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Nandha (NIL)     04 September 2011

Intimidation by wife & her family members

 

Hi, 

I need guidance as to how to go deal with my present situation.

Got married in Sep 2009. since i am working in the Gulf, my wife joined me in November 2009. After 2 months, things became different. She started to quarrel even for petty things. During the course of our fightings, i slapped her twice, as she crossed her limits. 

Now, she is threatening that she will put me in jail for having slapped her. Her brother is also threatening that he will put me and my parents in jail.  I reported this to one of their relatives with whom they have close relationship. But nothing happened.

Recently, when I called her, she started threating in the same way and said that none of her relatives will raise voice against her because her brother is a goon and have close connection with police. Later her brother also continued and both my wife and mother-in-law were laughing at the way he used the dialogues to threaten me!  

Is it still wise to continue to live with my wife after all this intimidation?

If i file a case against her family for intimidation, she might file case against me on the grounds of domestic violence as I had slapped her twice?

She stayed in my house with my parents for 22 days after marriage. After that she was with me  in the Gulf when all this problem started. Can she still involve my parents also in the case?

We have a baby boy who is 4 months old now.

Please advise.


Regards

Nandha




Learning

 16 Replies

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     04 September 2011

Why don't you consider to patch up with your wife considering the future of your 4m old baby. Try to convince her through mediation of friends/ relatives.

2 Like

Nandha (NIL)     05 September 2011

@ Adv Archana

I tried to patch up. As you will notice from my previous post, i tried it through one of her relatives and they also backed out as she is very much adamant.

She is not ready to talk amicably. Whenever myself or my parents call her, she abuses and abruptly disconnects the phone. Since she is not ready to talk with us, I took my maternal uncle to her house to talk about this. She did not even respect such an elderly man and in front of her family members she scolded my innocent uncle who just came to save our marriage. All her family members were just watching her rude behaviour yet they did not control her!

I don't know what to do now!

Regards

Ariv

 

Nandha (NIL)     05 September 2011

My question is

whether my wife can file a case against me and my parents under the grounds of Domestic Violence as I had slapped her twice.

Whether i can register a complaint with police against them for intimidating me and my family members.

Please advice

Regards

Nandha

Adv Archana Deshmukh (Practicing Advocate)     05 September 2011

*  Ask her parents to talk to her and tell what does she exactly want and how long does she wish to continue the situation which will eventually break the marriage, they may understand as there is the question of baby also, they may try to convince her.

*  She can file if she wants to file, you can also file for intimidation if you want to file.


(Guest)

she may be insane. try to get rid from her. as soon as possible.

Manav Kalia (Arguing my own cases..)     05 September 2011

if she files dv against u, she will say much more than two slaps for sure. Try to pacify her one final time, else start divorce with ur lawyers advice..

Nandha (NIL)     05 September 2011

 

@Adv Archana - Please note that her family members are influencing her. If you read my first message, you will note that when her brother was threatening both mother and daughter were laughing and cheering at his threatening dialogues. 

@mirage - yes, she will.. because when she could pick up quarrels for petty things, she will definitely do so. 

Should I file a police complain now against his brother for intimidating me?


REgards

Nandha


Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     05 September 2011

@ Author

Let us take your briefs on face value and make you fight it out


re.:
slapping twice in past ........
Take: You are protected by S. 81 IPC and same plea feminists take when they opt for abortion!
Reasoning: As per S. 81 of IPC an act which would otherwise be a crime may in some cases be excused if the person accused can show that it was done only in order to avoid consequences which could not be otherwise be awarded and which if they had allowed, would have inflicted upon him or upon others whom he was bound to protect inevitable and irreparable evil, that no more was done than was reasonably necessary for that purpose, and that the evil inflicted by it was not disproportionate to the evil avoided. Reliance on the doctrine of self-defence is nothing new to the law. All legal systems recognize the right of a living individual to protect himself from danger to his own life and, for that purpose, to use necessary force even to the extend of causing the death of the person creating the danger.


re.:
she threatening you read with her brother who is also threatening you .........
Take: Better to subdue family harmony tone down and simultaneously audio / video record such 'threats" and slap on them later common intentions based IPC charges. Also the moment she and her brother cause 'threat' to you write a simple one page application for protection of your life and limb and submit it before jurisdiction Police Station. here all that you have to do is write the application for protection and from police station get a receiving stamped copy. Keep that receiving copy safe for later use.

re.: she filing cases against you and your side of family  
Take:
Yes, she can file any nature of case either at Gulf or here in India and you and your side of family have only one remedy that is to seek AB for which if you see water rising above the maturity mark then the above re. police receipt document clubbed with production of CD copies of recorded audio / video contents of 'threat' are some of the apprehensive material facts for seeking AB here in India.


re.
child being 4 months......
Take:  One of the
Adv. in this thread gave good piece of logical advice. Ponder over it and if you and your side of family really see the matrimonial temp. rising beyond harmonious level then following above two 'evidences' proceed ahead in accordance of Law. There is no point continuing a abusive relationship even if child is minor as it is not conducive for one parent to give an un-secured future to a child yet thyself living in constant fear and threat.

Brief's conclusion: Offence is the best form of self preservation in matrimonial gender biased Indian Laws be it so if a kid welfare too is involved in such circumstances. For the same invest time in creating self preservation 'probable evidences as advised above" as well as reading last 300 messages in this forum to place before us next set of que.
Law works on pleading social engineering skills of a ld. brother / sister before Bench and a smart husband may learn the same, atleast basics of it by investing time in digesting past thread messages to know the depth he is probably going to go into in this gender biased civil / criminal Laws of the land once any party files any nature of case on floor of local or matrimonial home turfs. 
Also remember 'timings' in launching an offence and or defence in matrimonial suits are most important fact to loose to win to loose a case. In matrimonial suits none of the couples ever won a suit. It is state of public perception. Atleast peace returns in thy self instead of continuing in such abusive environs especially when a childs welfare is also involved. 

Nandha (NIL)     06 September 2011

@tajobsindia - Thank you very much for your valubale advice.

 

You have reflected all what I was thinking. regarding the audio recording of their threats, will this make a strong evidence before the court? I have already made my teleconversation with my wife and his brother in which here and there they both abused me, my mother and my maternal uncle who came alongwith us to talk about the issue.

Will my maternal uncle's witness help me in court to prove how they were abusive, in case if the issue goes beyond harmonious level?

 

nandha


(Guest)

If you need any assistance for wiretapping your home, you can use products from this site https://www.brickhousesecurity.com/ . I can offer some offline guidance in how to tap phone, emails, etc but you need to be cock sure of the local laws of Dubai before you actually implement it. 

Without analysing the situation any further, I think the posts above have more value than a hired attorney could provide. 

Here are my thoughts on the projected situation.

1. Continue goodwill by exploring peaceful discussions.  I would add that you reach out to a Family and Marriage Therapist or a Psychologist. This will cover you big time and wont be your word against hers. Maintain an online diary with your good will activities and also minute details of her abberations.

2. Protect yourself.

   (a) On the lines of Tajs advice, file for protection of life/limb. I have posted a draft letter which you can improve ( its a google doc )

    (b) Collect evidence. Phone, Web , email , sms all put together should provide you enough evidence. 

    (c) Dont make haste/become type A. No law will support you or beleive you if you slap a women and admit        that you did. I am not  a lawyer but from my reading of S. 81 of IPC, you cant cover yourself using this                  authority as you state that " you slapped her twice as she crossed her limits. The following two illustrations      may help you appreciate your situation in the context of S 81. Your situation is no where close, IMHO that          can afford protection under this section, unless you can say/prove that  " you slapped her twice to protect          your son being raped or you slapped her twice to prevent outrageous conduct of exposing herself to the            neighbor on so and so date witnessed by so and so..." on those lines. 

 

(a) A, the captain of a steam vessel, suddenly and without any fault or negligence on his part, finds himself in such a position that, before he can stop his vessel, he must inevitably run down a boat B, with twenty or thirty passengers on board, unless he changes the course of his vessel, and that, by changing his course, he must incur risk of running down a boat C with only two passengers on board, which he may possibly clear. Here, if A alters his course without any intention to run down the boat C and in good faith for the purpose of avoiding the danger to the passengers in the boat B, he is not guilty of an offence, though he may run down the boat C by doing an act which he knew was likely to cause that effect, if it be found as a matter of fact that the danger which he intended to avoid was such as to excuse him in incurring the risk of running down the boat C. ( Nandha cannot be A ! Nandha cannot prove good faith. )

 

 

(b) A, in great fire, pulls down houses in order to prevent the conflagration from spreading. He does this with the intention in good faith of saving human life or property. Here, if it be found that the harm to be prevented was of such a nature and so imminent as to excuse A's act. A is not guilty of the offence. ( Nandha cannot be A ! )


3. You have not mentioned anything about how she is handling the responsibility of mother and parenting. Is she a good mother and parent. Pile up evidence on her poor parenting skills, child abuse. 

4.If she is a good mother, then try to see the big picture. There may be other psychological issues - post partum depression or other issues that may be playing a role in her behaviour. Also, when one is away in a foriegn country, locked up inside the 4 walls of an apartment, one may get frustrated with the responsibilities and demands a 4 month child may impose on a young mother. She needs a break too. You may be going to office, getting to interact with other humans, get fresh air outside the home. She does not get the breaks and is tied down with the baby. Try to get some help from your or her family during the trying times of early child rearing. Send her to India for some time to her family. It may give her a lease of life. Then try to visit her in favorable situation. If she is a educated women, then she may have aspirations of working and having a career. Discuss those things and see if the underlying frustration is due to her inability to work. I , for one fully support women working. 

When my wife was pregnent, I invited both her parents to US and tried to make their life as comfortable as possible. Of course, there were issues due to post partum but the presence of her parents was a big shock absorber. 

While it may appear that I am sympathetic to you on this forum, if I were the girls party, given that you slapped her twice, I would have put you behind bars by now, filed 498a and made your life miserable in Dubai and India. I would not mind being slapped by my wife who is taking care of my 4 month old. Two slaps is minor pain compared to what she has gone thro bearing your first child.  

Monitor the situation continuously and keep smiling - dont show that you are perturbed. You state that her brother is a goon. In a country of a billion, if her brother got any of your family members "eliminated", what can you really do ? File a motion for protection. Law is for those who fear or respect laws. 


1 Like

Nandha (NIL)     06 September 2011

@ Adam - Thank you for your advice. Since my narration in my first message did not carry about certain facts like the place of my wife's present stay, your 3rd & 4th  points are to be revised. 

Can you send me the link of the Draft for registering a complaint with Police?

For better understanding, below is the List of Events. 

 

 
Background
My parents are in India. Both of them are retired. I am the only son. Due to their health conditions they could not join me in the Gulf. 
 
Sep 2009- got married 
Nov 2009 - Wife joined me in the Gulf. 
Feb 2010 - Small quarrels lead to a big fight and she abused me, my family members. I complained to her parents. But they did not do anything. I tried to control her, but could not and out of anger I slapped her! 
 
August 2010 - She conceived. But still problem persisted. Once she was vomitting and i was standing near the door of the bathroom and watching her. Later she accused me for not holding her head while she was vomitting and hence she concluded that i did not care about her!
 
October 2010 - Took her to my home in India for delivery. The day she landed, she told me that she cannot stay in my home as my elderly parents will not be able to take care of her. This lead to arguments and just in front of me, she accused my parents. This provoked me and out of anger, I slapped her. However, the next day I took her to her parents house and left her there. I even complained to her parents about her behaviour. They acted as if their daughter was very innocent. Then i decided it was of no use to talk to them.
 
November 2010 - I returned to the Gulf. I kept calling her and enquired about her health. But she never took interest to call me if I failed to call her for a continuous 4 or 5 days. My parents also kept in touch with her and visited her once in a week. Her parents house is 60 kms away from my house.
 
March 2011 - A religious ceremony was to be held during her 9th month of pregnancy. Since I could not take leave and go to India to make arrangements, I informed them to do it in a simple manner as my elderly parents would not be able to handle if we plan it a big function. But they demanded to make it big and made my parents were made to run here and there for arranging everthing! Though my parents did everything they demanded, they were not happy and kept complaining to everyone.
 
April 2011 - Blessed with baby boy. I took special permission from my office and visited India to see my son. But when i went to my in laws house, they treated me like a 3rd person. Even my wife did not talk to me properly. When i asked her about this, she started talking nonsense. Since her parents also never bothered to advice her, I took my maternal uncle to talk to her and my in-laws in my presence and solve the issue. But they again made it a bigger picture and insulted my uncle as well. Then we stopped talking to her.
 
May 2011 - I returned to gulf. For the sake of my child, I made calls to her, but she always talked rubbish. Even when my parents called or visited her, she indirectly insulted them by addressing them without respect. My parents then stopped visiting her/ calling her. Despite her rubbish talks, I used to call her. If i was busy with work and could not call her for a continous 4 to 5 days, she never tried to find out what happened to me. Then i too stopped calling her.
 
September 2011 - Now it is time to bring her to my home as post delivery formalities are over. I called my father-in-law and informed that my parents will come after two weeks to bring my wife and son home. After 30 mints I got a sms from my wife that she would not come unless my parents are driven out of the house and threatened that she put me in jail as I have slapped her twice. She used filthy language against me and my parents and disconnected the phone. When I called her again, it was answered by her brother. When I told him about his sister's behaviour, she started to threaten me and my family members.
 
 
Once again thanks to all those gave their valuable advice.
 
Regards
Nandha

Amit (General Manager)     08 September 2011

Dear Nandha,

After going through your list of events, it appears to me that there is nothing left out in your marriage.

Try to get out of this as soon as possible.

Delaying would only complicate things for you.

Best of luck.

Thanks

Harshal (PP)     08 September 2011

Dear all , there is no use of any evidence. just buy the police or judge pay them and get your work done faster in this country......otherwise even if you submit any paper, cd, call, email there is no use at all this is only what i experianced.

HERE ONLY PAISA FEKO AUR TAMASHA DEKHO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEH ANDHA KANOON HAI ....

In case no. 895/10 JMFC akola, Maharashtra the case was stayed at EBC.  In case no. cr. rev. 5/11 the Judge V.V. Borikar openly take bribe to allow rev. appeal even after showing all evidences. and he manages to throw/cut and burn the evidences.  Civil line poilce station akola purposely file false N.C. on 21st dec 2010 to extort money or giving the  threats.  learn from malegaon, washim police station just enjoy the police life as they don't care and don't give information of what the documents are in and if such how the damage that.
 In case no. 136/10 district court nanded about child custody petition. the courts are not interested for securing child future but intentional delay as judge is not happy with himself then why to care for others....

BAHOT HI GANDHA KAM KARAKE YA KARAKE POLITICAL CAREER BANANO PAISA BANAO KYOKI BINA PAISA TO ACHHA ADAMI KA POLICE AUR COURT BHI SIRF TARIKH PE TARIKH..AUR POLICE MAJA MAI RAHANEKA ........

gauri (Sr. executive)     09 September 2011

@ Nandha,


There are various family counselling organisations, u, your wife and both families should visit them. Only thing to be on safe side keep everything doucmented. That is, send her and her family members a polite email/letter with CC to th cunsellor org. and invte for discussion. Record all the discussions.


If the discussions fail, then ask her to fila ny case that she likes.


All the best.

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