011

@ Shonee bhai,

how can husband disallow wife from entering home ??

wont it account to cruelty ??

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     11 December 2011

When divorce petition is in the court. You can deny.


Let her file a counter case of divorce on grounds of cruelty.





Shonee Kapoor


1 Like

Manoj (Personal)     12 December 2011

Thanks @Shonee...when checked with my lawyer, he had told that we cannot restrict her from getting into the house. I guess, even a recent court order indicated the spouse can be at her in-laws house until the divorce case is over.

As rightly said by Amit, my lawyer did convey the same. Probably the spouse and her family wants me to take some extreme step or behave cruelly when she is at home and when they sent the anonymous letter. He has told me to remain calm since this letter would also be taken as a charge for mental harassment.

Lawyer went on to say, they cannot file any case of harassment case since she is back home and no one come back home if he/she was threatened or harassed. This goes on to say, knowinly or unknowingly, they have done us a big deed by coming into the house.

Dr. GYV Victor., PhD., CEng., (Chartered Engineer Dredge Master (STCW 95) Marine Shipping Contracts Customs Arbitrator and Consultant)     12 December 2011

Manoj, you have merit to the case also there are demertis to the case, unless and until you prove that merits of the case if will be difficult for you. Mental illness is difficult to prove unless and until you have a strong medical back up to prove. Also the court may have the opinion to make, how a mental ill women can take care her daughter and the stray incidents within the closed doors shall not have any backing if not coupled with medical evidence. She might turn the case against you to prove that she was sober and made a mental ill person after your creulty, the report that you shall submit that she is on boarderline disorder person. The mental ill person to be certified by a doctor after proper investigation.

The lettter send to your HR may be treated as a letter send by her, but you need to prove such belief.

Manoj (Personal)     12 December 2011

Hello Dr. Victor - What you say is right. I do not think anyone can file a divorce petition without properly proof or back up. Ofcourse, the courts do conduct general and psychological counseling sessions for such cases. In my case, I did go for counseling much before I filed my divorce request. There are many issues to my case, one of it is the mental illness, "Borderline Personality Disorder."

I have a report provided by the psychologist to whom we had gone for counseling. The report clearly states, her behavior coupled by attitude, nature, characteristics are features of this disorder. The psychologist is the counselor at the court as well, so I guess, the court might take her report or summon her to substantiate her findings.

Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     12 December 2011



It is easy to refuse entry in the house than to force someone in the house out of it.


Shonee Kapoor


1 Like

Manoj (Personal)     16 July 2012

Hello everyone - thanks to each one of you to have provided your valuable comments and suggestions. Nothing much has improved, excepting the dates keep postpoining. Its almost 10 months now since I filed my petition. Lots happened after that. I was taken to the police station, harassed by the police and my spouse and brother. Despite me asking for the copy of complaint, nothing was given to me. The women police told me to file an RTI and get the required information. I thought women police are humans too and they would understand the problems faced by people and I was proved to be wrong. We were made to wait for longer times, whilst the complainant were provided a royal treatment. The constables and inspector discussed amongst themselves asking what should they do to us since we weren't going by their terms. The lawyer had told this to the judge and the counseling session was cancelled. This is the only feel-good factor. Its been seven months since this happened and right after that they have been saying they would file a counter and until now, they haven't done so. I still receive cheap messages from her on my mobile, gtalk and yahoo messenger. I also get messages from IDs that does not even exist in my list citing that my spouse is involved in other cheap activities.

My lawyer has right now said he is going to appeal for expartee if they do not file a counter this week  (I have my hearing on Wednesday). How long does the court usually give time for filing a counter? If they do not file a counter this time, would asking for an expartee help in any way?

Leave a reply

Your are not logged in . Please login to post replies

Click here to Login / Register  

Related Threads