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amar   06 February 2015

Mental cruelty by wife


I am married for one year and residing in Bangalore. I am basically from Bengal. My marriage was an arranged marriage and the girl is from assam. After marriage, i took my wife with me. After going to Bangalore, she used to sleep all the day at home and on asking she used to tell me that she is not feeling well, having headache etc etc. I took her to multiple doctors, n did blood tests n all. Doctors told there is nothing and this could be due to change of place. She told me that she wants to go back to her home town, i sent her the very next day. After a week she came back and her parent put complained that why i didn't went to bring her back, even though i have booked all her flight tickets and drooped/picked her from airport. 

After few days, i found some objectionable chats in her Facebook & gmail accounts. When i confronted her, she told me that she used to do dirty chat(even sent & received photos) with boys on Facebook & gmail. She used to get money from them to recharge her mobile. Then she told its all past and she will not do these things in future. By the time i managed to save some of the chats, she deleted everything from her account and changed her password. I trusted her and didn't told this to anyone.

After few weeks, my parents came to visit us in Bangalore. She was very lathergic in her nature, not willing to learn or do anything. She just wanted to do timepass. Sitting all day with her mobile chatting with her friends and mother updating her of every time n details and getting instructions.She behaved very rudely with my parents so they left.

Then her parents came, and they started to go for some regular check-ups. After few days, my wife stopped talking to me when i asked her, her mother came in between and told me that i am pretending to be busy and not taking them to doctors n all (even though i used to drop them in hospital before leaving for office) Let me tell you they didnt had anything serious, just consulted some darmatologist for skin related things and gastric problems.

Once they went, my wife used to tell my neighbours that her mom earns this much, her dad earns that much, they are from a very hifi family n all that cheap things.

 In between i told her to join a school so that she will get some good company.That also their parents took it in a different way, Her mother wanted to dictate my family life in her own terms and her daughter used to follow it,

She used to used very filthy language and used to go out of my flat and stay with her distant relative in some cases she went to her home also. On hearing all this my mother had a mild stroke. Once i got the news, when i was leaving for my hometown, she was sitting and telling that this should happen to me also, All my neighbours were trying to convince her to go with me but she was adament. Later they also got fedup and left, The very next day she went to her home. She used to lock herself in one room and stay like that, not cooking or doing anything. I used to cook and keep food for her before leaving for office but she used to take food from outside, 

Everytime she cameback from her home,she used to start shouting for divorce. I made her understand twice but after few days she again starts behaving the same.

On October last year, she had a gall stone. My parents took her to my home, took care of her, got her operated. After the operation when she was all fine again, she told that she wants to visit her home as i was not in bangalore due to official work. On second day after reaching her home, she again started telling that i should follow her terms else i should give her divorce n all. I stopped talking to her, I used to recharge her phone every 8th day and pay for her internet bills even though she was not talking to me nor to my parents. Her mother continued to support her, My dad asked her mom to come to our place to discuss and sort things out but they never came.

I met my limits and one day in Jan2015, told her mom that i also dont want to continue the relationship. After this they started to change their tune every now and then, They denied that they ever told that they want divorce, She messaged my colleagues stating that i used to torture her and she kept mum. But she will not let me go easily and all this stuffs.

My boss told me to take leave and sort it out first as my work was getting hampered. I came home as my parents are also very depressed with all this.

Here i want some expert advice on what should i do in this situation? They are threatening to put cases.

What legal course should i take? I have consulted few lawyers, but they told me that there's nothing i can do as its always on the girls side,

I just can't take this any more and want to get rid of this.

Please help....!!


 7 Replies

SuperHero (Manager)     07 February 2015

Read your long story. Sorry for what has happened.

Go through LCI, there are lot of examples similar to you. You have to read Law and understand some basics...

Do you want divorce? If Yes then MCD is the best both are free after 6 months.

If case gets contested then it will take many years. By contesting your precious Time and Energy will be lost.

Are you ready to pay alimony (One time Lump sum) if so how much?

What do you want to do after divorce?

Some of the posts are


Wife is a package.  She is not just a person.  She comes with a huge set of problems/solutions.  Ab karli shaadi toh  adjust karna hi padega, no other option for you or file divorce.

Adjust with wife.  Or be prepared to roam endlessly to court also pay her alimony till you get divorced and pay her alimony after that too.

Its wise to nod and say yes/sorry/its okay even if you dont mean it rather to face false criminal cases like dowry, DV etc and face divorce case which dont have any meaning, and you lose your life in court halls.

amar   07 February 2015

Hi, Thanks for your suggestions. Here are the answers of the questions asked by SuperHero: -She is not willing to go for MCD. - Frankly speaking my economic condition has become worst in last one year due to the stated situation so I can't afford to pay any amount. - Post divorce, i just want to stay alone with a bit of peace.

roshuv (Manager)     07 February 2015

Dear Amar,

My wife was also from assam. They Lied while sending me request for marriage. She nd her mother wanted to dictate the terms. I m too mentally suffering past 1.8 yrs. My marrg lasted 9 months. 

They have demanded alimony of 15 lacs. Basically they know that this much amount cannot be granted by court. Might be 3-5 lacs.

I have hired a Lawyer in assam (he has take a huge sum) and we are fighting the case. I have researched a bit and come to know that 2 points are solid where u do not have to pay alimony.

1. Desertion by wife. (approved by Supreme Court : in that case the man had filed Conjugal rights Restoration CRC and wife turned it down) She had left her matrimonial home and not returned.

2. Adultery by Wife. ( In recent Supreme court refused alimony under HMA Sec 25 pls read the same)

In Your place I would have called her (RECORDING the Conversation) and requested her to come back and said previously so many times I have requested you again aI m requestin u pls come back. Record it I hope she refuses.

As it is Good decision of yours not to continue this relationship.

Wish u all the Best Brother.

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     07 February 2015

Now the ball is in your court, you have to decide whether to continue this unpleasant marital voyage with the unwilling partner anymore or part each others ways by mutilate consent. If she is agreeing for it, fix the terms and call it a day or else go for divorce on the grounds of cruelty (mental) and non-cohabitation too.

SuperHero (Manager)     08 February 2015

Here is what I can think of.....

File the divorce cases as advised by above advocates and roam to court endlessly.

Courts will teach you Patience, Tolerance if not frustration, anger and so and so forth!!!!!


Make her agree for MCD by paying lump sum amount, maintenance and both are free for 6 months.


Just take a walking stick, dhoti and keep walking North of India until you reach Haridwar, Rishekesh or Himalayas.

There you will find Pure Ganga water, dive in it, meditate and you may find peace. Even if you go there and think of your wife and cases Peace will not be there. Hope you understood.

They will file cases and they may get an exparte divorce.

After few years you can return back if you want.....

Nitish Banka (lawyer)     05 September 2017



Getting Divorce on Cruelty

The degree of proof needed to prove cruelty and getting divorce on grounds of it is far less than in the cases of 498a, because in divorce cases preponderance of evidence is more important than proving cruelty than proving it beyond reasonable doubt.

In recent judgement


Cruelty for the purpose of Section 13(1)(ia) is to be taken as a behavior by one spouse towards the other which causes reasonable apprehension in the mind of the latter that it is not safe for him or her to continue the matrimonial relationship with the other. Mental cruelty is a state of mind and feeling with one of the spouses due to the behavior or behavioral pattern by the other. Unlike the case of physical cruelty the mental cruelty is difficult to establish by direct evidence. It is necessarily a matter of inference to be drawn from the facts and circumstances of the case. A feeling of anguish, disappointment and frustration in one spouse caused by the conduct of the other can only be appreciated on assessing the attending facts and circumstances in which the two partners of matrimonial life have been living. The inference has to be drawn from the attending facts and circumstances taken cumulatively. In case of mental cruelty it will not be a correct approach to take an instance of misbehavior in isolation and then pose the question whether such behaviour is sufficient by itself to cause mental cruelty. The approach should be to take the cumulative effect of the facts and circumstances emerging from the evidence on record and then draw a fair inference whether the petitioner in the divorce petition has been subjected to mental trauma due to conduct of the other.



The major thing is that there is a breakdown of marriage because of the conduct and its not possible for husband and wife to live together, there should be a continuous atrocities and it should be apart from the normal wear and tear of marriage.

The married life should be assessed as a whole and a few isolated instances over certain period will not amount to cruelty. The ill-conduct must be precedent for a fairly lengthy period where the relationship has deteriorated to an extent that because of the acts and behavior of a spouse, one party finds it extremely difficult to live with the other party no longer may amount to mental cruelty.


Making certain statements on the spur of the moment and expressing certain displeasure about the behavior of elders may not be characterized as cruelty. Mere trivial irritations, quarrels, normal wear and tear of married life which happens in day to day life in all families would not be adequate for grant of divorce on this ground.

Sustained unjustifiable and reprehensible conduct affecting physical and mental health of the other spouse may lead to mental cruelty.

Therefore for getting divorce on the ground on this ground, whole marriage is to be assessed by the court, remember that the policy of the court is on reconciliation, one or two incidence does not suffice the grounds of cruelty.

By: Nitish Banka

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