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HonestMan   26 April 2017

Divorce an apathetic wife

Pre-Marriage (2015):

It was an arranged marriage and we had almost 1 year of courtship period before marriage. The girl is an air-hostess (age 29 at that time). It was known that after marriage we would move to UK where i was offered a job. We wanted court marriage but the girl's family insisted that they did normal marriage with reception etc.

Marriage (early 2016):

After marriage we went to Thailand for our honeymoon, enjoyed a lot, came back to india and were about to leave for UK when her brother in law, an alcoholic, was in critical condition because of liver damage. I basically took charge of entire situation and saved his life staying awake for 48 hrs outside ICU etc. Then once he was back home, we left for UK.

UK:

The first month we came I spent almost all money i had because this place was expensive and borrowed advance money from the company. For the next month i suggested we do not live so lavishly but little carefully/normally for one month until i get my next salary after which we can enjoy again (which meant frequently going out to eat in resturants, roaming around etc which are very expensive compared to india). But by the end of that month she said she would join back her work and again come back after 2 months as she had spent all her unpaid leaves (she had taken 3 months unpaid). We were living happily and that's when she parted.

After 2 months i started calling her back, but she kept delaying. Months after months passed and but she started growing distant and cold. After around 4 months into being separated her parents too were asking when would she get back to me, but it was around then she started telling me that she has somehow stopped feeling any love, care, concern towards me. At first i thought it's the usual behavior that happens between couples every now and then and i used to go into pacifying mode talking lovingly etc. But she grew worse and worse and started ignoring my calls for weeks at a time. I used to be all lonely and alone, but she wouldn't care and also started telling me she is no longer physically attracted to me also. When this lasted for months i told my parents and they said to maybe come down to India and go for a vacation. I suggested this to her to which she initially agreed. I did come to India but she refused to go anywhere with me and said she changed her mind and was not feeling like it. It was the same day that i landed in India and had barely met her for an hour. She did not let me hug her etc. saying the same thing - I don't love you anymore.

Desparate I went to my parents place (left her house the next day saying i was feeling claustrophobic there, being so alienated) which is in the north-east. Then parents talked to parents and when she was now asked about such cold behavior, she started telling trivial and isolated things like - Once she picked up a cake in supermarket and then kept it back - I told her to take it but she did not and then we went back home. But later that evening she became extremely angry and violent on the fact that i should have insisted her to take the cake if i really cared for her. I had said this is so trivial and I'm sorry and i didn't know this is going to take such a turn, and i'll keep it in mind.

But when everybody said that these trivial things cannot be the actual reason for such  cold and distant behavior, she along with her father said ok let bygones be bygones and start fresh. I immediately agreed and started conversing with her again on the phone. Hardly 5 days into it she said again that she was just not feeling any love, emotion for me and was finding to do anything with me a burden.

Desparate after being so emotionally abused and toyed for such a long time, I finally said maybe we are just not compatible and should separate. After a few more conversations we both agreed that no use hauling this shadow of a relationship anymore and go for MCD.

I came back to UK, found a lawyer with help from my father and arranged for meet up of lawyer and herself. They finally met and yesterday she called up and said that since this is MCD, i want a settlement amount from you - give back what we spent in the marriage upon you and started giving unreasonable numbers. I explained that after marriage all the expenses were mine. Even during marriage we paid for the accommodation of our guests. I did not ask 1 penny from her for and after marriage. We had infact suggested court marriage to not spend money on entertainment of others which they denied and said they wanted to as they had a lot of guests (4 times the number we had, we hardly had any guests). Whatever they spent they spent becuase of their wish. I did not ask for dowry, my mother didn't say that you come with such and such amount of cash or jewellry or anything, then why this reverse dowry in the name of settlement ?

At this point she became furious and started putting blame after blame on me that i did not take care of her in scotland, and that she did not want to know how much we spent before and after marriage becuause she said that was my duty. But she only wants to talk about the time where they had spent money and that too because of their own wish and wants that back. She even went to the extent of saying "You know that if i drag you to court i will win anyway being a girl and you will face more hassles and wastage of money in the long run, so better comply where things will be much smoother and will be settled amicable with MCD."

That sounds like a threat. If you see her income, it is in excess of 1.10 Lakhs/month (i think it's around 1.35 Lakhs/mth) which is a very high income by any service class standards in India. So it seems it's the usual case of girl wanting to steal the hard and honestly earned money of the husband for mere pleasure of seeing him suffer.

I tried to keep everything to the point to not make it long but ofcourse there has been immense emotional abuse that has been done on me which i can describe at length if it matters and how she drove our relationship to this state over last 1 year (we are not together for almost a year now) - but that will only make this post long and i don't know how useful that will be.

I feel she has no right to ask money from me because:

1) She has toyed with me for a long time now.

2) We also spent money, but she just wants to concentrate on the days that her family spent money, considering other days as being our "duty" so wont counted in settlement.

3) She is an international air-hostess and earns handsomely herself. Why is asking money from a guy considered so normal and natural ? Are we guys not humans, doesn't it hurt and pain us to see our earned money just being robbed away ?

So my question is: What should i do if she demands unreasonable settlement amount ? Should i somehow pay it (taking loan etc.) or contest in court ?



Learning

 5 Replies

Kumar Doab (FIN)     26 April 2017

Terms of MCD are to be settled between both of you.

Instead of emotional outbursts apply your skills to bring it down to reasonable terms.

Take help of elders of the family and a very able counsel of unshakable repute and integrity specializing in Family matters.

Let your own able counsel help you to draft looking into your long terms interest.

 

 

 

1 Like

HonestMan   27 April 2017

Originally posted by : Ramesh Singh
Your lengthy honeymoon have nothing to do in legal forum, since you both are married for 2 yrs only, so you don't have to pay heavy amt. & high maintenance.
Be ready to face any consequence and contest the divorce if she insist.
Sooner or later she touch the ground or say court floor.

Thank you for your suggestion. I am innocent and I am confident this will be proven, but if she falsely files DV and other cases will i be jailed or called to India for a long time ? Because then the employer here might fire me if I have to be away for a long time.

And it's not two years since marriage, it's 1 year (was married in early 2016) and a few months. It's 11 months since we are living separately (she in India doing international flight duties  and i am in UK currently).

Kumar Doab (FIN)     27 April 2017

Generate irrefutable evidence of demands,monies to sign on agreements, everything that you have posted or you want to post and keep these safely to apply if the need be at appropriate time in appropriate forum.

Right you don't seem to have funds to agree to MCD as you posted that you have to borrow.

 

Your own counsel(s)   can make you aware of strategies to handle such matters and bring OP to table and reasonable terms and even how to make OP nervous with penultimate actions.

 

Both of you are in employment and employment is dear to both.

You are wary of misconducts and penultimate action by employer.

There are many threads on similar queries and many members, experts have been posting.

If you wish you may go thru such threads.

 

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     27 April 2017

I am sending you a few links and latest decisions by Apex Court.

Still if possibe try to save the marriage.

Let the thnings take some time and prepare for future.

 

Kumar Doab (FIN)     27 April 2017

Gather irrefutable evidence of everything that you have posted or you want to post, her demands ete etc.

This may come handy later at appropriate time in appropriate forum.

 

 


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