Marriage

Sonal, it appears that you are a major but not matured. There must be a reason why your parents do not want you to marry this guy. Nobody cares for your welfare more than your parents. Go through this forum and you will see that it is littered with many so-called love marriages gone sour. If you are not convinced, then go to a local Family Court and see it for yourself. Pretty young women with a sad face sitting and regretting that they married someone "out of love." 

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What you think is love, is nothing but passion out of youth. It will wear off in a year or two of marriage and then reality will set in. Please sit with your parents and discuss rationally. Perhaps they will let you see the practical side which your blind love may have blinded you from seeing. Ask yourself these questions and then make a judgmental call. Of course, nobody is going to meet all the criterion but the answers will give you some understanding of what you are headed for:

• Is your boyfriend reasonably educated compared to others in your family.
• Is he employed or in business and earning enough to sustain you and future children
• Do you have proof of ALL of the above
• Are his parents cultured and by that I don't mean if they belong to a specific caste or religion or have degrees. Culture is something you get to know only after spending some time with them.
• What about his siblings? What is their background?

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Hope you get the point. And mind you... I am not exactly a villager. I have spent most of my life in a western country so please take this brotherly advice seriously. ALWAYS REMEMBER: NOBODY CARES MORE FOR YOU THAN YOUR PARENTS. NOBODY WILL DO AS MUCH THINKING ABOUT WHAT IS GOOD FOR YOU AS YOUR PARENTS. NOBODY WILL BE THERE FOR YOU IN THE FUTURE IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, AS YOUR PARENTS. SO THIS BF OF YOURS IS JUST THAT... A BF. DO NOT TRY TO WEIGH HIM AGAINST YOUR PARENTS.  And do not even think of going to police to file a complaint against them. 

You are a major, flee your house, approach the local police chief, convince your problems, seek protection, with the police help call the boy and go ahead with your marriage with him and go fall at your parents feet to pardon you and bless you both.

@Samir N - what kind of advice are you giving to this girl - my god man!  you are stuck in a time warp. 

 

You say you know western society, yet you encourage this lady to enter into an arranged marriage, simply because mother and father know best!  - get a grip man.

 

Sometimes mother and father DO NOT KNOW BEST.  Sometimes there is a motive why they want their son's or daughters to marry - most of the time it's because of MONEY. 

 

There is no 'WE KNOW BEST' or 'THIS BOY/GIRL IS YOUR MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN' - most of the time its all about MONEY - not about their child's welfare or happiness.

 

I am not saying i am against arranged marriages - that is the culture of your country and i respect that - but please do not say it's because mother and father know best - i know many Indian male and female friends who have suffered dearly because 'father and mother knew best'.  Parents are responsible for raising their children to be respectful, to do good, to be decent people. 

They do not have the right to live their children's lives - every person has a right to life - it's called FREE WILL - so telling this lady to listen to her parents is basically a way of saying 'shut your mouth'  or put up and shut up.  Love marriage or arranged marriage - the choice should be the individiuals, not the parent.

 

@queriest - it is your prerogative to live the life you want and marry who you want - take the advice of Advocate Kalaiselvan.

@Northern... You have not parsed my response carefully but appear to have responded after a casual perusal. I am just advising her to take into consideration all relevant factors which she may not have taken into consideration in her decision. Nothing in my response says that she should blindly follow her parental guidance but emphasized parental guidance. There are an ever increasing number of cases of girls going against their parents' wishes, marrying someone and then regretting the decision later.

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No matter what, one thing for sure, the facts provided here are too flimsy for anyone to advise one way or the other. I just opened her eyes to the OTHER possibility because everyone else was asking her to move forward with her own decision. Let us say that this girl is a top-ranked MBBS doctor and the boy is a sweeper working in her medical college. Would you still advise her to move forward. What is he is twenty five years older than her? What if he is suffering from some disease... What if... there are so many what ifs.  Those who give guidance without knowing all such facts are stuck, not in a time warp, but in some delusional magnetic field, cloaked in the guise of modernity. In reality, it is stupidity.

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THE PROBLEM WITH MOST RESPONSES ON THIS SITE ARE THAT THEY ARE GIVEN WITHOUT KNOWING SUFFICIENT FACTS OF THE CASE, LET ALONE ALL FACTS OF THE CASE. At the minimum, those who advised her to move forward should have asked about other "PRACTICAL" details. All that I did was to compensate for such blind and ill-informed guidance.

@Samir N - My point is that every person has FREE WILL.  To make our own choices in life - regardless if we marry someone beneath us or above us in status.

So what if the girl is a top ranked MBBS doctor and the boy is a sweeper working in her medical college - maybe he makes the tea as well!  So what if he is 25 years older and has a physical health problem - Who are you to say this is right or wrong

God help all those people out there who are poor, ugly, disabled, disfigured or just not from the same caste - they have just been discriminated against by you Samir, because you think it is ok to judge people by your standards, on their social status etc. They are simply not suitable to marry one of YOUR children by your standards. In fact, you are actually targeting rich men, so does that make you a golddigger????

We all want the best for our children, but we CANNOT interfere in their lives. It is their right to make their own decisions and sometimes these includes the wrong choices, however, that is their prerogative.  Does article 21 of the Constitution of India ring any bells - right to life and liberty and all that jaz!!!

Life is hard and not everyone who is wealthy leads a happy life either.  Marriage is wonderful for those who find Mr or Mrs Right, but sometimes it all goes pear shaped and heaven turns into hell.  That can happen in a love marriage or arranged marriage.  Nobody knows if someone is the perfect choice until they live with each other.

And don't tell me these girls who are going against their parents wishes are regretting the decision later - that is their choice.  Lots of arranged marriages to wealthy men are resulting in the wife celebrating with the 'big pot of gold' after using the 498a wedding gift.

The queriest gave a brief information about her problem, and i am sure there is much more to it - but she didn't ask for marriage guidance - she has obviously made up her mind that this boyfriend is the one for her - so please do not condemn her for not knowing her own mind by saying she is immature.

 

@queriest - Without knowing your full case, it is difficult for people to comment much further.  You should contact one of the many Advocates here personally and discuss your case more in depth

I hope you get the help you need. Peace and love to you

@Northern, Your own statement "@queriest - Without knowing your full case, it is difficult for people to comment much further." says it all. It is because there were comments giving unconditional advice, in the absence of all facts, that I had to intervene to dilute the impact of the misguided or ill-informed advice.  

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In your latest post, you have taken my statements and given them a totally new twist that enables you to comment the obvious. It is as if you are desperately looking for some excuse to pontificate on the virtues of marriages involving highly-unbalanced situations. May be you are looking to scriptt the next Bollywood movie? Or more likely some personal rejections in the past may have left some unhealed scars.  Now that you have vented your feelings, I hope you feel better. If not, please feel free to take even this post out of context and write a long essay on any topic you want.  If it makes you feel better, hey, why not?   Therapy comes in all forms.

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@Samir - Your last post befits the type of person you really are - a crass and shallow person.   

Don't flatter yourself at your 'witty humour'.  Your comments and cheap remarks at 'needing therapy' fell on deaf ears. 

You suggest my reply was helping me feel better as a way of therapy - mmm,  maybe your reply suggests that you need psychiatric treatment.  So please, go and take yourself off to the Psychiatrist now, and do all the members a favour - get yourself cured of the verbal diarrhea you spit out on here. 

I rather like the idea of scriptttting a Bollywood movie though - maybe i will pen you in for the lead role - as a over inflated, over bearing bore! 

 Oh, and you are not the only one who is entitled to an opinion on here. 

Love and peace to you!

@Northern... Hope you are feeling better now... You are welcomed.

@Samir - If you think i am venting my anger at you for therapy, then dream on loser.

 

If you want  a battle of 'who gets the last word' then bring it on - i truly enjoy a good verbal fight.  Especially when it is with an overbearing, arrogant person who feels he is the only one with an opinion.

 

The real loser here is the queriest. She needs advice from PROFESSIONALS. 

 

So if you're MAN enough - then PM me and continue your rant - because i have obviously rattled your cage too - else you wouldn't have responded to my posts!!!

 

i have decided it after staying in a critical surrounding .. i havnt seen mah bf from last 3 years still he is waiting for me . i took this decision after living with mah family for 2 yrs most probably...till now they arent ready for this and trying me to tell yes. with out telling me they are trying to fix a marriage till nw.today mahh family members went to a guys parents for the marriage and they still havnt told me nything. so plz pl zplz advice me with a simple and particular way by which the court or police or womens cell will take mah decision and mujhe yahan se nikal lein ... i want a advice from u all that my bf will go to court or police will tell everythng but most of the advocates are denying just bcoz the state diff is coming over..