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Pooja (mom)     26 August 2013

Is there any way to save my marriage ?

This is further to the discussion we had last month.

Just a brief on my case :- My husband left home a year back and refuses to come back. He has taken up a job abroad. All my intentions to patch up with him and make the relationship work, have failed. Excluding his mom, all my in-laws are with me, but nobody wants to come to court if required. My husband is insisting for divorce through several attempts at convincing me for DV, first through mutual consent threats and now by sending me a divorce petition. I am however keen to patch up and bow down to all his legitimate / illegitimate demands.

My husband has succeeded through High Court, in transferring my RCR case to this city where he had filed for divorce. Earlier I had also applied for transfer of his petition to my city where RCR was filed........but my petition got rejected. Anyhow. I received the divorce petition in march and now 5 months have passed due to all these transfer issues. I don't have a lawyer as yet in this city, because I cannot afford one. I met husband's lawyer in court and he is threatening me now saying that its already too late and that 90 days have already passed after I received petition and so I should submit for written reply now. He and my husband also tried their best to convince me for mutual consent divorce, when I met them in court few days back. Husband says that he will not come back home, even if the judge declares NO DIVORCE. My RCR petition papers may take time to reach the court here, but his advocate says that he will start with divorce proceedings on next date and not wait for my RCR papers to reach here.

Please guide me :-

a) I consulted my family and friends and everybody felt that it is better to agree for mutual consent, rather than dragging the case ? I already wrote to my husband and his lawyers that I am ready for mutual consent, but they have not replied to my mail. I dont know what they want from me now.

b) His lawyer threatens that presently husband is ready to give me my house if I agree for mutual consent divorce. If I dont agree and decide to contest the case, then I will lose my property too. Is this true? Will I not get my 50% share of property anyhow, because it is on our joint name.

c) If I dont give my written reply to petition on next hearing date, will the divorce be granted to him ex-parte ?

d) If I dont want to contest the case, instead agree for mutual divorce, can they pressurize me to contest ?

e) I sometimes feel that I should contest. This is because all allegations against me are false and I also have proofs in most cases to prove my innocence. Besides I also have instances of mental torture to me by my husband's family, which I have not brought out in the open so far. I did not want to drag my in laws into all this, but now since my husband is acting adamant and not even thinking about his child, why should I have so much concern for his parents. Please advise.

f) I have evidence of my husband's extra-marital case also now. I told my husband about it and he kept quiet. My mom in law supporting even this act of his. She says that he has been staying away for a year now, so these kind of things can happen. Will it be foolish on my part to agree for mutual consent, inspite of knowing that its all my husband's fault and they are simply putting the blame on me for nothing. I am totally confused. I dont want my family to break. I still love my husband inspite of his wrong doings and I am ready to forgive him for everything. I neither want his property nor his money.........I just want him back. What should I do, so that he may either withdraw the case or put it on hold. The judge had a casual chat with me for 3-4 minutes and gave me a hint that if I dont want divorce, there is no way it can happen. But whats the use even if I win, since husband has decided not to come back at all. He probably is being pressurized for marriage by the other lady. Please give your valuable advice and suggestions.

Based on that, I will decide if I should contest the case and submit my WR, or agree for mutual consent and avoid wasting time, money and energy on a lengthy litigation process. 

I am specially worried about point (c) and (d) above.

Request my lawyer friends here to please help and guide me.



Learning

 11 Replies

Dev (xxx)     26 August 2013

I am not Lawyer.

I went through your post and felt that you sincerely want to save your marriage.

Frankly speaking I dont trust and respect people who abondon their child.

My wife did the same thing with me. She abondoned my child of tender age because of her self-centered issues.

I think you should get yourself out of this mess and atleast try to live your remaining life peacefully with your lovely daughter. Thank god that she is there for you in this difficult time.

Do people really give birth to a child for abondoning him/her? I really fail to get answers to such question. How can a mother or a father abondon child. I feel like crying...

Pooja (mom)     26 August 2013

Thanks Dev for understanding and empathizing with me. I still cant believe that my husband has done this to me after one and a half decade of being married to each other. We knew each other for almost a decade before marriage too.

God has made some people so heartless and ruthless. And truly said "Love is blind." I still love this man and am ready to welcome him with open arms when he comes back.

We can just pray for each other, I guess and leave the rest in God's hands.

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     26 August 2013

 

 

Originally posted by : Pooja

 

Please guide me :-

a) I consulted my family and friends and everybody felt that it is better to agree for mutual consent, rather than dragging the case ? I already wrote to my husband and his lawyers that I am ready for mutual consent, but they have not replied to my mail. I dont know what they want from me now.

Take: In every Family Court (established under Family Court Act) the first procedure is to send parties for reconciliation / mediation. There before the mediator you may express your wish for MCD. Same will be recorded with mutually agreed terms and conditions. You have to wait for the same or may singularly press for sending parties for mediation once you appear in Family Court on next date of hearing.

b) His lawyer threatens that presently husband is ready to give me my house if I agree for mutual consent divorce. If I dont agree and decide to contest the case, then I will lose my property too. Is this true? Will I not get my 50% share of property anyhow, because it is on our joint name.

Take: There is no such law currently that if the property is in joint names then weaker spouse during divorce will get 50% share. hence remove such doubts from your mind. If he is agreeing to transfer title of property in lieu of MCD then it is better deal as 'shelter' is first priority which many (housewife) weaker spouse seek during divorce proceedings.

c) If I dont give my written reply to petition on next hearing date, will the divorce be granted to him ex-parte ?

Take: You may appear before concerned Court and seek adjournment citing "appointing an Advocate". Court obliges such genuine pleas from weaker spouse.

d) If I dont want to contest the case, instead agree for mutual divorce, can they pressurize me to contest ?

Take: No.

e)
I sometimes feel that I should contest. This is because all allegations against me are false and I also have proofs in most cases to prove my innocence. Besides I also have instances of mental torture to me by my husband's family, which I have not brought out in the open so far. I did not want to drag my in laws into all this, but now since my husband is acting adamant and not even thinking about his child, why should I have so much concern for his parents. Please advise.
Take: This is your call purely. Best would be to take them for 'dry test" It (alleged proofs / facts as you claim you have) is done by consulting two highly experienced matrimonial Advocates via chamber consultations (which does not cost bomb) and seek nearest outcome opinion on such "proofs". Once satisfied if they stand trial then proceed ahead and do consider 'time it takes' to adjudicate finally by a Court and can you sustain such elasticized period at the end to just see verdict in your favour. If the answer from once heart is yes then by all means go ahead. If the answer is maybe then it is always better to see once current private position and then act (take next step) accordingly which should be your decision not invisible internet forum prompt. In love and war of bed of roses every 'response' is valid act and should be taken with no sense of 'self assumed guilt'.
 
f) I have evidence of my husband's extra-marital case also now. I told my husband about it and he kept quiet. My mom in law supporting even this act of his. She says that he has been staying away for a year now, so these kind of things can happen. Will it be foolish on my part to agree for mutual consent, inspite of knowing that its all my husband's fault and they are simply putting the blame on me for nothing. I am totally confused. I dont want my family to break. I still love my husband inspite of his wrong doings and I am ready to forgive him for everything. I neither want his property nor his money.........I just want him back. What should I do, so that he may either withdraw the case or put it on hold. The judge had a casual chat with me for 3-4 minutes and gave me a hint that if I don’t want divorce, there is no way it can happen. But what’s the use even if I win, since husband has decided not to come back at all. He probably is being pressurized for marriage by the other lady. Please give your valuable advice and suggestions.

Take: Read reply given to your query (e)
Observation:
Today divorce is no more a dirty word, especially when shelter over once head is offered by parting other spouse!

 

 

 

rahul (director)     26 August 2013

c) If I don't give my written reply to petition on next hearing date, will the divorce be granted to him ex-parte ?

 

ex-parte is not so easy, max to max.. court can impose Rs 500 or Rs 1000 cost on you to pay other side's advocate for not filing your WS even after 5 month and judge will give you last opportunity to file your WS.

at this stage you can request to NOT impose any cost on you.,. judge will not impose on your request.

 

not filing of WS doesn't means Ex-parte,,,

 

ex parte only happen when opponent not appear after serving of notice.

  

may be after some time.. judge can struk off your right to file WS,, even then you have right to argue your case during argument orally.

 

 

 

d) If I don't want to contest the case, instead agree for mutual divorce, can they pressurize me to contest?

 

why they pressurize you to contest. they too wanting that you not contest his petition and say YES for mutual divorce.

 

 

Pooja (mom)     26 August 2013

Thank you friends for your replies.

Is there no way that I can stop the divorce ? What are chances of a judge dismissing his divorce petition. He has filed petition on the grounds of cruelty and he knows as well as I know that each and every allegation levelled against me is false. I wish I had the time, money and resources to prove him wrong in court and win the case. However, for my child's sake, I am seeking a compromise solution to this issue.

He is being so unfair. Just abandoned me and my child like this and walked away. And now wants me to compromise by settling down for MCD, with whatever he is ready to offer to me. I gave him every single rupee from the salary I earned. He forced me to leave my job and take care of the family. Now even if he gives a house, how do I manage my kid's educational expenses of future. I don't want her career to suffer for lack of funds on my side.

Can't imagine that people can be so mean and selfish, that they can just dump a relationship of more than 2 decades to start life afresh.

Please advise if there is any way to avoid divorce totally.

Samir N (General Queries) (Business)     26 August 2013

I am not an advocate but like to advocate support for husbands who are brutalized by wives through false cases. You seem to have genuinely suffered. I have a lot of experience in Family Law, DV cases, etc based on my own experience. So, here are some BROTHERLY words of advise:

1. Forget about patching up. Otherwise, your life will be a torture forever.

2. If the house is on both your names, you can be sure that he is not going to get 100% of it that easily. It will be a long battle for him. If it was only on his name, then it would be a different story.

3. When his advocate approaches you, be aggressive. Tell him that you want this, this, this, etc. and that you are not going to compromise on anything less.  If he behaves arrogantly with you or unprofessionally, tell him that you intend to file a complaint against him in the Bar Council. See how he reacts -:) if he laughs, actually file one! It is easy to do so.

4. File DV case, file maintenance under 125 Cr.P.C. Keep filing cases against him and if you loose, file Appeals. Demand a LOT but not so much that you make a fool of yourself before the Judges.

5. You seem to be an educated person. Make sure that you get a good Lady Advocate to further your case. Someone who specializes in Family Law.

6. Take good care of your child! And Good Luck!!! 

A Blank Diary of Life (MD)     26 August 2013

Why a genuine lady be after her husband's property? If wife would have self respect, then, why the hell this question or query would arise? Should think before advice. How can one trust on other's genuinity based on threads?

Pooja (mom)     27 August 2013

Frankly speaking, I don't want a DIVORCE at all. I don't even know how we reached this stage in life, where we had been happily married for 15 yrs. I wish to patch up the relationship and am willing to make all compromises it takes to make it work.

However, since husband is having an affair and wants to start life afresh, I am forced to give in to his demands for DIVORCE. Request my lawyer friends here, to please give me advise, as to which of the following would be a better option for me.

a) Agree for Mutual Consent Divorce and end the relationship in a friendly way. If I love him, I should be willing to set him free for his happiness, right ?

b) Contest the case :-

     If I look at it another way, how could I reach this stage in life, inspite of giving my best to him and his family for one and a half decade, taking care of everybody, not being a demanding wife at all ?.I gave up my career, my identity, my earnings for the happiness of this family. Then how can they ill-treat me like this ? At such times I feel that I should fight for justice and contest the case. Let the world know the efforts I have put in to  be a good wife and a daughter-in-law.  May be the  lengthy legal battle will bring him back to his senses. But then I am not sure what I will gain by making public whatever he and his parents have made me go through in last 1.5 decades. A long battle will drain me out emotionally, physically, financially. And at the end of it, if he still refuses to come back, then I end up losing everything.............including precious years of my own and my child's life. The kid's studies will be affected too. And such a beautiful, loving relationship with my husband of so many years will end up in bitterness, anger and hatred.

I am thoroughly confused.. Knowing the emotional person that I am, I may end up agreeing for MCD and not even demand anything from him in terms of property, maintenance etc. I believe that God is watching and will reward him and me appropriately for our deeds.

Please adivse friends.

If I agree for MCD, can I tell the judge that I don't wish to contest the case at all. In that case, I don't have to file written reply too, right ? But then, people say that agreeing for MCD means that I am indirectly accepting all his accusation of divorce petition to be true. In reality, each and every accusation made by him is false and I have proof and evidence to show that too.

I really feel so lost and helpless. May God send me the right guidance through all of you here.

Regards

 

    

Sudhir Kumar, Advocate (Advocate)     13 August 2016

WHAT YOU REALLY WANT BY SPREADING FACTS IN MULTIPLE THREADS.

maria   12 July 2017

Greetings to every one that is reading this testimony.I have been rejected by my husband after(6) years of marriage just because he met another lady he was acting weird and ask for divorce his attitude was totally change towards me, he left me and the kid and he never returns back home. one day when i was reading through the web, i saw a post on how this spell caster restore peace on people marriage,and have help a woman to get back her husband,i contacted the address i saw below and ask for help,,she told me that a woman had a spell on my husband and she also told me that she going to help me and after 3 days that i will have my husband back. i believed her and today i am glad to let you all know that this spell caster have the power to bring lovers back. because i am now happy with my husband.Thanks for restoring peace and love in my home priestess laetitia.her email: priestesslaetitiatemple@yahoo.com


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Suck his loda


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