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RKUMAR kumar (business)     23 May 2015

Harassment by wife becuase of mental illness

Hello, my name is RKumar and I am from Hyderabad. I got married in 2005 and right after the first year, I have been facing severe issues and harships because of which I am unable to continue living together with my wife. Currently, we are separated for nearly 8 days and same happen many times before and I am in the midst of initiating a divorce petition. I have been giving her money every month for her and the child, also been paying her school fees as well.She did not allow me to go to see my old mother for last 6 years and if i rise the topic to my family she will start abusing with bad languages on me and my old and mother and all my family members and blackmail me and threaten me with suicide attempts.for last six years i could not speak to my mother or any of my family members,if  i do secretly but if she get to know there will be lot of tortured so i was so feared till dated because of children are so small.So i never risk taken.

These are the issues I have been facing:

- Mental harassment and verbal abuse

- Severe mental agony

- Abnormal behavior, suicidal threats, and tendencies

- Extreme mood swings

- Lack of trust and confidence

- Son and Daughter is harassed mentally and physically

- Filthy language and vengeance attitude

- Emotional blackmails

- Violent at most times

The following are some of her ways of threatening:

- Get into a room and say she is going to hang herself

- Go into the kitchen, have the gas on and say she was going to blow us up

- Consume tablets and say she was going to commit suicide

- Lodge a false case against me and parents for dowry

- Get away from the house and return back late

This somehow gave me the indication that she might be affected with some serious mental illness. To confirm, we sought the help of a psychological counselor, marital therapist. Through the counseling sessions, Doctor indicated that she has a type of personality, which is called "Borderline Personality Disorder." But she never agreeded to come with me to doctor.I have complained to there parents many times but they never responded properly and they started telling her that im complaining about her and she use to abuse me more.


Meanwhile i had some financial losses for which i could not pay my bank loans and bank collection agents started coming home and started abusing me and my family in front of all and i informed them i could not pay because of personal reasons and i don’t have any option to pay back now as i lose my job so requested them to give me the option to pay sum amount monthly but they are not ready so i asked them to follow their rules legally.but they never listen and never stoped coming addition of her regular harassment this has been added.(And she started calling all my previous companys colleagues and all my friends and telling bad about me that im fraud i dint pay loan and escaping from banks and all.And he is harassing me and children daily kind).She tells everybody that he left home because of loan issue not because of her issue.

After having known this, her approach towards the children has also changed. She started harassing them in many ways more and would theaten children in all ways possible. She, right now, uses the children as a pawn since she knows I am very attached and close to my children (as any father will be!) She says to the child that she has tried to kill her, threaten her by saying if she goes to dad, she would kill her and also told me if she ever gets the slightest feeling of me taking away the daughter from her, she would kill the child and also kill herself.

One day she will be normal and second day she will be abnormal.I noticed in her family her mother sisters and brothers and there children have same behaviour .Felt its heredity .Now i really don’t want to go back to her but very much worried about children.After i came out i informed her father as i did many times but they are not serious about her treatment and they tell me because of my bank loan she became like that .But i know how i suffered all these years with i really don’t want my small little children to suffer they are just less than 7 years.And her parents started calling me and blackmailing that that they know many police officials and they know how to catch me .i feel they are not understanding the basics that i came out because of her harassment and now the treatment is most important. And they tell me she is absolutely good condition.I told them your responsibility is to make her treatment as she is not listening to me and because of this our family and children are suffering so much.If you make her get treatment i don’t have any issue as she is ok in normal scenerio.She is very different when she get tired or sweated or loud voices or anybody don’t listen to her and many reasons.

I had also consulted a psychatrist regarding this and he informs me that it would be better for both of us to get separated and have me ask for the custody of the child.

Although, I have lived with this torture for many years and after going through innumerous difficulties with her. Can the experts here shed light on these questions?

- Since mental harassment and cruelty is on rise, what is the success level or percentage that I might get a penalised ?

If there parents rise a complaint on me that i left the family and dint go back,Is there any chances of any legal issues for me and for my family?

- What are the chances of me getting the custody of the children till her treatment gets completed?

Please help me with your valuable suggestions



Thank you


 3 Replies

Kapil Chandna (Lawyer at Supreme Court of India)     23 May 2015

Sir, See if you go for Judicial Separation or Divorce, then she will also use all her legal weapons and file a case against you which were all false right. Its better you sit and take mutual consent divorce and seek child custody on merits from the court . Warm Regards Kapil Chandna Adv 9899011450

saravanan s (legal advisor)     23 May 2015

you have got a very good reason to divorce her - cruelty.i dont think she will agree to divorce you better go for a contested one.send her a divorce notice through a lawyer as soon as possible.before that file an nc in the police stations of both the areas stating that your wife and your in laws might file false case against you and your family.apply for anticipatory bail from high court for you and your family case if you send her a divorce notice she or her family members might immediately retaliate by filing 498a, dp 3&4 or dv.the nc and ab will protect you from arrest.even if she files any of these you can fight the case on merits.

if you could prove cruelty on her then she is not entitled for maintenance.also since the kids are around seven i think there is a good chance for getting their custody also.

innocenthusband   25 May 2015

Before you go about the legal route, please try to secure evidence. Recordings of her abuse, phone conversations, even video footage. Everything you possibly can. Your wife seems to be exhibiting signs of bipolar disorder and narcisstic personality disorder. Get all the evidence you want, and then use it against her to get custody of your kids. Separate as soon as possible as you have done all the duties a husband can to upkeep the marriage. Wish you luck.

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