(Guest)

I need divorce from my wife

Sir/Madam, Please suggest as i need divorce from my wife. I'm 31 & my wife is 24..We got married in December,15 & just after one & half month, i came to know that my wife had an affair for around six years with someone i.e. from her 15th to 21st year..she started having physical relations with that guy from the early age of 15 until they broke up in her 21st..(around one year before our marriage)..her metra was weak as per doctors..but she claimed it's because of just weakness..my wife told me all this while she was drunk..(same day i came to know she takes hard drinks also)..She also told me she can't forget her first love so early & i have to wait for some time to be accepted by her totally..I observed her first love might be a jerk who left her after using her..even my In laws were also aware of all what happened..However, I couldn't bear all this..but i took a break..& next day accepted her with her past & forgive her..my only condition was that she will never misbehave any of my/her family member by remembering her past..(She told me she got changed after break up & started misbehaving her family members).. After about one month..she started misbehaving me, my father & even my relatives..in the same manner she used to do with her family.. this misbehave includes..abusing..physical & mental torture.. trying to harm self..scaring me that she's going to commit suicide etc. I approached to her parents & told them whole incidents..at first step they told me they are not aware of any affair of their daughter..but later on, they started insisting me to leave her past..I gave my wife & her parents 3 more chances to get recovered from her past & correct her mistake of misbehaving again & again..but in the month of May,16, when it was too much..i called her parents to come but they refused..then i approached mediator, who brought her parents & took their daughter back to their home..after about 15-20 days.. i came to know that my wife is pregnant.. firstly, I frankly told them that I'll never compromise. But my wife & her parents were pressurizing me to take my wife back or else gave me threats that they will file suit of dowry, violence etc. against me.. I had recorded some calls of my wife & her mother in which both were abusing us & planning how to scare us. As advised by my relatives and for the sake of my unborn child, i gave my wife one more chance to come & live happily. I brought her back in my house on 28th of August, but same day i came to know that she has one more affair with some guy residing near her house. When deeply investigated, i found that both had affair before our marriage also but my father-in-law refused to marry his daughter with that guy due to his lower income. It was her second affair before marriage, which continued after marriage also & came into light when i checked her WhatsApp messages. My wife claimed he is just a good friend of her & later she confessed that she was attracted to him because of my negligence towards her during our dispute when she was at her paternal house. But she didn't confessed that she had affair with him before marriage also. I told this to my father-in-law, but he ignored by saying, "I know that guy, he's a very good person & just a good friend of my daughter." Again, i gave her another chance as she was pregnant by 4 months & gave her extra care & affection during that period. Instead, I took away her mobile. In the month of Feb, she gave birth to a baby girl. Hardly after 15 days of delivery, she & her mother (who stayed at our home for 3 months till delivery) started yelling that they have to go to her paternal house for a month. I denied that as per rasam, you should not go anywhere before 40 days after delivery. But one day, she and her mother both started scaring me that they will kill my baby girl & my wife said again that i will commit suicide & went on the terrace with baby. I was alone at home & then i had to let them go & after that informed my relatives & father-in-law about the whole incident. My father-in-law did not say anything & disconnected the phone. Later on, i came to know that everything was well planned. I found a Recording in which my mother-in-law was saying to my wife that she has to go to her paternal house in any situation & they will do it surely by any way. After one month i called my wife to come back but she asked me to come to her house & take her back. I approached again to my father-in-law & he again disappointed me by saying that he has no time to listen to me. If i want my wife & baby back, i have to come there. In the month of April, i went there to take my wife & baby back to home without asking any question because this time i was very well-known to their whole family that they all are fool. But this time my wife had mobile in her hand which she had bought from there. After exact 22 days, my wife again started misbehaving & abusing me & my father just because AC was not working & mechanic did not come that day. I scold her that it's enough now. She must change her behavior or else may leave this home. She immediately called her mother & told me that her mother is saying she is coming with 10-15 persons & all of them will beat me & my father. Then i too lost my mind & call her father to come & resolve the matter or else warned him that I'm calling police. Next day, he came with his wife & sister in law to get her daughter back again. He politely told my father & my uncle, "Now I will close the matter permanently (divorce). Please give us 8-10 days to be prepared." He asked her daughter in front of all whether she's willing to live here or not. She immediately replied, "I want divorce". Then, he took her daughter back by saying that my daughter is very unlucky & fool. Let her do what she wants. One day she will regret. Today, almost 4 months have passed, me & my relatives called my father-in-law & even my wife number of times to sit & resolve the matter. But every time, they respond that they have no time & they are not interested in any meeting. I even warned them, that I'll file suite in court but they said "Do whatever you want to do". My wife has now changed her mobile no. also & didn't shared it with me or any of my relatives. I know if i will file suite, they will get it transferred to their city & then i have to travel there on every hearing. Even these type of suites will take around 5-7 years & i have to bear my wife's legal expenses & maintenance also(as advised by some lawyer). I don't want to live with my wife now. But I'm not able to get rid of her too. I'm helpless as i have no lady in my family. My mother is no more & me & my father both are not able to do household work & we can't rely on maid for everything & everytime. Some of our well wishers are advising me to get married confidentially & once the matter will get resolved, bring it into light. But i don't want to take any risk in this matter & also don't want to spoil one's life. Even i never discussed about my wife's character with any of my family members or relatives as I feel insult in doing so, but now my in-laws are saying they will not mind if I'll say this to anyone. They all are shameless. Please advise what should I do. Regards

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14 Replies

manu seth (N/A) 14 August 2017

I would urge you to get in touch with your lawyer who would aptly guide you the correct manner in which things are to be taken ad your problem requires some more introspection and details which would be inappropriate to discuss over public forum. In the meantime, file a divorce on the grounds of cruelty.

ATUL KUMAR VERMA (advocate) 14 August 2017

I request you please consult Lawyers to get solution of your problem

Adv Atul kumar

9891391096

(Guest)

If your wife and you also want divorce, nobody can refrain you from doing so. A mutual divorce will be the best suited to you, provided both you you have finally decided to do so after going through all pros & cons of getting divorces.

But, divorce can never be a good remedy to any family dispute cases. Any decision in heat of moment may have devastating effect for the life, which both of you cannot realize without practically facing the brunt of the unanticipated results that may be in the offing for both of you during the whole life. A divorce when not attained by goodwill and cool mind of anyone can never be smooth achievement.

By the way, what is the guarantee that 2nd marriage may bring happiness for you, more so when your advisors have advised for remarriage without getting divorce from the existing wife? In law a marriage is illegal and void, if made when the wife from previous marriage is alive and not divorced.

A very big drawback of law is that the laws are mostly in favour of women in family disputes. There can be no guarantee that your wife or your in-laws may not file suits against you on the issues of domestic violence against you wife or dowry demand from your side. May that be false, but you will have to bear with the brunt of those court cases for years together, may be with imprisonment for you and your father also till cases get decided.

Sometimes some problems get sorted out automatically by passing of bad patch of time.

So, my first suggestion is to get totally out of contact of your wife and in-laws at least for 3-4 months by changing your own mobile No. and surrendering your landline no, if you have any. Most probably this period will be a period of review for your wife as well as your in-laws also about their own attitudes and responsibilities.

Still, if no solution becomes imminent, take shelter of some alternated dispute redressal system to get patch up between both of you by intervention of some unrelated impartial mediators, who can understand the routes of problem and how to suggest solution to both of you.

I hope that may work better for both of you. Side by side, must visit a psychology expert (not a psychiatrist) to have his opinion after discussing the whole episode about the attitudes of both and how that can be possible to mend.

(Guest)

Originally posted by : PS Dhingra, 1962dcg@gmail.com
	If your wife and you also want divorce, nobody can refrain you from doing so. A mutual divorce will be the best suited to you, provided both you you have finally decided to do so after going through all pros & cons of getting divorces. But, divorce can never be a good remedy to any family dispute cases. Any decision in heat of moment may have devastating effect for the life, which both of you cannot realize without practically facing the brunt of the unanticipated results that may be in the offing for both of you during the whole life. A divorce when not attained by goodwill and cool mind of anyone can never be smooth achievement. By the way, what is the guarantee that 2nd marriage may bring happiness for you, more so when your advisors have advised for remarriage without getting divorce from the existing wife? In law a marriage is illegal and void, if made when the wife from previous marriage is alive and not divorced. A very big drawback of law is that the laws are mostly in favour of women in family disputes. There can be no guarantee that your wife or your in-laws may not file suits against you on the issues of domestic violence against you wife or dowry demand from your side. May that be false, but you will have to bear with the brunt of those court cases for years together, may be with imprisonment for you and your father also till cases get decided. Sometimes some problems get sorted out automatically by passing of bad patch of time. So, my first suggestion is to get totally out of contact of your wife and in-laws at least for 3-4 months by changing your own mobile No. and surrendering your landline no, if you have any. Most probably this period will be a period of review for your wife as well as your in-laws also about their own attitudes and responsibilities. Still, if no solution becomes imminent, take shelter of some alternated dispute redressal system to get patch up between both of you by intervention of some unrelated impartial mediators, who can understand the routes of problem and how to suggest solution to both of you. I hope that may work better for both of you. Side by side, must visit a psychology expert (not a psychiatrist) to have his opinion after discussing the whole episode about the attitudes of both and how that can be possible to mend.

Really a gem out of solutions, if you want to adhere to the advice of Mr. PS Dhingra. I bow my head with salute to Mr. Dhingra for such type of selfless and sincere solution!

Siddharth Srivastava (Advocate) 14 August 2017

Though your wife has always illtreated you and your family members but each time you has given her chance for the reasons best known to you. Firstly made up your mind and approach an advocate with full details and file a divorce petition on the ground of cruelty etc. In case of need consult with details. Sidharth 9811776422

fighter 15 August 2017

Mehra,

You can file for divorce on cruelty ground. As you have all the evidences including recordings.It will help you in your favour.

Adv Radhika Mehta (Advocate) 15 August 2017

After reading your post, I feel that you should gather courage and file for divorce on the ground of cruelty. Getting a second wife is not a solution, you will just be spoiling someone else's life. Dont fear the repercussions. If you are able to prove that your wife was cheating on you, final maintenance will not be awarded to her. See, the present situation suits your wife just right, having a husband but no responsibility. So if anyone has to take any action, it has to be you. She will not agree for a MCD. If she had to, they would have done something about it. Yes, litigation will take time but even now you are wasting many precious years of life. So gather courage and fight it out. Also, remember that what happened before marriage is immaterial. You have to focus more on your wife's trangessions post marriage.

(Guest)

Thanks to all for guidance. I have discussed with some of my knowns & everyone is advising me not to file suit as they are saying if I'll file suit i have to suffer financially as well as mentally..but if they'll file suit it will not hamper me more..due to recent guidelines on dowry cases..they will have to justify prior to file suit for dowry. But if they file for divorce, it'll be automatically beneficial for me.. Please guide if this advice is considerable in my matter. Also please let me know on which grounds they can file suit against me.. Regards

(Guest)

Very wise decision, if you act upon your own well wishers. Nothing like that. But, you cannot expect anybody to tell you what can be in the minds of your opposite party on which ground they would file or not any case against you. Don't think for the bad luck, unless that actually happens. However when that happens face that with all boldness and full justification.

(Guest)

Very sincere advice by Mr. PS Dhingra.!

Adv Radhika Mehta (Advocate) 22 August 2017

Originally posted by : Shivam Mehra
	Thanks to all for guidance. I have discussed with some of my knowns & everyone is advising me not to file suit as they are saying if I'll file suit i have to suffer financially as well as mentally..but if they'll file suit it will not hamper me more..due to recent guidelines on dowry cases..they will have to justify prior to file suit for dowry. But if they file for divorce, it'll be automatically beneficial for me.. Please guide if this advice is considerable in my matter. Also please let me know on which grounds they can file suit against me.. It dosent matter who filed the first litigation. Even if your wife files, she can claim maintenance from you and even if you file, she can claim. So this contention that if they file first, it will hamper you less is not valid. No such set formula can be applied in matrimonial cases. For Example, if your wife files for 498A and after that you chose to file for Restitution of Conjungal Rights, your Petition will be termed as an after-thought.

(Guest)

I'm very thankful to all of you for guidance.. I approached my father-in-law on phone in very respectable manner. He asked me for a one to one meeting in his city. However, my family members were not willing to send me alone but i went there to meet him & frankly asked for divorce. I humbly told him that i cannot tolerate my wife & need to get divorce from her. He tried to convince me for compromise but did not regret for his daughter's deeds. He frankly said that his daughter is very Egoistic & advised me to bent to his daughter. Even, he tried to scare me that it will be difficult to me to face judicial system & also indirectly talked about maintenance for my 6 month old daughter. But I requested him to give me custody of my daughter. Then he just asked for some time to think about it. After some days, I called him for his decision & he asked me to have a telephonic discussion with my wife on that matter. Next evening, I got a call from my wife. She was very rude on phone & talked in very intolerable manner. She was abusing me on phone & even told me that I am not a good husband.. that's why she went for an extra marital affair. Her father was just sitting around her & listening to all the communication. I can't believe how shameless a father is, who is listening to her daughter's bad deeds by herself & still not blaming her. He told me she said all this in anger. Both father & daughter clarified me that my wife neither will give me divorce/baby nor will come to my house. They challenged me to do what I can do. I can understand they are doing this just to harass me mentally. But, not able to understand what's running in their mind for future. I came to know from some sources that they are continuously consulting some lawyers & planning for something. It may be for maintenance I guess. Need to mention here that my father has evicted me from all his property & assets by presenting a notarized affidavit & same has been published in some newspapers also (as advised by some lawyers) to cope with situation if my wife claims our property/assets. Will it be helpful or not..? Still, I'm scared as I don't want to see her back to my life/home. I also came to know that my father-in-law is in touch with some mediators who have direct approach to session judge of their city. Please suggest it is a suitable time to file suit or I have to wait for the right time to get mutual divorce. Regards