Impact of using 498a on my marriage

thanks everyone for your suggestions. I totally understand that 498a or CAW will break my marriage (which personally i NEVER want)..

It is easier to suggest to go for counselling and all (by self) rather than done. I have never been reluctant to share my money with them. Moreover, when they asked for money, I easily agreed to contribute. But what i didnt like the way money was asked for ? Asking for ATM PIN so that my FIL or husband can withdraw money. Actually, their ego comes in between when I place my money in thier hand (they feel "Bahu hamein paise de rahi hain") but still they need money from me only, so they thought lets take her ATM only. Is it fair mentality of indian male?

I have no severe complaints against my husband, he has been nice to me BUT he simply turns deaf and blind in front of his father. His dad told me when i refused to give ATM PIN " saaranshi, tu hamein apna PIN de de, varna hum tere saath bura kar dege, aur abhi nahin baatyenge ki kya bura karenge" .. Now you all, tell me IS IT THE WAY FIL SHOULD TALK TO HIS SON'S WIFE? My in-laws have made me eat STALE food (just to take revenge ) and my husband didnt oppose to it........Now, will anyone of you will do the same with your wife??????

My FIL is so stubborn that he will never go to counselling willingly and all.....NEVER........so, another way is only to forcefully make them to go for counselling.....Right????

My husband is not talking to me as he is completely under influence of his father.

whose house is that you are staying in?

its a clear ego mess...

under DV you can ask for your separate home but it starts the crack...

its your home and your father in law and his family cannot interfere in your family...

if your husband is not listening to you means, FIL must be having property????? then why FIL should ask you money???????

half story... more details please...

Appropos Aileen (the lawyer) : Many people cosume poison and about 10 actaully get saved while 1000 die. So as per you poison can be tried. Also, you seem have the ability to prescribe a medicine to a patient where it cures only 10 out of 1010 and 1000 die. The aggrieved person is like a patient who comes to you, the lawyer, for cure (expectation similar to a doctor) Prescribing a medicine/method whose failure and reaction rate is high, JUST BECAUSE you trying to stand out of crowd for "whatever reasons", is clearly questionable. As for biasness, other than being your being biased in favour of CAW, and most against it, everybody has mainatined 3 things : Full facts are still not known, that an independent professional counsellor could be able to find that out, that CAW / 498 is NOT the solution (if desirous of saving marriage) So, jumping to assert, just for the sake of it, that EVERYONE here has concentrated on money is NOT correct particularly w.r.t. Shailendra ji and S Srinivas ji, even if you leave me out. Going by the doctor-patient analogy to make things clearer to Aileen, if patient talks of itching in eye, doctor will lok at the eye, and NOT at the feet. So, if saranshi concentrates on money being taken/asked WITHOUT physical violence, we have to give it its due weightage. Lastly to Saranshi (this is my last contribution) : You say - "Moreover, when they asked for money, I easily agreed to contribute" - you NEVER offered it on your own without their asking. Can you think why ? Think reciprocately : If your own parents get a daughter-in-law who enjoys all the facilities of yor parents home, but keeps her earnings to herself, and does NOT give till asked for – what impression you will carry for her ? selfish, self-centered ?? Is the same not applicable to you ! And in such a case, what would you expect of your own brother to deal with his wife ? Listen to his parents or listen to his wife ?? How does that become different to you, when you yourself become a daughter-in-law ?? You say – “I have no severe complaints against my husband, he has been nice to me”, does it not show that you are considering ALL this sh*t, just because of an ego ?? Lastly, it is not your father-in-law that has to go to a counselor FIRST. It is you and your husband that have to go to a counselor first, and be clear what you want out of this marriage, and what you may NOT get even in 2nd or 3rd marriage. You are feeling bad for the way you were asked for, and you are responsible for not taking the INITIATIVE of contribution on your own. You have given ATM pin not to a street person, but to your husband, why are you so upset ? You want to hide your money / earnings from your husband ??!! Not worth wasting your time anymore on this issue (and also ours)

I delberatly writing this separately to saranshi so that a sincere advice is separte from a reaction. When you say - "Is it fair mentality of indian male?", I HAVE to ask you, is it fair of the so-called literate (wrongly assuming to be educated also) & so-called modern INDIAN URBAN woman LIKE YOU to be selfish & self-centered not to contribute on her own to an husehold wher she claims to be married, and eating / living / sleeping ?? Unlike you where you have problem with an "indian" male (implicitly implying that you hope to be better off with a non-INDIAN male e.g. a white american or a black negro maybe), for me all INDIAN women are NOT like you, and thus I had to classify you as literate, and urbanite, and so-called modern It has got nothing to do with 'indian" or non-INDIAN, it has got EVERYTHING to do with your own menatlity

dear saaranshi

Before u take any action against ur in law's think twice.graho ke kaaran bhi ye ho sakataa hai. kisi acche pandit se apni aur apne pati ki kundali dikhaakar ye pataa karo ki koun saa grah kamazor hai. kyo ki mere saath bhi yahi huaa thaa .graho ko powerfull banaao .to samasyaa khud ba khud khatm ho jaayegi .its tru. agar tumhe in cheezon par vishwaas hai to mujhe call karo .i will give u a number. pls 

Hmmm Sharaanshi,

 

I believe you can take recourse in mediation first. If that fails, these doors of cases are still open to you.

 

Regards,

 

Shonee Kapoor

harassed.by.498a@gmail.com