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Jyoti (Psychology Lecturer)     14 February 2011

Choose Correct partners( carefully) and avoid divorce and pain.

Choose correct partners(carefully) & avoid divorce & pain.

Selecting partner:-  One must select a partner accordingly & wisely .

Meet a person, talk to him/her , see how much your likings & thinking matches. Are you people compatible or not. I know there is a famous saying opp attracts but often it rebels aswell specially after marriage when you start living under a same roof. What are your priorities ?? Give stress on that. If both of your priorities , wants are different from life then later in future it can be troubling, so try and avoid it.

Marriage is not a party that if your friends are attending that you are also attracted to attend it, No it’s a big decision of life. So don’t think what people say or think, till your inner voice pushes you don’t jump. I mean till you actually feel like do not marry, just for a sake of marriage. You should have correct reason to marry, don’t marry just because of you are afraid of being alone in  your old age(days)  or just because you are getting old and can lose your biological potentials. Marry for correct reason, that is togetherness, love & affection.  Because if you will marry for a wrong reason , after marriage in few years  you might feel you are with
a wrong person and leading a wrong life.

For Females :-  1) If you are well educated or highly educated then go for a man who is compatible with you in terms of education & intellects, else there will be rifts and adjustment problems. Ego’s can hurt and make

the relationship bitter.

Earlier men used to be educated & their wives were hardly graduates or not even that, so that time the wives had a thinking that our husbands are earning bread, so they are no less then god, woman were just graded as homemakers and caretakers of family & children, but now days woman are educated and are bread earners, they cannot be graded that way anymore, ofcourse the affection part is there but apart from that you cannot take them for granted anymore, today’s woman is aware of their fundamental rights and love a dignified life. So you need to choose a man who is mature, modest, well educated, less complexed, not a hypocrite and not a male chauvinist for sure.

2) Joint family/ Nuclear family- If a girl has been raised in a nuclear family then she should avoid marrying in a joint family,( & vice versa) to avoid risks. Exceptions are always there but this is a known fact that adjustment is very important. If you are independent, outgoing , hate interferences and are strong headed then do not get married into a joint family. ( Many won’t support this , but it’s a fact) Joint family needs lot of adjustment, and patience and if you are not that kind of material then avoid it, because it can increase complications in your and your husband’s life. Go for a man who is self independent & lives separately, this is not a gurantee but atleast can avoid complications. But after marriage don’t say that oh I omitted a mistake, it’s too late then, so better be cautious and take decision accordingly. And if you think you are adjusting, have patience and can manage others properly then marry in joint family. (Note- rather than having troubles after marriage it’s better to avoid the situation itself.)

3) If you are looking for an arranged marriage then try to marry within your culture, because after marriage  adjusting is a problem , initially we think oh sabkuch ho jayega , it will be fun but later on it becomes serious. Select the family wisely and accordingly, if you are raised in a very liberal and broadminded family than select the same kind for marriage because it will be easy to adapt, do not marry a conservative man from a conservative family. If you yourself have been raised in a orthodox & conservative family then choose the same kind of family for marriage , avoid mismatch . Because that can become a major issue for adjustment problems.

4) Marry a person who wants a partner for himself , it clearly means that he is independent and have mature thinking.He is not spineless. He knows his needs, do not just marry a man who needs a caretaker for his family or home, Because when we marry a person the person becomes our better half, after few years both partners parents expire & that time husband & wife is the family and eachothers supporting system. So a man who wants to marry for himself will keep you happy and will give you that love & affection,and automatically you will consider his parents as yours and it will be a happy family. Whereas a man who just wants a caretaker for his parents or family, will always expect fulfillment of duties from you, which will make your life stressfull and you will be under constant pressure. Your whole life will pass pleasing others,and no one will care or ask whether you are happy or not, this is a true fact.  Respecting elders, keeping

them happy is a duty for both husband & wife towards their respective inlaws. It’s not just a duty of wife to take care of her husband’s parents , even she has some expectations from her husband towards her family members. So avoid marrying such men who think it is the whole sole duty of a woman to take care of her inlaws, just because she is married in this family. This is unfair and verymuch male dominant. Earlier woman used to accept such behavior, but now woman doesn’t accept this unfair behavior. This is very much true that after marriage a girl has to leave her parents home etc, and she cannot avoid her duties as a daughter in law but also she cannot and she should not forget her old parent’s , there must be a balance. What irony no one asks men to forget there parents after marriage, but woman is bound to forget, ( ghar paraya hogya ab toh, now this is your home) such things are said to a wife. And after so much of sacrifice still woman are blamed as home breakers, so one should avoid marrying such rigid thinking men. Try to find a suitable compatible partner, who is fair and balanced person.


Choose wisely, and check compatibility. And till you actually want a partner, do not marry. Beware of fake people.

All the best…….


 28 Replies


Your article is very very very good!

Extremely good.

But you should have posted in OTHERS(general discussion)section,because family forum is mainly meant for family related laws and articles.

I wish the admin does not remove this article from here,on this ground.

2 Like

Jyoti (Psychology Lecturer)     14 February 2011

Thankyou so much, Meenal.

Okay i will post into general discussion.

Manoj Choudhary (Advocate)     14 February 2011

Very good article. Thanks for posting

seeking advice for divorce (housewife)     14 February 2011

very well compiled. thanks for sharing

N.K.Assumi (Advocate)     14 February 2011

Extremely useful for all practical purposes.

Ambika (NA)     14 February 2011

Jyoti Madam, it is OK. You wait for the admin to remove it and then post it onto others section. Roshani used to post some very good articles in this forum and it happened with her. So wait till it happens with you. See, not all visitors of family forum visit others...so it would come handy for them....

And again welcome on board. If some students of yuours want to do some project on man- woman relationship: an exploration in the virtual territory through  case study of Family Forum at LCI, the reuslts would be very useful and revealing. 

So welcome on board....and join the celebration which is happening in the other section...as you asre one of the most awaited members...

1 Like

You tell me (Personal)     14 February 2011

Jyothi, This is very nicely compiled article, one should be very careful before making this big decision.

However boys should also be very careful before selecting a girl in many areas. One proposal from me is background check and also mecdical test for any STD's.

Many boys and girls now a days think its normal to have opposite s*x friends with benifits and doesn't get the feeling of love and bonding. The same happens after marriage also, this is happening now a days in many cases.


thanks for sharing Jyoti ji.

Abhinaya (Assistant manager)     14 February 2011



This is very true..My husband is ruining my life because of his m**.He is not realising the fact that he is ruining his life too.But my kind suggestion to all females.please do not marry mumma's boy,they ll ruin ur life,hurt ur ego and its total pain to live with them.

Abhinaya (Assistant manager)     14 February 2011

Its really true..My husband ruining my life listening 2 his M** words..He is not realizing the fact that he is ruining his life too.My suggestion to all females.Never marry such a guy,thery are hell to live with,they ll ruin ur life hurt ur ego and its total pain to live with such a person.Pls gals pls take it serious ,dnt bcum a victim

1 Like

A.VIVEK ADVOCATE (ADVOCATE)     14 February 2011

very nice this would be lovers day special

1 Like

Rajeev Singh (Law Student)     14 February 2011

Lovely article mam, iam so impressed. This can be helpful for marriage.

Its better to take care in the beginning itself.

I completely agree with all your points, simply awesome.

You should write more often mam.

1 Like

Vishakha (Manager)     16 February 2011

nice informative article.

Lekha (working)     16 February 2011

tooooooooo good. very sensible

unmarried girls please follow this

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