Giving money to parents after marriage

Originally posted by : stanley
	Originally posted by : SuperHero @Valarmathy - If you would have posted the same in a Women's forum. The following would be the advice. 1. File the domestic violence case and put them into jail. 2. Continue your job, develop your self esteem, self confidence.  3. Stand up and be bold and courageous and live for your daughter life. @ Superhero  For DV prior to any order being passed there is no jail term once the order is violated than u/s 31 of the act there is a jail term . Leave aside Womens forum here it self on this forum if the posts are browsed our women centric lawyers advise file DV , 498 A.When there are so many options to settle the matter peacefully or rather to end the same .

@Stanley - I agree with you. Sometimes in a heated moment we exchange words. Also if both parties are not interested to continue there marital life, they should be able to settle the matter peacefully like a gentleman handshake. 

But many of our lives are ruled by Money. Money makes many things. But the same money can't buy happiness.

If we browse LCI or So many cases where DV and 498a are filed, in later stages when the boy offers LumpSum amount. All cases are with drawn and divorce will be granted. 

In my view Physical abuse is not at all acceptable. Here her Sister in Law (again a Women) physically abused brother's wife. 

Mother in Law provoking or making all this nuissance. She is again a Women. 

We talked with the mediator, agreed that my SIL will not interfere in my family matter hereafter. my husband said he cant leave his mother but  leave me and my child instead. my MIL demanding that if i have to live with my husband in that house i need to pay her 15k every month apart from i am paying emi of 11k for them. otherwise she will let my husband divorce me and marry another girl.(is it that simple?) she is testing my patience too much. why does she want to control everything and everybody in my house even at this age. why cant she let me live with my husband. why should i not question her what is she doing with all the money? It is not that she has no support. she is earning by leasing house, even brother-in law supporting her financially. why she is all after my salary? i clearly said it's only for my daughter im going to work, otherwise will be at home itself.  i wonder whether i am married to my husband or married to my MIL. she is behaving in such a way. i still keep quite only for my daughter's future. 

@Valarmathy,

Good atleast SIL is not interfereing. Here is what to do. Women in Indian tradition is both Lakshmi as well as Kaali.

So I would suggest take an LIC policy for your Kid education or future and contribute more towards to your Providednt Fund, check with your HR, so that your take home is less. So that you can clearly tell to your elders and mediators that I am not spending any money for myself. After all cuttings this is what I have.

Also take an LIC Health insurance for your MIL..Incase if she becomes sick(Just kidding).

Basically your Mother in Law is looking you as a doormat. Some are like that only. 

In today's world doing First marriage itself is becoming very difficult. How can she do Second marriage. Also by this time all relatives, families and friends knows your matrimonial life because this kind of news travels faster than good news.  

Patience is a virtue...Tolerance and Forgiveness if you have these 3 qualities you will WIN in LIFE.

4th Quality is ACCEPTANCE.

After thinking a lot, i have decided to go back to my husband but on two conditions, not sure if it has any drawback legally. i am willing to give 15k, not for household expenses as tomorrow they'll simply say we spent it for house only. instead i'll give this 15k to pay for homeloan (apart from paying 11k of PL) provided, if they are willing to register the home in my name. if they dont agree, i'll just keep paying the PL till it ends, after that i'll give them 11k for household expenses. but the problem is i took 3Lac PL and gave it to my husband as CASH, as the builder presurized him. the builder knows everything but he died two months back. since he died my husband says that he never got 3L money from me as there is no other eye witness. he is asking me to submit the proof that i gave him 3L cash and says he is ready to promise in any temple. what do i do now?  i can only question him, the why did he kept quite when i tell the other elders previously that i gave him 3L and he could have denied that time itself. that time he kept quite, and now the man is nomore tats why he saying like that. I'm planning to ask for a separate portion, (we have rented 2 houses in ground floor) and stay with my daughter. my husband stays with his parents in the top floor. he can always come and visit my daughter no restrictions put. when the moment he says that he really really needs me and my daughter, i will move with him to the top floor. till then, my daughter can get his father's affection and i can avoid seeing those faces frequently and try to forget whatever happened. as days goes on I hope either me or my husband will take step to rejoin.  I can take care of my baby n me with my salary. any legal issue with this? can my husband deny giving me room in ground floor? can he ask me rent for that houser(i already paying 11k emi)? 

Hi Valarmathy...

That is great news that you have taken positive step towards a happy life for your daughter and hence for all of you.

Your daughter is the angel of happiness for all of you. Not just for you.

But any precondition that you try to put to your husband, having legality in mind, will certainly backfire and the trust on you will drastically go down.

You should consider yourselves as a financial contributor of your family and do so without any doubts.

You say that " i can avoid seeing those faces frequently". 

You should see those faces and live.

Let us assume you don't like your maanger or anyone in your office, do you ask for a separate ground floor portion?

Can you ask? You will adjust because you get salary from office.

In home, when you adjust you get much more. You get trust, love and affection.

Why do you say "I can take care of my baby n me with my salary."?

You believe your salary more than your husband. So sad.

Please show unconditional love and trust to your daughter and husband.

I know I sound more supporting your husband and in-laws.

No. Not.

I am saying that you should be selfish enough to save the relationship with your husband and in-laws as they are your best safeguards in this world for the rest of your life.

Nobody else can be.

If you move awayfrom your family, you will get into unsafe zone and intruders will get in.

yes. I said i can avoid seeing their faces frequently, because I still cant forget whatever happened that day, how i was insulted,injured and hurt. they did not safe guard me instead beat me in a locked room. I am planning to go for counselling anyway to get out of this, wish if my hubby could join me too.

 "I can take care of my baby n me with my salary."

I mentioned it because its not that i am expecting money from him either for me or my daughter, i can wait as long as he realizes that wife and daughter important to him.

I took this step only for my daughter's wellness. I dont want to argue on whose mistake is that , when it comes to my daughter. she did no mistake except being born to us. I dont want my husband simply ignore his responsibilties as a father. if he does a job as a good son, he should also not forget his responsibilites as a father. yes i put conditions, i dont want to get cheated by them again on money matters. my husband told me many times that he will leave me for his mother, i have to remove my thaali and give it to him, and sign that i dont want any of his properties and walk out of his house. eventhough the house is in his name only and the depts are in my name. he got so much of cash from me for household expenses but now denying all, he is telling that i never gave money to him. after this incident trusting him again money matters, its not going to happen in the near future. i dont want to be an educated fool again.

"he got so much of cash from me for household expenses but now denying all, he is telling that i never gave money to him. after this incident trusting him again money matters, its not going to happen in the near future. i dont want to be an educated fool again."

A husband never says that he earned and spent money on his wife and children. Because that is what man is been doing for decades. But an earning wife keeps account of every paisa that she spends and quotes the amount on evey opportunity. Why should a woman account the money that she spends on her family? 

"yes i put conditions, i dont want to get cheated by them again on money matters."

All the best Valarmathy for you to succeed in making your husband accept your pre-conditions that is based on mistrust than trust.

"they did not safe guard me instead beat me in a locked room."

Your life will be great and peaceful for sure as you are trying to fix things even after going through the trauma above. 

I am planning to go for counselling anyway to get out of this, wish if my hubby could join me too.

You can be the best counsellor to your husband if you can make him trust you.

Let sanity prevail in all mature minds.  All the best.