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monika (student)     22 February 2011

Interference of parents of my husband

Hi friends. I had been married for 1year . My husband is a software engineer . We are staying separately from my inlaws as my husband job is in chennai. whenever he spends on me for pursuing any course his parents interefers in it . and claims that they had spent on it. my husband is working in a good company and my inlaws both were a government servants. whatever my husband spends on me they claim  to be their money. i just want to know do i have any right on my husband property or not. My husband always support them and not me. Do i have to listen all my life that whatever my husband spend on me it implies that his parents are spending. i m very depressed abt this situation . Please suggest what should i do.



Learning

 14 Replies

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     22 February 2011

@ Author

With rights 'duties' also come as a package deal under marriage. This opening warmer besides the point I shall suggest to ‘introduce’ your husband to 'duties' funda indirectly, by taking care of his 'that dependency needs' now that he is married off by his parent with YOU ! May be he spending more time together is one way out from mundane middle class retired govt. servants joint family !!

 

1 Like

(Guest)

For such a problem.You should not have come to a legal website.

It should be solved b/w the 2 of you,or else you take into confidence anyone from your husband's side,who is understanding and nice to you.

 

Talk to your hubby nicely when he is free,by sitting face to face and ask him how he will feel if you start telling him that your parents gifted him so many gifts in marriage,that they spent so much money in marriage and so on.

Your problem is also a common one since most Indian inlaws behave like this when their son gets married.They don't want him to share anything with his wife,but be their slave forever.

Is your hubby the only child,ie,does he have any siblings?

 

And which city are you in?

1 Like

Tajobsindia (Senior Partner )     22 February 2011

@ Author

With rights 'duties' also come as a package deal under marriage. This opening warmer besides the point I shall suggest to ‘introduce’ your husband to 'duties' funda indirectly; by taking care of his 'that dependency needs; men have more or less three needs.........' now that he is married off by his parent with YOU ! May be, if he spending more time together is one way out from his before just 1 yr. old mundane middle class retired govt. servants joint family !!


Straight forwardly you have lots of rights over him as primarily your upkeep is his respnsibilities. But to make him understand this aspect of becoming a complete man he needs little help from you and that help may come when you both spend more time together away from caretaker needs of retd. parents under same roof! Bit complex but doable outside legal framework bundled with your 'patience'.

If family agrees other way out as temp. is to keep yourself busy with self dependence paid work outside home starting with three days a week to haf a day to 6 days a week and see if chances seen otherwise go back to above para 1 and so on so forth..........

All calls now both of you jointly needs to take.

All the best.     
 

1 Like

(Guest)

Hello Monika,

Don't get depressed, such issues are part & parcel of marriage.   Don't panic, and accept all this with maturity.

Inlaws ( husband's parents ) are usually insecure and always blames their daughter in law for extravaganzy, thats common, don't take such triffle things to your heart. I know its not easy but as i said that this is part & parcel of marriage, maximum wives have to go through all this, you are not the only one.

so don't get depressed, deal tactfully. Love your husband, grow your understanding, keep patient . Slowly your husband will understand things, give some time. And if possible talk to him without getting hyper, make him understand how insulting it feels. Make him understand that you are his partner not just a liability or a slave. you have a personal relationship with your husband and that should be between just you two. Make him understand that you both are partners in everything, food, emotions, financially, heathwise, you both are not seperate, you love is the special bonding. So such kind of differences is not good. But don't say direct things to your husband, and not in a complaining way ( abt his parents ). Just be calm and express things politely.   Do not complain regarding your inlaws, else your husband will develop negative feelings for you. So be carefull.

All the best monika.

1 Like

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     22 February 2011

If you are Hindu you cannot claim right over the property during the life time of the husband.  It is better to get property in your name if your husband is willing to do so.  If you have got kid then you will get share in your husband's property.

Ambika (NA)     22 February 2011

Monika, It hurts and hurts badly. Head for good marital councelling before the emotional rift between you and your husband become too wide. While agreeing with Komal, I can also imagine that  daily dinning into  your ear the chorus of our money would make you feel you are different from them.

Even your understanding and ignoring these matters would come only with the loving  support of your husband as one sided love and understanding sometimes may make you feel bitter about yourself. Hence it is highly needed that an expereinced marriage counelor councels your husband also as to how to support you emotionally so that you can take all these hurts small or big  in your stride. 

Wish you the best 

Saurabh..V (Law Consultant)     22 February 2011

@Monika,

 

I understand your agony and the feeling you are going through. Just dont get into any legal tussle regarding your rights on your husband's money and all. This is not actually about money but about the adjusting feature of typical in-laws. So better you take an alternative route and find an amicable solution wherein you could make your partner understand your situation. Do not get into legsal tussle over petty matters. Consult a counsellor.

 

All the best!

 

//peace

/Saurabh.V

BVVSN MURTHY PATNAIK (Sr.Executive)     22 February 2011

Monika,

You should note that "a small key opens the big door' like that the some timesin the  familey  some matters/issues appears to be petty but it spolies enire relations  resulting the damage of generations  happines/peace. Therfore, please start think stepping in to the shoes of your husband ( not in all matters depends on seriousness/ sensitivity).You may feel very hard to implement intitially, but you will sucess in your marriage life. Well start is half done. If you able to start thinking in this way, defenitely you will find happiness & change in your husband.Once he comes to know about your thoughts in this way naturally he will also fells the differance. I am giving this suggestion with personal experience. Your actions should not creat negative thkings in your husband's mind. As you know always "prevention is better than the cure". Otherwise, latter stage things may not be in your hands.Hope  you will understand the spirit of this message.

'WHARE THER IS LOVE THERE IS LAW'.

All the best & Sainath will  bless you.      

BVVSN MURTHY PATNAIK (Sr.Executive)     22 February 2011

Monika,

You should note that "a small key opens the big door' like that the some times in the  family  some matters/issues appears to be petty but it spoils entire relations  resulting the damage of generations  happiness/peace. Therefore, please start think stepping in to the shoes of your husband ( not in all matters depends on seriousness/ sensitivity).You may feel very hard to implement initially, but you will success in your marriage life. Well start is half done. If you able to start thinking in this way, definitely you will find happiness & change in your husband. Once he comes to know about your thoughts in this way naturally he will also fells the difference. I am giving this suggestion with personal experience. Your actions should not create negative things in your husband's mind. As you know always "prevention is better than the cure". Otherwise, latter stage things may not be in your hands. Hope  you will understand the spirit of this message.

'WHARE THER IS LOVE THERE IS NO LAW'.

All the best & Sainath will  bless you.      

 


(Guest)
Originally posted by :Harsh
"
Hello,
I would be able to assist in your case.
You can further contact me on harshmparekh@gmail.com
I am a practicing lawyer on family law matters
Regards,
Harsh Parekh
Advocate
9971780620 (M)
"

 

 

Harsh Mahodaya ji,

 

Monika ji to personal problem ke lie advice le rahi hai.

 

Why are you calling her to your legal chamber for such a personal problem between spouses?

 

Why are you making a legal case out of it?

 

Harsh jee paisa hee sab kuch nahi hota.

 

If you start advising people here like other lawyers do,then only prospective clients may contact you after seeing your vast legal knowledge.

 

Do you really feel they will contact you just by seeing your "contact me" message.

 

Rather they will prefer going to such a lawyer whose vast legal knowledge has been confirmed in all his advices which he gives here.

 

 

1 Like

Roshni B.. (For justice and dignity)     22 February 2011

Originally posted by :Komal Khurana
"
Hello Monika,

Don't get depressed, such issues are part & parcel of marriage.   Don't panic, and accept all this with maturity.

Inlaws ( husband's parents ) are usually insecure and always blames their daughter in law for extravaganzy, thats common, don't take such triffle things to your heart. I know its not easy but as i said that this is part & parcel of marriage, maximum wives have to go through all this, you are not the only one.

so don't get depressed, deal tactfully. Love your husband, grow your understanding, keep patient . Slowly your husband will understand things, give some time. And if possible talk to him without getting hyper, make him understand how insulting it feels. Make him understand that you are his partner not just a liability or a slave. you have a personal relationship with your husband and that should be between just you two. Make him understand that you both are partners in everything, food, emotions, financially, heathwise, you both are not seperate, you love is the special bonding. So such kind of differences is not good. But don't say direct things to your husband, and not in a complaining way ( abt his parents ). Just be calm and express things politely.   Do not complain regarding your inlaws, else your husband will develop negative feelings for you. So be carefull.

All the best monika.
"

 

 

Very well said Komal.

 

I can understand Monica's pain,because I too suffered same problem in my own marriage.

 

 

 

Lekha (working)     23 February 2011

very very nicely explained by komal ji.   please follow it, and give time it will surely help you.


(Guest)

dear monika, this is a common problem of a newly married indian daughter in law.Parent-In-laws of dil think they have done gr8 favour to the DIL allowing  their son to marry her.

Keep patient and just ignore those comments.Do your duty without harming and neglecting YOURSELF because YOU ARE TOO SOME ONES DAUGHTER ..HOW YOU ARE LIVING YOUR LIFE MATTERS YOUR PARENts

Jamai Of Law (propra)     01 March 2011

Monika ji,

 

Your quest for answers to your such kind of disputes....that too  in legal forum .......it is a bit shocking, confusing and suggestive of contemplative moves....duties come in-parallel alongwith rights...Nobody knows complete/real picture...but you probably are sailing to a dangerous waters....wake-up before you do some mistake!

 

Rights on Husband's property!..........First exercise your rights on Husband's Heart........rest will follow.

 

If path to Husband's Heart goes vis Heart's of in-laws then win those first!!

 

Assure them that whole salary would be given in their hands once you start earning!! ........... they will make you even an 'airline pilot' and spend all their fortune on your education.

 

Had you asked this question to your parents in terms of 'Your Rights'.... or...... 'Your Rights'.

 

Understand their reservations and apprehensions and solve those instead of concentrating on your rights.

 

Language of 'rights' in matrimony/family creates distance.


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