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Alex (QS)     21 April 2013

Guilty of 498a

 

I know there are a lot of women who misuse 498a but I am also sure of those who silently suffer. I am reaching out to you my brothers and sisters for genuine advice as I think I have committed mistake of lifetime by giving up on my marriage.

 

    I am guilty of beating my wife in a way unfit to be described. She got medical treatment but did not press any charges against me. I did it in a fit of anger and influence from my family.

    we both were in her parents’ house when this happened. I left her that night and never went back.

    For a year she and her parents tried various mediation and i never attended influenced by my family. my family had her money and dowry too.

    Finally when my parents lay down more demands, and i silently supported, her parents brought a mediator for Mutual Consent Divorce.

    I was shocked so was she, but it was her last attempt to wake me up. I realise she probably had hopes till the second motion and I made no attempt to answer her calls or request to meet for a counselling or talks. Finally she, her parents and counsellors gave up and we were granted divorce. More than half of her dowry and jewellery are still with my parents. She nor her parents fought for it.

Now a month is over since our divorce got finalised and its only now it has hit me what I did to my life. I was in a state of shock and my parents forced me to do MCD for the fear they would charge 498a against me.I wanted to be back with her because there was this woman who was willing to make it work with me even though I wasn’t man enough to stand up for her.

Now I am in depression of what has happened. I know it will take two months for the divorce paper to come through my questions are :

  1. Can I undo anything now? She has moved countries as far as I know..
  2. She has a permanently deformed finger from what I did to her. She has bank statements that show my dad withdrew all the dowry. Can she still file 498a against me at a later stage if she wants to though we are not legally related anymore? my parents always threaten me this.





Learning

 54 Replies

ashoksrivastava (scientist)     21 April 2013

As a penance you should agree to whatever she wants, even 498a punishment. regards ASHOK

Gopal Arora (Engineer)     21 April 2013

@author

interesting.

You did not mention what made you realize the mistake?

Please advise how long you remainted ignorant of intentions of your wife and your parents?

Are you blaming your parents for brainwashing you instead of accepting your own fault? Being an adult you are supposed to take notice of the situation and decide. Only fools blame others for their own decision.

Why are you asking this forum for advise when you can offer to seek apology and re-marry her.

Alex (QS)     21 April 2013

Ashoksrivastava. I am concerned if my wife can file DV against me even though we r now divorced? Please advise

Alex (QS)     21 April 2013

Gopalji. I dont have the guts. I am not blaming parents entirely. But they kept telling me that my wife will file 498a against me. But when divorce finished and i realised she did nothing to harm me even though i deserve it. 

I cant reach her. She has flown continents. She gave me many chances and i didnt even talk to her. 

Now am worried if i reach her or parents they may file a case against me for 498a as my ex wife has a permanently deformed hand. 

She has xrays n medical report

also the incident happened outide india

Mango (Consultant)     21 April 2013

Since you've realized your mistake, your first step should be to bring her back into your life... Even though you feel that you DO NOT deserve but she deserves to have whatever she wants "now"! If she wished to spend her life with you then I believe you should fulfill her wishes too.  I see a very positive attitude in this girl to turn an animal into a man. Needless to say, if you will lose her, you would be one "unfortunate man".  You should do whatever you could to possible get her back into your life. This you should do WITHOUT having any fear of punishment (498a/domestic violence case).  I believe you would have heard the phrase better late than never.

 

To answer your other two questions.

 

a)      Yes, she can file the 498a case even after a year of divorce. 498-A is a separate case altogether.

b)      Yes, she can file domestic violence case as well but that would not be effective as per one of the high court ruling which says that - a complaint under the DV Act against the husband of a woman can only be entertained when there are living together in a shared household at the time of filing of the complaint.

 

Humble Suggestion –If you can't bring her back then have some fear of God and return back her jewellery, cash and other expenses which she had bore in order to get you back.

 

May be you would be able to escape from legal aspects by hiring professional advocates but always remember, there is someone who punishes everyone for their bad "deeds". Accept and correct your mistakes before it is too late!

 

Mango

1 Like

(Guest)

You can contact me via phone, check PM.

2 Like

dv (ghvhb)     21 April 2013

First return all her jewellry ,all her money. Ask for her pardon TELL ME ONE THING, IF SHE COMES BACK IN YOUR LIFE WHAT ASSURANCE IS THERE THAT YOU WILL NOT BE AN ANIMAL UNDER ANYONE'S INFLUENCE. ALSO PLEASE STOP BLAMING YOUR PARENTS AS YOU WERE NOT MAN ENOUGH AND NOW YOU WANT TO PUSH THE BLAME ON YOUR PARENTS. NO PARENTS ARE BLIND NOT TO SEE THEIR CHILDREN S HAPPINESS. I AM A VICTIM IS FALSE 498 BUT IN REALITY IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT HAVE INNOCENT PEOPLE IN TROUBLE. REACH OUT TO YOUR WIFE AS SHE HAS THE POWER TO FORGIVE YOU NOT EVEN GOD CAN FORGIVE YOU. DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO BUT IT BREAKS MY HEART TO HEAR HER FINGERS ARE DAMAGED.... I AM A TRAVELLER SO LET ME KNOW HOW CAN I HELP YOU ACTUALLY I WANT TO HELP YOUR WIFE TO GET JUSTICE BY YOU ASKING HER FORGIVENESS. MAY HIS GIVE YOUR WIFE TEN THOUSAND TIME MORE HAPPINESS IN LIFE AGAINST YOURTORTURE TTHAT YOU HAVE CAUSED HER. ONE GOOD THING IS YOU HAVE BECOME A MAN YO CONFESS AND ASK FORGIVENESS IF REALLY YOU ARE REPENTING GOD WILL HELP YOU

(Guest)

Your wife has chosen not to file DV or any other case against you until now.So I dont think shes going to cause trouble for you.You could send her a loving email wanting to join her,see if she responds(Don`t admit any allegations in email).

adv. rajeev ( rajoo ) (practicing advocate)     22 April 2013

Any how now you are repenting for your mistake, go and ask sorry to your wife and elders and lead a good married life.

stanley (Freedom)     22 April 2013

It seems your wife is a true Christian which is difficult to find nowdays . We potray and display ourselves as true christains but at heart our faith is  very weak in us . 

What god has joined togather no man shall seperate the bible says so, hence she tried a level best to make the marriage work and so did her parents  . Dont worry i dont think so she would file 498 A going by your brief she bore things silently . What did you gain from all this she moved on in life . 

 

where as you are still struggling from the after effects of all that has happened . Good to know that you are repenting for your sins  . Life as a christian is suffering .  

 

It seems you had a lot of Ego and your parents misguided you . I presume if you approach her she would forgive you .Hence only option for you is you can still get in touch with and acknowledge your misdeeds . 

 

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.

Krishnamohan (Consultatnt)     22 April 2013

Dear Alex,

I wish, by god's grace, you return to normal life with your wife. True repentence will always help you. Dont be afraid of the punishment. It is better to take the punishment for the misdeeds a person has done than not knowing why we are getting punished at some other instance. I am sure your wife will not press any charges against you if you show true repentance and lead a good life with her. Once she comes back please do not shatter her heart again. Only if you are sure of not hurting her anymore proceed to communicate with her.

Let me know if I can help you in some way. I have close friends in some countries.

1 Like

Mango (Consultant)     22 April 2013

Krishnamohan @ This is a true spirit of humanity which you have displayed by offering your help. Most of the people feel scared while offering their help but glad to know that there are people like you, who do it voluntarily. I hope this guy understand what you've said and follows it.

 

Mango

1 Like

Gaurav (consultant)     22 April 2013

Seem to be a fake post

Alex (QS)     22 April 2013

 

Mango, dv, red, adv. Rajeev (Rajoo), Stanely, Krishnamohan,Samy.

 

 

  – I have no idea where she is now. I last saw her a month ago when she came for second motion. Even at the counsellor when I told I do not want this marriage, she kept quiet. Finally when counsellor insister she said: “I tried my best for a year and even then Alex didn’t turn up for any counselling, it was his parents. So there is no point in me alone insisting that this work”. At that point it didn’t hit me what she has said. I just walked out of the counsellor’s room and didn’t even acknowledge her or parents. I later heard she was crying and she kept asking what is that she did wrong and if she didn’t try hard enough. All this and reality hit me so hard past one week.

My parents are looking to get me married and now I have enough money that I may even get a bride fast. But I guess no matter what a brave face am showing the world, I am not able to run away from the truth. My parents told the world my wife was mad and they were affluent and my was disobedient all of which I also supported even though none of the character assassinations was true.

I made myself believe I was right and even to the counsellor I never admitted I was wrong in beating her. I guess I have an issue to sort out.

I guess even if I can’t be punished and can she file for 498a asking for compensation as she has a right hand which is permanently deformed. As far I heard she is struggling to do even daily activities. She even told the mediator that since Alex broke my hand I want him to take care of me and provide for me there by making up for his mistake. I dismissed all this…

It’s all hitting me very hard and I don’t stand a chance. Every step that I show to correct myself my father and brother in law says remember she had evidence against you.

I used to be easily manipulated, but now when I look back. She didn’t name and shame me anywhere. She has ample of opportunity. She kept quiet all this wile for close to two years now. Finally knowing I didn’t want this nor I had any intention, she let go of me silently.

DV - I agree there is no guarantee. Because I am very scared of my dad. he controls everything in my life. This is why I had problems. I love my wife and has never been able to express it.

Gaurav – its not fake. People like me do exist in our society.

why i am scared is for the amount of pain i inflicted in her and the accusations my parents raised she and her parents were quiet because the marrige was more important to them I think.

but will they keep quiet forever. now that divorce hearing is few weeks away they may hit back right?

Also the only thing pending is the court judgement or the final order by the judge, counselling and all is over. Can i still change my mind and withdraw the petition?

 

 



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