Civil Procedure Code (CPC)

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deep (quality)     06 November 2013

Call off an engagement

Hello

I got engaged to a girl couple of months back. We both are in mid twenties. I live and work abroad and she lives in India. I'm sort of in a fix these days, having horrid times personally. I got to know this girl through matrimony. We exchanged mails initially, things looked good but they were sort pushing me to come down to see their daughter and worse, they were asking me to give my decision. I denied initially and told them that my decision will be only after meeting them personally. After few months of calls and skype back and forth..I got buckled under pressure ( read love) and they booked engagement hall even before I went to India. Everything went according to the scriptt.

 

I'm still feel embarrassed the way I handled all this. She is a nice girl, I don't see her lying about anything but then off late her lack of understanding about the world is giving me sleepless nights. She seems to have mugged up all her life to get a degree. I agreed to go ahead even though she is a bit fat ( hence healthy, no offense) and considerably shorter than me. She hid her body while skyping but I knew about it. I expected her to be a bit intelligent. I'm more or less convinced that we aren't compatible. I may not give her the love she deserves. I haven't told anyone about this, eating up all by myself. 

 

One stupid mistake I made was to register our marriage to make visa processing easier. I printed a fake card, showed engagement photos as marriage photos and registered the marriage under hindu marriage act 1955, both our parents were present when this happened. 

 

First of all i'm in a dilemma to get out of it or not. Second of all, if I do decide end this I'm a legally married ?! Is it possible to prove it as fake as marriage never really happened! Can we just throw off the certificates if we both agree to call off ? 

Thanks

 



 16 Replies

rahul (director)     06 November 2013

your are legally married...

you have to file for divorce..

 

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     06 November 2013

If it was not so easy to get registered marriage certificate, the hardships undergone to get one will tell tales about the legal bondage called marriage between you both.  It is not a child's play that you can abandon the same whenever you do not want it anymore.  Please understand the importance of marriage whether it is registered or solemnised as per culture and traditions.  The decisions taken in haste will result in disasters this way and your case is an example.  You have no other alternative than to seek for dissolution of your marriage by a decree of divorce through a court of law.  The reasons for divorce to be searched by yourself.


(Guest)

Buri phase.  Divorce lena itna aasan nahi India mein.  Shaadi mubaarak ho.  You will have to get Mutual Consent Divorce and then move on, that is the only best option available, keep praying that your legally wedded wife gives consent for divorce without any hiccups.

HK_Jain... (498a Fighter)     06 November 2013

Neglegence of law can not be permitted in court of law, hence Shaadi Mubarak..

Ab to ise nibhao and try to adjust with her.

Marriages are made in heaven.. u proved it..

galsober@yahoo.co.in (def)     06 November 2013

And u call it a mistake............soon u wil realize that this was the biggest blunder of ur life. U shud have stalled the process b4 it got out f hands. Now what is teh fault of that girl?

To get contested divorce is not that easy in India

498aWinner (NA)     08 November 2013

Better try to void the Marriage.

Samir N (2HelpU) (Business)     08 November 2013

Sorry but I have a whole different take on your problem. You are hesitant not because the girl is having an affair or is mean or rude or has lied to you about anything or is a fake... on the contrary you find her very positive on these fronts. You are hesitant only because you think that she does not have worldly exposure as you do! That is far from a good reason to move away from a marriage or even an engagement on which a commitment is made. 


Let me get this correctly. You think that because you are abroad and she is here and possibly of academic orientation, you are a smart ass and she is a rustic villager and you have the right to reverse your decision for such stupid reason. If you are that much smart, why did you enter into a marriage/agreement prematurely? Does that not show that it is YOU who is the gav-valla, gavar, villager, rustic, gadha, donkey, etc.? 


Let us see about your "understanding of the world:"  " I got buckled under pressure ( read love) "  "She is a bit fat..." "She seems to have mugged up all her life to get a degree."

Wow! You really have a good understanding of the world. 


Frankly, I have seen many buffoons like you who MISS on an opportunity to get married to a nice girl because they think that a few years spent abroad qualifies them to consider themselves smart asses.  From your post, I think that you are one of those shallow characters who "mugged" your way to a job abroad and that you really do not deserve this nice girl. Your writing does not reflect on any "understanding of the world." On the contrary, it speaks volumes of a lack therof. Shame on you for screwing up somebody else's life and shattering her hopes. Go get back on Skype. May be you will find some one with less fat and brains to match your IQ. 

 


Northern Queen (Manager)     10 November 2013

@Samir N - I actually agree with you on this post.

 

@Deep - your selfish actions have ruined this poor girl's life - i hope you put things right and be a man.

Aazad Sufferer (Advocacy-Family and women oriented laws)     10 November 2013

Dear querist,

 

As per your query it's obvious that any body could blame you for your reasons........

But for me I have a different point of view:

 

1. Even you continue this marriage for the god sake and for social sake ,both will suffer without cause.

 

2. If you have done a mistake then accept it and try to convince her for MCD.

 

3. If she is not ready then it's her fault because Love and hate can't be purchased or borrowed it's natural and no body has command on it.

 

4. If you can fix your problem then go ahead and sort out else what ever you feel say her as one time pain is better than whole life disgusting pain.

 

5. If again she is not ready then move far way from her and give maintenance to her is she can't maintain herself.

 

6. As no ground is there then only scope is of desertion based but then also you have to show that these 2 years both have not communicated and not tried fro cohabitation.


or wait for IrBM to come where you can pray for relief Under Irr. break down of marriage.

 


 

regards,


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serbjit (Doesn't matter)     10 November 2013

I'm in a similar situtatuion. And while I disagree with samir n in ever way expect one line "Shame on you for screwing up someone else's life  and shattering her hopes." If you really are from outside India then like me you should of known better. I'm not going to derail this thread and have an argument with samir n that all I'm going to post regarding that (however i will derail at some point). 

India is so much different to western ideas in some of the simplest ways. I get what u mean about her not understand how the world works that I think it kind of scarey. 

But the place where I screwed up, I met this girl once and said a yes to marriage (she is a nice girl just abit navive) and she is shorter then I thought my wife would be but I can live with it. The only thing I wanted from her was to get to know her better and spend some time with her while I was in India. Now we are married (court order like you) which her parent dont accept in turn she does not accept. That wasna week ago I've not seen her since that day. I'm due to fly out on Wednesday and the only thing I really now bout her is that her life is controlled by her brother.  I'll admit I'm scared I've probably made then worst deiscion of my life. What I was wonder is IF we were to get a divorce would I have to pay her alimony even though we have never lived together or the fact her lifestyle hasn't changed in anyway since before our marriage?

I know some of you will judg but to be honest idc. I just want some information to make a better informed decision then ive already made.

Samir N (2HelpU) (Business)     10 November 2013

@Serbjit: I usually like to respond to posts on this site where men are victims of false cases. Lately I have seen that there are some men who portray themselves in a "noble" light and even reference Indian culture only to find beneath all the philosophical oratory lies an ordinary concern of a legal obligation. In this case: alimony. 


India is so much different to western ideas in some of the simplest ways. 


What I was wonder is IF we were to get a divorce would I have to pay her alimony 


If you want to make a reference to Indian values, then make an informed decision by asking HER what she wants because the mistake was YOURS in the first place. Trying to wriggle out of an obligation is not what makes "India so much different to western ideas." In fact, your focus only on Alimony rather than on the direct and indirect impact on others arising out of this situation, would make Indian values look even lower than Western values. 


I would not have ordinarily commented on your question but for your reference to my earlier post and hypocritical talk about western ideas, Indian values, etc.  

Samir N (2HelpU) (Business)     10 November 2013

@Serbjit: In my response, I forgot to put quotes around statements made by you in your post and referenced in my response. Here is the correction:

" India is so much different to western ideas in some of the simplest ways. "


"What I was wonder is IF we were to get a divorce would I have to pay her alimony" 

serbjit (Doesn't matter)     10 November 2013

Then let me point it this way we are legal married but I can't see her. I'm trying to respect her wish on this matter but as with ever thingy else its her wish and my views on life and marriage is not relevant because as she says "this isint how its done in India" I do believe that marriage is meant to be about both our wish and ideas but its either her, her family or my family I just feel like I'm getting screwed. I can't talk to any family  and my friends re all white they don't understand. 

I dont think im at the stage to just leave her i just want some informtion. I will talk to her about divorce after I figure out what I want.

The alimony question comes because I don't know how India law works and I thought I'd ask here.

deep (quality)     10 November 2013

Hello,

First of all, please understand the very basic etiquette of a discussion forum. You shouldn't badmouth people. If you have got a point then write it in a gentle manner. 

I'm not a tit for tat guy but anyway you sound like feminist to me. You make a lot assumptions

If you are that much smart, why did you enter into a marriage/agreement prematurely? 

Yes, I agree with you handsdown, it was a blunder..not at all a smart decision. I'm not super smart as you are presuming here, you may be are. Bit of smartness in her is all i expected. 

I didn't beg dowry and all that, i expect my partner to contribute in economic terms instead of being dependent. I believe in personal freedom for both. 

In few months time we get to know about our life partners, do you think you can touch everything? what if your partner doesn't know the things which a 3rd grade kid know? you don't ask such questions until few months..I told you I was pressurised. I recently asked her about capitals of indian states, she could answer one or two. Don't you feel terrible? 

I din't ask her about war heads that Iran is developing..

But your definition of gadha, villager isn't particularly correct, don't forget that your parents or their parents are from villages. They deserve respect as much as a downtown donkey deserves.

I should have gone for pre-marital councelling. I'm just starting hate our education system, we need to be educated on things like this as soon as we turn 18 or 21. It's hard to know things until you get there

Anyway..I haven't told anyone about this. I don't want hurt any ones sentiments..lets see, but wise enough to what to take and what to dump out of these discussion.

May be i should learn to say NO.. this is a cruel world, it really is..


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