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deepthi (engineer)     06 March 2010

in love with a married man- plz help

Hi all,

 

M in love with a married man who works with me in my office. he is married to a widow who has a daughter and now he is taking care of this child too. theirs was a love marriage . but after marriage he realised tat his wife doesn take good care of him. she doesn even care for him ven he is ill. Now he regrets for his marriage. But he never complains to me abt his wife and is a very understanding husband. Now v r in love with each other. But he says tat he cant leve his wife  and marry me cause, he cant spoil her life again after giving her so much hope ven she was depressed abt her first husbands death. I too don want to spoil another womens happiness for the sake of my life. At the same time i am so deeply in love with him tat i cannot think abt another man in my life. If m supposed to get married, it is only with him. So i am just waiting for some miracle to happen in my life so tat i can marry him. M 23 yrs old and my parents have already slowly started talks abt my marriage. Plz advice if m right or wrong and temme wat to do to convince my parents abt not getting married. If i cant get married to my love i will stay as single throughout my life.



Learning

 23 Replies

sangram (service)     06 March 2010

Hi deepthi,

first of all bravo!!!! for taking such question on this forum.

My Advice is to check the loyalty of your friend with you and with his wife. I think he is cheating with u or he is getting symphothy from u by saying that his wife is not caring with him.

Instead my openinon is get setteled with another loyal person.

Regards,

Sangram

Suchitra. S (Advocate)     06 March 2010

Deepti, it is a law forum and I suppose you have come here with the intention of knowing what we all say about your idea of marrying an already married person. First of all bigamy is an offence. One cannot marry for a second time if he/she is already married. He/she has to take legal divorce if at all they want to marry again. From your facts it is clear that that person is not ready to leave his wife. So, there is no point in convincing your parents. Even if they agree, the marriage will be void. Your legal status is too important for you after marriage adn it is the only one which helps you. It is quite obvious that that person is taking advantage of your friendship. Please stay away from him and get forward in life. Life's decisions should not be taken only on emotional basis. Dont think about taking hasty steps.

1 Like

V. VASUDEVAN (LEGAL COUNSEL)     06 March 2010

Hi Deepthi,

I appreciate your frank ness. However, it appears to be an emotional friendship with more bonding - a sort of caring. It is natural for people who are close over a period of time - be it schoolmate/college or work place. While every one has a right to choose what he or she wants in life, care should be taken that it does not affect a life long relationship. Especially in the given situation the triangle would harm all three concerned. Please see this situation dispassionately - this is happening to a friend of yours and you are in the counselling chair. See yourself the clarity and purpose of life and decide for yourself!! Best WIshes

vasudevan


(Guest)

Marriage is not destination of love. U care for someone, thats love, u help someone, thats love, u guide someone, that is also love.....there is nothing wring in loving a person who is already married. 

Till this i dont see any difficulty and then i agree with views of Suchitra S which i think is strictly professional and true.

Ashok Yadav (Lawyer)     06 March 2010

I am agree with Suchitra. That person is playing with your emotions only and is using u for his purpose only, stay away from him.

ad. creaminall (professional Advocate)     06 March 2010

Deepthi,

i think you come here with your problem with intentto get support form the forum. but you are very well aware that it is not imp[ossible but very dificult and painful. you are very well aware that a wrongful step will spoil four life. dear how copuld you know that her wife is not have a carrying nature. dear from defth of your heart you already heard a voice to leave that man. it is very strange that after his love marriage the said person again fall in love with you? dear he is not in love with you. he is just playing with your feelings otherwise why he is not ready to leave his wife and child? dear, at this stage i don't want to repeat what the other experts already said and adviced but i definetely advice you that stop all contact with that person and change or leave your job if possible. Dear time is the bestkiller. i'm sure within one or two months you will forget him and find a suitable groom for you. and yes Don't forget to invite us in your marriage. ALL THE BEST.  

Surya Kannt (ADVOCATE)     06 March 2010

hello Suchitra. it is right That person is playing with your emotions only and is using u for his purpose only, u stay .

deepthi (engineer)     06 March 2010

Thanks all for ur replies. but he always keeps saying tat i shud get married to someone else and forget him. But m not able to do tat.

Adinath@Avinash Patil (advocate)     06 March 2010

you can't marry with married person law doesn't allow you to maary with married person.

i agree with suchutra.

Arup Kumar Gupta, Korba, Chattishgarh ((m)9893058429)     06 March 2010

DEAR DEEPTHI,

you are a daughter like girl to me. here i shall put three advices for you.

1) we all your lci friends having same opinion that the said person trying to exploit you phychologically, taking advantage of your innocence; young age; less experience on the matter. here i am stating a true fact . one of my intimate bengali friend (male) offered marriage, to a bengalee female - who was wife of a poor nepali male, saying that his (THE BENGALEE BOY) parents are broad minded and will not object, such a marriage. on that time nepali husband was out from his querter, for long days say about three months due to some genuine reason. the boy established intimacy with the wife. after having 2/3 intercourses - the boy told the wife, that his parents not agreeing for such a marriage and stop the relationship. as he was my intimate friend i asked him have you really wrote your perents on the matter? he replied with laughing- are you mad? can i write all these thinghs to my parents ?

2) you already came to know that, legal marriage not possible till he gets divorce. another legal advice is that - that you may go on a live together relationship - without solemnizing a marriage with him. but i shall be happy - if you do not go with such relationship to avoid all future complicacy.

3) he established an intimate relationship with you - without having any sacrifice. on the same manner/fashion /style you get married and keep a very good and a sensetive relationship with that gentleman. then you both will be good friends only. but at the time of settling your  marriage, you must inform about your friendship to your groom, to avoid all future complecacy.

Hardik Mehta (Family Counsellor)     07 March 2010

Deepti,

First of all take a holiday for a month and go somewhere you would love to go and live. Do not keep any communication with him in any form, either phone, emails or SMS. Then you will realise yourself. Once this is done, you will come to know if this is the love or infatcuations. This is the test of your life. You will settle in your life and marry someone more loving than him. The grass is greener on other side. Many times the wife has to take care of the childrens so that she cannot give that much time to the husband and he should understand.

1 Like

gold (-)     07 March 2010

the boy is just trying to have a live n relationship so that he can keep both of you and just enjoy his own life and fulfill the desire... the other way - think that - he is not a man of trustworthy who can share his wife's things outside - and the same way he might be doing the same thing behind you. Never fall in love with an already married person because because only you will be suffered. Afterall why should break a family and take the curses of that wife and her children... Sometime we need to think about Law of Karma instead of Law of India... So do not spoil 4 lives. take it as your mistake to fall in love with a married man and now correct it by forgeting him.

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     07 March 2010

I really appreciate your honest and bravery for asking such query: Yes, Suchitra, has rightly responds your query. My personal view is this: You can have a whale of time with your lover boy who is married, as long as you dont care about your future and the hapiness of anothers Home. have a fantastic time with him.

deepthi (engineer)     07 March 2010

m totally confused now. let me take some time to think and decide..Thank u all for taking ur time to give me ur advices...thank u


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