Problems of divorced women to be shared here

SSE

 

 

@ Roshani

 

I disagree with you.

 

>> That means you disagree with the grand parents and grand grand parents!!! 

 

u r saying that to escape harassment at natal home, it's better to tolerate abuses at sasural.in other words,u r telling everyone that abuses and harassment(be it at sasural or natal home)are destined for every indian woman.

 

>> Its matter of happiness. being there at natal or Sasural, it is the fact that IF Women are not going to remain happy at both the place, than WHY damages?  Second Marriage??????? Second marriage is more tough. especially in Indian culture.

 

we all know that the harassment meted out at Sasural is any time more damaging that the taunts given at natal home.

 

>> At the same time, we all know that Divorce/Seperation is not the only solution. But still it happens. 

 

will u say the same thing to a woman being harassed for dowry in her Sasural?

 

>> As long as there are ONLY 100s (not 1000s) of pain, I support the saying. :)

 


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zz

Again its one's own cost-benefit analysis.......no generization can be made. What is cruelty for one is "way of living" for another. U see many docile poor women are being beaten & robbed off their earnings every evening by their drunkard husbands. INEVITABLE CONSTRAINTS hold them back into their place......not availing their rights. Everybody has to weigh.

Certainly, if there is constant humiliation/torture at hubby's place......... try to find a solution.....both ways........no point living into destryed relationship. But my emphasis is on 2 points only:

1) Matrimonial issues should be tried to resolve by deepest possible efforts....both sides. Every possible CIVIL PLATFORM should be exhausted. MARRIAGE COUNCELLING is severly underutilized in this matter. One jumps to 498a gun very prematurely.

2) If relation is dead, faith is not left......both ways, Mutual Consent Divorce should be explored not wasting the life too much. Girls who lose true vision that a greater humiliation/torture may be waiting at her natal home as her stay will be prolonged there, suffer the most. There is no point CRYING OVER THE SPLIT MILK. Life has to move. Parents should make sincere effort to remarry her at a right time so that she enjoys the status she deserves. At least there are chances that she rehabilitates in a nice way......if one gives a try.......rather than wasting whole of life taking revenge, seeking maint, visiting PS/Courts.

No offences..........The girls who spoil their TRACK-RECORD by submitting false 498a/406/DVA are difficult to marry again!


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Managing Partner

I would suggest to all of you...why make an issue out of  nothing..divorce is just two people  not willing to stay together..thats all..(498A cases are different..but ultimately it ends in divorce)

 

There are certin things in life, which needs to be accepted. Not only in marriages but also in othere spheres of life...you may quit your job or may be fired...in this case we do not make an issue out of it..it is just the job did not fit you or you did not fit in the job...you start looking for another job..

 

Similarly..in marriages, two people tried to share their lives..didnt work..fine..they separate...

 

please do not make issues out of it..otherwise you will never be able to settle down in the future..

 

if divorced, just forget it..yes there is mental and emotional suffering..there is society to talk..but how long will people keep talking about you..they will stop...

 

Just forget it an enjoy life..there are other beautiful things in life..till the time you find another partner..just enjoy the other things in life...there are a lot of things to be enjoyed...

 

Find out what you like, and pursue, till the time you find another partner..thats it..

 

IT IS NO PROBLEM AT ALL...THE MORE YOU TALK ABOUT IT, THE MORE YOU MAKE IT INTO A PROBLEM..

 

Vikram


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For justice and dignity

 

 That means you disagree with the grand parents and grand grand parents!!! 

 

u have misunderstood my statements.

 

all along in LCI,i have vouched for keeping a marriage.i am not in favour of divorces.i am against them.

 

so i very much go by hese grandparents' saying,as they too have similar thoughts.

 

but we also ought to remember that some of these indian grandparents and greatgrandparents have been responsible for dowry harassments,dowry killings,sending back an intertile DIL to her natal home to get their sons remarried.

 

so all of them have not been like angels which you think.

 

they themselves did not treat these marriages as sacred.if they had,they wud not have treated DILs in the past as some piece of garbage.because of the ill conduct of these grandparents' only,various pro-women laws had to be enacted.

 

if these grandparents have stressed the DILs to live in sasural for the sake of their dignity in society,did they also ensure that she does not get harassed for dowry,that she's respected despite her inability to conceive,that she's not bullied by other jealous females of the family and that she's not physically abused by her husband?

 

if they ensured all this,then i am with their lines of thought.however if they failed to protect the DIL,i don't agree with their thoughts.


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NA

Originally posted by :Vikram
"
I would suggest to all of you...why make an issue out of  nothing..divorce is just two people  not willing to stay together..thats all..(498A cases are different..but ultimately it ends in divorce)

 

There are certin things in life, which needs to be accepted. Not only in marriages but also in othere spheres of life...you may quit your job or may be fired...in this case we do not make an issue out of it..it is just the job did not fit you or you did not fit in the job...you start looking for another job..

 

Similarly..in marriages, two people tried to share their lives..didnt work..fine..they separate...

 

please do not make issues out of it..otherwise you will never be able to settle down in the future..

 

if divorced, just forget it..yes there is mental and emotional suffering..there is society to talk..but how long will people keep talking about you..they will stop...

 

Just forget it an enjoy life..there are other beautiful things in life..till the time you find another partner..just enjoy the other things in life...there are a lot of things to be enjoyed...

 

Find out what you like, and pursue, till the time you find another partner..thats it..

 

IT IS NO PROBLEM AT ALL...THE MORE YOU TALK ABOUT IT, THE MORE YOU MAKE IT INTO A PROBLEM..

 

Vikram
"

I agree with yiou.life comes once only, it should not be wasted.Though I personally never support.But if it happend already then it should not be allowed to make the life stagnant at that point.

 
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Managing Partner

Yes...This is my point..if it has happened..it is past and there is no point carrying it as a burden all your life...

 

Once you are out of this bullsh*t mentally...you can create space for good things to come..otherewise one will be in the sh*t..even after 20 years...and spoil all the good things that could have come..

 

There is no point analyzing...but to leave the past behind and carry on...

 

If one becomes so apprehensive about relationships..then the situation is hopeless...

 

Rather one should concentrate on himself/herself and try to improve onself as far as possible so that one is wanted by all....one need not get any apporval from members of this forum or any other person...but approve himself/herself...

 

It requires serious divertion of mind..from bullsh*t to something good and creative...one has to make a decision...

 

Vikram

 


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dear all

 

read your remarkrs since the past few days.nice you participating.

 

kindly do not assume that i am sad or unhapy from divorced.i am free now.

 

but i want to bring your kind notice to various other problems that envelope we woman after divorce.

 

i reading off and on in this forum than woman enjoying life after divorce.woman divorcing only for get money.it must be true for selfish woman.but all woman not likewise.most suffer from own family.most suffer job problems.in many castes,they hear remarks.these problems i want to show to all.so i wrote about what i facing.

 

all men must sympathize for women.all women must sympathised for men.then indian society will become equal.fighting will leading to no end.


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Managing Partner

"Never ask or expect sympathy"..this is what I always say...asking sympathy means you are a miserable person..and a miserable person is bound to be mean...not matured..

 

One day you will be craving for sympathy and get none..because people will one day tired of sympathisizing with you and stop...but your demands will not end...

 

Let people say whatever they want to...one they they will be tired of talking about you..cos they have their own problems...every one has their own problems..to each individual their own problems are the greatest...they can talk about you for one day, 2 days...but on the third day they will be overwhelmed by their own problems...and stop talking..

 

Always stay away from people who show sympathy because..that person, by showing sympathy is comparing himself/herself with you and feeling good...he/she feels that his/her problems are smaller than yours and feels happy..and shows sympathy...never think that by showing sympathy he/she is doing your a favor..rather it is just the reverse..you are favoring him/her by making him/her feel superior to you...

 

So, never ask for sympathy

 

Just enjoy...whatever you have..is enough to be happy and cheerful


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zz

I agree with Vikram, but the STATE, THE PRESENT FAMILY LAWS do not see Divorce as a remedy to distorted relationships. It is a forbidden word in judiciary.

Mistakes do happen everywhere, at worplaces, at manufacturing units, in accounts, even by computers we work with. Say.....marriage is almost universal in our country. Mismatch is going to happen......one shud expect, ever if a meager % is there, absolute figure is considerable where living 2gather becomes impossible........reasons being quite human. Then why finding 498a etal in the failed marriages, why courts are so reluctant to separate a warring couple, the relationship being already dead for years..............mean 2 say IRRETRIEVABLE DAMAGE TO MARRIAGE should be persuaded strongly as a ground for divorce. Present laws are not serving the desired purpose. Couples are fighting endlessly over domestic issues.............such a big workforce is engaged in useless activity...........country suffering this way. Marimony related crimes increase.

So, even if one tries to forget & move ahead in life leaving his distorted married life behind, the laws do not allow him..............where marriage is practically dead, law should provide timely relief in the form of hassle free divorce. Developed countries have many sensible laws in force, ppl do nt go throu such uncertainity as far as divorce, child custody, maint issues are concerned. This way trauma gets minimised.


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Teacher

agrees to vikram ji..


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