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Sumiran Tandon   14 June 2024

Blue card holder germany divorce

Me and my husband got married in 2021 and had a baby the same year. Throughout pregnancy he didn't stay with me in our house the house we took together when we were in a live in relationship. He stayed with his mother. They had some or the other excuse for it and they didn't let me stay in their house too. Somehow my pregnancy passed and after few months I stayed at his mothers house where I was treated very badly. But I didn't say anything to any one only told my husband. Which also led to fights. While I husband went back to Germany for his office started and stopped work from home. We tried getting visa for Germany but took us very long. I couldn't tolerate his mothers misbehaviour and stress so I went to my parents house where again my parents hated me for not staying with in laws. I still somehow managed to stay other parents as at least my parents loved our child. While my child's grandmother dadi was super rude to me in front of him and also refused to care for him while I cooked and cleaned the house. Finally time came and we came to Germany. My husband was previously also very abusive verbally and mentally harassed me all the time. Threatening to divorce since the day I got pregnant. I was stupid I stayed with him, also I had no support from family. I used to work but due to all this my work completely stopped. Finally one week before we were to come to Germany my husband hit my dog. I refused to go to Germany with him. With which he was fine. He offered some amount and said every month he will pay me some amount and I should take house on rent. But I felt that because of my and my dogs pain, am making my child suffer so then I apologised instead and begged him to get us to Germany. He made me promise that I will cook him timely meals etc etc and not get late or cook simple dal chawal with the excuse that I have to take care of the baby. I was angry to hear it but to keep family together I said Yes I'll do that. So we came to Germany and I've been cooking him gourmet dishes, chicken tikka fish tikka, lasagna cupcakes etc etc lots of things every day. But two days back we got notice from landlord saying that they won't allow dogs to stay in house anymore and I got my dog (8.5 yrs old) with me here. So my husband asked me to give up dog or go with dog to India. So I said Ok I'll with dog to India. He got angry and hit me on my back. Then shouted abused a lot. My baby kept crying he kept trying snatch baby from me. Lot of haatha paaayi happened but the only thing I kept saying was Leave me alone and leave the room leave us alone. As my baby was very scared and crying a lot. He was also scared because I was scared and I was also crying. But my husband kept recording us and kept saying bad things to me about me my parents my dog .. how he wants to kill my dog etc etc. my dog also scared because my husband kicked her so she was hiding behind me. This webt in for an hour so I called my Husbands friends over to help. My husband didn't let him stay, also friends didn't say anything and left. My husband continued harassing me. My baby cried for 1.5 hrs. I feel culprit for this I got my baby in this world in this man's life who doesn't care shout anyone but his anger and his tongue is filthy. He's engineer and earns so much but his language is so bad. He abused in Hindi English and kept saying bad things. This isn't the first time and I know won't be last. I'm in Germany I don't know what to do. Please help. 


 5 Replies

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     14 June 2024

Your situation is very bad, it is not advisable that you continue to live with him in the marital relationship.

Nothing prevented you from calling police when he had treated you with violent and cruel acts in Germany 

Your life, your child's life and the pet's life is also in danger because it cannot be predicted that what he will do in fit of anger, you cannot risk the lives of all the three of you anymore 

You can get into action by first coming back to India and file all cases including 498A, DV case, maintenance case for you and your child and divorce case .

You have to immediately look for a job in order to take care of your daily expenses till such time he starts paying the maintenance amount as per court order.

Sumiran Tandon   14 June 2024

Thank you Adv. Kalaiselvan. I know my situation is bad but I don't see a solution out. Once I come back to India where do I stay? What do I do? My family says that all this happens between spouses and I should adjust. I should give him more affection that it shouldn't happen. But that's not true, I give him lot of affection despite all this. On 12june this happened. I cooked dinner for him. 13 June I made breakfast but he refused to have it saying I should give it to my dog as my dog is more important to me. Then he had lunch i made and dinner I made. Today also 14 June he fight a lot in the morning at 12.30 pm he said where is lunch am hungry. I said lunch is at 2 pms he abused he said if I don't cook for him on time he will throw me out with my dog . I quickly made lunch by 1.30pm. I'm scared I don't know what do to. My baby needs me all the time to eat play changing clothes bathing ... I also have to take him outside to play as our house is small in Germany and no space to run or play. My dog also needs walks outside. And husband doesn't help with anything. 

what if I come to India and he refuses to divorce me or give me any alimony and keeps staying  in Germany ? Law can't do anything if he doesn't come to India. 

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     15 June 2024

Without coming to India, without taking any legal action against him for divorce or maintenance or alimony etc, why do you want to urgently conclude that he will not pay you or will not give you divorce, you do not have to beg him anything, you can very well take the help of the law which will effectively deal with the issues as per provisions of law.

First of all you decide what is to be done, you will find ways to overcome the problems 

Sumiran Tandon   16 June 2024

You're are right. I should take help of the law. I'm not sure how I will manage coming to India and where will I stay and how will I manager lawyers fees for all this but that's the option left I think. Our visa is also expiring here and we have to renew it this week but my husband has refused to renew it. He says he wants me to go to jail for overstaying visa or we leave for India end of July. So I'll leave end of July. I have no evidence of everything I have told you... I have tried to record but most of the times either I'm too late or he can quickly see I'm recording and he changes his words. For so long I was trying to be vigilant that next time whenever he says something or does something I'll record but I'm never able to. His family my family no one believes me. Why will cops or court believe me?


but yes you are right there is no other way. I'll have to come to India and I'll have to start the process somehow. 

T. Kalaiselvan, Advocate (Advocate)     17 June 2024

You can orally narrate the incidents and acts of cruelty he meted out to you as your pleadings in the divorce petition seeking dissolution of your marriage. 

You cannot produce documentary evidences before court for the events taken place within four walls,  hence you may not be worried about evidence aspect. 

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