LCI Learning

Share on Facebook

Share on Twitter

Share on LinkedIn

Share on Email

Share More

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011

How do i deal with this situation

Me and my husband are currently seperated. He has left home in Nov 2010.He doesn't talk nor does his family.He has a lawyer who is their family friend and sent me an email saying he has been hired by my husband.We spoke to his lawyer to get himto contact my husband  to sit down and talk to me.But my husband refused to talk.He doesn't answer his cell phone nor replies to the emails.None of their family members answer the phone.Only their lawyer talks.We did our best to reconcile but looks like they are not interested.They don't talk at all.Only their lawyer repeats the same thing like a parrot saying my husband won't come back but no mention of divorce.How do we proceed with this.I have already told him in an email that I don't expect anything from him and if we need to get a divorce we can get a mutual but there is no point wasting both our times like this, and he knows me very well. I have a nice job and my family is not that type to file cases aganist someone who wants to bail out of the marriage.I don't need maintenence or anything and we don't have any kids. I don't know how to proceed.My family has employed a laywer too and my family thinks my husband is just threatening me to get his way.Please advice.Thank you


 19 Replies

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011

I like to mention that the other party has several emails which I have sent saying we'll do whatever my husband wants. If he wants a divorce am ready to sign and don't need anything from him.I have asked him several times to open up and talk so that we can put an end to all this.If we wants time to get his professional life in place then am ready to wait for him to come back.We are already in mid 30s and I told him let's get everything done peacefully instead of fighting in courts and waste our time. I told him it's ok if we don't get along, we can divorce and go our own ways.Even my parents said the same thing to their lawyer.I don't know what else is stopping them from talking about a mutual divorce.

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     16 August 2011

Dont you know his whereabouts or place of work where he can be contacted

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011

no, Sanjeev. I contacted his employer and asked for his whereabouts.The employer tells me He has specifically asked not to share his personal information with me since we have issues going on. I didn't plead or beg his employer because I know there is no point.I don't understand why he is absconding like this.He has absolutely no reason to fear any cases from my side.He has never spent a single penny on me and he knows I am not a revengeful person.

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011

BTW he works in short term projects so there is no telling which part of the country he currently is in.

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     16 August 2011

Just to understand - what was the reason for his leaving home and from the analysis of his nature do you think that he wants to take some sort of revenge by neither giving divorce nor joining back and how old is your marriage.

Do you want to re-unite or you are keen to part ways by taking divorce.

Did the lawyer whom he appointed told you for what he is appointed for as there are no ongoing cases and neither you or your husband has filed a divorce. whats the lawyers role to send you a mail that he has been appointed.

You said that his family dont take your calls did anyone of your relative visited them or through some common relative tried to find that what is their intention. Your husband would definately be visiting his family.

Where were you living at the time when your husband left you with his parents or you had a seperate accomodation.

Am asking too many questions as your query seems to be very unique.

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011

Hi Sanjeev,

That's ok,thanks for taking the time to reply. Really appreciate it

We are married for 4 yrs.Yes, he has this revengeful attitude from the beginning
and he has some sort of low self confidence because of his unsuccesful career life.
He has been through so many downs the past 4 years and I have been through all that with
him, I take care of myself and him.He sends whatever money he earns over to his parents
and I never said a thing. I want to reunite or else I wouldn't have worried so much
but again am not forcing anything, if he thinks it's over and wants to part I am not
stopping him because I see no point.The laywer just sent me an email saying
he has been hired by my husband to take care of all his business issues including
personal issues and gave his contact info in the email, that's about it.Nothing
about what is going on between us.However when my parents called him immediately
the lawyer promised to set up a meeting but when we waited and waited and contacted him
all he said was my husband is not willing to talk or not willing to come back.We left it at there
We had my uncle talk to his lawyer and his brother in law.His brother in law said he is busy
and hung up and stopped answering our phone calls.Relatives tried going to their house but no one
opened the door there.His parents, his attorney and all his relatives are in India.My parents
and attorney are from India.But we both are here in the US on H1s.We have an Apartment here and
my husband is in a travelling job, so he visits often or I go over to his place of work.
Back in Nov 2010 we had an argument when I asked him to help me with my car repair.We
had bigger arguments previously and he left and came back in a day.So it's like
there was no major reason why he had to leave.I am still living in the same Apartment
which we leased out when we were together.I earn more than he does so I believe he knows
I wouldn't qualify for alimony or any such thing.He knows and always mentioned my parents
are very soft hearted so he knows they wouldn't get into courts fighting for years together.
We have no kids so maintenance is also ruled out. His parents are not answering the phone calls
not willing to let anyone inside their house to talk
It's like I am stuck waiting forever.

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011

It's like am walking on glass currently watching my every step with caution.

We have issues but silly ones which can be fixed easily, all we need is to sit down and talk.

He has a huge fat ego and he can't digest the fact that I am in a stable job and he is struggling to find one.

This has always been an issue and I always was humble and modest trying to avoid any conflict.

I don't know if he wants to give it time or waiting for me to file a divorce.I don't want to act in a haste and ruin even a 0.0001% chance of reconcilition because I fought at home 4 yrs ago to get married to this person.

I don't know what to do to get them to talk.

khan (Manager)     16 August 2011

Hi kushi

Just hire a lawyer for yourself cuz u dont have any other option so simply dont bother yourself . belive me some people need a lesson. dont worry  find a lawyer and start your case.

Legal_Help (Consultant)     16 August 2011

You can file restitution of conjugal rights case.... hire a good lawyer.

For more details, please contact cool_legal@rediffmail.com


If you want divorce and you are earning more than him you should be ready to pay maintenance to him.

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011


If he wants a divorce and money am up for it.I am not a big fan of money anyways.What's the point in having money, beauty, education etc when you have no happy family life? Once time passes does it come back?

All he needs to do is open up and ask what he wants.That's all.

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     16 August 2011

I would suggest dont take any legal steps wait and he will be back- he is undecided about any future action and would realise later.

Its painful to wait and living in uncertainty but thats the way life is.........wait and things will be fine.

Kushi (Manager)     16 August 2011



Really appreciate your reply.I have been advised the same by my uncle who is working on resolving this issue

and my parents as well.My attorney has asked me to wait for couple of months (long elapsed) and see if he files for a divorce or takes any legal action.Since the wait time is over , I plan to talk to my attoney but thought of posting it here as well..However my husband is very strongly influenced by his brother in law who is hell bent on breaking this marriage.I am however also thinking is he looking for the one year of seperation before filing for divorce.Do we have anything in law about the seperation period? However we are ready to do whatever he asks for without causing hardship to either party.Thanks once again

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     17 August 2011

I dont feel he is looking for one year seperation as he knows that you have already indicated that you are ready for Mutual consent divorce and its not documented anywhere that when you had seperated and moreover you stay in US. In Mutual consent when both the parties agree for divorce they can put any date as the date they last lived together. It would not be documented anywhere that when he started living away.

I really appreciate the lines you wrote above that money, education and beauty is of no use when you dont have a happy married life. Not many people realise this these days and keep on fighting leading nowhere. Dont take any steps legally wait and things should be fine. Think it that ways that your husband has started this and let him end this situation by coming back with what he wants. He is undecided and is surrounded by false ego.

Leave a reply

Your are not logged in . Please login to post replies

Click here to Login / Register