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Can someone help me?




I am working as an engineer. I got married in Dec 2009. It was a pure arranged marriage.

Our horoscope didn’t match; even then we were ready for marriage.

Before marriage my wife was working in Mumbai. We got engaged in June 2009. She has lot of friends (Boys are more than girls). She is an extrovert person. I have few friends, I am very choosy person. Before marriage we were talking on phone. Most of the time I was hearing new friends name from her. “Aaj uska phone aya tha, aaj usne ye kaha… etc etc.” After few months, I started feeling very insecure. The insecurity was increased day by day. Because of two, three incidents, I stared taking doubt. I had panic attacks. I couldn’t sleep at night. We were started fighting on this matter. I told this about her parents and my elder brother. Her parents said that, they cannot take backward action. They were confused. They said that, problem is in your attitude. My brother told that “you became very possessive about her. She has her personal life. You can not take doubt because of these events. Nobody came to you to say that she is characterless. So don’t think like that.” I tired to stop that kind of thinking. But whenever I tried to think on other matter, my mind came back to that point only. But I wasn’t sure, what I was thinking is true or just my misunderstanding. Between the time we got married. My insecurity increased. After marriage she was always on call. She was receiving sms at mid night also. I started to cross check her mobile. I got few doubtful information. But from that, I wasn’t able to prove anything against her. When I asked her some clarification. She got angry and told this to her parents. They called me and said that they will kill me if I will take doubt in future. Our daughter is an innocent girl. Her brother also called me and said that, he will give “Supari” to someone to kill me if I will repeat this thing.

    I kept quiet thinking that I am thinking in wrong direction. Whenever any doubtful incident happens, I was telling my mind that, “it’s normal. You should think in other way. Think positively.” But one day I got roses in her notebook. I asked her, she told that these are from the bouquet which I had given to her before marriage. But the bouquet was also there in wardrobe as it is. I compared the roses, those were different. After this incident, I couldn’t tell my mind to think positively.

  I went to psychiatrist. He said that I am not normal person. I have lots of prejudgments. He has done some psychiatry tests on we both. The report was that, I have a decease (I don’t know its name). That’s why I can’t understand her. He talked to us both. I had gone thru treatment for 8-9 months. But he didn’t believed that my wife also needs to change her behavior. He always wanted me to change. But I couldn’t change completely. Meantime, mentally I stared to hate her. Now, I am unable to open my heart couldn’t share anything with her. Uninterested to talk to her. Always trying to avoid her.

 Now I am tired of doing adjustment. If I have a mental disorder, I am ready to accept it. I need divorce. I don’t want anything other than that. I am ready to give her my property. I will go to my native place; at least I can take care of my parents.

   Is it possible to get divorce based on this mental disorder? What are the documents I need to submit? Do we need to stay apart for 1 year before applying for divorce?

At present my wife doesn’t know that I want divorce. Once I will ask her for that, her parents will definitely take some action. Please help me……


 17 Replies

Advocate Vishnu (Advocate)     04 December 2011

Ask your wife , if she will give you mutual divorce. It is easy and you will get it in 6 months.

Sanjeev (Lawyer)     04 December 2011

Seems to be your illusion that she is cheating upon you and without any solid reasons behind the feeling you are ready to break a relationship give a second thought as life after divorce would not be good and you may or may not find another partner

Aishwarya (Teacher)     04 December 2011


Dont rush for divorce mere bhai.., first take control of ur own situation..

See every Individual has some kind of disorder , i remb having studied so much in Abnormal Psychology, the  disroders thier studies in graduation like OCD, PPD,, schizophrenia, anxiety, personality disorders, delusional... and many more..

know what.. hum sab bacche ek dusre ko bolte the .." oye terko yeh hai terko woh hai pakka n like that..and when we read all about disorders we used to apply all that to people and ourselves....and what not..see first beleive that you are absolutely normal human being.....anorexia nervosa, schizophrenia, obsessive complulsive disroder..and what the counsellor must have said to u could be paranoid personality disroder..u being suspicious of the other people in this case ur wife..

see what ive read and percieved of ur situation ..its normal for anyone to become suspicious agar kisi ka wife itna baat kare even after marriage..

Try working on ur marriage ..ur already in depression by going for divorce and other things u will further worsen ur situation ..let some more time pass , try talking to ur wife about ur problem and see support of marriage counsellor .

.In the mean time u practice meditation, do things u like , talk to ur parents , friends and relatives ..and keep ur counselling open...dont lose hope happens nothing to worry about..and never back down..

tk cre

Partha Chatterjee (service)     04 December 2011

I got on 27th Nov,2009.Some days after I was made to understand that she is suffering from impotency because of the fact that she could not satisfy me as a s*xual partner & she had problem with Period also. On my approach for her medical treatment, she herself along with her parents used to threaten me with the comment that in doing so, they will take the help of Law. Off & on she & her family used filthy language towards my father & mother. She used to talk over mobile phone with some male person which was not known to me, using slang languages. Once I discovered some dirty massages in her mobile sent by one of her boyfriend. She behaved like this as if to prove that she was very s*xy & everybody admires that.

On 15th April, 2010, myself again proposed for her treatment by some Gynecologist. Knowing fully well that the truth will come into light, she contacted with her Father & Mother over mobile phone, reporting that she has been beaten by me. To escape or evade the situation (proposal for treatment by Gynecologist), her parents along with their other relatives by TATA SUMO arrived at my residence on the same day. With the help of their daughter, her parents took all the Golden Ornaments- Some of which given at the time of marriage, some of which was my mother’s golden ornaments worth of Rs. Three Lakh was kept in same locker where my wife kept her own ornaments got from her Parents. They also took five big size bags full of all valuable cloths, some silver ornaments and the key of the almirah and left my residence on the same day.

My father lodged a written complaint at local Thana, Ranaghat about the incident on the same day ie. On 15th April, 2010. Subsequently, she was requested by me to come to my residence but she denied. She also denied that they have not taken anything about the alleged golden ornaments & valuable cloths. But in course of conversation , her father’s elder brother & his wife confessed the genuiness of taking golden ornaments etc with them on 15th April, 2010 when leaving my residence.At the instant time her father was approached to make a written list of articles being taken by them. When he commented that all the articles are taken for use purpose.

After that near about 15 days were over and I told them over mobile phone to come home but they denied, they also denied of taking my mothers golden ornaments but thanks god they confessed of taking the golden ornaments what she brought from her home. And all these conversation I recorded in my mobile phone.

Being absolutely upset,myself take the help of law and submitted  prayer for separation to Krishnanagar Judge court on 5th May 2010. Because only four & half months were over she left her matrimony from the day of marriage.

After a lapse of more than four months, a case was filed by them Under IPC 498/A at Rupnarayanpur Thana which is in other juridiction. Once in a week, I used to come my residance from Durgapur(my service place)which was known to them. As such on 5th Aug/2010 her father along with local police & two unknown person with sound health arrived at Durgapur railway station and arrested myself.I was taken to Rupnarayanpur Thana. I.O of the police called her father & my wife ,where she commented that if ‘divorce’ was not prayed for,such action would have not  been taken by them. Thereafter police sent me to Asansole Court on 6th Aug/2010. I was released on ‘Bail’ on the next day(7th Aug 2010).Subsequently I came to know that many of my relatives werecincluded in the case as accused. By god’s grace all of them were released on ‘Bail’. I was surprised knowing that I have never seen those seven people gave the I witness in 498/A from their side except her father.

During last one year & nine months  the other party, not attending the separation case and even they somehow are suppressing the A/D of the registry post  from the postoffice. So no judgement has yet been given by the court.

Mean while as such trial for case 498/A not been started Because I was waiting for her to attent the separation case for praying to grant her medical test. Further I came to know that on 27th April 2011 they have lodged a case under Section 406 claiming for assets amounting five lakhs Rupees.But in reality the assets(oneAlmirah,one derssing table,one dress hanger,one cottage-that too not in 406 claiming list & one mattress)forcefully given by them are kept in my residence in packing condition since she left her matrimony. They made a false statement in both 498/A & 406 that all of my relatives against whom allegation was made by them used to stay at my residance in Mess-system. Hence they were included in the allegation list.But in fact the alleged persons all of them stay at their own house. They also made a false statement in 406 that once they came my residance as well as local thana of my residance for those assets which cost Rs.500000/- & we denied.Then they filed IPC406 & prayed for search warrant. But still nobody came to take the assets kept in my residance. Now out of court they are demanding a huge amount for the dismiss of case and mutual devorce.

I came to know that during last one year & nine months in five occassions, registered letter issued by the court to the address given by other party, could not be served or somehow been suppressed and the acknowledgement also was not received by the court. But the cause of which was not known. So the divorce case is still pending.

I am very upset & I don’t know what will be my next step to get devorce.

Akash (Service)     04 December 2011


From your situation I can understand you need some consutation. See in this world every people are mad.

some are for money, some are for position, some are for fame, some are for s*x and some are for love. May be in your life love is important .This is normal to have fear of losing important thing. In your line  

you have mentioned you are loving her. But are you sure she aso loves you. If  she loves you then no need 

to go to the psychiatrist. She is the right person to help you to come out from this situation or she 

may be from other category of people. Do not take deciscin like that. First discuss with you parents, 

friends, relatives. May be they can help you. love but do not expect love in return. Try to love yourself. 

Because life is to short to enjoy the world .Try to spent time with your firends .And one thing 

check wheather she have link with the psychiatrist or not.

Akash (Service)     04 December 2011

To Mr Partha it will be better to consult with a advocate. Because the journey you are in is not so easy .May be you are showing weakness that why oppsition party are doing this. If this type of things are going so smoothly then no women in India will work and they can marry to any inncent boy and can file 498a and can ask for money. Try to take the help of law. Many laws are there to prove her impotency.

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     04 December 2011

I went to psychiatrist. He said that I am not normal person.

is the doctor a THIRD PARTY ??

are u sure that the doctor is not acting IN COLLUSION with ur wife ??


They called me and said that they will kill me if I will take doubt in future. Our daughter is an innocent girl. Her brother also called me and said that, he will give “Supari” to someone to kill me if I will repeat this thing.

this is the end of relationship.


Rohit Shukla (Engineer)     04 December 2011

I strongly disagreee with all the above suggestions.

Mr Common man says " Iam ready to give her my property". This is not just a statement, it speaks of the plight that this gentleman is going through.

Harassed by wife's adulterous nature, a honest and simple man can only think of just getting away from her at any cost (This seems like in this case). So he can't be justified for an excessive mental disorder, can he be?

Solutions: Talk to her and be stern mentally while exhibiting your flexible nature. Don't care for her she is not worth a dekko. Talk about an amiciable divorce or else be prepared for a long stretched drama (498a/DV/406). But anyways its what we choose now is going to shape your future. I am a bit hardcore guy (being an ex army personnel), my thinkings are no so complex and are based upon simple solutions and understandings. See if you can manage and ignore the adulterous nature of your wife and can stay with her and feel happy about not being dragged in 498a, then go for it. Or else live a respectful life (in your own eyes) with a courage to face they XYZ cases for atleast 7-8 years. Baaki its your own choice.

Good Luck!



1 Like

Shantanu Wavhal (Worker)     04 December 2011


Partha Chatterjee

what have u started in this thread ?

Partha Chatterjee (service)     05 December 2011

ss.. Sir, Our politeness towards her & her family was my weakness.

Partha Chatterjee (service)     05 December 2011

Sir,I want to go for Null & void marriage. But I dont know Wheather I can file it or not when a separation case is still pending. Or if Im wrong.


If your wife is taking with 20 talk to 200 females...make sure you do not have any dearth of females in your life..this is your only solution...

One day you will be bored of all females and your insecurity will completely vanish....

This is how human beings are...our mind works in extremes...a person who is crazy about s*x, he will one day be practicing celebacy...see we have people in history who have become completely opposite of what they used to be...see Ashoka, Valmiki...and there are many...

The right example in front of you is Vijay Mallaya...look how he is enjoying his life...king size..

Let your wife do also start doing it...she will also feel it more because you are not doing anything....

Dont give much importance to your wife..let he edo what she wants...if you say..she will call you INTROVERT AND INSECURE...just practice what I said...this may not be posible now..but keep this thing in mind....







Shonee Kapoor (Legal Evangelist - TRIPAKSHA)     05 December 2011

Wait a Minute Partha.


Visit a psychatrist on your own and not with her.


Go through a treatment of therapy for atleast 3 months and then decide.





Shonee Kapoor


Mr commmonman kick out that lady from your life by divorcing.

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