Harrased by husband n his expectations.. Pls advs


Hello friends,

I am non working B.Ed.married to working husband and living with husband n father in-law. We are basically from HP. My husband who is working in pvt company, expect a lot from me. Though I am not working, he is ok with this, but I wqnt to work n he is no prob with that too. I dont want to visit or work in village n moreover I dont like his brother n bhabhi. I dont have mother in law.

We were married in 2008 n still issueless, though cunsulting doc since  one n half yrs. Once or twice he talk to me about this n i feel it as his anger or comment. He always keep me teaching relationship n how to behave or keep them alive which i dont like. In this course we had debate four five times n so he slapped me too in anger over these issues like not contacting brother sister on phone or disrespecting them etc.

One day after getting hurted I planned to go back to my mother who are with me in this step. So I left without telling anyone at in-laws. Now neither he came to bring me nor his family members, instead they try to call, mediate through relative but we ignore them. Now Im staying with my parents, husband said that he had not ask you to leave to u can come as u had gone, any time. But now I afraid if I go back then he will harrase me for this n all, so is there any solution which can sort out this.... Pls

 
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Advocate

Madam, this is a forum where we give legal solutions mainly when all the alternatives like counselling, talks by the elders etc are over and when couple want to have legal solutions.

It is better you go to your husband and try to sort out things. From your query it is cvlear that you want to have your own family with you and your husband except other in laws. I do not know how far it is feasible in your circumstance. Please talk to your elders and solve the issue before it is too late.

 
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But mam I afraid of killing or beating by husband. He got angry on petty issue like not calling or respecting family members, less visiting to my parents as he thinks they teaches me. We dont want to include any relative except his n my family but he is not ready to come alone to us with his family members..

 
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Advocate

Madam, please let me know if you have any hopes of living with him anymore or, if have decided to leave him once for all. Because, once the matter goes to courts, there will be little hope of reunion. I suppose he has his right to live in his home. It is always a custom in India for the daughter in law to live with in laws and not vice versa except in exceptional cases.

If at all you decide to leave him, you have to file a DV case against him and ask for maintenance and residence orders. Please consult any advocate to help you at your place. 

 
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For justice and dignity

every husband wants respect for his family.dont u want that ur hubby shud respect ur family?i dont understand what u r finding offensive here..

u have the right to say NO to communicating with his relatives only if they are ABUSING YOU.otherwise i feel your husband is only teaching u duniyaadaari.

 
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he start abusing / desrespecting my parents after he come to know that I dont like his family much. he listen phone communication one day. Also he loss my respect when i read his diary n old sms of girls, but he deny any relation or concern clearly. He has good repute in family n relative so his relative also favour him. But I dont want to go back on the cost of my as well as my parents self respect. How I go ahead not clear to me. Now he is trying send my belongings to me.

 
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Advocate

u should give time to ur relationship and sometimes, we have to bear many things to save our family and things get settled with time. I think u have made a mistake by coming to your parental home without telling ur in-laws. u should go to ur matrimonial home and get the things settled by yourself without interference of ur parents.

 
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For justice and dignity

@ author

all depends on what you want out of this relation.do u want to live with him or separate?if u want to be separated,u have come to the right place.if not,please meet a marriage counsellor with your husband.

 

u r saying repeatedly that u dont like his family/relatives.but u want respect for your own parents.r u not being selfish here?if u want respect for yourself and your parents,first learn to give respect to his family.as i can understand,the dispute is not becoz there's any problem b/w you 2,but because of your parents!

u have not mentioned that his relatives or family harass u.still u say u dont like them!!!

 

ur hubby disrespected your family when he came to know that you dont like his family.....so do u expect your husband to be like god,when you are not a goddess yourself?

 

if those old SMS of girls were before marriage,u shud ignore them.but if he has any relations after marriage,then u r right in complaining against him.

 

he's sending ur belongings since he's unsure if u r returning....

and i am unsure what advice u r seeking here...a marriage advice or a divorce advice???

 

so i say again...go to a marriage counsellor with him..

 

all the best!!

 
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@shikha

Here I totally agree with Roshni.u r saying repeatedly that u dont like his family/relatives.but u want respect for your own parents.r u not being selfish here?

You ahve a option to reunion or file for Dv and 125 case.

My advise is to give a chance ,you go to your husband and try to sort out things.Consult marriage counsellor with him.Husband should respect his wife and wife also respect  her husband .

Sala In sab matrimonial dispute ki jad(core reason) relatives parents hai.

wife prefer from her husband to respect her partents and on the other hand husband prefer from their wife to respect their family members .The other reason is population.A couple cannot live seperately as he or she cant afford new house.I saw many cases in which wife can live with  her husband on a condition to live seperately from their parents.Why you all know .

If the problem arises because of parents then better to live seperately and if husband not agree and beat you or abusing you then teach him lesson.First of all respect their parents and try to conciliate the matter.

 
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I can understand your hesitation as well as your fear of going back to matrimonial home.  You both are still immature.  He slapped you, which shows his immaturity.  You left matrimonial home without informing that shows your immaturity.  As the time passes, both will become wiser.  Now, to fix the problem, if it will be left to both of you, you cannot solve the problem due to immaturity.  Hence, elders' intervention from both the sides is required.  He should be told not to slap a wife, who came leaving all her blood relations back at home to live with him.  He should be told this in the strongest terms.  Similarly, you should be advised to become more flexible and keep good relations along with all the people (including husband's blood relations), whether you like them or not like them.  That is the way of life.  Now, family counselling also is not possible, because in the present situation, your husband will not attend any counselling.  Hence, ask your parents to meet the parent of the husband and create a cordial atmosphere by having three to four rounds of talks, and later on you go back to matrimonial home without hesitation and fear of physical beating.  Wish you best of luck.

 
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