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Annonymous (Software Eng)     15 August 2012

Divorse on ground of impotency

Hi All,

Thanks you for your adivses in advance.

I am a male, and I believe that my wife will soon file divorse petition against me on grounds of impotency. I dont have any issue against divorse but I want my child custody.

History: After our honeymoon we both realised that we are not having proper s*x because I am not able to maintain erections. I went to some doctors who got me for some test and prescribed medicines, which helped me to get erection and also intercourse. We both have some good s*x after that and we got a child in same duration. After few time, these medicines stop working on time and I was only able to perform in morning, which she really dont like as it disturb her sleep.  I never stopped searching for good doctor (urologist, phychologist, s*xologist, phycatrist even highly reputated Dr Prakash Kothari) and where ever I get a chance to meet a new doctor who can resolve this I went there, inside and outside India. I also thought to go for surgery so that we can have s*x, but she refused that. I had spent many lakhs of rupee to get rid of it but till date no luck.

We stated our marriage life in mumbai, to setup home she called my parents there, who came there and stay for about 2 weeks and after all arrangements they returned back. She than called her parents to visit there. Her mother came there and stayed for about 1 month. as maximum things were already arrenged and the left thing was an aquaguard, so her mother asked me to purchase and place that. I went with her mother to purchase aquaguard of their choice. And on shop she started inviting to shopkeeper to come home. She had even given address to and contact details to him. I was shocked on that part that what she is doing. But I thought that its not an issue to be raised. After her mom left back to home, we continued our life but were having sprodic fights. Many a times she goes back to her home or tell our small issues to her parents which increases their tension as well. My wife is a house wife and my weakness was major issue that she always start fighting to me for every other reason( like towel, glass, clothes etc). I even confronted her parents infront of her and my parents. And they told us that these issues(towels,glass etc)  that you are saying are so small and you guys are taking too much tension for that. Once we were roaming on my bike and I asked her to buy food items from mall, she refused to come with me to that mall with the dress she had wear. I said I am ok, and to change dress we have to go back a long way, and nobody knows us there. But she refused to go and started walking back towards home leaving me on the road. Leaving me out on road alone hurt me, and I stayed on the same place thinking that she might come back, but after some time she didnt come back and reported all this to her home. She called me where I am and I immediatelly come back to home. till that time she stayed at our neighbours flat. After which I was having confrontation with his father. and he said that all fault is yours you left my daughter. I was equally hurt as was my wife, but to stop this issue I said sorry and things go back to normal.

I was afraid to tell my parent that I am having such issue, so she told this issue to my mother (my father is doctor) so that they can also help. But after about a year or so I still dont have any luck and I am still consulting and taking medicines.

As this issue had taken about a year and she start complaining that I am not going to waste my whole life, I and my mom accepted that and said her that if she wants to leave me she is always free to leave me even if she want to do another marriage than we will do all arrengement for her marriage. But she agreed to live with me saying that she got every other thing fine here and can ignore my problem. After that we even suggested her to do some job that will move some focus away from this problem. She will meet more person outside and can make herself release some stree outside. This suggestion she used as masterpiece for our next fight, that you want a working women and her parents scold me that why you want working women and my daughter go out to do work, is there any financial problem we are having?? I said sorry to her and said you are free to do job or not to do job to stop this issue.

As I was not able to perform so she slowly started not to have s*x with me and avoid all such conditions, but as a hope she always ask me which doctor I am going, and if she finds some doctor , I goes to him also. But to check if doctors medicines are working she refuses to go in s*xual activities. And many times we had fight on this as well.

During her pregnancy I got a offer to work outside India. I accepted that offer in hope that going away will make her happy and outside doctors might cure me. She was not having passport so I was not able to take her away with me. I asked her to stay at my home till the time her passport is issued, meanwhile my child had taken birth and I applied for his passport as well. This all took about 6-7 months of time. I stopped going to visit any doctor that time as I was new in the country and not knowing which doctor to consult and was not having enough dollars to pay them. After that I called her to stay with me. Before going out she put a condition that we are going out of India so I will need someone to stay at home and arrenge all things properly. As my mom and dad were also having passport so I called them (as I was not having enough money so my parents arrenged their tickets)(her parents were not having passport and they applied immediately). (She had called my parents for arrenging home in India as well). Once they all reach there she asked me what you had done these 6 months? I was in no condition to answer this question. I said I had started gym so that my body becomes strong, and as I was having low money so for past six months I was saving money, as after you comes here our expenses will increase. But after that day I again started hunt for cure. and no luck with outside doctors. After my parents return back we stay together with some of local friends goes outside for releaseing out stress. But as I was not able to perform that hurt her and starts fight between us. She started talking more and more at home and fight more and more with me, apart from that she also started saying me to take lot more care of child as handling him is also a tension for her. She even dropped her from child strecher once which hurt him on his face.

Within few months she asked me to call her parents to same country. I said I am ok to call them but they have to arrenge for their tickets, which started a fight between us, as she was having confusion that I arrenged tickets for my parents and not doing the same for her parents. But after talking and confirming from my parents. She stopped fight (with all fight ends she stops talking to me and I have to say sorry or she impose some conditions to start talk again).  Finally her parents came to this country and they even bring some of their relative as well. To my luck their relative stay outside in hotel because of agreement between me and house owner (more than 4 not allowed to stay in house and guest cannot stay more than 2 weeks). And they themselves handle all their expenditure. with this trip end I was again having nearly 0 dollar in my account.
These relative went in about 2 weeks but her mom and his brother stayed for about 1 month we see all places and after which she starts saying to go back India. I was also not seeing any hope in this country and was also not able to stop fight between us, so we went back to india along with my parents in law.

After returning back she asked me to search a job near to our native place. Because if any fight happens between us her parents cannot have to travel so far. and if I dont moves close she is not going to leave with me. So I started searhing job near to native place and also got one. After joining new company I also purchase one house in the same city so that we can settle there. She again called my parents to arrenge house. My parents again does all purchasing to setup this house. And she asked me that she wants to keep his brother here as he is doing some training in the same city. I said I am ok with that. His brother started living in my house with doing no support. as the time passes we started more fights.
 She starts complaining that I am not taking care of child, although he stays with me before I leaves to office and when I come back from office. But after her complaint I started to come more early from office for caring my child more.

His brother software training got over but he continued to stay in my house. I asked him try to search job and he replied that he is preparing for bank exams now so he had joined another coaching for preparing that for about 3 months. After those 3 months he said that he is searching for job. I tried my best to place him in my own company he even got offer after he got rejected 3 times in same jon walking,  After getting offer also he refuses to join that company sayiing that package is low (I had already said him that he will be getting around 5-8 k/month initially and he said that he is ok with that, he got offer of 15k/month). I didnt say a word on this although all my seniors scold me on this as they all had done very hard work to provide him offer.
Somehow after 2 months he was able to search a job in same city and he continues to stay at my home. People started talking why he is staying here if he had started earning to me. To stop such kind of question my wife said to me that she want to apply for banking exams and this is the reason that he wants him here, now as she is preparing for exams she want me to take care of child more than before.

I started caring more of child going office late asked work from home permission from office. So that she can focus on her study and I can take care of child. I used to keep child till morning 10AM and after returning from office till 12 or 1AM in the night till the time he sleeps. But even then our fight dint stopped and we continued to fight again and again.

As an IT engineer I went for 2 week trip to to one city for project and she went to her home. his brother stayed at my home. After returning back I started gym on the same day. I went to gym in the morning saying his brother that I am going out, but as he was asleep, he didnt hear that. After returning I saw our maid is in the house and after asking maid how u came in, she said that doors were open. I asked is her brother awake? She said I dont know, I called her brother 3-4 times and he comes down to know whats happening.
I asked maid from how many days u r not cleaning the upper floor. She said from past many days she is not cleaning upper floor of the house. I said maid that clean both floors every day she replied that she is not cleaning it from the day khusbu is not here. I replied no clean both floors all days. I called khsubu to say her that I had words with maid. Later in the noon, I was searching for my trip bills which I didnt got at home, I kept those bills in the hall and after asking rohit abt bills he replied that he might had thrown away those bills in dustbin in the morning so sweaper had taken that away. I searched whole house to find where are the bills. In that I even throw dresses from almira, throw out bed matresses to find bills, I again called khusbu to say that please come home and and handle ur this situation. instead of coming home she started arguing with me that u  r having issues with my brother. (If she thinks that I am having issue with his brother than y she didnt removed his brother from home to minimize tension at home and between us.) I said I am really not sure whats happening and what to do. (As I am having issue with his brother which earlier I said that I am ok to keep him at home. And saying any word like that will definately ignite tension at home).

After some talk she feel that I am feeling guilty of what I had done. and she said that come to her home to take her. When i reach her home her father and mother started fight with me and said if you continue to work this way we are not going to send our daughter with you. To which I again said sorry and asked them to give another chance. But now my wife had stopped talking me completely and always try to ignite me on topic so that I start the fight, I kept my head cool and didnt started any fight. We started more and more eating outside home so that she gets more time to study along with his brother.

After somedays we went to a mall for shopping and she called her brother to play bowling there without informing me (this was arounf 8pm in night). She then said me that what you are going to do at home? and they want to play here, I said I want to go home as I am not feeling well. I come home alone and they played bowling till 9:30 after which she call me to come to somenearby place for dinner, as I was having acidity so I replied u carry on. they come back at around 10:30 and i asked her if she can cook roti for me, which she denied, but her brother having headache same night , she continued to press his head till 12:30PM. the very next day we both had fight she went to her home for celebrating rakhi and not return back nether his brother.

 

I had read some of the articles online, but all of them says that if child is minor than it always goes to mother. i am afraid that if she always need help in taking care of child how she can care child alone. Her father is retiring next month, she dont have job , her mother is a teacher and also heart patient. Finacially only his brother had started earning and they earn some money by renting upper floor of their home.

The points that I can put in court for getting my child are as below.

1) Singapore: she drop child from strecher.

2) Mall: I went for dress change asking her to take care of child, when i return she dont knows where he is, she even didnt search for him. i searched and get back him.

3) She wants me to sit full day to take care of child.

4) Child had to go PG school which is near abt 1km away from home. Our car got puncher , I am in office his brother is at home, she called me to come home and fix tyre and when I asked that his brother can fix it , she replied that no he will not do that, and child didnt went to school that day.

5) Always keep conditions and never say yes to her fault after any fight between us.

6) Father got retired, Mother is school teacher, brother is also new at job, she herself dont have any job. Finacially weak

7) Always scold that I dont do any work of home. I always bring all market things, even many times I had cooked food at home. I am doing job as well to bring money.
In her absence at home, I always take his brother to hotels for food.

8) child got locked when we were in outside country and also locked once at my native place and also in car and all when she was alone with him

Please suggest are these enough points to get the custody of my child? I cannot prove these points, I can only say these points hoping she dont refuse to anyone.

Whatelse I can do to get custody of my child?

 

Thank you for your reply



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