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Srinu (self)     16 December 2014

Help me in applying for divorce

Hi All,

 

I got married in 2012.I am working as a software engineer and she is house wife. Recently we had baby.

 

After my marriage almost 6 months, my wife  is mentally torturing me. Her attitude and mentality is not matching with me.

 

She behaves like a child. Always fights with me for small things. I tried to explain many times about the life. But there is no change in her mindset. She always uses vulgar words on me. Now a days she is not even seeing me as her husband and always tries to blame me. Simply she will create problem and she will go out of the house and makes nonsense.

 

She is not at all looking at my parents. Even though we both are staying far from my parents and family. Not only have my parents also had my sister and brother .She always given more importance to her family like her sister and brother in-laws..

 

It is very hard to live with her. If this continues definitely i will go mad. Sometimes i feel like die because of her torture.

 

Now i am decide to apply for Divorce.

 

 

Please suggest me how to proceed.



Learning

 13 Replies

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     16 December 2014

before making any decision you should involve any other elder person to sort out the issue and discuss with her as here you baby is also there and she is only small kid 

so before going for such decision make some other person to solve the issue and if the issue is not settled then after that you can decide what step to be taken 

Srinu (self)     16 December 2014

Dear Mahesh,

 

Thanks for the quick reply.

I have told her father many times about her behaviour and he promised me that he will talk to her and he will settle the things.

Things will be ok hardly for 1-2 days after her father talks to her.After that again the same situation repeats.

Even I don’t want to take divorce as a solution.But, I have been dicussed with her Father so many times and its confirmed that there is no progress.

 

Hence I have decided to go for Divorce.

 

Mahesh sir,please let me know how to apply for Divorce.

Thanks,

Sri.

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     16 December 2014

limited resource you can consult your local lawyer and discuss about the situation and then file for the same through a lawyer 

what about the kid 

Srinu (self)     16 December 2014

I will take my baby and i will look after everything for my baby.

 

Please let me know ,definately i will get divorce right.

Adv k . mahesh (advocate)     16 December 2014

the girl baby means till she attains majority or 7 years normal custody will be mother and in case of baby boy then 5 years to 7 years custody will mother 

and it is totally left to the court to whom the custody is given and till then you can ask for visitation rights 

Jai Karan Nagwan (consultant)     16 December 2014

You both couple should attend counselling and just think about your lovely daughter, I know you love her. Ego is enemy, please through away from your relations. Everything will go fine soon.

SuperHero (Manager)     17 December 2014

@Srinu –

1.     There should be strong reasons for divorce such as Cruelty or Adultery and if the case is contested then it will take many years roaming courts and paying fees and at last Time wins. Remember courts are delay centers – either you pay lump sum amount and get divorce(MCD) and maintenance for your kid or when you file divorce and she contests and it takes years together.

2.     If it is a MCD (Mutual) then in 6 months both are free, For that both has to agree. If you make her agree for MCD then it is cake walk.

3.     The third way is look at the following articles, read it, understand it.

https://www.dnaindia.com/mumbai/report-woman-not-doing-chores-amounts-to-cruelty-court-1899073

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/mumbai/Wife-calls-spouse-hijra-court-grants-him-divorce/articleshow/41904301.cms

4.     For the reasons you have mentioned, you need lot of evidences and proofs which caused mental cruelty and could not concentrate on work, so on and so forth.

5.     The main reason might be is her upbringing in the family or mental health meaning psychological depression. For that consult a psychiatrist and she has to cooperate and should have will power to overcome it. Physical exercise and Yoga helps.

6.     Also lot of women gets into depression after pregnancy.

7.     Idle man’s brain is devil workshop. If she works as a part time job her mind will be occupied and could get away with depression.

 

8.     Good Luck!!! Go through LCI and you will find several examples similar to you.

anilcochin (Proprietor)     17 December 2014

Dear Srinu,

Post Partum Depression or Post Partum Psychosis, (Psychological problems faced by women on birth of a child) Please do read about it on the internet, Check whether her Mood Swings & behavior match what is mentioned in variuos sites. Your wife may be in need of help & medication.

If your result is POSITIVE in the Internet search, please PM me, I will advise you further on how to handle the situation.

Srinu (self)     17 December 2014

Dear All,

 

Thanks for all your suggestions.

 

I have tried all the options. I am a project manager and I know how to mingle with the people and how to talk to people and how to handle them.

 

But when come to my personal life, I am failed in each and every aspect. If I am trying to explain something to her she will leave the actual topic and start arguing other things.

 

Not only this, I am always afraid to open my mouth in my home. Usually, I keep quite even though, she starts create nonsense and start fighting with me.

 

I am so much kind hearted and I begged her please don’t do all these things that we have bright future and we have our lovely daughter also.

 

I will earn how much money you want and I will work day and also for you.Please at least treat me as your husband and give me minimum respect.

 

I have explained her our life plans and road map. Also I am earning gud amount of salary and we can go to onsite for long term. But she never pay attention to my words.

I don’t want to hurt my parents or my family members by saying all these things to them. They are under impression that we both are so happy with our life.

 

Most sad part of the life is, she not even allow my mother to touch my baby. She always tells something bullsh*t.

Sometimes even, I faced the same thing. She used to blame me, which you make your daughter crying. After listening those words I feel like die.

 

I lost my patience and I am unable to concentrate on my day to day activities also. Due to these tensions, I lost all of my memory power also.

 

That’s why finally, I have decided to go for Divorce.

Sri.

SuperHero (Manager)     17 December 2014

@ Srinu – Based on your response it is clear that you are carrying a Time Bomb or Atom Bomb.in your Pocket. Sorry to write like this, but I can understand what you are going through.

 

You never know when it will blast.

 

I strongly feel this is Bipolar disorder – meaning – the moods vary a lot, one minute they will be very good and the next minute they will be bad. Please check in Google.

 

If she is not allowing your Mother to touch the baby then your Mother should know the situation – strange?

 

If you start begging then you are losing your self-respect. You will become very weak in front of her.

 

And I think you are. She won’t listen anything. Never ever try for suicide or even think of dying.

 

So many people are suffering so much and much more than we think. There are deadly viruses and women being brutally raped, engineering guys died in Himachal Pradesh ask their parents how much suffering they are going through. Kids have been brutally killed in Pakistan by Taliban.

 

They sent the kids in uniform and they returned in Coffins. Very tragic and May all of them rest in peace.

 

Just for a moment think of the Parents state.

 

I would request you to Pray to God sincerely with Love and Devotion.

 

You should be brave and courage. If you haven’t read Natarajan sir’s post. Please read it.

 

 

Strength is Life and Weakness is Death by Swami Vivekananda.


(Guest)
Originally posted by : Srinu


Hi All,

 

I got married in 2012.I am working as a software engineer and she is house wife. Recently we had baby.

 

After my marriage almost 6 months, my wife  is mentally torturing me. Her attitude and mentality is not matching with me.

 

She behaves like a child. Always fights with me for small things. I tried to explain many times about the life. But there is no change in her mindset. She always uses vulgar words on me. Now a days she is not even seeing me as her husband and always tries to blame me. Simply she will create problem and she will go out of the house and makes nonsense.

 A lot depends upon upbringing and her social contacts, this feature of your wife, cannot be changed, it may get subdued over a period of time due to the surroundings she is right now in, but basically it cannot go away completely.  So you need to put up with her vulgar language.  Her going out of the house whenever she is angry is a good thing, as thats one of the most primitive way of cooling down.

She is not at all looking at my parents. Even though we both are staying far from my parents and family. Not only have my parents also had my sister and brother .She always given more importance to her family like her sister and brother in-laws..

There is no condition to any marriage that wife should look after your parents with respect/love/and affection.  Your parents have now gained a new social status that of in-laws, and its a common thing for each and every married woman to not show respect towards her in-laws.  STop thinking your parents are your parents when it comes to your wife, but they are her in-laws now.  According to her and her parentage she is giving what they deserve.

 

It is very hard to live with her. If this continues definitely i will go mad. Sometimes i feel like die because of her torture.

 All this is normal in any married Indian male's life.  You are no exception.

Now i am decide to apply for Divorce.
Have you applied yet?  Why you want to apply for divorce?  Its better to ignore her vulgar words, and her shouting and her not giving respect to you or your parentage than to roam to courts for next 7-8 years.
 

 

Please suggest me how to proceed.

 

I have tried all the options. I am a project manager and I know how to mingle with the people and how to talk to people and how to handle them.

 

You are boasting of being able to handle people at work, that anybody can do, you will be in contact with them for hardly few hours, but with wife you will be most of the time, living with someone is totally different than moving around with people at office.  You seriously need some counselling as to how to handle wife.

 

But when come to my personal life, I am failed in each and every aspect. If I am trying to explain something to her she will leave the actual topic and start arguing other things.

 You dont know how to handle wife.  You should thank your wife that she has a mouth and that she is talking her mind, there are many cases where wife wont even talk openly, think about that.  


Not only this, I am always afraid to open my mouth in my home. Usually, I keep quite even though, she starts create nonsense and start fighting with me.

Fights are very good, these form basis of a bond, friendship, in turn love and affection will improve which in turn will improve your marital ties.  If you wanted a silent type of wife, you should have married a barbie doll, it wont speak at all.

 

I am so much kind hearted and I begged her please don’t do all these things that we have bright future and we have our lovely daughter also.

 If you are so very kind hearted, dont be angry at wife, dont apply for divorce.  You have a daughter, a daughter is a bundle of joy for a father, dont screw it up, you have no right to screw the life of the dotter, all wives are like this, they keep blabbering, shouting, crying, fighting without no reason, thats what makes them women.  They are born to be like this.  Its their birthright, you cant complain about their basic nature.  Tomrw your daughter also will be like this only, then what you will do, you will disown your own daughter is it?

 

I will earn how much money you want and I will work day and also for you.Please at least treat me as your husband and give me minimum respect.

 Many dont have what you have.  Think about it.  And respect cannot be demanded, it can only be earned.


 

I have explained her our life plans and road map. Also I am earning gud amount of salary and we can go to onsite for long term. But she never pay attention to my words.

I don’t want to hurt my parents or my family members by saying all these things to them. They are under impression that we both are so happy with our life.

Continue giving your parents and relatives the same impression, dont screw it up.  Your wife needs tuning, that you can do by having regular s*x, each time she will scream at you, it should be when you make love to her, make love making a habit, a little brother to the dotter should be in the making by now.

 

Most sad part of the life is, she not even allow my mother to touch my baby. She always tells something bullsh*t.

Sometimes even, I faced the same thing. She used to blame me, which you make your daughter crying. After listening those words I feel like die.

Move out if you are staying with your parents, 99% of the problem is due to you staying with your parents.

 

I lost my patience and I am unable to concentrate on my day to day activities also. Due to these tensions, I lost all of my memory power also.

It does not appear so.  Your memory power is very much good.

 

That’s why finally, I have decided to go for Divorce.

Go.  Go.  For people like you court is the best place where they teach you how to have patience.  You are a person who learns it the hard way.  You are heading towards doomsday, be aware.  You dont have solid grounds to seek divorce, it will not only be a waste of energy and money if you go ahead with filing divorce but more importantly you both will lose time.

Sri.

1 Like

(Guest)

In  your case, its very easy to handle wife.  There  are wives who play mind games, those are very difficult to handle.  Such wives, wont tell anything out, they are silent killers, sweet poison.  Silently they will plan and you wont even come to know until the last moment.  Such wives are dangerous, not the one at hand.  You are not able to handle work pressure.  You appear to be 27-28.  The way your wife is makes it more frustrating, you should learn to handle pressures at work effectively so that it wont effect people at home.  People at work will listen to you as they are paid to listen to you, its not because you have some great skills to handle people, if you were so very good at handling people, your wife would be jolly well dancing to your tunes.  If you cannot handle such work  pressure, you can change job, but not wife, if you keep doing like that you will end up having a number of divorces.  At home you should let the woman be the boss.

 

I will give you certain simple rules to follow to make your life pleasant ie your married life pleasant.

1.  You don’t know anything.  You are a duffer.  She is the genius here.  She is the queen/the king/the minister/all in one.

2.  Though you know that she has got cowdung in her head, you should not let her know that you think of her like this, you keep agreeing to what she says but do your own mind.

3.  you will have plans which she wont understand, for eg:- plans about future, which mean a lot to you, but for her its more important that you wag your tail in front of her and lick her face as if she is some icecream.

 

 

 

Again, I repeat, don’t for divorce.

reunion2   09 April 2015

Hello Helping Hand,

 

I am not denying that you are wrong and not aruging too. I am facing the same situation where shiru is.

Only difference is that i don't have kid. Last 2 years i faced the same situation. Finally i told this to my parents. Now the situation is that i am staying with my parents since last 2 months. Took long leave from office. My wife still in Bangalore and staying there. No money problem as i gave her much money in last 2 years. She told me one thing you go where ever you want i will say in bangalore if alone no worrys. She told she will manage herself alone.

 

I am planning to move abroad for long term after giving all legal autority to my advocate. So that if she files a case i need not to come.

 

Please suggest Am i correct here?

 

Shibu- You also suggest as we both are on the same boat of tragedy


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