Originally posted by : Srinu
I got married in 2012.I am working as a software engineer and she is house wife. Recently we had baby.
After my marriage almost 6 months, my wife is mentally torturing me. Her attitude and mentality is not matching with me.
She behaves like a child. Always fights with me for small things. I tried to explain many times about the life. But there is no change in her mindset. She always uses vulgar words on me. Now a days she is not even seeing me as her husband and always tries to blame me. Simply she will create problem and she will go out of the house and makes nonsense.
A lot depends upon upbringing and her social contacts, this feature of your wife, cannot be changed, it may get subdued over a period of time due to the surroundings she is right now in, but basically it cannot go away completely. So you need to put up with her vulgar language. Her going out of the house whenever she is angry is a good thing, as thats one of the most primitive way of cooling down.
She is not at all looking at my parents. Even though we both are staying far from my parents and family. Not only have my parents also had my sister and brother .She always given more importance to her family like her sister and brother in-laws..
There is no condition to any marriage that wife should look after your parents with respect/love/and affection. Your parents have now gained a new social status that of in-laws, and its a common thing for each and every married woman to not show respect towards her in-laws. STop thinking your parents are your parents when it comes to your wife, but they are her in-laws now. According to her and her parentage she is giving what they deserve.
It is very hard to live with her. If this continues definitely i will go mad. Sometimes i feel like die because of her torture.
All this is normal in any married Indian male's life. You are no exception.
Now i am decide to apply for Divorce.
Have you applied yet? Why you want to apply for divorce? Its better to ignore her vulgar words, and her shouting and her not giving respect to you or your parentage than to roam to courts for next 7-8 years.
Please suggest me how to proceed.
I have tried all the options. I am a project manager and I know how to mingle with the people and how to talk to people and how to handle them.
You are boasting of being able to handle people at work, that anybody can do, you will be in contact with them for hardly few hours, but with wife you will be most of the time, living with someone is totally different than moving around with people at office. You seriously need some counselling as to how to handle wife.
But when come to my personal life, I am failed in each and every aspect. If I am trying to explain something to her she will leave the actual topic and start arguing other things.
You dont know how to handle wife. You should thank your wife that she has a mouth and that she is talking her mind, there are many cases where wife wont even talk openly, think about that.
Not only this, I am always afraid to open my mouth in my home. Usually, I keep quite even though, she starts create nonsense and start fighting with me.
Fights are very good, these form basis of a bond, friendship, in turn love and affection will improve which in turn will improve your marital ties. If you wanted a silent type of wife, you should have married a barbie doll, it wont speak at all.
I am so much kind hearted and I begged her please don’t do all these things that we have bright future and we have our lovely daughter also.
If you are so very kind hearted, dont be angry at wife, dont apply for divorce. You have a daughter, a daughter is a bundle of joy for a father, dont screw it up, you have no right to screw the life of the dotter, all wives are like this, they keep blabbering, shouting, crying, fighting without no reason, thats what makes them women. They are born to be like this. Its their birthright, you cant complain about their basic nature. Tomrw your daughter also will be like this only, then what you will do, you will disown your own daughter is it?
I will earn how much money you want and I will work day and also for you.Please at least treat me as your husband and give me minimum respect.
Many dont have what you have. Think about it. And respect cannot be demanded, it can only be earned.
I have explained her our life plans and road map. Also I am earning gud amount of salary and we can go to onsite for long term. But she never pay attention to my words.
I don’t want to hurt my parents or my family members by saying all these things to them. They are under impression that we both are so happy with our life.
Continue giving your parents and relatives the same impression, dont screw it up. Your wife needs tuning, that you can do by having regular s*x, each time she will scream at you, it should be when you make love to her, make love making a habit, a little brother to the dotter should be in the making by now.
Most sad part of the life is, she not even allow my mother to touch my baby. She always tells something bullsh*t.
Sometimes even, I faced the same thing. She used to blame me, which you make your daughter crying. After listening those words I feel like die.
Move out if you are staying with your parents, 99% of the problem is due to you staying with your parents.
I lost my patience and I am unable to concentrate on my day to day activities also. Due to these tensions, I lost all of my memory power also.
It does not appear so. Your memory power is very much good.
That’s why finally, I have decided to go for Divorce.
Go. Go. For people like you court is the best place where they teach you how to have patience. You are a person who learns it the hard way. You are heading towards doomsday, be aware. You dont have solid grounds to seek divorce, it will not only be a waste of energy and money if you go ahead with filing divorce but more importantly you both will lose time.